Casper.
My heart did a little skip as I watched the Wind-Boy drift about, looking left and right. He dipped and danced through the air until he landed into a pile of bright green leaves. The forest appeared, in all shades of blues and murky greens, birds flitting by with their wings beating in time to the violin. He tossed the leaves into the air watching them spiral down until a little green girl with leaves in her hair poked out from behind a tree. She teased the wind-boy and giggled silently, the merry tinkling of my piano chords resounding out as they chased and danced with one another. After a little while he waved goodbye to the leaf-girl –who looked remarkably like Katie when she was younger. When had he made these adjustments? –and went back to wondering through the woods, the music matching the movements and moods I was feeling as I watched.
A flicker of red came onto the scene. It was a small fire that was dying. The wind-boy huddled over it and blew soft wisps of white air around the flames. They seemed to entwine and dance together, the fire growing higher and higher. Spirals of red and white floated across the screen.
Then the dark clouds came.
The rain lashed down and through the raindrops, long, feminine faces morphed with pointed teeth, lashing down, creating puddles and long-faced water-women climbing out and clawing at the fire-boy. The wind-boy tried to protect him, blowing the rain away but the drops still caught the fire-boy, weakening him and making his flaming aura dwindle down. The wind and rain melted away until he had clawed his way from the darkness to a white room. There were no walls but it felt like a box and my breathing became harder. As the dying embers of his little form curled up, head bowed to his knees, the twang of a guitar –something Isabel had written –plunked out as a series of tallies appeared on the walls.
A window appeared.
Wind-boy reached out but his arms just weren’t long enough. A drawn-out violin chord started up as a close-up of wind-boy appeared on the screen, slowly replaced by fire-boy on the other side of the wall separating them. Then out of the silence, aggressive piano chords rang out.
The music was familiar but I didn’t remember writing or recording. Frowning, I looked down at Casper who was purposefully avoiding my gaze. That’s when it hit me; the music I was listening to was a recording of when I’d been angry. When I’d practically abused the piano in the auditorium. My hands shook in my lap. How had he recorded this? The quality was amazing –was that editing or had I really been that loud? My throat felt thick and my eyes were tearing up as I watched the flame-boy use ‘the last of his energy’ to punch the walls over and over, cracking the floors and around the window. The walls broke and crumbled around him leaving only a mess and clouds of black dust filing the screen.
Silence.
A small pinprick of red danced on the screen. It glowed and twirled down, joined by a few others until they came down to rest on what was left of fire-boy. He looked like nothing but a small boy-shaped ember. Wind-boy blew onto the screen, his face the epitome of sadness. The leaf-girl tip-toed up beside him, gasped and turned to bury her face against his shoulder. He patted her back before bending down to kneel beside his friend. I focused on the detail of wind-boys pale hands placing the leaves to cover fire-boys’ body.
The leaves withered a little, turning black around the edges. Then a tiny spark caught my eye; flames were beginning to build up. Wind-boy’s eyes widened as he breathed oxygen out onto the flames. He puffed until the flames had engulfed the other boy. Blinking his charcoal eyes, fire-boy sat up and glanced down at himself. He was alive! Wind-boy reached out and caught a few embers that were on fire-boys’ shoulder and held them in his palm. They danced like fireflies within his fingers. They floated on the dark screen for a little while until the embers morphed into twinkling stars. I felt a shudder run through me as the stars vanished into the closing eyes of the little boy, but he wasn’t alone this time. The stars winked out and the screen faded to black. The last few notes drew themselves out through the darkness and then ended.
The silence that followed the last piano note seemed to echo in my chest. My cheeks were reddening, I could feel it, but I didn’t think I could look at Casper or his family. He’d been right; the project had gotten even more personal than I’d anticipated.
“That was amazing, honey!” Tabitha gushed, “I can’t believe you managed to do all of that in just four months!”
“How are you not employed by Pixar, yet?” Ben chuckled as he stretched on the sofa beside his mum.
“It’s very impressive,” Martin said, smiling over the rims of his glasses. “It’s definitely worth a top grade. Make sure you submit it to any and all national competitions as well. You never know, by Christmas you might have a full time job doing.”
“Thanks Dad,” Casper murmured, his mouth twitching into a smile.
“Anyone up for watching a movie?” Tabitha asked as she gathered the empty bowls.
“No, I need to finalize some spread-sheets for the morning,” Martin said as he stood up and crossed over to plant a kiss on her forehead.
“Okay well don’t take too long on them,” she smiled warmly as he disappeared out of the room. His footsteps echoed before a door shut somewhere upstairs. “What about you, Ben? You can stay the night if you like.”
Shaking his head he cast a quick look over at Casper and I before smiling to his mum, “Nah I’ll be alright getting home. You have a nice calm evening with your baby boy,” he teased with a toothy grin over at Casper and a wink at me.
“Sod off,” Casper grumbled, ducking his head.
“Nice meeting you, Avery,” Ben grinned as he held his hand out.
“Nice to meet you too,” I shook his hand and after a kiss on the cheek from his mum, Ben left by the front door. The muffled sound of a car engine starting up came through the window and then disappeared into the distance.
“Right so just us three then?” Tabitha turned her affectionate smile to the both of us. “I’ll put on some tea and we can watch something on Film4 okay?”
“Sounds good mum,” Casper gave her a smile.
“I won’t be a moment.”
Casper shuffled out of the armchair and crouched down by the TV, unplugging the various cords and cables as his laptop shut-down. “That really was an amazing piece of work,” I managed to say.
Casper glanced over his shoulder, “It wasn’t all me. You and Isabel contributed.”
“Yes I noticed that there was hardly any guitar music in there,” I murmured dryly.
“She didn’t contribute as much as you did. Besides, I’ve treated this like a movie. There’s a full playlist of all edited tracks. Hers are on that.”
Cocking my head I frowned. “Why is there a soundtrack?”
“To burn onto CD’s and sell online of course. Kick-start the savings campaign.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The bluntness of his demeanour was one of the things I adored. I poked his butt with my foot. “It was beautiful.”
“Thanks,” he said as he straightened up. “I’m sorry about tonight.” He looked up his grey eyes filled with emotion.
“It’s okay,” I shrugged, “Nothing can be done about it now.”
With a soft sigh he knelt own in front of the armchair and pressed his fingers around my knee. “I’m just worried for you.”
“I know … but there’s really no need to be. I’ll –I’ll be fine.”
The deadpan stare he gave told me he wasn’t convinced but he didn’t push for more. For now, we could happily live in denial for a while longer. My mind clouded over for a moment and it must have shown because the next thing I knew, Casper’s cool lips were pressing to mine. I gasped under his mouth, deepening the kiss and making Casper sigh. He leaned away with a smirk, pecked my mouth again and left me feeling snuggly and warm as he packed his laptop away into his carrying case before heading into the kitchen. He spoke with his mum in low voices. They soon came back in holding cups of tea.
Casper handed one to me and I reveled in the
warmth as we rearranged ourselves on the sofa –Tabitha insisted that we keep her company. Not that I minded. I felt a little awkward as Casper settled between us. It was alien territory to me. Under the blanket Casper took my hand in his and squeezed. The warm weight of his body beside me said everything that he couldn’t put into words; ‘you’re safe’, ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘I won’t let you get bad again.’
I squeezed back, the pain in my chest easing at last.
*
Despite falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow I woke up far earlier than anyone else. I tiptoed out of Casper’s room –thankfully no one had objected to us sharing his double bed –and made my way downstairs. Despite the itching sensation inside me demanding nicotine, I sipped on a glass of milk instead.
I sat on the stool, my toes curling around the cold steel. The stairs creaked overhead and I cringed. The weight of someone’s footsteps came and I sighed softly, resigning myself to my fate.
“Avery?”
My head jerked up to see Martin standing in the doorway. He looked a little rough with his hair in a mess and his eyes squinting at me. He still had an air of authority which was rather impressive considering he was wearing plaid pyjamas. “What’re you doing up?”
“I –couldn’t sleep,” I whispered, “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Oh you didn’t. I just thought that if anyone was down here at this time of the morning, it’d be Casper,” he said. He padded over to the fridge for some juice. After taking a swig he turned to me whilst leaning back on the counter, “So what’s on your mind that you’re awake this early?”
“It was just a long day yesterday that’s all.”
He nodded his head slowly. “You’re allowed to be upset, Avery. Not many men get kicked out of the family home and come out unscathed.”
I nodded. I felt so tense sitting there that my throat ached. Flexing my fingers I tried to ignore the white noise starting to fizz in my ears. “It’s not that it’s … I don’t even know why she did it. There was no reason, no nothing; I just pulled up to my house to see all my shi –er –stuff thrown out on the front garden.”
He looked at me sagely. “It’s a good thing you weren’t alone then. It would have been worse otherwise.” I nodded, keeping my gaze fixed on the granite countertop. What else could I say? “Do you have anywhere to go after you graduate?”
“I think I can live with my Uncle in Brighton. He did offer it as an option to both of us if we wanted –Not that I’d pressure Casper into anything!” I added in a rushed tone.
To my surprise Martin smirked. “Look, you seem like a good kid. I just want the potential long-term boyfriend of my son to be stable and properly looked after outside of the relationship.”
“I know, sir, I want that too. My uncle is my only option.”
“And how is your uncle in dealing with your … illness?” he hedged stiffly.
“My uncle has bipolar disorder, sir. He’s grown accustomed to it and has learned to control his medication as well as organize his life around it. He seems pretty normal for the most part.”
Martin crossed over his chest. “In that case, he sounds like a very wise person. Why did you not go and live with him when you were eighteen?”
My cheeks burned a little, “I –I wanted to give my parents the benefit of the doubt. Having a gay son was one thing that they couldn’t deal with but a gay son with bipolar disorder? It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“Isn’t it usually the other way around. Having the disorder before the coming out?”
With a wry smile I shook my head, “Sadly no. For the most part my mum thought I was exaggerating. I wasn’t diagnosed until nearly two years ago.”
“That must have been hard for you.”
“It was never going to be a picnic,” I muttered dryly, “But I have my Uncle to help me.”
He watched me for a moment before sighing heavily and rubbing his eyes. “Listen Avery; you seem like a good enough kid and there’s no doubt in my mind now that you two care a lot about one another. However, you both have a lot of issues that come with the territory and by the sounds of it your parents haven’t been the easiest to get along with.
“I understand that even talking to someone can help you. I have seen that first hand with Casper. I am simply saying that Tabby and I are here if you feel that you need someone to speak to. Although I’m sure you may be more comfortable talking with her.”
“S-Sir?” I looked at him, feeling both confused and elated.
“I haven’t seen Casper this relaxed around anyone for years. He was even more open with us and we’re his family. It was … a shock.” I didn’t say anything. I was too busy holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Martin placed his glass in the sink and turned towards the door. He hesitated a moment, “Avery?”
“Yes sir?”
“Don’t break my son’s heart.”
I gave him a level look. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The follow morning I was woken up by Katie’s ringtone sounding off from the nightstand. Casper groaned in his sleep and turned to burrow his head under the pillow. I grunted and blindly reached for my phone. “Hello?”
“Piss off!” Casper snapped, kicking me. I yelped at the sharp stab of pain as he practically threw me out of bed, tangling himself up in the covers as soon as I’d stumbled free.
When the bedroom door closed between us I held the phone back to my ear. “Katie? What’s wrong?”
She hesitated for a moment before muttering, “I think I know why mum threw a shit-fit and kicked you out.”
My throat felt tight as I choked out, “Oh?”
Her breathing was a wet rattling sound. Was she crying? “I-It’s my fault, Avery!” she whimpered shrilly. “I –I left some of the photos in my desk drawer; the ones of you and Casper cuddling in bed? And she found them!”
“Katie –”
“I’m so sorry, Avery! I was so stupid to think that she wouldn’t snoop this much!”
“Katie listen –”
“Oh God this is all my fault!”
“KATIE!” I snapped. She hiccoughed and whimpered but remained silent. “Look, at the end of the day this was inevitable. She was going to find an excuse sooner or later.”
“Yeah but –”
“No, Katie, listen to me. This was going to happen anyway, but it’s alright. Uncle Brian said I can go and live with him after graduation. I don’t know if he’s told dad or not, but that’s where I’m going to go. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”
She sniffed loudly, “Yeah right, it’s not like they’d let me see you!”
“Fuck ‘em,” I leaned back against the banister, “You’re sixteen, it doesn’t concern them what you do in your spare time.”
She huffed softly, “It doesn’t matter you know they won’t.” She sighed and tried to get control of her voice, “At least you’ve got somewhere to go, that’s the main thing. Where are you now?”
“With Casper at his family’s house.”
“Oh, what are they like?” I gave her a brief rundown of his parents and older brother. “Oh wow. I can’t picture them as a family. I definitely can’t picture him with blonde hair.”
“Neither can I,” I admitted, grateful that I was distracting her. “I’ll be going back to Uni in a couple of days. Can’t believe all my worldly possessions fit into one boot.”
She sighed heavily down the line, “Yeah I was surprised. There’s still a lot of stuff here, but dad will probably have to send it up to you.”
“Why bother? I have just over a month left. He might as well just send it down to Brian’s house.”
She hummed down the line before her breathing hitched. “Fuck! I think mum’s back. I’ll text you later, okay?”
“Yeah sure.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The line went dead.
&
nbsp; Sighing I looked down at the phone in my hand before letting my arm drop. I didn’t want Katie to feel guilty. Like I’d said, our mum would have found some way to kick me out. I guess those photos were the definitive proof that her son was one hundred percent GAY. Twisting my neck to work the kinks out of my muscles, I went back to bed. The door closed with a soft click. Casper grunted as I tried to pry the covers away from him. He yanked them back and shook the top of his head.
“Come on!” I urged as I tugged the blanket away from his head. He actually hissed at me as I slid into bed and spooned against him. He stiffened at the coolness of my skin but soon relaxed again as he slipped back into an unconscious state. I eventually drifted off to sleep, the weight of Katie’s guilt pressing down on my mind.
I’d napped a little longer and woken up to the sensation of Casper curling up on my chest. He’d sleepily snuggled closer and I’d had no choice but to wrap my arms around him, before he realized what was going on and hastily sat up. He’d looked a little sheepish as I’d sat up too and tenderly brushed the hair out of his eyes. It must’ve been weird for him. However, the light in his eyes every time we kissed made it worth it.
Tabitha was alone in the kitchen drinking tea and reading at the table when Casper and I finally came down. She smiled as she saw us. “So what do you two boys plan on doing today?”
I looked over at Casper for confirmation. He shrugged his shoulders. Tabitha barely batted an eyelid whereas my mother would’ve started grinding her teeth together. “Well if you like we could always go to the Art Fair at the town center. It’s meant to be really good this year and you might find some inspiration for a summer project.”
I turned to Casper and smirked, “You do summer projects?” He didn’t look back at me as he reached into the fridge for a drink. “Why haven’t I seen any of these before?”
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