“Oh fuck! Avery … Don’t –Don’t stop!” he moaned as he closed his eyes, his body trembling. His fist was clenched in my hair.
After pinching his nipple I leaned over to press my mouth to his ear. “Let me go down on you.”
He froze for a moment. “W-Why?”
“I want to make you feel good. I want you to come in my mouth as you scream my name.”
He cried out as I rubbed my thumb on the sensitive spot. “Oh God please! Please just don’t stop!” he cupped my face in his hands before pressing a kiss to my mouth.
I stilled for a moment, taking in the beautiful sight of his wrecked appearance as he teetered on the edge. He wouldn’t last much longer. I slowed my stroking as I leaned over him and pressed a sloppy kiss to his mouth. He convulsed and moaned as I aligned our bodies together. There was no lube, so I spat in my palm and wet us both up. He tipped his head back, panting heavily as I stroked our cocks together, rutting my hips as I braced myself up on my arms. He reached up to wrap an arm around my neck, our wet foreheads pressed together as I rocked my hips between his spread legs.
“So fucking hot!” he gasped out.
“You like that?”
“Jesus fuck yes!”
“Do you want me to go down on you?”
“P-Please!” he hissed in my ear.
Despite missing the heat of his sweating body, I lowered myself between his legs and took his cock in my mouth, swallowing him down as far as I could. I found a slow, teasing rhythm as he tensed beneath me. Running my tongue over him, wincing a little at the saltiness, before slowly easing his length all the way down my throat. Casper shuddered and let out a strangled cry.
“A-Avery!” he panted. He tried to sit up but I forced him down. He gripped at my hand and continued to rock his hips in short, sharp thrusts. He looked as though he was close to crying. “Oh fuck I think I’m c –”
That was all the warning I got as he shot his load in my mouth. Clenching my eyes shut, I swallowed every drop of cum before letting him go with a wet ‘pop’. He collapsed onto the pillows, every muscle going slack. His breathing was ragged as I lay down beside him and started tugging myself to my own release.
Casper looked over at me under heavily lidded eyes, “Want me to …?”
I shook my head and grunted, “Close.”
He watched me as I dropped my head back, mouth open in a silent cry as I came over my chest. As soon as I gave one last shudder I collapsed back on the pillows, stars speckled my vision as I reached out a limp arm to try and find something to clean myself off with. I found my shirt, grimaced, and mopped myself up.
“You cold?” Casper asked, his voice even more strangled than usual. I nodded. He rolled up into a sitting position and dragged something off the bed. I gasped as his warm legs curled against mine, the feathery softness of his throw blanket draping over our bodies.
“Come here.” I patted my chest.
He cocked an eyebrow at me before settling his head in the crook of my shoulder, spooning me under the blanket. As soon as he was relaxed enough, I started to thread my fingers through his hair, the black spots in my vision dissipating a little as I got my breath back. We were silent for a few moments before I found my voice again, “What made you change your mind?”
He shrugged his shoulder into my ribs. “I guess I just … I wanted to share myself with you.”
“But why now?”
“Well I don’t plan on being with anyone else and I didn’t see the point in holding out on you much longer. You –you’ve been so good to me these past few months, even if I’ve been rotten to you. I do plan to … eventually,” he strained out before clearing his throat, “I’m just not ready for that yet. But I am comfortable with you.” I felt butterflies in my stomach as I looked into his dilated pupils, the rosy tint to his cheeks making him look shy and adorable. “I wish I could say it!” he whimpered, pressing his face into my neck.
Shaking my head I pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. “No, there’s no need. It doesn’t count after sex anyways,” I teased, trying to diffuse his worries.
“We haven’t had sex,” he countered dryly.
“Fine, sexual actives then; still wouldn’t count.”
He rolled his eyes but gave me a timid smile, almost a silent ‘thank you’. I eased his head back down on my chest. It took him a little while to relax but all too soon he was breathing steadily, his skin glowing in the candlelight. I drifted on the edge of sleep for a while, my thoughts a blur of the large barrier we’d shattered. My eyes drifted over to the crumpled pile that was my jeans where the letter was buried. Glancing down at Casper, I frowned. The cheque could wait. Pressing another tender kiss to his temple I breathed, “I love you so much.”
Within moments of relaxing back on the pillows, my mind tipped over the precipice into sleep.
Chapter Thirty
Waking up the next morning, with the dawn sifting in through the window, I’d never felt more relaxed. My senses woke up one by one, the warm, soft weight of Casper’s sleeping form cradled against my chest made my stomach flip. He was so beautiful I could stare at him all day.
Shifting slightly, I gently stroked the fringe out of his closed eyes. His muscles twitched but he didn’t wake up. He gave a little sigh and burrowed closer, tucking himself further under the blanket. He gave a soft moan and tightened his hold on my chest. I hadn’t the heart to wake him but I had a tickle at the back of my throat that would only be sated by a cigarette. I didn’t want to move and risk waking Casper, but my throat was getting to irritated.
With some dexterity, I managed to slide out from under Casper’s warm, naked weight. I shivered as I awkwardly fumbling for my boxers, bottoms and a rumpled shirt from the floor. The shirt felt tight and when I glanced down I groaned; I’d only gone and tugged Casper’s shirt on over my head. It didn’t matter. Swiping the cigarettes and lighter from the nightstand, I knelt down and watched Casper sleep for a few moment. Readjusting the blanket slightly, I tucked it around his feet and wrapped it around his shoulders. He shuddered a little but merely burrowed his head into the pillow and slept on.
The morning air was cool and made me shiver as I stepped out into the back garden. The concrete was frigid underfoot as I fumbled with lighting up. Pressing the butt to my lips I took a long, relaxing drag and felt my muscles unwind. The buzzing of white noise receded even further out of earshot and I felt the knot in my stomach loosen. As I shifted on my feet, the envelope in my back pocket crinkled. I felt my heart sink. Despite the amazing offer the money was, I didn’t know how I felt being indebted to my dad. The money had most likely come out of my building society account, which was fine, but still. I don’t even know how he managed to do it without making mum suspicious.
My skin itched as I took another drag, the crackling of the lit tip magnified in my ears. The light from the rising sun pooled over the roof of the house and tinted the garden with a weak, golden glow. The sky was a soft blue blushing with a peachy band along the horizon. It truly was beautiful.
I jumped when a pair of warm arms wrapped around my shoulders. The weight of a body pressed up behind me. I turned my head just as Casper propped his chin on my shoulder, his eyes barely open as the early sunlight made his irises look almost-white. I shivered as the reality of what he was doing sunk into my head.
Casper was hugging me!
He leaned against me, his face nuzzled against my neck as I flicked ash out onto the stone patio. I smoothed my fingers over his wrist, smiling as he flinched a little before. His breathing grew a little heavier in my ear. There was an odd sort of pleasure in knowing the physical effect I had on him. Turning my head to the side I raised the cigarette up towards him, but he huffed and shook his forehead against my shoulder.
“Don’t need it,” he grumbled sleepily.
“Why not?” I murmured, trying not to raise my voice and disrupt the moment.
“Some memories I don’t need clouded over with a smokescreen,” he replied,
arms tightening around me.
Glancing down at the cigarette, I frowned, the taste suddenly bitter on my tongue. Grimacing, I tossed it to the ground and watched as the embers simmered against the stone. Drawing in deep breaths of fresh air, I had to agree that it was a perfect, tranquil moment to be in, to accept the gift of Casper’s embrace cradling me to his chest. It was like he was drawing me as close to his heart as physically possible. A smile broke through the clouds in my mind. I turned in his arms and he frowned, looking both worried and grumpy. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He gave a little grunt as I hugged him close.
“I love you Casper,” I whispered against his ear. Instead of stiffening, he hugged me tighter, almost making me lose my breath as he pressed his mouth against my throat. “You mean the world to me.”
He shook his head pressing his eyes against my shoulder. “You can’t mean that!” he choked out.
“Why not?”
“Because no one’s ever felt that way about me; how are you finding it so easy?”
Smiling, I massaged the base of his neck, “You stopped me from fading into the darkness.”
“But how can you still feel that way about me when I can’t even say it?” he asked, exasperated as he tilted his head back to look at me.
“Actions speak louder than words. I know how you feel about me. It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t say it.”
“Well it should!” he snapped.
I shrugged as I looked down at him. I watched the confusion melt in his eyes. “You’re all the matters to me, Casper. I love you so much. Say it, don’t say it, it won’t change the way I feel about you.”
He watched me for a moment before swallowing. “You –you really mean that don’t you?”
I nodded.
Casper choked and reached up to wipe at his eyes. “Fuck,” he groaned, burying his head in his hands. He tried to turn away but I held him fast.
“Hey,” I smiled weakly against his head and rocked gently from side-to-side, “Don’t get upset. That’s a good thing.”
“They’re happy tears, fucktard!” he grumbled.
A loud laugh exploded out of me as I hugged him tightly, the sensation weird but oddly uplifting. Nuzzling his hair I chuckled as he thumped me lightly in the stomach. I didn’t care. This was the happiest I’d felt in a long time. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, a curtain twitching back into place perhaps, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered except Casper.
There was never really a good chance to tell Casper about the money. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, there was just always something more pressing to be focused on. We had another two days at his parents’ house that mainly consisted of packing all my stuff into a storage space for a month, before helping Casper pack what he needed for the last weeks of University before graduation. My phone was like an iron weight in my pocket; I hadn’t heard from Katie, Dad or even Uncle Brian in a couple of days and I was anxious. I was starting to feel hollow again, it was like my body was running on autopilot. The only time I’d feel anything was when Casper would reach out and give my hand a squeeze and a smile. He seemed to know the effect he had on me. Those smiles helped me get through the days.
Since that night he seemed softer around me, almost shy to catch my eye and when he did he’d rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. He even started letting me hold him during the nights; he’d resist a little at first but soon he’d relax half on top of me, his breath rushing down my stomach in soft huffs. I loved holding him, cuddled up in his bed and letting the rest of the world blur around us. We hadn’t slept naked since that night, but I didn’t blame him for it. Even spooning in our boxers was an incredible feat for him.
As we packed the last of our things into the boot of my car I couldn’t help but feel hot fear prickle at the base of my spine. Casper was saying one last goodbye to his parents. Over his son’s head, Martin gave me a nod. I returned it with a surprised smile just as Tabitha turned to me and hugged me close. I glanced at Casper for help. He merely shared a look with his dad and I tried not to wince as my ribs were crushed.
“You take care of yourselves, okay?” she murmured gently.
“I will I promise,” I said as I gave her a small squeeze back.
She let me go and went back to stand next to Martin as Casper and I walked down the drive to the car. We placed the small cooler bag in the back seat before opening the doors, giving Martin and Tabitha one final wave before slipping into the front seats. Casper had opted to drive. Something about it unnerved me, probably because up until a couple of days ago I hadn’t known he’d even had a license. Settling down in the passenger seat I curled my knees up to my stomach and I cranked the window down. Casper flipped through the CD’s in the glove compartment.
My chest tightened; I was glad I’d taken the envelope out after all. He hummed as he passed over them before taking out a CD and putting it into the player. Putting the car into reverse, he backed out of the driveway and shifted gears. I waved at his parents through the window, a genuine smile on my face, before Casper pushed his foot down and the car soared down to the main road, his house vanishing into the distance in the rear-view mirror.
“You okay over there?” Casper asked flicking my leg.
I grimaced at him. “Yeah I guess I slept too heavy or something.”
“What have we discussed about you being a terrible liar?” he drawled.
“That I suck at it?”
“Precisely.” He glanced my way and then chuckled low in his throat, “Now tell me what’s really wrong before I do some ‘Fast and Furious’ shit and have you flying out the windscreen.”
Rubbing at my chin I cocked an eyebrow, “I’m starting to think your flirting could use some work.” Snorting he rolled his eyes as we merged with the traffic heading north. Flexing my shoulders I sat up a little straighter before looking at him, “Nothing’s really wrong, I just don’t want to go back to Uni.”
“Are you worried about Isabel?” he asked, hitting the nail on the head as always.
“Would you think of less of me if I said ‘yes’?”
“Eh,” he said holding up a microscopic distance between his fingers, “Only this much.”
“You’re a dick.”
“Says you.”
“I am what I eat.”
Spluttering, he whipped around to glare at me before turning his gaze back to the road. “Fuck you, Fletcher, you know that’s not what I meant!” he grumbled, flexing his fingers around the wheel.
“Then what did you mean?” I asked as I reached up and pinched his earlobe.
He jerked away. “I meant that you’re just … a huge dick!”
Another bark of laugher escaped me. “Would you rather I was tiny?”
His eyes went wide and his cheeks flushed. “You’re killing me. You’re really killing me!”
I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, “I promise if that happens, I’ll give you mouth-to-mouth.”
He let out a loan groan as I sank back into my own chair. “You’re worse than a dog sometimes, slobbering all over me.”
Pouting, I let out a whimper before replying, “Do I get a treat if I’m a good boy or will I have to sit up and beg?”
He thumped my leg. I laughed loudly. I honestly couldn’t help it. The boy made me happy.
*
By the time the campus buildings pulled into view, I was starving and in the mood to order some pizza. However as soon as I saw that bleak exterior I felt my resolve evaporate. I didn’t want to go back in there, to the lessons, and the people and Isabel. Above all I did not want to deal with her.
As we pulled into the students car park on the other side of campus I felt my body tense up as I helped unload the few bags filled with art supplies and fresh, clean clothes. As Casper locked the car with the fob, I felt my gut twist.
“You hungry?” I asked absently as I shouldered as many bags as possible.
Casper frowned at me, “If this is another
dick joke, I swear I’ll kick you down the stairs.”
I rolled my eyes. “Arse. I’m starved and was thinking about ordering a pizza.”
“Sounds good,” he said. We made our way towards the main building.
Making our way through the labyrinth of white-washed halls towards our dorm building, I felt sick. Not only was this going to one of the last times I’d properly observe my surroundings, it was also the reason for the white noise suddenly burning at my eardrums. I felt jittery as we rode the lift up to our floor, grateful for a small break in carrying everything.
We shuffled the bags over, a few at a time, before I slid my key-card through the reader. As I pushed the door open the stale air hit me and made my throat constrict. I dumped the bags on my bed and opened my window. Casper walked in after dumping his bags in his room down the hall. I was on the phone ordering us some dinner. Once I’d placed the order I sank down onto the bed where Casper was lying with an old book in hand. I dropped my head into my hands. He stroked my shoulders and hummed. “What’s bugging you?” he asked absently.
“Don’t know.” The white noise was back again.
“Come here.”
The tug of his hands eased me down on the bed beside him. For the first time, I was the one feeling rigid and awkward as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and drew me against his chest. I tried to pull away but his arm was like an iron lock. He threaded his fingers through my hair and continued to read. I listened to the drumming of his heartbeat. I wanted it to fill my head and drown the white noise out. Two chapters later I was close to drifting off to sleep when the buzzer on my door went off. Groaning, I unwound myself from Casper’s warm embrace and stumbled blindly over to the intercom.
Pressing the button I grunted, “What?”
Caspers Ghosts Page 37