by A M Russell
‘We needed to push it to be safe from detection.’ I looked toward him.
‘As you say. But I will ground the lot of you if you start trying to speedball your way into the mountains.’
‘You have the case Joe.’ I said.
‘Marcia and you have the access.’
‘Are you happy for just Marcia to be the other first aider?’
‘I wasn’t thinking that.’
‘No. it’s a good idea.’ I said, ‘I feel that this is much better. I’m only human…after all.’
‘Uhh…. okay.’ Joe smiled watching me.
‘I give you full permission to keep both eyes on me Joe.’ I said.
Oliver laughed out loud, ‘You are not going to be a hero twice in one lifetime.’ He said to me, then to the group; ‘If I wanted to learn to swim I would never take lessons from Jared!’
Adam stabbed toast, ‘Now we have made a little ground. Can we all confirm what we are actually doing here?’
I waited until everyone was gathered round the table, with their breakfasts in front of them.
‘We are still in the experiment. And I think that Jules’ simple point to me might help you understand what that means….’
‘What?’ Janey said from the other end of the table.
‘It means this: Jules said that we all have choices. And each choice is our way out. He said to always choose the way out.’
‘And that is it?’ asked James.
‘Yes.’ I watched them all waiting for questions. Janey was silent, unusually for her. Davey stared at me in a perplexed way. ‘Just one thing…?’ he began. All the rest of the lads groaned and laughed.
‘Is this a test of our scepticism Lazarus?’ asked Adam.
‘No…’ he grinned at them as Oliver ruffled his hair,
‘Steady on Milly!’ said Oliver.
‘Let the boy speak.’ said Joe.
‘Yes Doc!’ said Adam.
‘There was something that did occur to me,’ Davey began, ‘about the people in the replication part of the experiment. I understand…as we all do from the briefing; that they all carry a black box strapped around the waist. But is it always true? Could there be circumstances when this didn’t happen? I mean is it possible?’
‘Anything is possible,’ I said, ‘there might perhaps be a situation where in order to save a subject, one might have to neutralise the replicas…. But we would need to make sure that they are the replicas.’
‘Ah!’ Davey seemed pleased to have something to chew over.
‘What do we know, Janey?’ I said.
She jumped startled at me addressing her so directly.
‘Well…. we looked at his and it seems that, although we cannot be sure that all the alternate ego states have a limited life expectancy; as they near to the end of their life span their consciousness would withdraw back to the individual who was the original. But then again; it might be possible for these to share the consciousness, or even to experience it simultaneously.’
I stop in mid-stab of the bacon piece. Doesn’t she know? Hanson was initially at least conscious of all the ego states at once. But maybe on set up. But now…. They could be part of a localised consciousness that moves around. Perhaps even…
‘We think,’ Janey continues, ‘that is: Jules and I think that with time; these ego states could last long without the pack. They are just on a test group at the moment. Later there will be more. Variations of the same experiment. Consciousness shifted round. One kept unconscious while the mind is awake elsewhere. And then again…. You could have a situation where only one of the ego states is aware of the others existence….’
‘Would that be the original? The real person?’ asked Joe.
‘Not necessarily.’ Janey pointed her fork upwards, ‘there are weaknesses inherent in that way or proceeding. The subject’s compliance must be assured. Unless one is a perpetrator of the experiment how could one make sure that all these…. Copies did exactly what the experimenters wanted?’
‘Ah!’ said Davey, ‘Of course…’
I’ve clicked too. But I let Janey take the lead again.
‘Yes.’ Janey is flushed with her obvious cleverness now, ‘the original must be made to agree certain things. And there would be an insurance placed into the system to make sure that the agreement was adhered to. They would in fact take a copy as a guest…. a house guest. The comfort of the surroundings is essential to reduce psychological stress. They could even give that copy the pleasure they lack in their own lives. Every whim pandered to, every dream fulfilled.’ She is looking at me now. I hold her gaze; ‘that’s right isn’t it Captain?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘we need to find who is gathering subjects. They are here somewhere. This reality is a stable piece of the past…. apparently. There are no obvious environmental dangers inherent in being here. So the question is… where is the trap? And how do we spring it without getting stuck in there ourselves?’
‘Tricky.’ said Adam.
‘Oliver.’ I said.
‘It might involve the use of sharp objects. And it might involve something unpleasant. I’m trained for this sort of thing. And some of you are used to the sight of unpleasant messes.’
‘That’s all for now.’ I said, ‘breakfast finishes, and then some knife skills practice with Oliver and Marcia.’
They all go back to their plates. Davey turns to me. ‘This is a crazy thing we’re doing isn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
‘And it might be fatal?’
‘Not necessarily.’
‘I’m quite prepared to face it if you say it is.’ Davey is pushing for more. I push my plate away then. I get out a sobrané and the lighter, and place them both on the edge of the table.
‘It’s a matter of choices. We all depend on each other. That only stops when someone is out of the group. But connections are often stronger than we think.’
‘Why do they want to talk to me and Marcia?’
‘Talk? I think more like question firmly. Politely. There is no point at this stage in wasting valuable test material.’
‘Lab rat?’
‘We’re not rats.’
‘You mean they are?’
‘We came here knowingly,’ I said quietly, the others were leaving the table; ‘there is no point in pretending that we’re out of the woods yet.’
‘What the hell do you mean?’ Davey gives me a look rather like Oliver does.
‘I mean that this might lead us down a blind alley. We could just be eliminating possibilities, while they are furthering the advance of the experiment.’
‘Now; you’re freaking me out!’
‘They haven’t any control over you.’ I said, ‘you are the one who is immune remember.’
‘Yes. I remember.’ He glances at Janey who is getting up from the table and turning to talk to Adam.
I daren’t ask how things are, so I just concentrate on the matter in hand. We will be breaking camp in two hours. So I lean back in the camping chair and light the cigarette. Davey frowns, but doesn’t question me.
‘The thing is…’ I said, ‘the thing is we have to make sure that we are not subjects of this experiment. We have to find out if any of us are those people.’
‘You mean these here; or all from our group?’
‘All the group. There are some who are not in the list of possible subjects, it’s to do with the detection of something we all carry…. a kind of paradox vibe if you like.’
‘That measurement they got so excited about?’
‘Yes. For you and Marcia, the one that is Zero. You cannot be changed; except by your own choice.’
‘And therein lays the nub of the matter.’ Davey said, ‘there is a small thing that could defeat us all.’
‘Yes, I had thought of that. That’s why George frisked everyone for bugs.’
‘You mean the waist strap thingy don’t you?’
‘Yes. There are only one or two places where something like that could be hidd
en to avoid detection. And that’s if you suspected it was there in the first place. I’m sure that the next lot will be miniaturised.’
‘Not a comforting thought.’ Davey stares out of the doorway past my shoulder. I turn to see Janey directing the lads in where she wants the small science kit for this morning.
‘I hope that things are better now.’ I said cautiously.
‘Yeah; Jared they are. There’s no need for this weird atmosphere between us you know. We both know what has happened in the past. Perhaps it’s time to leave it there.’
‘Yes.’ I said, and blew out a stream of smoke. Davey gets up and walks out into the brilliant morning sunshine. I sat and pondered his real thoughts on the matter of Janey. It’s not about his distrust of me. I would never knowingly break his trust. It is about Janey herself. She is odd. But not so odd, that I would say it was anything to worry about. But then I think of her kissing him last night. There had been a time when she would not have been that obvious. She was discrete in her Love affairs; and often pretended that they were nothing more than liking. Was it different this time…. well it was, of course. But was it different in that other off-key, hard to pin down kind of way? Put her next to Marcia and she seemed really strange. Marcia was consistently normal. Her likes and dislikes; even the way she was with her boyfriends. There were rules she applied. There were boundaries she didn’t like to cross. I could only ask her if Janey was alright. They were, after all, old friends.
*****
Seven
Now I know why they brought me along (for so I must think of it after the episode at the clearing). I am for once, the only answer to a need we all have to make the beginning of a hilly land before nightfall, which is the forerunner of those great mountains that now loom in the distance. I am never fearful when I am totally in control. The others think that I am completely off somewhere with the whole impossible driving thing. But nevertheless, I can do this.
I am strapped into the driving seat of our transport. Full five-point harness. It a good job, because at this moment I am looking upwards at the sky. We are using the winch and a set of carefully placed pulley blocks. The metal rope that is holding the whole thing suspended on this almost vertical short drive is connected to a strong tether out of my sight. There are rocks in the way. I have to turn to the right and hope the traction holds for long enough to get past them.
I can fell the wheels slipping so I ease off slightly. She grips again. All the excess weight has been taken out of the truck. James and Adam were getting worried and wanted to stop this very dangerous manoeuvre. Marcia and Oliver overruled them. How much this had to do with faith in my skills, or the dark rolling masses that unrelentingly pursued us from the receding horizon, I cannot say. Just above there was a short cut through a narrow gulley. And then it opened into a little dell that was shelter on all sides from prying eyes.
I feel, as well as hear the whining creak of the cables as the transport reaches the top. I ease the extra set of wheels down until I feel them grip on something. I few spot of rain dot the windscreen.
‘Jared!’ someone is shouting through the intercom.
‘Yes?’ I listen then. No one is answering, ‘Okay, I hear you? What is it?’
Still no answer.
I blink and breathe…. something just happened. But I’m dangling off a cliff, so I don’t think about it right now and keep going. My concentration is being severely tested.
‘Give me some bloody directions!’ I yell at them.
‘Take a sharp right turn as soon as you level up.’
‘What’s there?’
‘A great big rock.’ Marcia said calmly.
‘Got that.’
There is a sudden juddering and the back end is swinging in space. I feel the centre wheels grip and engage the drive. Then I crank it hard to the right, and give it some oomph.
The vehicle narrowly missed a massive 20-foot boulder and I straighten it up and pull further in. I stop just five feet from Oliver who is operating the winch controls, and it looking very shocked.
I fell out and slammed the door. ‘What the hell were you lot doing back there?’
‘Come on Jared.’ Marcia is at my side, and takes my arm. She steers me away from Oliver and makes me sit down on a nearby rock.
‘I’ll tell you inside.’ Marcia gives me that look that is quite unmistakeable. You will not be difficult. She hands me my jacket. I’m glad of it five minutes later as fat rain drops are falling in earnest. Everyone else is winching the heavier bags of kit up the cliff. Lastly we bring up the rest of the group. I see Janey and Davey both stowing a big case in the tail of the machine. Marcia has got the rest of them with the trolley lifts taking the main tent pack to the dell just beyond.
Joe appears and beckons me off my rock… I have to admit that since I told him I wasn’t going to have access to the med packs without Him or Marcia, he’s seems a little less edgy. We decide to get the vehicle under cover and get back inside the back. The mini dome it only just hoisted and sealed shut when there is the almightiest deluge. Marcia and James hand out cups of tea. We are in the back and everyone gathers round the small fold out table.
‘No Smoking!’ Adam looks at me. I don’t react. But just look away. They all talk among themselves. I watch the steam in the cup and listen to the noise from without. The rain hurls a terrible giant’s bath full of rain down on us in a few minutes. They are all talking about what would have happened. Marcia squeezes in next to me.
‘Well done.’
‘Sure thing.’ I shut my eyes.
‘We saw a flash of light. There was someone standing near the cliff edge just above the front… right in front of you. Didn’t you see it?’
I opened my eyes again. I turned to Marcia. ‘Please Hug me.’ I said. She put her arms round me. I feel cold. Only the tea feels warm. Cold logical deductive reasoning…. that is how I do it. Switch off the fear, and the “what if”. Then I can do the impossible. It’s not really so. It just takes mental discipline: a really strange state of mind. I don’t want to talk now. Marcia is hugging me and I can feel her warmth. The others know how it is. They let Marcia pull up the slack. I can be off with the fairies as long as I can still do the job right when I am required. They know not to talk to me now. Maybe later. I want to lay down, It’s been a knackering few hours. I can’t at the moment because we’re all crammed in here.
Just then everyone goes quiet. A deep rumble sounded. Thunder; and quite near. Maybe the flash is blocked by the rising stone of the rugged cliff behind us.
But then a flash and other rumble. Marcia is counting; working out the distance between one and the other.
‘It’s close.’ she said, ‘Joe. Cut the power.’
We are immediately plunged into the semidarkness of an early twilight.
Oliver points a torch into one of the under seat lockers. He swings the small battery powered lantern onto the surface.
‘How about a game?’ Joe grins at them all, a pack of cards produced from a pocket.
‘Poker?’ James looks amused.
‘Bet how long the storm will last.’ James suggested.
They play for favours of an innocent kind. Scribbled on little pieces of paper. Janey doesn’t play. She writes in her journal; with her knees drawn up, and her feet tucked in next to Davey.
‘Jared?’
‘What?’
‘Come back.’ Marcia speaks next to my ear.
I stare across the table; only Joe and Davey are still playing. I didn’t know he liked to.
Marcia still has her arms wrapped round me. I’ve leaned into her, so that my head is resting on her bosom. I drift a little. And she moves against me, easing herself into a better, more comfortable position. I feel blank. The rain has eased. There is a glow emanating from somewhere outside.
‘Jared…. beloved…. I’ll come into your pod later if you ask me to. But just for now…. Just sit up.’
‘Yes.’ I eased myself into a sitting position. I felt c
reased by the confinement. As well as having a need to pee quite badly.
‘Lights Joe.’ Marcia orders.
There is a stark feeling, just like when the lights go up at the end of a show at the cinema. It’s always like this. The rain has almost stopped. We open up after a few more minutes. The recce reveals that we can probably get a full camp up and ready in a short time. The ground is level and well drained. After taking a leak, I stay in the cab until Joe calls me.
‘Do you want to eat?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll give you something to help you sleep tonight if you need it later.’
‘Oh.’
‘Talk to me.’ Joe is looking slightly puzzled. On another person the expression would quickly graduate to irritation.
‘Alright.’
‘More than one word.’ Joe stares at me with that penetrative look that I can dodge just as well.
‘Fine. Will this do?’ I smile and shrug.
‘That’s better.’ He fiddles with the pack of cards shuffling them expertly, ‘Would you like to tell me what really happened in the Cloudy Place?’
‘No.’
‘I see,’ he shuffles the cards some more, ‘Do you like movies Jared?’
‘Films?’
‘Yeah… that’s the one.’
‘They’re better made than they used to be. And someone makes a living from actually being good at something for a change.’
‘If you were a character in a film; what would that character be like?’
‘You mean…what character do I see myself as?’
‘Yes. If that helps.’
‘Oh that’s easy. Neo.’
‘Ah! So you are here to save the world?’
‘No. Just put a crimp in someone’s day. And hope it’s the one it ought to be.’
‘I have to tell you that Marcia has given me strict instructions with regard to you.’
‘What other kind does she give?’
‘Quite.’
‘I’m really fine.’ I cough then. Which rather spoils the point I’m making.