The Power of Forgetting

by A M Russell

‘Yes. I’m afraid so.’

  ‘You know about the boot prints in the glade near the anomaly?’

  ‘Yes you told me that already.’

  ‘Is there anything you don’t know?’

  ‘How you are really feeling at the moment?’

  ‘Tired. And in desperate need of something that I suspect only you would be willing to oblige me with; but under other circumstances aren’t currently an option.’

  ‘How desperate?’

  ‘I was exaggerating; a little.’

  ‘I know.’ She smiled.

  ‘What about the drugs.’

  ‘In the coffee.’

  ‘But I didn’t have any coffee. Not yesterday.’

  ‘What do you recall?’

  ‘The stars. They were really brilliant. And then….’ I was straining to find anything at all, ‘I just don’t know… really.’

  ‘Okay. Well then it had to be administered another way. A simple way. She would have to hide it. Where do you think?’

  ‘Something tasted funny. Like bitter; but only for a moment.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘She kissed me.’

  ‘Yes…. of course. That is how it is passed.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘In the mouth.’

  ‘But would she forget?’

  ‘No. it could be an ampoule. As long as you don’t actually swallow any of it

  and the other person does; it is almost perfect.’

  ‘What isn’t?’

  ‘Suggestibility….’

  ‘Was I hypnotised?’

  ‘Yes you were. There is a trigger word or phrase. That on hearing the subject is rendered open and susceptible to anything the controller says.’

  ‘I feel….’

  ‘What is it?’ Marcia touches my arm; this time I don’t pull away.

  ‘I feel violated.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I should have seen it.’

  ‘You couldn’t have dear Eve. You are doing what you can.’

  ‘We must find our Janey. But tread carefully. Because we don’t know what she can send back to this other or not.’

  ‘I’m afraid.’ I said suddenly.

  ‘It’s scary stuff.’

  ‘No…. there’s a feeling. Just a feeling. I dunno…’ I look into her eyes; those laughing eyes. They are warm, and caring.

  ‘I’m here for you always.’ She says and takes my hand.

  ‘I can’t be without you.’ I say, ‘you are my life. I only came back for you.’

  *****

  Nine

  The sun has gone down. I am alone. We all are. Everyone’s private space, that mercifully shuts us all off from each other. I had some soup but then drank tea sitting outside the tent. It’s very warm still. I’m laid in the cot with the sleeping bag unzipped; and stripped down to my tea shirt and loose cotton shorts. Even with all the vents open; I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep. So I sit up and take off my tee shirt. My hand brushes against my right shoulder. A small scar is there. The knife went in. that silvery one. We have two of them. I believe that the second is in the safekeeping of George. A curiosity only; no one can use them. The one that pierced me was different. It belongs to Davey. Heelio gave it to him. Thinking of the old tribesman calms my mind. It takes away some of the heat. He thought I would travel another journey. He warned me that I would lose something. And that I would find the unexpected piece to a puzzle I did not yet know I possessed. Cryptic or what? It has been hard to reconcile that experience with my everyday life. Not that I have a regular job. Heelio said that what I do is part of my destiny. He said all sorts of things like that. Marcia made a point of sitting near, listening to everything he had to say. She was fascinated by the very fact of their life and being driven through with colours from another place.

  I don’t know how anyone else if faring but I’m just too warm.

  A few minutes later I am crouching down to try to light one of the sobranes. There is some soft breeze that creeps into the entrance. I don’t stray far. My usual feeling of being watched is rolled over into the practical knowledge of the trip strings that Oliver has set.

  I find a folding chair and park it quietly in the shadows. I blow a stream of smoke outwards. It helps. I find this little bad habit separates me out of my wilderness. Quietly I ponder: why did we find out? Making it so obvious that we are carrying this cuckoo in our nest? Reasons? The double is not able to sustain Janey’s normal character; or the double is acting independently of our Janey and therefore is diverging too far for the join to not tear; but what if she wanted us to know? She could be sending us a message! A message in a bottle? The bottle is….? Okay. Start with the simple level: we are being told that this is not Janey. So, of course you need to ask yourself: who is sending us that message? And why?

  I lean back. How clever is Mr Alexander? I know he wants something from me. But why the elaborate deception? It would be a lot simpler to kidnap me…. Unless…. there is a reason he cannot do that. There is something that we have that he wants; but he can’t have it. Why is that? We have something…. okay, think. Janey agreed to something. She would keep her word. So she would make an agreement that did not compromise her principles. She would take something that meant she could get back in touch if she had to. That is assuming that this was done voluntarily….no…. must be a bribe. She will do what they want because…. they made a deal. And so she is trying to warn us. Trying to send a message in a bottle. Something that only I could know; and Janey could confirm as true. Other way round: Something only Janey would know and I could confirm as true. What do I have? Nothing. Wait…. Of course I have something. I carry it inside me. That blood. It is loaded with the identity of the things I have been given from both my parents. Both…. Janey is a fake; the real person has been used. We are waiting to catch up with them…. I have to find out what she knows. One way to do this. Because then I will have one up on Mr Alexander. He wants me to avoid the fake girl. They want to keep us apart…. Because there is something that she has leaked. Something that I would spot. Sacrifice the pawn. It doesn’t matter what we do. She is of no further use once her identity is revealed. Therefore, I must find out what she knows. He is trying to protect his investment in the whole magic trick…. Funny I should think of it that way! Well; this whole thing is preposterous. Wait!

  What if he knew that? They have my psyche profile. They have me. They can see that I will act in a certain way given the right stimulus. Anger, guilt, shame…. They are all clouding the view. I didn’t see because I was so driven by the crawling feeling of being exposed…. So how do I find out what she was about to reveal to me whether she likes it or not? She called me a devil of a man. But it was to keep me one the side of the angels. She was insuring the copy against my interrogation. Being relieved of the captain’s post; did give me one thing; some level of freedom to act that will not reflect badly on the team as a whole. Was the play only to get our attention? She over played it. They all turned on me. Not in a nasty way. But they have a situation that is emotionally unbalancing. They forget. Adam called me “Captain” this very evening.

  I stood up then. I have decided to go and see Janey (or whatever she really is).

  I slip quietly into the main area; and then through into the back parts of the tent. The pods are clearly marked so that there is no difficulty seeing whose is which. The girls are in a separate area. I quickly find Janey’s pod. Without giving myself chance to change my mind I slip inside.

  The first thing that strikes me is how stark it seems. She has not taken anything personal out of the kit bag to personalise her space. The second thing I realise; is that she isn’t there….

  I am so surprised that I sit down rather abruptly on the little space. What do I do now? One: she is just out for a few minutes, and that gives me chance to go back to my own space and try to get some sleep. Or I can admit that this is tightening the sensitivity of my nerves so much that I want to just get very drunk and forget everything.

  If
she isn’t back soon I will have to go to Marcia and tell her that Janey has gone walkabout…. What to do? I decide to wait ten minutes only. No more ego! This has to be about more than that.

  Two minutes later, I jumped to my feet. I heard a cry. Was it a voice or an animal? I stood there undecided. Everything went quiet. Too quiet. I left Janey’s pod and went back to the main area. The light was unnaturally bright; or so it seemed. The moon was out; and the light pierced the gloom of night. There was some tension gathering in the air. I felt rather than sensed that someone was outside. Someone moved away from the dome. I quickly slipped out. I saw a shadow flicker for a moment. it was the path towards the beach. I thought for a moment about the fact I was only wearing shorts. But the night seemed even more oppressive. The air among the trees and fronded plants seemed laden with some aromatic substance, heavy, hypnotic and making each breath seemed an effort to draw. I moved carefully not wanting to alert whoever was ahead of me.

  I reached the sand dunes. I saw the tussocky grass in monochromatic patterns and beyond that the silvery stretch of sand. The tide had gone some way out. I walked down then through the drifts of spiked grass and on to soft moulded sand that was fine and soft; then onto the firmer damper band. Before me was then a strange thing. I had seen him a moment before. But he was just sitting down not far from the shore. A figure of one of our own. Strange that at first I did not recognise him. Something in the gesture; the body language that was different. Something in the bowed head, as he sat with his back to me. I ran it through my mind as I walked: tall; untidy hair that fell in a long fringe over a pale face; long limbs; and a nervous energy that expressed itself by hands always moving grasping each other. I saw that something was desperately wrong. Instinctively I looked around. But there was no one else there. I went towards him. He had his back to me; and seemed oblivious even when I stood over him, casting a shadow in the full moon’s light.

  ‘Hello….’ I said softly as I knelt down, ‘what are you doing out here?’

  Adam turned to my voice, his eyes wide, staring. Then mumbled something that was barely audible. I leaned closer.

  ‘It’s here.’ He repeated in the expulsion of a terrified breath.

  I turned my head slowly. I saw…. well I thought I saw for a moment something like a person stood nearby. But then it was gone. I felt my pulse quicken with an unnatural fear. Something…. Something was there.

  ‘Come on… stand. Let’s go.’ But he just looked at me blankly.

  In the distance I saw people running towards us across the sand. I looked back at Adam. ‘I can’t.’ he groaned then and turned his left palm towards me. In the light it gleamed blackly and dripped with oil. The others came running. Oliver got there first. He had a lamp and set it down. Blood gleamed; now I saw it. Joe quickly followed. Marcia was taking a sweep if the area with her hunting knife drawn.

  ‘Right Joe!’ she bent over Adam.

  Joe was working as fast as possible. Somewhere in the waist area. He pressed hard with a pad over the wound to stem the flow.

  ‘You heard it too.’ Marcia handed me the knife and moved closer to Adam. She held his head in her hands. He, bewildered and in pain, let her examine his face.

  ‘What are you looking for?’ Oliver held a torch steady.

  ‘Puncture marks. Or the scent of something resinous.’ I could see his eyes dilating and glazing.

  ‘Let’s go.’ Joe was whispering. The only sound was the water shushing on the shore. It was disturbingly quiet. I picked up the lamp; we made our way back as quickly as we could. Oliver, carrying Adam followed Joe into the dome. Marcia and I stayed near the door. A minute or so later Oliver came back to us.

  ‘Near miss.’ Oliver looked grim, ‘he’ll not be doing much for a day or three.’

  ‘We have to find it.’ Marcia took the knife back off me and sheathed it. Oliver looked at me; ‘I’ll stand guard. We need to find out what happened. Where is Davey?’

  ‘I just heard a sound. No one was about.’

  ‘The weapon was one of ours they used. Where’s yours Jared?’

  ‘Back in the kit bag.’

  ‘You were out there dressed like that for fun?’

  ‘No. it was too hot. I couldn’t sleep.’

  ‘Someone removed the trip strips.’

  I didn’t respond further. I could see he was angry. And I also felt a surreal sense of unreality creeping in. Where was Davey? My thought was answered a moment later when he came out of Janey’s pod looking a little put out.

  ‘Davey!’ Marcia went to him, ‘A word in your ear.’ They moved to the kitchen area and the small light came on. I stood shifting my weight from one foot to another. James appeared then rubbing his eyes; ‘What the fuck is going on here? It’s one in the morning!’ I wasn’t used to James using such choice expletives; and I probably stared at him too hard. He came up to me and looked questioning, ‘Oh, it you. I never thought it would be a smooth one with you around but then you do have a talent for attracting trouble.’

  ‘What?’ I was quite unused to this coming from James, an otherwise mild mannered person who remained unflappable for the most part. But then the commotion must have woken him.

  James folded his arms; ‘I can’t say I’m surprized. You never sleep anyway. That’s right isn’t it Jared?’

  ‘That’s enough.’ growled Oliver rolling his knife in his right hand. James backed off then a sat in one of our camping chairs. Five minutes later we had five sitting in a circle with hot tea. Joe came in for a moment. ‘He’ll live. It’s stopped bleeding. I’ll stay with him.’ Marcia went with him back to Adam, then returned a few minutes later.

  ‘We need a serious share it all session right now.’ She said, ‘I’ll go first. We three…. Oliver, myself and Joe were woken up by some dreadful screaming noise nearby; we went to the beach and found Jared sat with Adam who had apparently been stabbed in the stomach area. It seems that one of our own knives had been used.’

  ‘Did I miss all this?’ James said in his normal pleasantly concerned voice.

  ‘We all did.’ Marcia continued, ‘Adam will tell us later what happened to him. In the mean time I want everyone to check where their knives are. I mean right now! Go on! Quickly…’

  I searched my kit bag a few minutes after that. I remembered that it had been under my sweat shirt, the dark blue one. I’d not worn it. But despite my best efforts the knife, and more to the matter it’s sheath were nowhere to be found.

  We all sat in a circle again. I was reminded of a “show and tell”, when I was a school. I remembered how much I hated those things. Everyone was holding their knife except me. I didn’t say anything. The fact that I had been out of bed being curious with no place to hide the thing; well….it ruled me out of being the bad guy. Thank God for insomnia.

  ‘Who is the last person to see Janey?’ Marcia addressed us all. I kept quiet. It definitely wasn’t me. I thought that Marcia’s theory had already been explained to the rest of them. Davey looked sick. He glanced at me, an appeal in his eyes. I just stared back at him. He saw something that I didn’t know I was projecting and smiled slightly in a sad way. What had passed through my mind just then? Only a feeling of concern: 90 per cent Adam; and perhaps ten per cent everyone else.

  ‘We have to destroy the double.’ Marcia looked very hard at Davey. A flash of something passed between them. But I wasn’t sure what it was.

  ‘I’ll do this.’ He said, putting his hand in his left pocket.

  ‘Perhaps.’ Said Marcia, ‘but before that, we have to find out what it knows. Any suggestions Jared?’ I jumped when my name was spoken.

  ‘No.’

  ‘She’s got your knife.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then that means you don’t have it.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  ‘The problem is simple,’ Davey cut in, ‘we have to break the connection with the place it came out of. But first we need to make sure that Janey is not in there.’

  ‘That mig
ht not be possible.’ said Marcia.

  Davey was about to reply, when Joe came in and said something in her ear. She immediately stood up and went with him. We waited. Oliver was perfectly still. Davey stood up and started pacing around. James just slumped back in the seat in a resigned kind of a way. I felt tired and I longed for a break in the tension.

  I came: ‘Jared!’ Marcia was in a She-who-must-be-obeyed frame of mind. Formidable…I went to them. Joe and Marcia looked at me. I looked down at the medical stretcher. Just a few items of clothing; and no Adam.

  I ran out of the small med bay and out to the entrance. Oh dear Lord did I want to be sick or not? How many of us? Had we all been replaced? I thought of the platinum knife (for I knew it to be this since George had had them property examined), and then saw that we needed to find out who was who. We had the way of telling this right there. I thought very calmly about all the factors for about five minutes. After that, I went to Oliver and Marcia and explained what I knew.

  ‘Theirs is always the possibility that we are all that. Have you thought of that?’

  ‘Not likely. But perhaps worth a gamble that we can’t all be copies of ourselves, unless someone has been notoriously difficult with the rations. Some of the cooking round here is definitely only reserved for the living,’ I grinned at her and continued, ‘you know we are all here without a bit taken out of us. I’m guessing that we are all immune except James and Joe now.’

  ‘Why?’ Marcia was as blunt as I remembered from when first met her at Base.

  ‘I think it has to do with Summerland…. And we are all connected by the earth sign.’

  ‘Yes. That’s true.’ She conceded.

  ‘I don’t know why but I think we will not have any trouble form Janey when she does turn up. It will be relatively simple to break the connection.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘You think I’m being cold don’t you?’

  ‘A little.’

  ‘It’s not easy for Davey I know that…. but we all want our Janey back. And now Adam has been proved to be replaced. It’s weird. Who are the rest?