Together in ruins (The Scars series Book 4)

by Rachael Tonks

  “Maybe it was some poison Carter dripped in her ears about you guys.”

  “Maybe,” he says rubbing his neck. “Can’t believe we fell asleep by the fire. Jesus, I’m stiff this morning.”

  “Really,” I say letting my hand drift from his chest to the band of his boxers. Taking my hand in his he places it against his erection and laughs.

  “Maybe we should go make the most of the bed we didn’t sleep in.”

  Reaching down, he hooks his arm under my knee, lifting me into his arms. I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck as he leads us back into the cabin.

  Despite being in my own bed, I can’t sleep. My mind whirls with thoughts of my mother and what is so important that she needs to speak with me face-to-face. Stepping from the bed, I make my way into the bathroom. I need to do something. Reaching for the tap I turn it on placing my hand under the stream. Cupping them I allow the water to collect in my hands before lifting them and splashing it on my face. I need to feel the cold. Just something other than the overwhelming feeling that I’m drowning. Drowning in my own thoughts, my mind playing over and over in an attempt to process everything that has happened. Trying to carry on and act like nothing has happened is damn near impossible. I’m trying to be the glass-half-full girl, but it doesn’t seem to be that easy when my thoughts keep dragging me back to the dark place. The hurt. The uncertainty.

  Shaking my head, I lift my eyes and look at the girl staring back at me. I’m not sure I recognize her. Gaunt face and dark circled bruising around my eyes reflects the torment in my mind.

  “Hey.” His croaky voice calls to me, startling me. My eyes dart to him as he stretches up, brushing his hand through his hair that hangs loose around his face.

  “You don’t have to be so jumpy, T. There’s no one to fear now.” His eyes widen and his voice holds a genuine sound of reassurance.

  “It’s not that… I uh, you just caught me unexpectedly.” He takes one step forward before inching himself between me and the counter. I look up at his effortlessly handsome face and can’t help but smile. “Well, this is a much better view than before.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he looks at me with a pained expression on his face. “I’m trying to make everything okay for you, but I see just how much it still affects you, you know, what happened.”

  “I just need time,” I lie. Because I’m not sure if time will be a healer.

  His arms wrap around my torso, bringing me closer to his sculpted body. “Anything, you name it. Anything I can do to help you heal, then I will.”

  “The truth, Nate. All I need is the truth.”

  He sighs, his head drooping forward. “Today, okay? I promise I’ll go speak to some doc, the hospital, anyone who can look at giving me some answers, got it?”

  Gently, I place my palm against his chest and mouth him “thank you.” I love that he gets it. That he understands my need for the truth. That he’s willing to do anything to help me.

  “Thank you,” I say with a smile, my gaze meeting his. “I’m going to meet with Mom today.”

  I watch as his jaw hardens and his nostrils flare. “Just putting it out there, I will have one of my men follow you.”

  “What? No, why? I thought you just said before that I was safe… am I not safe?”

  Sensing the panic in my voice, he reaches for my hand stopping my involuntary steps backward. “I want you safe at all times. I’m not taking the risk.”

  “Risk! What risk? She’s my mom.”

  “I don’t trust her. I’m sorry, I just don’t. And after everythin’ that’s happened, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not taking any chances,” he says. His head falls forward a little as he shakes it slowly from side to side.

  “My mom isn’t Carter.” I sigh, allowing my shoulders to slump.

  “I know, I know,” he whispers, caressing the skin on my arm with the pad of his thumb. “I would just feel better knowing there’s someone there looking out for you. Fuck, it’s just a precaution.”

  “Okay, okay.” I relax my arms a little allowing him to pull me closer. Truth is I’m dreading meeting with Mom. Seeing the hurt and disappointment on her face will be like a knife in my gut.

  “Good.” He kisses the top of my head lightly. “I’m gonna go get my ass ready and head to the club, check in with them. Hopefully the club will be in one piece.” He lets out a laugh that rumbles through his chest.

  “Okay,” I reply sweetly, lifting onto my tiptoes until our lips meet. I melt into him as he envelops me in his hold. I just know that this feeling of me losing myself in Nate was worth it. The fight to be with him, no matter what I’ve been through, was so worth it. And suddenly like a weight lifted, I feel lighter and happier, ready to take on whatever my mom has to say to me, because ultimately, I have Nate waiting for me, ready to make me smile, like he always does.

  I stare out of the window as the rumble of the noisy engine out front gets my attention. Pulling on my sneakers, I grab my purse and keys and head out the door. The engine noise suddenly stops and I look up noticing Roach, in his cut, walking toward me.

  “Hey, Tara,” he yells, greeting me with a wave of his hand.

  “Oh, hi, Roach.” I press the fob on the keychain unlocking the door to my car and throw in my purse.

  “How are you, honey?” His head is tilted and his voice is low.

  “I’m okay,” I reply with a nod and a faint smile. Although I’m not sure I need a chaperone for coffee with my mother.

  “Keeping you safe is all that matters, right?” He lifts one brow, his lip curling at the corner. “I’ll be right behind you, but don’t worry, I’ll be discreet.”

  My eyes rake over his body and back up to his face. He’s covered in tattoos, wearing his club colors and screams biker. “Real discreet, Roach.” I can’t help but laugh.

  Holding open his cut, he looks down then back up at me. “What?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” I brush him off. “I’m going to head out,” I say, feeling a little awkward.

  “Sure, you won’t even know that I’m here.” He scuffs his boots against the drive as he turns and makes his way back toward his bike. I don’t hesitate to jump inside my car, reaching for the belt and securing it in the clip. I start the engine and glance up through the windshield. I grip the wheel with my shaky hands, my underlying nerves suddenly appearing on the surface. “It’ll be okay,” I tell myself out loud. As I ease out of the driveway, I scan up and down the road, looking for Roach. True to his word, I don’t see any sign of him and continue making my way toward the coffee shop downtown. I texted my mom earlier and this was our agreed meeting point. It was also Brax and Izzy’s place, so I had some comfort in knowing they’re only a short ride away should I need either of them for support.

  I pull up in the small parking lot and make my way over to the entrance. Stopping just outside the door, I notice Roach on his bike just a few feet down the road. He looks up, giving me a firm nod. Offering him a smile, I pull open the door and make my way inside. I sweep the coffee shop, looking for Mom. Sure enough, she’s seated in the corner and I make my way over to her.

  “Mom,” I croak, trying to make her aware of my presence.

  “Tara?” she asks like she’s not sure it’s me. “Oh, baby.” Leaping out of her seat, she opens her arms, lunging toward me and wrapping her arms around me. I reciprocate her hold, resting my hands against her back gently. Slowly easing back out of her tight hold, she lifts her hands, grabbing the ends of my hair.

  “Haven’t seen your hair this short since you were just a toddler.”

  “It’s, uh, nice though, right?” I ask her like I’m seeking approval.

  “Sure,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders. “Your scars are healing nicely,” she points to my neck and I instantly rest my hands there. “You know, there are all types of treatments to help with scars these days... laser treatment, creams. You’ll barely notice them after a little while.” She steps back and drops down into her seat and I pull out
the one opposite before lowering myself, clutching my purse in front of me. Mom lets out a huge sigh. Leaning forward, she reaches for my hands. I place them in front of me and she takes them, placing hers on top of mine.

  “This is such a mess, huh? I kinda feel like history is repeating itself. Something I never wished to happen to you.”

  “History?” I ask, drawing my brows together as I struggle to understand what she means.

  “You need to hear me out. I will tell you everything.”

  “Mom, you’re scaring me.” I pull my hands from her grasp and place them on my lap, as I nervously bounce it up and down.

  “I wasn’t sure I would ever tell you the truth, but after everything, you deserve to know.”

  A lump forms in my throat and I try hard to swallow down, but it doesn’t budge.

  “I was like you once. Naive, young, and desperate to be loved. And just like you, I thought I’d found love in the most unexpected place. I was only eighteen when I met him. Mike was handsome, like all the girls wanted him and I was just your average eighteen-year-old with insecurities. But he made me feel priceless. Like I was the only girl in the world he ever wanted to set eyes on. I knew who he was and the bad things he did. But it didn’t matter because the heart wants what the heart wants, right?”

  “This was before my dad?” I ask, still not sure where Mom was going with this.

  “Let me finish.” She clears her throat before continuing. “Mike was a biker, in line to be president someday and I was in awe of the level of power the whole gang had over civilians. They were feared and in turn, respected.”

  I mask a gasp holding my hand to my mouth.

  “See, that fear soon became mine. I was expected to act a certain way, agree to everything he wanted and desired and I lost count of the times he would get drunk and beat the shit out of me.”

  I wince at the pain I feel in my gut when Mom makes the admission. “I had no idea.”

  “It was a part of my life I wanted to forget. Managing to get away from him and the club was hard. I knew too much and he was reluctant to let me go. But I had to get out. That’s when I met Jeff.”

  “Dad.”

  “Yes.”

  The sound of an unfamiliar voice interrupts us. “Sorry, ladies, but would you like to order some coffee?”

  Snapping my head, I look at the brunette and her bright white smile shining back down at me. I quickly place our order and turn my attention back to my mother. She watches as the waitress saunters away before continuing.

  “Jeff was the total opposite of Mike. He was kind, he cared, and was willing to take me on and raise you as his own.”

  I glare at her as my brain tries to process the words.

  “Honey, Jeff wasn’t your father. I was already pregnant when I managed to get away from the club.”

  Tears prickle at my eyes and I stare down at the table, unable to look at her. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know. I broke free from the club and never wanted anything to do with them again. Telling you would bring it all back into my life. I need you to understand, Tara. I genuinely believed that he would kill me if I stayed.”

  “Is he… is he… still alive?”

  “I don’t want you to have anything to do with him, Tara.”

  “Mom!” I shout. “Is he still alive?”

  “He’s a bad man, someone you do not want to get involved with. Please, Tara, don’t push me on this.”

  Gritting my teeth together, l lean over the table, my eyes full of anger. “Who. Is. He?”

  “Brewer,” she responds timidly. “Mike is none other than the Deathseeker president.”

  Sinking back into my seat I can’t stop my lip from trembling. “All this time. You lied to me this whole time.”

  “I did it to keep you safe. To keep us both safe.”

  “I had a right to know who my father was… is.”

  “He’s not your father, he’s a monster. As soon as he found out about Jeff, he hunted him down and killed him. He caused the accident that killed Jeff, your real father, even if not in blood. The man that loved you so dearly as his own. There was nothing good going to come from you knowing about Brewer.”

  “Siblings, Mom. This means I have a brother.”

  “A boy that was born in the MC and raised with MC values. He will be a monster just like his father.”

  My body shakes and bile rises in my throat. How could she? How could she keep this from me for so long?

  “Why now, Mom?”

  “Because you’re in so deep. You have gotten yourself into a world that I fought to escape. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes, Tara. I’m scared that if you don’t get out now, you’ll end up dead.”

  “Nate is nothing like Brewer. In fact, Nate hates Brewer.”

  “Well, that’s something we have in common.”

  “Does he know? Know that I’m his daughter?”

  “No,” she says shaking her head vehemently. “And that’s the way it has to stay. You have to promise me. Because after all this time, I don’t want him to come for me, because he will. If he finds out I kept his own child from him, he’ll kill me, no questions asked.” The panic in her voice tells me she's terrified and, although I don’t want to, I have to agree.

  “Okay, okay,” I say trying to reassure her.

  She exhales a tense breath, her eyes meeting mine. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but thank you.”

  The waitress appears beside the table, still smiling, holding the tray in her hands. “Two coffees,” she announces in an upbeat tone.

  “Are you always this nauseatingly nice?” I snap.

  “Tara,” Mom warns, looking at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says to the waitress who quickly scampers away from us. Mom adjusts herself, glaring at me. “I know this is all a shock for you, but don’t take it out on the poor girl who is paid to do a job.”

  “You know nothing, Mom. My head is a mess right now and you just added a whole new level of fucked up to my whole situation. So don’t sit there and act like you know anything about the shit I’m going through.”

  “I didn’t tell you this because I wanted to. I told you because I’m worried about you.”

  “Well, Mom, I’m glad you finally decided to tell me the truth, but your timing sucks. After being raped and tortured by my boyfriend’s father, then finding out that the baby might be his, the rapist’s, dropping a parental bomb isn’t really what I needed.”

  “Your paths are bound to cross. I heard that Nate is trying to move the deal over to the Deathseekers.”

  “That’s club business, not mine.”

  “Oh, darling, wake up and smell the goddamn coffee. You’re an old lady. Club business is your business. Whatever affects the club affects you. Don’t think it doesn’t because it does. You marry the prez then you’d better be able to stand by his side and run that damn club with him. Time to shape up or ship out, darlin’. You think distancing yourself from the club will keep you safe?” she scoffs. “Then you are sorely mistaken. You need to know what is happening and use that knowledge to keep yourself safe. Not knowing what is happening means you don’t know who you should fear. Be smart, Tara. I know you got it in you.”

  “Wait, I can’t keep up. One minute you’re telling me to not be involved, the next you’re saying I should be more involved, I just don’t get it.”

  “You love Nate, that much is obvious. Because no one would go through what you have been through and still stick around otherwise. So warning you off, trying to talk you out of it is no use. Therefore, advice on keeping you safe is all I have left to offer.”

  “Keeping you safe, you mean.” I press my lips together, dropping back in my seat. The overwhelming feeling of anger and deceit eats into my thudding heart. “I really can’t believe this shit, Mom. You’ve lied to me for years. What else have you lied about, huh?”

  “Tara,” she snaps in a raised voice. “I haven’t lied; I just did what I had to. It w
as to keep you safe.”

  Shaking my head from side to side I roll my eyes. “Not buying it. Not for a second.”

  “Look, I knew this news would be hard for you to hear. But you are so involved in this whole club lifestyle that I have done the right thing. My conscience is clear.”

  Blowing out a huge exasperated breath I scrape my chair back, shooting up and pressing forward on my hands until I’m leaning over the table pretty much face-to-face with Mom. “I’m leaving now. Don’t call. Don’t turn up at the house and don’t you dare interfere in my life ever again. My life is complicated enough without dealing with your bullshit, you got that?”

  “Tara,” she scorns, her eyes wide and her mouth hung open. “How… how dare you speak to me like that?”

  “You know, at one time I would never have dreamed of it. But it’s called respect, Mom. And right now, I have zero respect for you.” My top lip curls as I spit my venom at her, my heart’s pace rapid and I know I have to get out of there before I say something I’m really going to regret.

  Removing my hands, I step away from the table, head down, and barreling out of the coffee house. Tears threaten to break through and I inhale deeply, trying to control the hurt and rage that thunders through me in this moment. The feeling of a hand on my shoulder causes me to still, my head whipping to the side and my body turns a complete one-eighty.

  “What the…”

  “Hey, are you okay?” Roach asks me, and I press my hand to my chest willing my damn heart to calm down a little.

  “No,” I rush out. “Yes, I mean, yes, I’m okay.”

  “Well, what is it. Yes, or no?” He laughs a little, digging into his pocket and retrieving his packet of cigarettes. Flicking it open, he taps the bottom, offering the packet to me. Drawing my brows together I glance down at my stomach, then back to the packet he has extended to me.

  “Really, Roach? I’m pregnant.”

  “Shit, yeah, sorry,” he says retracting his hand and pulling one out with his teeth. “You know, doesn’t stop some women.”

  “I’m good, honestly, I don’t smoke anyway.”