Black Butterfly

by Michelle, Nika

  “The Christian Dior Boutique on…” Reba just stared at me for a minute. “Girl, love looks good on you. Look at you glowing over there.” She grinned approvingly.

  “If it wasn’t for you I probably would’ve just let it go,” I admitted. “It’s funny how you switched up. At first you were Dean’s cheerleader.”

  “Yeah, well that was before I talked to Raheem. He really wants to be with you and to change his life around.”

  As thoughts of his baby mama drama crept into my mind I only hoped that she was right.

  Chapter 16

  Seandra

  I just lay in my bed for the fourth day in a row not wanting to deal with the outside world. The doorman knew all of my relatives and I’d given him strict instructions to keep them away. If someone happened to get past Stephen I would just ignore the door. When the phone rang I just ignored it too.

  Life had really become a fucked up, hot ass mess for me. My relationship was over and I was feeling sick about it. I couldn’t believe my sister had been with Maurice before me. How could she let me be with him for so long without telling me? I hated her and I really hated him. I was so mad because that bitch still had a man. All I could do was wonder why. Why me? Even Seantay had a man.

  Maurice hadn’t even bothered to call me once. I knew because I checked my caller ID and voicemails just to see if he had. It was so painfully clear that he’d never really loved me, nor had he ever intended to marry me. I was in denial for so long and didn’t want to see the obvious. I should’ve left his ass, but instead his pathetic ass left me. Shit, most men threw themselves at my feet and here I was crying over him.

  The tears slid down my cheeks. I looked around at my luxurious pent house realizing that I’d always had it all. I didn’t need anything he’d given me although he’d promised not to attempt to take anything back. It really didn’t matter because I was planning to move out by the end of the month. There was no need for me to stay there with so many memores lurking around. I’d fallen in love with my Ferrari and he wasn’t getting that back, nor was he getting the engagement ring that sat heavily on my finger. No fucking way.

  My phone rang and the answering machine picked it up on the second ring like I’d programmed it to. “Hi, it’s Seandra. I’m out at the present moment, so leave your info and I will call you back.” Beep!

  “Seandra? If you’re there pick up the phone sweety. This isn’t like you. You need to call your parents honey. We’re worried about you,” my mother said sweetly. “We know that this break up has been public and it’s tough for you. Things will get better. I promise. I love you and your daddy loves you too.”

  Tears dripped down my face and I attempted to wipe them away before they wet my pillow. All I wanted to do was close my weary eyes and sleep. I had stopped watching televison and listening to the radio. All they had been talking about lately was Maurice and I. We’d gone from being the “it” couple to the “shit” couple in no time. Our whole three year relationship had been one big ass lie. Damn, the truth really hurt.

  The phone rang again and I buried my head under the cover. I don’t know why I didn’t just turn the ringer off. Maybe it felt good to know that people did care about me even if he hadn’t.

  “Hey girl. It’s Mi Mi. We miss you on the set. Alton is worried about his little television play play girlfriend,” she laughed good-naturedly.

  I was so glad that the reason for the break up had not been exposed. Now that would’ve been too humiliating.

  “It’s not the end of the world. Maurice is not the first man you’ve loved and don’t let him be the last. You’re too beautiful girl. Call somebody please. Let us know you’re okay. Later.”

  I turned over on my side. Why was I acting like it was the end of the world? Maurice wasn’t faithful to me, nor was he honest. He treated me like a Queen in the beginning to lure me in. Once I’d fallen for him the real Maurice was exposed. By then I already loved him enough to think I could change him back into the man I’d fallen in love with.

  Closing my eyes I remembered our argument vividly, as if it had just happened an hour before. I’d wanted to kill him after his confession. How could he have been with my sister? No matter what he’d done I was still heartbroken. Although he’d hurt me over and over again I still loved him. I couldn’t explain why, but…I missed him.

  * * *

  Renell

  Seantay and I decided to go to see Seandra. After all she was our sister. We gave her her space, but it was time for her to face me. I’d brought Seantay with me just in case we needed someone to pull me off her stubbornly selfish ass. I’d explained my past with Maurice with her on the way there.

  “She can’t be mad at you because you met him first,” Seantay said attempting to make me feel better about the situation at hand.

  “Yeah, but I should’ve told her. It shouldn’t have come to this.”

  “I don’t understand what’s so good about Maurice.”

  “It’s not meant for you to understand,” she said simply.

  “Can’t be good sex if he sniffs coke all of the time.”

  “Well, put it this way. Once upon a time Maurice was the ideal man. He was successful, rich, handsome, romantic and good in bed. Eventually he let the drugs and other bad habits consume him.”

  “Well at least some good things came from your split with Maurice. For one you didn’t have to really deal with his hardcore drug use, and now you have Ricky,” Seantay said like she was on the cheer Renell up campaign.

  “True,” I agreed.

  “Renell?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You think Seandra’s going to let us in?”

  “No.”

  “Me neither.”

  * * *

  Seantay

  Just like we thought Seandra would not let us in. Stephen, the doorman, told us that she wasn’t there, but we knew better. We rushed past him and made our way to the elevator. I rang the buzzer once we’d made it to the pent house on the 16th floor. After ringing the buzzer and knocking for more than ten minutes I started yelling to get her attention.

  “Seandra! Open the door! It’s Seantay!” It was a good thing her apartment was the only one on that floor. Renell had felt it was a better chance of her coming to the door for me. We realized that it didn’t matter. Seantay had become a depressed recluse wasting away in a pool of her self-pity. I didn’t feel sorry for her. Shit, Maurice was a loser.

  “She’s not going to open the door Nell. Let’s go. She’ll talk to us when she’s ready. You already know how stubborn she is,” I said hoping that the door would swing open. Of course it didn’t.

  “Yeah, she takes after mother. If her mind’s made up about something that’s it,” Renell agreed. Reluctanlty we walked back to the elevator.

  “Damn, I can’t believe her. It’s been days since the party and she’s still sitting there letting Maurice consume her.” Renell shook her head in disbelief. She wanted her younger sister to be stronger than she’d been.

  We stepped inside of the elevator. I couldn’t believe how Seandra had become a prisoner in her own home. “Seandra is really tripping. I can’t believe it’s really that bad that she can’t function right now. It’s like she has just shut down and closed everyone out. I’ve never had my heart broken Renell. Is it really that bad?”

  Walking out of the building I could tell that Renell was contemplating my question. She nodded with tears in her eyes. They didn’t fall, but they glistened as if she was remembering a time when her heart had been crushed. It was painfully transparent that she’d been there before.

  She nodded. “Yeah, it does hurt that bad baby girl. I hope you never experience it. Believe me I do. Just be careful and keep your heart prepared for the blow. Don’t expect the worst, but don’t be naïve either. When you know that a relationship could go either way and not be in a fantasy world all wrapped up in Prince Charming, you’ll make it through.”

  Using the remote alarm Renell unlocked the doo
rs of her Cadillac Escalade and we got in. We rode in silence for a few minutes and then I turned on the radio. I found some old school R&B and finally felt close to my oldest sister. We’d never really tried to bond before. I couldn’t help but feel hurt that Seandra wasn’t there to make our bond complete.

  * * *

  Later that evening Raheem arrived for dinner with my parents and I. He was holding a bouquet of red roses; looking casually handsome in some khaki pants and a navy blue Polo shirt. His shoes were dark brown leather Stacy Adams. I kind of liked this look on him. I had gotten used to just seeing him in jeans and sneakers.

  “Hey baby,” he said and leaned over to peck my cheek.

  My eyes zoomed in on the beautiful, fragrant flowers. “Are they for me?” I smiled.

  He winked at me. “For your mom.”

  A smile spread across my face in approval. “She’ll love them. Come on in baby my parents are waiting for us in the dining room.” I was wearing a simple, white Ellen Tracy pantsuit with an orange camisole and white Jimmy Choo sling back flats. Leading him into the dining room I could feel his eyes on my ass. “Don’t let my father catch you.”

  He laughed and decided to avert his attention to something else. My parents walked over to greet him. “It’s nice seeing you both again. These are for you Mrs. Beauvois.”

  She took the bouquet and placed it in the middle of the dining room table. “Please call me Tameah,” she smiled.

  “And Mr. Beauvois, this is for you.” He placed a long black, velvet box in my father’s hand. “Go ahead and open it.”

  My father opened it and pulled out an elegant black tobacco pipe. He noticed upon close inspection that Raheem had gotten his name engraved in the handle. My father looked up with a gracious smile on his face. “This is nice Raheem. Oh, and by the way, call me Sean.”

  We all finally sat down at the table and then mother’s questions started. “So, Raheem, are you a student?”

  He cleared his throat. “Yes. I’m getting a late start. I just enrolled at The University of Miami.”

  She was satisfied. “Wonderful.” She smiled.

  Father blessed the food and we all ate and conversated. I was glad that mother wasn’t interrogating Raheem. We’d only been engaging in small talk, but I knew the questions would start again soon. I was stuffed and decided to skip dessert. Father and Raheem enjoyed the strawberry parfait.

  “Are you from Florida?” Father asked.

  “Yes sir. My mother’s from New Jersey, but she moved to Miami when she was in her early twenties. She had me a few years later.”

  I was glad that he’d waited to swallow his food before he spoke. Mother was a tough critic and talking with a mouth full of food was one of her pet peeves.

  “What about your father?” Mother asked as if it was a trick question. I realized why I never bought anybody I was really interested in over. Watching Raheem’s face I saw that he didn’t even flinch as he answered her question. If I hadn’t known any better I would’ve believed him myself.

  “My father wasn’t from here either. He was originally from Colorado, but would come here for business. That’s how he met my mother. Eventually they got married and the engineering firm he worked for transferred him here. They were married for less than a year when he died in a skiing accident. He broke his neck when he fell down a sharp incline. My mother didn’t even know that she was pregnant with me until after the funeral. I’m an only child.” He told the story as if he’d told it a million times.

  “That’s awful. Isn’t it honey?” Mother asked my father.

  “Yes it is.”

  “Let’s change the subject,” I suggested.

  “How did you meet Seantay?” Father asked spooning a big heap of dessert into his mouth.

  Mother gave him a warning look and he closed his mouth. She rolled her eyes at him and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “We have mutual friends, so we just happened to run in the same circles. I’ve known her for a while, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I didn’t give it up though,” he said flashing a warm, genuine smile at my parents.

  I just stared at Raheem and he winked and smiled at me. I’d told him to just avoid my parent’s probing and not give them specific answers. It seemed that lying came so naturally to him. He’d done it so far with such finesse that I believed him.

  The folks seemed pleased, which was a good thing. His confidence was enough to win them over. He carried himself like someone who’d been born with priviledge, so they had no problem with our relationship.

  For the next hour and a half Raheem and my parents had engaged in some real bonding time. They seemed to like him already and that was uncharacteristic for my parents. They weren’t so keen about me bringing a man home that they couldn’t trace back to his parents. He hadn’t even mentioned his parents’ names.

  “Well, it was fun, but we have to go since the movie starts in less than an hour,” I interrupted.

  “Oh, ok. I was having such a good time. I didn’t realize how much time had gone by.” He stood up, shook father’s hand and then kissed mother’s.

  * * *

  Once we were in Raheem’s car I exhaled and prepared myself for the heated discussion that we were bound to have. “Seems like telling lies comes naturally to you,” I started.

  “Oh, so you wanted me to tell them the truth?” He asked.

  “Well, not exactly. I mean, you really just could’ve given them simple answers. You elaborated with details and everything like you’d practiced.”

  “Damn baby. Your parents seem to like me. Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asked keeping his eyes on the road as he drove.

  “I did. I mean, I do. It just makes me feel uneasy to think that you can lie so…easily.”

  “Look Tay, everything I’ve told you is the honest truth. I’m used to lying about who my father is. My mother is really from New Jersey. She did actually meet a chemical engineer that she married. She was having an off and on affair with my real father during a short seperation from Frederick. They’d finally decided to get back together and when he died she was two months pregnant with me. I still don’t tell people who my real father was. I’ll let him have dignity even in death,” he explained with conviction.

  I just sat there silenty. I didn’t really know what to say.

  He continued. “And the only reason I told them we ran with the same circle was because we both are cool with Reba. I couldn’t tell your mother that. You’ve already told me how hard she is on her. I wasn’t really lying about that if you think about it.”

  Nodding, I agreed. “You’re right.”

  “I told them I’d enrolled in school because I plan to do that.”

  “Okay baby, I’m sorry,” I smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

  He rubbed my leg. “It’s okay baby. I love you anyway.” Looking at me he flashed a dimpled smile.

  I shook my head. “I love you too.”

  Chapter 17

  Seantay

  The first time I saw the billboard I almost plowed into the back of a car. I couldn’t believe it. There I was big as day. Well, not literally because Randy kept me tight. I pulled over on to the shoulder of the interstate and just stared at myself. I dialed Reba’s number. She answered quickly.

  “What’s up girl?” She asked.

  “The billboard’s up!” I yelled in excitement. “They revealed them all this morning.” I was out of breath.

  Reba screamed. “How does it look?”

  “I love it. It’s beautiful.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m still on 95. I’m about thirty miles from Miami.”

  “Oh yeah,” Reba said. “Your little trip to Atlanta. I almost forgot about that since you didn’t invite me.”

  “Stop whining bitch. I only stayed one night. It was business and not pleasure anyway,” I reminded her.

  “Uh huh. So, how did Dean take the let down?” She asked.

  “Your nosey ass,
” I laughed.

  “You already know. So?”

  “We talked about business at first. He kept on asking to use my sketches and I told him no. My designs will bear my name only. I did agree to model for him, but it would be by contract only. After that I had to break his little heart. I’ve been doing pretty good with this faithful shit. Believe me, he looked absolutely tempting,” I admitted.

  “Okay, you didn’t answer the damn question though. How did he take it?”

  “He took it okay. He said that it was no problem and he understood. It was a bunch of bull. I could tell.”

  “Well, that’s just how it is sometimes boo. How long has it been now? About two months since you and Raheem have become official?”

  “It was exactly two months about two weeks ago. Believe it or not, but my mother loves him.”

  “I can’t believe it, so I choose not. How’s Seandra?”

  “She’s okay. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. Of course she doesn’t speak to Nell at all. She blames her for everything. Nell told me that Maurice is trying to get her back. Since he’d been out of rehab he’s been confessing his love for her. Of course Ricky’s all the man she needs and those were her exact words. It’s crazy that Renell had been in a relationship with Maurice first.” I shook my head trying to grasp the thought of someone like Nell being with someone like him.

  “Does Ricky know about Nell’s past with Maurice?” Reba asked.

  “Yeah, she told him everything. Well, I’m not too far away. I will stop by,” I said carefully steering my car back into the traffic.

  * * *

  Seandra

  “I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive them,” I told my therapist. I’d been seeing Dr. Helen Fletcher for the past month. I couldn’t deal with the break up and Renell and Maurice’s little secret on my own. I needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t judge me. One of the producers of the show had given me Dr. Fletcher’s card.

  “Seandra, you must forgive your sister and your ex. It’s not for their sake, but for yours. It’s not healthy to hold a grudge,” she explained to me.