I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  I don’t know how to feel about that. Mainly, because he hasn’t said yes to me yet. Will he say yes?

  I don’t have a back-up plan. I didn’t try to even think of one. I have really put all my eggs in one basket. I’m sure if I thought of this work around, though, I can think of another if pressed. I really hope I don’t have to, though.

  Robert still hasn’t said anything, and it feels like he’s been staring at me for such a long time. I start playing with my fingers, waiting.

  I finally realize that he’s checking out my body. His eyes are slowly roving over me, as if they’re taking their time to scan every inch of me. I start to feel electrified under his gaze – a combination of nerves and excitement.

  I let him take his time with whatever he’s doing. I start to bite my lip, so I don’t start fidgeting too much.

  Robert’s eyes finally meet mine again. There’s something behind them and I think I know what it is. I’m not ready to ask him about it, though; I want him to tell me.

  “Would we have to consummate the marriage?” he finally asks.

  “What?” I say back quietly.

  I’m surprised by the sudden break in silence and I need him to repeat what he said. I heard him right, I’m pretty sure, but I want to hear it again. I need to hear it again.

  “I asked if we would need to consummate the marriage. You know. Get it on? Do the horizontal polka? Have sex?”

  I lick my lips because I know exactly what he means – I’m not a child. I just didn’t expect that to be on his mind, so I was momentarily stunned into silence while he was rattling off all the different ways to say “fuck”.

  I didn’t know he was interested in me in like that. I always thought he had wanted absolutely nothing to do with me and even if he said yes to marrying me, I assumed he would maintain as much distance as possible.

  “I mean – there could… we could.”

  I had a sort of answer queued up, but I can’t quite get it out. Robert starts to move towards me. I don’t know why I’m so tongue-tied – I mean, I do a little, because I’m crazy nervous – but, either way, I keep trying different words until finally I say a few in a row that seem to be coherent enough.

  “If that’s what you want, but – I mean, there are – we would need –”

  “Would there be any physical touching involved?” he interrupts my sputtering to ask.

  He is now inches away from me. My neck is turned upward, so I can look into his eyes. I can see him taking deep breaths, his eyes searching mine for an answer. I want him to kiss me. I want him to kiss me so badly. I ball my fist by my side, to avoid just reaching out and touching him.

  “Are you going to marry me?” I ask him.

  I need to know that he’s on board. Honestly, either way, I’d want to sleep with him, but I can’t get caught up in something like this right now if it won’t get me back on track with my life. It would be a missed opportunity, but I could get over it.

  After I ask my question, his eyes glance down my body again. It feels like I’m under the most intense form of scrutiny, but I like it. I can feel my pussy getting wet and my nipples hardening.

  “Yes,” he answers.

  I tilt my head and softly answer, “Then, yeah, there will be touching.”

  Apparently, that’s all he needs to bring his lips down on mine. I’m a little caught off guard— so much so that I make a high-pitched noise by accident.

  I unball my fists and place my open my palms on his chest. I can feel how fit he is, and I bunch his shirt in my hands, pulling him towards me even more.

  His moves his mouth back a little bit.

  “You know, I’ve thought about this before,” he whispers.

  Before I get a chance to respond, he’s kissing me again. His uses his tongue to open my mouth and I let him. He explores my mouth and I can taste him. He starts to push me backwards until my back hits something

  I break the kiss to turn around and see that it’s the kitchen counter. I turn my head back towards him. He looks hungry. Like he’s going to take everything I have to give him in this moment.

  I let my hands travel down until I reach the hem of his jeans. I don’t stop looking at him while I unbutton and unzip his pants. I slip my hand inside his underwear and feel his erection. I can only think about what he would feel like inside me.

  “Is this for me?” I ask.

  I’m feeling a little playful. I’d thought about this, too. I’m stroking him slowly and he lets out a sigh.

  “Fuck yeah,” he whispers quietly.

  I start moving faster and faster and he tilts his head back, closing his eyes. Watching him has me feeling tingly. Everything about Robert is hard and I want to rub my body all over him.

  “How does it feel?”

  “It feels… good,” he responds.

  “Good. I want to make you feel good,” I whisper.

  Suddenly, he grabs my wrist and pulls it back to my side, pinning it there.

  “Let’s start with you.”

  He kisses me a third time, this one soft and sweet. The hand circling my wrist squeezes a little. He moves along my cheek, down to my chin, over to my neck. My breathing is getting shaky.

  He gets down on his knees and lets go of my wrist, to put his fingers under the hem of my leggings. He peels them off my legs, bringing them down until they’re at my feet. He picks up each foot and takes them completely off.

  The underwear I’m wearing is nothing spectacular, just plain pink ones. But from the way he’s worshipping my body, it feels like I’m wearing an expensive, sexy thong.

  One of Robert’s hands travels up my inner leg until he reaches the edge of my panties. He lightly strokes me over them, and I grab the edge of the counter to stabilize myself.

  “You’re very wet. I can feel it over your underwear.”

  He says this so matter-of-factly. It’s a bit strange, hearing such dirty words coming from Robert’s mouth, but I love it. I open my legs a little wider to give him more access to me.

  He stops rubbing his fingers along the thin fabric of my underwear and moves to take them off. Soon, they’re on the floor with my leggings. I feel rather exposed, with my bottom half totally naked, and, impulsively, I move to cover myself.

  “Is everything all right?” Robert asks.

  He sounds concerned and sweet. I wasn’t expecting him to be this nice. I also wasn’t expecting to have sex with him tonight, so maybe I just don’t know what’s going on.

  I nod in response to his inquiry.

  “Yeah, I just…”

  There’s no real reason behind my attempt to cover myself, outside of suddenly feeling very naked and exposed. But I also feel bold, excited. I move my hands away, so Robert can see me. I’ve never let a man look at me like this before. It’s hard for me, but I’m managing.

  When I move my hands, Robert’s eyes go back down. His hand moves to my hip and holds me there. I can feel the power in his hold.

  He kisses my thigh and then moves closer to my center. My breaths become longer and slower, as I wait for him to put his mouth where I desperately want him to.

  I feel the heat from his mouth along my slit and then his tongue next. It’s wet and warm and intoxicating. I move my grip from the kitchen counter over to Robert’s hair. I grab tight as I feel him licking me.

  He moves his tongue up and down, taking a long taste of me. It feels way too intimate and I’m turned on not only by the simple sensations, but also by the thought of it all. He circles his lips around my clit and starts a gentle sucking.

  “Oh my god,” I say, as I hold on even tighter.

  Every sensation is emanating from my core as Robert continues to lick me. The hand on my hip’s grip tightens as the rest of my body gets more and more tense. I’m trying not to move too much, but I can’t hold everything inside. My breath becomes shallow as I can feel myself getting closer and closer to a release.

  “Oh, fuck, Rob.”

  I try to hold on a little longer,
wanting to ride this out, but I can’t any more, and it all washes over me like a wave. Robert doesn’t stop moving his tongue as he milks my orgasm for as long as possible.

  I’m worried I’m going to rip his hair out, with the amount I’m pulling on it, but then my body calms and I regain some composure. I feel a little out of it, somewhat punch-drunk off of how hard I just came.

  Robert kisses his way back up my body, taking my shirt up as he moves. My bra is next and soon I’m wholly naked while Robert still has all his clothes on. I don’t know how we got like this, but I seek to rectify it immediately.

  “That sounded like it felt good,” Robert says to me.

  I smile and bring my hands to the bottom of his shirt, inching it up his stomach.

  “Why don’t you take some things off?”

  He apparently agrees with my suggestion, because he pulls his t-shirt the rest of the way off. I get to see his glorious chest – it looks like he runs a marathon every morning and then does a bunch of bench presses after that. He has sculpted, tone muscles, and tattoos that wind their way from his sternum all the way down through his six-pack abs and to his pelvis.

  Robert had always given off a bad boy vibe. But I’d never realized how much he really was one until I just now when I’m seeing him naked.

  I bring my fingers to the top of his chest and lightly rub them down his body. I bring my lips to his skin and kiss him, letting my tongue dart out to taste him. He moans, and I move upwards, until I am back up to his mouth.

  I kiss him, tasting what is left of me on his tongue. I want him inside me – it’s a fire that’s been stoked, and I couldn’t put it out now if I tried. My entire body is warm and electrified. I need to know what every last ridge of his cock feels like against my walls.

  “Do you want to go to my room?” he asks, against my lips.

  I pull my head back and nod. He takes my hand and leads me back to his bedroom. The door opens and it’s small but tidy and comfortable-looking. I like it.

  I look over at what is intriguing me the most – the bed. I move around Robert, so that I can take a seat. He stands in front of me, shirtless. He positions himself between my legs and I pull down his already open pants. He has a considerable bulge under his boxers.

  “Do you have a condom?” I ask.

  He pauses briefly and then goes to his bedside table. Opening the drawer, he rummages around and finds one. He holds it up for me.

  “Looks like we’re in luck.”

  I crawl over to the side of the bed he’s now on and get on my knees, so that I’m closer to his face. I take the condom from his hands and tell him, “Take off your underwear.”

  He removes them and his cock springs out. It must have been extremely strained by the fabric of his bottoms. I knew it was big when I touched it before, but seeing it is another story.

  It’s huge. I’m hoping it won’t hurt me.

  I must be staring for a little too long, because Robert clears his throat. I remove my eyes from his… very large appendage… and back up to his face.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” I nod.

  I’m not about to admit how surprised I was by the size of him. I don’t need Robert getting all cocky. We’re just doing each other a favor to help each other out of the mutual jam we’re in, and the arrangement comes with benefits.

  Plus, he cheated off me and got me expelled and got us into this sucky situation in the first place. So, he might be hot and I’m definitely giving into my baser desires with him, but this is not the time to be paying him compliments. Maybe sometimes in the future – if we ever do this again, which I guess we probably will, since we’re going to be getting fake-married.

  But for now, I should focus on the moment. Who knows if we’ll ever get to have another chance? We seem to drive each other away in anger usually, and this is the first time we’re pulling each other close – probably out of mutual hatred, but whatever.

  I tear open the packet with my teeth and roll the condom down his shaft. When I reach the base, I move my hand to his lower belly, moving until I’m touching his abs. I use my finger to trace along the dips on his body.

  “You must work out a lot,” I observe.

  “I enjoy running,” he says, while grabbing my wrist and using that as a point to push me down on to the bed. “Keeps my mind fresh and my body ready for… you.”

  He gets both of my hands pinned above my head as he holds his body over mine. I’m waiting for him to do something next, but he stares at me – his eyes gaze at my face and then moving downwards, before returning back up to meet my own eyes.

  He takes his time looking at me, his gaze never speeding up. I get a little fidgety, wriggling under him.

  He brings his face close to mine, but he doesn’t make any contact. I can feel his warm breath on me. I pick my face up a little, so that I can kiss him. I was going for something soft, but Robert takes the opposite approach and crushes his lips into mine.

  I feel him nipping at my bottom lip and I moan into his mouth. Then I feel one of his hands leave my wrist. It’s traveling down my body, skimming against my skin, until I feel his finger brush over my clit.

  I buck under him, bringing the length of my body against his. I gasp into his mouth, wanting more, but not getting it.

  But then he surprises me when I feel him suddenly enter me, filling me up completely. I throw my head back, digging it into the top of the bed, and arching my back.

  “Oh, fuck,” I hear Robert mutter.

  I use my free hand, since the left one is still being held down, and I snake it up his back into the hair at the nape of his neck. While pulling at some of the tendrils, I wrap my leg around him, pushing him deeper into me, deeper than I thought was possible. My breathing is getting shallow and my body tight.

  Robert swivels his hips, making more movement. I tighten my grip on his hair, and he starts to move in and out of me.

  “Oh, Robert,” I gasp.

  I close my eyes tight, overwhelmed by how good it all feels. I knew sleeping with Robert wouldn’t disappoint, but this is a lot better than expected.

  His pace is slow, his dick scissoring in and out of me. I can feel the ridges of his cock massaging my walls. I bend my other leg to open myself up further. I can feel my nails digging into my palm and my other hand holding on to Robert as tightly as possible.

  Robert starts moving faster and faster. I take my hand from his neck and run my nails down his back. I feel a desire to mark him in some way.

  “Don’t stop! Oh, fuck, don’t stop!” I practically scream.

  It feels so good that I can’t hold back. All the love/hate tension I’ve felt for him comes bursting out of me.

  The hand on my wrist is holding me down with such force that I’m not sure if there will be a bruise tomorrow. My body heats up even more and I feel stirrings in my belly. They keep growing and growing and I know I’m about to have an orgasm – and not just any orgasm. It feels like this one is going to rip through my body, like it will split me in two.

  “Fuck, Savannah! You feel – you feel –” I don’t know if he finishes his sentiment because my body starts to shake, and I scream.

  I’ve never cum so loudly before, but I can’t even think about how I must look when every possible nerve in my body is on fire.

  I hear Robert let out a few expletives before he collapses on top of me. I take a few seconds to calm down and, once I’ve caught my breath, I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling.

  I still have my limbs wrapped around Robert’s body. I feel like I’m holding him, and I don’t really want to let go. He feels good on me.

  He’s relaxed his grip on my wrist and I wiggle it out from under his hand. I lightly stroke his arm and listen to his breathing slow down.

  I turn my head, so I can see the side of his face. He takes in a deep breath and then picks himself up slightly. I swallow while I wait for him to say something, but, once again, he just looks at me.

  T
hat’s something that seems to be a pastime of his. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I think I like his gaze. It feels like he’s really seeing me. I just hope whatever opinion he’s forming while he looks at me is favorable.

  Without a word, he removes his body from mine, and he fully exits me. Surprisingly, I feel a little empty afterwards. I’ve never felt like this after sex.

  Maybe it’s just because it’s been a while. Robert sits up on the edge of bed. He seems to be thinking, but he’s definitely ignoring me right now. Not wanting to just stare at him, I get up and go to the bathroom.

  While I’m in there, I wonder if I made a good decision. I came to Robert because I needed his help and he could also use mine. Adding sex to the mix could really complicate things.

  The only thing is, though, it was really good sex – the hottest I’d ever had. It felt like we were so in sync with one another, even thought that’s surprising, since I think we hate each other. Honestly, I’d like for it to happen again… and again and again.

  I finish up in the bathroom and wash my hands before leaving. Even though Robert’s place is fairly small, he keeps it pretty nice. It’s neat and decorated and it feels lived in. It kind of reminds me of him a little: kind of serious, but there are pockets of warmth – something he’s mostly hidden from me thus far, but I can feel that they’re there under the surface.

  I get back into the bedroom and Robert is already under the covers and appears to be asleep. I don’t want to disturb him, so I slip in next to him quietly.

  I face away from him and rest my head on the pillow. I was hoping to maybe talk to him, but it looks like he’s in no condition for a conversation, which is probably a good thing because I don’t want to ruffle feathers any more than necessary.

  I don’t need him backing out on me now.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Robert

  I wake up the next morning and turn over to find Savannah next to me. She’s still asleep, her body turned away from mine.

  It takes me a short second to remember everything that happened last night. But then I think, oh yeah, that’s right. Savannah just showed up at my house and wanted me to get married to her. It devolved into sex, which was probably my fault, mostly.