I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  Maybe I shouldn’t have come on to her like that. I mean, if she had said no, I would have stopped immediately, but it looked like she was just as eager to sleep with me as I was with her. But just because we both wanted it doesn’t make it a good choice.

  Just yesterday, I had hated her for cheating off me and getting me into trouble. And even before that, I’d never liked her. Or had I? Perhaps I hated her because I liked her?

  What are you, twelve?

  It’s all so fucking confusing. I can’t understand what I’ve been doing lately or if this was all some fucked up way to deal with the shock of being kicked out of med school.

  Also, should I really go through with this fake marriage? I wonder. It all sounded good last night, getting my med school paid for in exchange for giving up a few months of my life, but do I really want to sell out like that?

  One night with Savannah was amazing, but could I do this for, like, ninety nights? Knowing that she’s the reason I’m in this mess in the first place?

  Sure, the sex was out of this world amazing, but I don’t know if great sex is enough to help us get over the bad feelings between us.

  Savannah begins to stir, and I fully sit up against my headboard. I watch her wake up and realize where she is. She turns and gives me a sleepy smile.

  “Good morning,” she quietly says.

  She quickly hides her nudity with the blanket. I wonder if she’s regretting last night. And that makes me second – or third or fourth or fifth – guess everything all over again. I know I was just thinking about whether the two of us should have actually had sex, but I really enjoyed what had happened and, to be honest, I think I would have done it all over again.

  “Good morning,” I reply.

  Savannah looks around— I’m assuming she’s trying to find her clothes.

  “I think they’re in the kitchen, your clothes.”

  She nods at my words and then bites her lips.

  “Do you have something I can cover myself with?” she asks.

  I get out of the bed and put on some underwear before going over to my dresser to get Savannah one of my t-shirts. I hand it to her, and she puts it over her head before running off to the bathroom. I take a seat on the bed again, leaning back while Savannah puts herself together.

  “So, I think we should see what plane tickets are available, so we can fly out as soon as possible. Get the ball rolling,” she says, suddenly sounding business-like.

  I’m left confused once again. She’s left both my bedroom door and the bathroom door slightly ajar, so I can hear her loud and clear, but I don’t understand what she means about the plane tickets. I don’t remember us talking about going on any kid of trip.

  “Get the ball rolling for what? Where are we going?” I ask her.

  “Las Vegas,” she replies. “I thought we could fly over there and get married today, if you’re still okay with the idea? It would just be the quickest option. I need to make sure there’s a plan in place and it’s rolling along.”

  This is all starting to make me uneasy. There are so many moving parts that I hadn’t accounted for and I don’t want to get too lost in this potential mess.

  Even though I had always assumed that Savannah got into med school due to her father’s connections, I have to admit that I’m starting to see how she might have earned it on her own accord. She’s smart and likes to be prepared.

  So why the fuck did she need to cheat off me?

  I can hear Savannah getting dressed in the bathroom while I’m thinking. I don’t think I want to totally back out. There’s a lot of upside in this deal for me. It’s hard to turn down the one thing I want the most: the ability to still go to medical school.

  Savannah leaves the bathroom and comes back into my room. She’s dressed in the clothes she had on yesterday and she stands by the door.

  I agree with her that we need to do this quickly or not at all. After being blind-sided by being expelled, I want the security of having a new plan in place right away.

  I look up at her, my decision made, but I have some… requests.

  “I’m going to need a couple of things before we move forward with all of this?” Savannah looks at me expectantly and I start to explain. “First off, I’m going to need the whole deal in writing before we leave.”

  Just because we had sex doesn’t mean I suddenly trust this woman I was always wary of and who now got me kicked out of school. I don’t want there to be any possibility of me getting screwed over.

  If I’m going to tie myself down to Savannah for any amount of time in exchange for my education, I’m going to protect myself. Even if I did just enjoy fucking her brains out.

  “Yeah, okay. I can do that,” she nods, her eyes wide.

  “I also need to know exactly how long we’ll have to stay married,” I tell her. “I don’t like the idea of having a lot of uncertainty.”

  A few months sounded good last night, but I want to know exactly what I’ll be committing to and when I’ll be free of it.

  Savannah sits down on the bed, the look on her face not inspiring a lot of confidence in me.

  “I know last night I said that it would take a few months, but I was thinking about the time frame and it may need to be a little longer than that to please my dad.”

  “How much longer?”

  “Could you agree to a year?”

  A year? That’s a lot longer than I was expecting. A few months had sounded perfect to me, but, if we were married for a year, I’d have to get accustomed to a lot more things.

  “Okay, so I don’t think I’m ready to be tied to you for a year. That’s a lot longer than what you had me believe initially.”

  Savannah looks sorry, but I also see determination written all over her face.

  “I know, but I really need this to work out. I promise I won’t drag anything on longer than necessary and you won’t have to worry about anything, money-wise. It’s just, in order for this to really work, my dad can’t suspect anything weird.”

  I know she’s having some kind of familial crisis, but I don’t know how willing I am to let her life fuck up mine even more than it already has.

  “You do realize that if we’re fake married for that long, we’ll probably have to go to the same med school, right?” I ask her.

  I was hoping to be totally rid of her after this. Even after the inevitable divorce, this will mean we’ll be stuck in the same classrooms, and I’ll have to see her all the time.

  “Is that really such a bad thing?” she replies.

  Of course it is! It’s almost like I can’t get this woman out of my life. Every time it seems like I’m getting to that point, something else comes up and, once again, we’re placed together. I’m not going to unload all my issues with her during this current moment, but I can offer some truth.

  “I’m just not sure if I can trust you, is all. I want to, because I know this whole thing will be mutually beneficial for the both of us, but you did cheat off my exam and get me thrown out in the first place. This whole kerfuffle is happening because of you.”

  She furrows her brow and I can tell she wants to say something, but there’s a knock at the door.

  “I have to go get that.” I leave my bedroom and answer the front door.

  I find Brent standing in the hall in his running gear and remember that we were supposed to have our daily morning run today like we always do.

  “Hey, I decided to stop by and see if we were still going on our run today? Is that a no?”

  He says the last part as he glances down at my body and I realize I’m just in my underwear.

  I sigh and shake my head, moving over, so he can step inside.

  Then I hear him let out a soft, ‘oh.’ I’m guessing Savannah has left my room and is now standing in front of him right now.

  I turn around and have my suspicions confirmed.

  “Hi, Brent.”

  “Hi, Savannah.”

  Brent is giving me a look – a look I know all t
oo well, but he doesn’t say a damn thing. In fact, we all stand around quietly and awkwardly for a few seconds.

  “I’m going to get a glass of water,” Savannah says.

  The kitchen and living room are connected, so we can still see her, but this gives me the chance to pull Brent aside and talk to him without her hearing.

  “I see something happened last night,” Brent comments.

  He glances over at my shirt on the ground. I take in a deep breath and pick it up, slipping it on so I can cover up somewhat. Ignoring his suggestive commentary, I instead launch into the current dilemma I’m having.

  “A lot happened, but there’s something that I need to tell you and I want you to listen because I need some advice.”

  Brent nods as I go into the details of Savannah’s deal.

  “So, Savannah wants me to marry her because something is going on with her dad and him wanting her to marry someone she doesn’t want to have to marry. I don’t know all the exact details, but she told me that if I can help her with that, then she would pay for my med school. The only problem is that we’d have to be married for an entire year, it sounds like. I’m thinking of maybe saying yes because this would majorly help out. What do you think?”

  Brent has been nodding the entire time I rushed through that half-assed explanation I just gave him, but he doesn’t seem dazed or surprised. I’m expecting him to tell me that this whole thing is crazy and maybe even try to talk me out of it. Maybe I’m even wanting that. It would take the burden of making a decision off of my shoulders.

  “That sounds like a decent swap,” says Brent, which surprises me.

  I really thought he was going to tell me that this whole thing was insane and to pull myself out of whatever potential haze I may have been in, but, apparently, whatever I was thinking last night wasn’t too wild, because my very practical friend is agreeing.

  “You really think I should take her up on it?”

  I just need to double check before I agree to sign away at least a year of my life.

  “Yeah, I mean, I basically did the same thing with Lindsay and look how well our marriage turned out. I’m not saying the two of you are going to end up like us, but, at the very least, if you go along with the plan, you get to have your med school paid for. It sounds like a win to me.”

  Brent makes a good point. I guess I don’t really have as much to lose as I think I do. If I don’t go along with Savannah’s plan, what other option do I have? I don’t have any other better ideas of my own right now.

  “I guess you’re right. I’ll tell her I’m totally on board.”

  If I do this, I can’t keep wavering. Even if this marriage is a fake one, it’s still a commitment. Plus, if I want Savannah to keep up her end of the bargain, I’ll have to keep mine.

  I turn around and see Savannah with her back to us, standing by the sink. It looks like she’s been doing some thinking herself. Suddenly I feel a bit bad about being so back and forth when this deal could really help me out.

  I hope she hasn’t lost faith in me regarding this arrangement. I have been a little off-center since last night and it’s probably shown itself to her.

  But I figure that if she’s wavering, I’ll be the one to convince her this time. I have a way of always getting what I want. And she did let me into her pants, so I’m sure she’ll let me back into the scheme that was her idea to begin with.

  I clear my throat and Savannah turns her body to look at me and Brent. She has an uneasy smile on her face.

  I glance at my friend one last time, wondering if he’s going to, at the last second, tell me not to do this, but he doesn’t say anything. That’s enough to push me into fully committing.

  “I’m ready if you are,” I announce to Savannah.

  Let’s get this show on the road, I hope.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Savannah

  When Brent showed up, I got worried that Robert was about to back out of our arrangement. The two of them had a little private chat and I gave them room to talk. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I got it into my head that Robert was having second thoughts.

  This morning, he definitely didn’t like the idea that we would have to extend the length of our fake marriage. A year is a long time, but I know that if my dad doesn’t think that we’re actually getting married, then he will rain down his wrath.

  A year would make it seem like we just weren’t compatible. In the end, it’d be better this way for everyone, even though I know it’s a pain.

  Robert finally finishes his conversation with Brent, and I know this because I hear him clear his throat. I turn around to see them both looking at me.

  I’m trying to smile, but I know it just comes across as me looking nervous. There’s just so much going on and I’m worried about the potential for failure.

  Robert looks at Brent and then looks back at me.

  “I’m ready if you are,” is what he says.

  I look at him, not saying anything for a few seconds. It takes me a little time to realize he’s ready to jump on board with my plan.

  “Oh, of course!”

  I pat my sides, thinking that my phone is somewhere on my body and remembering that it isn’t in my pocket.

  “Um… let me go and get my phone so I can call my lawyer. Bernard Schultz. Is it okay with you if we use him?”

  Robert laughs.

  “Sure. It’s not like I have a lawyer on speed dial.”

  I ignore his sarcasm aimed at what I know he would call my “privilege.” I’m not even about to tell him that I usually call my lawyer for advice about the trust fund I have, and any other kind of legal issue or contract such as this that might come up – not that I usually make contracts for arranged marriages, and I doubt that my lawyer does either.

  Instead, I go look for my phone. I think I must have left it in Robert’s room. It was in my pants pocket, but I took it out and I must have put it on a random hard surface.

  I walk into the bedroom and find my phone on the dresser. I don’t remember putting it there at all, but I rarely remember physically putting it down. My head has just been a mess lately.

  I unlock the phone and find my lawyer’s number. I go back to the living room and press call. Soon, I’m discussing the particulars of this wild idea I had so my lawyer can write up this contract. Robert lets Bernard know his stipulations.

  “Okay, I think I have everything I need to write up this contract,” Bernard says, once I’m done.

  I’m sure he thinks this is a crazy idea, but he doesn’t say anything. He always helps me when I need it. And I’m sure he’s heard of worse.

  “The two of you don’t have to actually come into the office,” he continues. “Instead, I can fax over the paperwork and as long as you sign it in each other’s presence or get a notary public, everything should be good to go.”

  That all sounds good to me and I’m glad to hear it. I didn’t want to have to make a pitstop before going to the airport. I figure we can probably get everything signed once we’re in Las Vegas.

  “That’s just perfect, Bernard, as usual. Thank you for your help. I just have one final request and that is that you keep this contract between the two of us. I prefer for my dad not to know about this.”

  Bernard is a partner in the firm where my dad’s lawyer works as well. I’m pretty sure he can’t just go and tell my dad about my personal business, but I need to be sure.

  “Of course. I don’t discuss anything about my clients without their permission,” Bernard says.

  “Thank you. I’ll let you know where you can fax the agreement once Robert and I land in Las Vegas.”

  I’ll make sure to get us into a hotel with a business center of some sort. Faxing is a little more secure than an email, and I just don’t want there to be any chance of a leak.

  I say goodbye to Bernard and look up at the two other guys in the room. Robert is on the couch next to me and Brent is standing not too far away from us, leaning against the
door.

  I want to get to the airport quickly. I didn’t drive here; I took a cab. I’m not sure if I should have Robert drive us – that way we wouldn’t have to worry about storing the car for however long – or if that would be an inconvenience for him, in which case we could call an Uber.

  “Do you want to take a cab to the airport?” I ask him.

  “I can drive you guys,” Brent offers, before Robert can respond.

  I’m not against the idea, but it does feel rather sudden. Robert looks at Brent and I see him narrow his eyes before letting out a mumbled, ‘sure.’ I don’t have anything to pack here, since I only came with the clothes on my back and whatever I had in my purse. I can just buy whatever I need once we get to Nevada.

  “Do you want to pack anything? Get dressed maybe?” I ask Robert.

  He’s still only in a t-shirt and underwear. He nods and gets up, going to his bedroom. I wait for him with Brent, who still hangs back.

  “Don’t take it personally.”

  “Huh?” I turn when Brent says this to me.

  “Robert can be a little… tough to get through to sometimes. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you in time,” Brent says, as if trying to console me.

  I nod and smile, but I’m not sure if I believe him. I don’t think Robert is like this simply because he needs time. There’s something more, obviously.

  Brent and I wait for his friend to make his return – and, when he does, he has a small duffle bag on his shoulder and a pair of jeans on his legs. It looks like we’re all ready to go. We all get ourselves out the door and into Brent’s car. I sit in the back, while Brent and Robert ride up front.

  I’m expecting some kind of conversation or for someone to say something, but the car starts, and there is nothing but silence. It looks like everyone is lost in thought. Personally, I’m thinking about how crazy it is that I just came up with this crazy plan to have Robert be my save-all, and about how now we’re heading off to do it already.