If You're Willing

by Ivy Symone

  “We can’t. We’ll get caught.”

  “Just let me feel you. I need to feel you Princess.”

  She couldn’t tell him no. She turned around and bent over the toilet. Because of their height difference she had to raise up on her toes. He still had to dip a little to access her opening. And she was wet, warm, and inviting.

  She had to stifle her moans as he stroked her. He said he needed to feel her, but he was going for an actual release. He quickened the pace to get there fast. Her legs shook and stomach quivered. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t. Her breast ached and she needed them fondled, but they didn’t have time for all of that.

  His pace slowed as his arm went around her pulling her into him. It caused her to be almost upright and she felt him bite her on her shoulder. That sent all kind of chills through her body. She realized that was his way of stifling his own groan as he came inside her.

  This was what she was talking about. How would she rid him of her system if he kept doping her up this way?

  She quickly wiped herself. She hoped the pantyliner she wore was enough to soak up what was still running from her yoni.

  “You go first,” he told her.

  She turned to go out, but he stopped her by grabbing her by her wrist. She looked back at him only for him to give her a quick kiss.

  She went out of the stall and washed her hands. She hurried out of the restroom knowing Tanya and Jazmin would be wondering where she had been for so long.

  On her journey back to their table, she spotted someone she knew from her old job who wanted to catch up. She apologized for cutting it short, but she had to get back to her friends. That was her perfect alibi though.

  “Damn Cass,” Tanya said as she took her seat. “Where you been? Taking a shit?”

  “No, I saw someone I used to work with and she wanted to talk me to death,” Cassie responded. Although that was the truth, she felt so self-conscious as if they could see she was leaving some details out. She looked across the table and Eli was giving her this pensive stare. She ignored him and looked beyond to Sean’s table. He grinned her way. She didn’t bother catering to his teasing.

  Besides the squishiness in her panties, Cassie enjoyed the rest of the evening with them. Even Eli opened up a little and was responding with more than three words.

  After sitting there talking, eating, and drinking for three hours they all parted ways. Once in the car, Romyn teased, “I saw you.”

  “Saw me what?” Cassie asked with innocence.

  “You know what you did. I saw him go in the restroom too. I’m just glad ya’ll didn’t come back at the same time. I think that would have been a dead giveaway.”

  “You’re so nosy,” Cassie laughed.

  “So where is that going?”

  “Nowhere. Right now we’re just fucking, but he has somebody and I ain’t playing side chick. So I’m cutting this off.”

  “But didn’t you say that after the second time you went to see him?”

  “I did and—”

  “And didn’t you go back last night?”

  “I did and—”

  “And what was that in the restroom? Ya’ll were talking? That was a long ass talk.”

  Cassie laughed guiltily.

  “Again I ask, where is this going?”

  Cassie shrugged. “I really, really like him. Hell, I think I might be falling in love. I think he got strong feelings for me too. I don’t know Ro. I’m kinda scared.”

  “Well, don’t rush into it. Tell him what you expect and that if he want things to go further he need to take care of that situation.”

  Cassie thought she should just leave it alone altogether. It was heartache and pain waiting to happen.

  Chapter 13

  The following day at work, Cassie couldn’t do much concentrating. She had her situation on her mind. She had her brother’s opinion and considered his advice. The only other person she thought she should confide in was Eli. His opinion mattered a lot to her.

  She tapped on his opened office door. He was on the desk phone. He motioned for her to have a seat while he wrapped up the conversation.

  She waited patiently. In doing so, she took the time to examine Eli. There was still a troubled look in his eyes, but she could tell he was trying to play it off. She was his friend now and hated seeing him hurt.

  After the call, Eli turned to her. “What can I help you with?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about something personal. You got a minute?”

  “A few.”

  She smiled bashfully and averted her eyes. “So there’s this person I like, right?”

  He nodded for her to continue.

  “The one I told you that sent me the roses. I find myself falling for him. I think I might even love him. I don’t know how he feel about me exactly. I feel like he likes me…but sometimes I think he wouldn’t want someone like me. It keeps me from truly enjoying him.”

  Eli gave her one of his infamous blank stares.

  “I want to stop seeing him but it’s something that’s there that I can’t shake. This is the thing though, he has someone. And even if we could be together I’m not sure how the people in our lives would take it.”

  Again, another blank stare.

  “Eli!” she cried out. “Say something.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” he said.

  “Something, anything.”

  “If you love him then tell him that. If you don’t want to leave him alone, tell him that. Who gives a fuck what people will think or say. And as far as him having someone…is he willing to let that person go so that he can move on with you?”

  Cassie didn’t have an answer. She waited for Eli to continue.

  “Ask him and see what he says. You’ll never know unless you communicate these things. Cassie, you’re grown so stop acting like a silly high school girl who’s ignorant to the world. And life goes by so quick. People are here one day, and the next day they could be gone. Live. Be happy.”

  She nodded in agreement. “You’re right. And if he’s not willing to move on, I guess I should.”

  “Make sure you ask him first. He could be feeling the same way about you.”

  “I will. But Eli, you mention live and be happy. I don’t see that in you lately.”

  “I know. Those words were for me too. I gotta move on from this Kris mess. I gotta accept that this is what it is. I also need to know that it’s not totally my fault, but I did play a part. I have to prepare myself to be a single father…again. You know when I went up front earlier, I was served this,” he said. He pointed to the big envelope in front of him.

  “What is that?”

  “Kris had divorce papers drawn up,” he said. “She doesn’t want anything. She wants to forfeit her parental rights to Avani…”

  Cassie’s heart broke for Eli as he fought against the tears.

  “I hate her,” he said in a low sullen tone.

  Cassie got up and walked around the desk to console him with a comforting embrace. “I’m sorry Eli. I didn’t realize you were suffering like this.”

  His arms went around her and it made her nervous. She didn’t want this moment to turn into something. She guessed he didn’t either because he pushed her away.

  “I need to be alone,” he said quietly.

  Confused, Cassie slowly walked away. “Eli, I’ll just be right out—”

  “I know,” he said. He couldn’t even look at her.

  Cassie closed the door behind her. She stood by the glass wall and peered in at him through the privacy blinds. He got up and closed the blinds on her. She chuckled because he was such an ass even when he was upset.

  “What’s going on?” Tanya asked.

  “It’s Eli. He’s upset. Kris served him divorce papers.”

  Tanya gasped. “For real?”

  Cassie nodded. She took a seat at her desk. Her office phone rung. Seeing who it was she hurried to answer. “What’s up?”

 
“Okay,” Jazmin said excitedly. “I would have come up there but that’s doing too much. So I was thinking since your birthday is two days after Tanya’s and Jah’s will be coming up, why don’t we just have one big party.”

  Cassie leaned back to get Tanya’s attention. “Jazz wants to have a big joint birthday party.”

  “That’s cool,” Tanya said.

  “Okay, what are you thinking,” Cassie asked.

  “I’m thinking let’s have a nineties party. House party style,” Jazmin said.

  “The nineties. Okay. That might be cool.”

  “So not this Saturday or the one after, but the one following that.”

  Cassie didn’t give it much thought. “That’ll work.”

  “Okay, I can get Desi to help me plan it. She’s good at that kind of stuff especially with it being such short notice.”

  Cassie’s cell phone vibrated on her desk. She looked at it and saw that she had a new text message. She smiled when she saw it was from My Maestro.

  “Okay, just let me know what we need to do to make it all happen,” Cassie said.

  “Okay,” Jazmin said before ending the call.

  Cassie opened the message and it read: I need you…NOW!

  She flushed with heat and knew she had to slip away. She looked at the time. It was almost lunch time. She text back: Give me a minute and I’ll be there

  _____

  Rock looked at the picture he had of Cassie in his phone. It was from a few months ago when things seemed like they were going in the right direction. He wished he could rewind to then and do some things over. He really fucked up and he was trying to undo what he had done.

  It was impossible to undo the baby growing in Melody, unless he persuaded her to get an abortion. It was a headache trying to keep her happy. Then there was Colette. That was his biggest mistake. All of the other hoes he could simply cut off, but not her. She wanted to be petty and threaten to tell Cassie. He shouldn’t care about Cassie’s feelings but the truth of the matter was he did care. If he didn’t, he knew that seeing her at Eli’s that night wouldn’t have bothered him. He just hate that Cassie could be willing to give another nigga a chance, but hold back and shut down on him.

  Hell the more he thought about it, at the beginning Cassie’s sexual appetite was just as intense if not greater than Colette’s. And he remembered the feel of her which was what kept him coming back. Even though Cassie had bipolar tendencies, if he had just been a little more patient, they could have worked through that.

  And Colette was nothing more than a petty hoe. He looked away from the phone to look at her smug expression. He sighed with defeat. “What do you want?”

  “Give me about two thousand and I won’t say nothing,” she said.

  “Two thousand?” He grimaced.

  “Nigga, that ain’t shit. I only asked for two because I know your lil bitch ass won’t have nothing more to give.”

  “Keep calling me names,” he warned.

  “Or what?” she taunted.

  He released a defeated sigh. “When you want it?”

  “I need it now. I’ll give you until next week though,” she said.

  She pissed him off with this blackmail shit. Normally he would want her to break him off real quick, but he had to end this situation immediately.

  “Aight,” he said. “Get out my car man.”

  “I can’t get no goodbye dick?” Colette asked.

  He hated the amusement in her face. He wanted to slap her, but he got himself into this. “Get out Letty.”

  “Fine,” she said before getting out. As she got out, Rock got an eyeful of ass when her dress flew up. He would miss that.

  He talked to Melody during his drive to Jah’s house. They hadn’t really talked much since the little brawl he had with Eli. He felt Jah was more disappointed in him than being angry.

  When he got to Jah’s house, he was a little happy to see Cassie’s purple Charger sitting in the driveway. Maybe this visit could kill two birds with one stone.

  “What’s up nigga,” Jah greeted.

  “Nothing much,” he mumbled. “Where Cassie at?”

  “They down there in the den. We ain’t gotta go that way though,” Jah said.

  “Naw, I need to speak to her,” Rock said heading towards the back of the house.

  Jah tried to stop him. “Naw, nigga. Don’t even bother her. Leave that shit alone.”

  “It ain’t like that,” he mumbled. He could hear the chatter and laughter before he made it to the kitchen. But when he arrived he understood why Jah wanted him to avoid the den.

  Rock wasn’t happy to see Eli there, but this wasn’t about Eli.

  “Hey Rock,” Jazmin called out.

  “Hey,” he uttered. Tanya ignored him as well as Cassie. He wasn’t feeling how Eli was staring at him though.

  “Ay Cassie,” Rock called out. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  Without looking at him, Cassie said, “There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

  He wasn’t going to beg her, but he would put his ego aside. “Look man, I just wanna tell you I’m sorry about how shit happened. Sorry Eli for what happened between us too. That’s all I wanted to say.”

  Cassie looked at him with curious eyes.

  Eli murmured, “You cool.”

  Cassie got up and made her way to him. He had to admit, she was looking good. Her clothes were of better quality. The purple high-wasted pencil skirt was flattering to her small figure. She must have been wearing a special bra because she looked like she had more breasts than he remembered. Her hair looked fresh although she had it pulled up into a bun. The heels she wore gave her some added height giving her a svelte sexiness.

  “What’s up?” she said.

  Before Rock answered, Jah eased by. “You good?”

  “Yeah,” Rock nodded. He and Cassie moved a few feet down the hall for a little more privacy.

  “You look good,” he said.

  “Thanks,” she replied dryly.

  “Eli must be paying you good.”

  Smugly, she said, “Something like that.”

  “Like I just said, I’m sorry. Can we start this thing over?”

  Cassie shook her head slowly. “I don’t think so Rock.”

  “We can put all this other shit behind us and make it work this time.”

  “You put your hands on me,” she pointed out.

  “Technically I only pushed you. I would never just hit on you like that Cassie. As much shit as you talk, there’s been plenty of times I could’ve snapped off and fucked you up, but hitting on women ain’t something I do.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. Her body language clearly expressed she wasn’t letting him in.

  “You have a baby on the way.”

  He figured that news would get to her. He was prepared for that one. “Yeah, I do.”

  “So that mean when we were trying to make it work the first time, you were still sleeping around.”

  “I was. And it was fucked up. I was wrong.”

  “I mean since you didn’t want to put labels on what we were doing, you could have kept it real and just told me you were seeing other people. We could have agreed to not be exclusive, which would have meant you couldn’t get an attitude because you think I’m getting close with another man.”

  “You right.”

  She shifted her weight on one foot and her arms began to loosen. “So what do you want Rock?”

  “I want us to start over.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I miss you and I want another chance.”

  “With a baby on the way?”

  “That doesn’t mean I wanna be with Melody.”

  “Oh! It was that one. I should’ve known with her sneaky self.”

  “I’ll just have to deal with her ass and work something out,” he said.

  “I wouldn’t be able to trust you though. I would always think that you were fucking her when you’re not with me. I would be
insecure and I don’t wanna feel like that. I hate that feeling. I’d rather be alone.”

  “I get that, I guess. I would just have to ask you to trust me.”

  She sighed. “I’m about to be thirty years old. Never married, don’t have any kids, ain’t got no degrees, ain’t went nowhere…I’m ready to live now. And unless you’re willing to help me make some of that happen, I don’t need you getting in my way.”

  Defeated, Rock said, “I can’t guarantee any of that, but I respect it.”

  She smiled. “Can we just work on being friends again?”

  “That’s cool too. I still wanna take you out or something. I owe you that.”

  “Well, my number is still the same. When you’re ready, call me.”

  “Can I get a hug?” he asked.

  She uncrossed her arms completely to embrace him. He held her tight. And when he saw Eli approaching, he kissed her on the lips.

  She pulled away giggling. “You think you’re slick.”

  Rock caught the saltiness in Eli’s eyes as he passed by. Cassie noticed him and she broke away from Rock.

  “Hey, you’re leaving?” she asked.

  Eli slowed his stride long enough to tell her, “Yeah. I gotta go get the kids. But I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Okay,” she said. Rock noticed that she seemed disappointed and the smile disappeared from her eyes.

  He didn’t want to bring it up at the moment, but he knew something was going on between Cassie and Eli; the evidence was in Eli’s eyes.

  Chapter 14

  Since that first time during that one lunch break, Cassie found herself using her lunch hour to get it in with her maestro over a span of three weeks. Some days, it was very quick and fast. Other days, it was sensual and prolonged. She had to start carrying wet wipes, extra pantyliners, and extra panties. She would have to grab a quick bite to eat or bring it back to her desk to eat on.

  And if they didn’t hook up during the day time, she was meeting with him at night. He was wearing her out, but there wasn’t a time she wasn’t willing. It was during this time, that they really became close as lovers. They even argued, but he somehow managed to win her over every time. It didn’t hurt that he had roses delivered to her every week either.