Past Regrets: Love and Friendship, Book 2

by Shelley Munro

  He rapped on the door, waited an instant. Of course she didn’t invite him in. Bugger that. He shoved the door open and stormed inside. “I want our marriage to work. I was trying to help, damn it.”

  “I know.” Julia reclined on the bed and looked as miserable as he’d felt since their confrontation.

  “I don’t want to argue with you.”

  She sat up, then climbed under the covers and propped a pillow behind her for greater comfort. “I wish you and Caleb had talked to me first.”

  “Would you have accepted our money?”

  Her forehead scrunched up as she hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe. But you didn’t give me a chance because you took the decision out of my hands.”

  “Look, we’re both new to this marriage business. We’re going to make mistakes.”

  “Not me,” she said, but her cheeks reddened at the patent untruth.

  “No? You don’t think you jumped to conclusions without giving me the benefit of doubt?”

  “We’re not talking about the loan anymore,” she said in a flat voice.

  “No.”

  “I tried to ring you. I tried to email you. I even rang your manager. Then there were the photos.” She sucked in a deep breath, staring down at her hands. “When I was twenty-one I got engaged. The entire time my fiancé was cheating on me. His actions might have colored my reaction to you just a bit.”

  News to him. “How did you discover he was cheating?”

  “An STD. I hadn’t slept with anyone else, which meant he had.”

  “Hell,” Ryan said.

  “Yeah.”

  He felt indignant on her behalf and pissed too, at her dumping a crappy past at his door and judging him by the same standards as her ex. He hadn’t damn well cheated on her, hadn’t looked at another woman. “I didn’t deserve that.”

  “I know,” she said, eyes narrowing when he sent her a stink eye. “Don’t you think I know that? How unfair I’m being? I can’t help it. The guilt—” Her lips pressed together, and she gave an irritable shrug. “It’s cold tonight. Why don’t you get into bed with me?”

  Her casual suggestion took some of the ginger out of his mood, but not enough to make his mind stop working. “Why are you feeling guilty?”

  When she ignored his question, Ryan slid under the covers and slithered closer. Maybe pushing his luck, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her against his chest. To his relief she gave a tired sigh and relaxed into his embrace. “We should make a pact,” he whispered against her hair.

  “And that would be?”

  “We need to talk about things instead of jumping to conclusions. We’re never going to build trust between us if we don’t share our thoughts.”

  “I know. I’m guilty of running away and hiding my head in the sand.” Her voice was muffled against his shoulder. “I told you I tried to contact you while the band was in Europe.”

  “But you understand the lack of communication was a mistake, a one off. It will never happen again.”

  “I do. A comedy of errors.”

  Ryan snorted. “Black errors.” His fingers roved her back. “I’ve hated sleeping alone during the last couple of nights.”

  “I needed time to—”

  “Sulk?”

  “Maybe.” She huffed out a laugh. “Should I make it up to you?”

  “Depends.” He nuzzled her neck and took two tiny bites of her silky skin. “Are we good now? Do you forgive me? Are you going to throw our money back in our faces?”

  “That would be silly of me. Now that the debt is cleared, I’ll go into the reopening with a clean slate. I won’t have the pressure of keeping up the loan payments.”

  “Caleb and I want to test out a couple of our songs with an audience. Would you let us provide some of the music?”

  “I’d be stupid to turn you away, but aren’t you worried about blowing your cover? You go to so much trouble hiding your identities.”

  “We’ve made excellent progress on our new arrangements. Neil and Jeff will return to Auckland any day now, and we need to practice. Caleb and I figured if we do some covers combined with a few of our new songs, that would work. Would you let us try?”

  “Of course! I’d be silly to say no.” She licked across his collarbone and wriggled against him.

  “So we have a deal about discussing things that irk us instead of reacting with our guts or sulking?”

  “We have a deal,” she said and lifted her head to seal it with a kiss. It was slow and steamy and streaked electricity to his cock. She took the kiss deeper, twining her tongue with his until he could think of nothing but pushing into her tight warmth.

  When she lifted her head, he gripped her shoulders to draw her close again.

  “No,” she whispered. “Let me.” Julia scooted under the covers and licked one nipple. Her hair grazed his skin as she moved lower. Her hands were everywhere, moving across his thighs, his belly and pinching his butt.

  He let out a yelp, which turned into a strangled moan when the heat of her mouth surrounded the tip of his erection. When her tongue came into play, sensible thought flew from his mind and he focused on the sensations. She stroked him with an expertise that tossed him into turmoil, had his balls tightening and a steady stream of pre-come leaking from his slit. She teased him until he shuddered, his cock so full and tight he wondered if he might burst out of his skin. His hand slipped down to cradle her head, his fingers sliding into her silky hair.

  “Take me inside you,” he whispered. “Ride me.”

  She released his shaft with a distinct pop, and thankfully wriggled up his body. She reached into the bedside drawer for a condom and rolled it down his shaft with quick proficiency. Ryan swallowed, savoring her innate beauty with her messy blonde hair, her sparkling brown eyes and swollen mouth, aware of how lucky he was to have her in his arms.

  He stared at her as she guided him to her and sank down an increment at a time. He felt her flexing around him, clutching his shaft when she rose and fell. She increased her pace, sliding her fingers down her body to get herself off.

  A moan slipped from her lips, and she threw her head back, freezing with his cock partially embedded in her pussy. Her inner muscles squeezed his erection, and she gasped.

  Her brown eyes opened, and she winked at him. “Nice moves.”

  “Do I get a reward for holding back?”

  The corners of her eyes crinkled. “You didn’t have to.” She lifted her weight and slid back down again with more force. “How does that feel?”

  “Like you’re strangling my cock.”

  She chuckled and he gripped her hips, yanking her down on his shaft, so close to release stars flashed behind his closed eyes. He lifted her and pulled her down again and came, his climax taking him to the knife edge of pain, yet the pleasure swelled through him until he felt as if he were exploding through the air. He came down gradually and sent Julia a lazy smile of satisfaction.

  “That was amazing.”

  “It was good on my side too.” She slipped off him and padded to the bathroom. While he removed the condom, he heard the water turn on and off again. She returned minutes later with a glass of water, her throat working as she swallowed it down.

  “Do you want a glass?”

  “Sure.”

  She disappeared and returned again, handing the water to him. “I’m getting excited about opening night. Did you still want to play at the hen’s night?”

  “Yes. It would just be Caleb and me.”

  Julia nodded and crawled under the covers. She cuddled against him with a sigh.

  Ryan pressed a kiss to her temple. “Good night, sweetheart.”

  Julia closed her eyes. “Good night.”

  She knew the moment Ryan fell asleep. Her muscles ached from exercise and exhaustion pulled at her mind. Yet she was nowhere near falling asleep. She’d had the perfect opportunity to tell him about their baby, but even after their discussion about honesty and openness, she’d choked. Heck, she�
��d opened her mouth to confess, but the lump in her throat had prevented her from speaking. And the longer she’d left it, the harder it was to tell him about the child she’d wanted so badly, about the never-ending guilt inside her. A tear squeezed free and ran down her cheek.

  Maybe she’d tell him another time.

  Anguish twisted in her as she thought about the baby she’d lost. Another tear escaped, and she let it, crying for the past and lost opportunities.

  The hen’s night passed without a hitch, and the women loved the burlesque lessons. They were equally complimentary about the music and the routines Julia and the other dancers did for them. Now it was the unofficial opening night. As Julia had planned, they’d saved the advertising for the following weekend, wanting to iron out any problems before they attempted to attract customers.

  “Are you sure you want to dance tonight?” Julia asked Christina and Susan.

  “Heck yeah,” Susan said. “It was such a rush dancing at the hen’s night.”

  “You just want to feel the gazes of the male customers crawling over you,” Maggie said.

  “Ah, but they won’t know it’s me,” Susan said triumphantly. “Not when I’m wearing a wig, a sexy mask and one of the classy costumes Christina has organized.”

  “But their eyes will still crawl over you,” Maggie pointed out. “And not in a good way.”

  Susan grinned. “You’re just ticked because Connor won’t let you dance. You’ve spouted his reasons.”

  Maggie rubbed her backside, her manner rueful. “I’m allowed to help out if Julia is desperate, but I have to seek his permission first. He was very clear about that.”

  Susan poked her fingers in her ears. “La. La. La.”

  “Have you managed to find more dancers?” Christina asked.

  Julia sighed. “No, and it’s a worry. I can’t be here all the time, and I can’t keep relying on my friends to fill in the gaps.” She glanced at Susan. “Even if they’re naturals on the stage.”

  “There!” Susan said, snapping her fingers at Maggie. “Julia said I’m a natural.” Her eyes glowed with pleasure.

  “Nothing less than the truth,” Julia said. “Anyone have any ideas about where to find more dancers?”

  “Have you tried some of the dancing schools?” Christina asked. “Now that there’s no stripping involved, maybe some of the dancers would be interested in earning some money doing burlesque.”

  Julia clapped a hand to her head. “Why didn’t I think of that? I still take a few classes between my keep-fit sessions. I’ll ask the school owner and see what she thinks.” She hurried off, aware of the low hum of nerves in the pit of her stomach. She’d either thrive or sink in obscurity after the formal opening night because she had no intention of borrowing more money from Ryan. It was a point of pride.

  A ten-minute chat later, she was back with a bounce in her step. “The owner asked for volunteers and I have ten dancers arriving in an hour.” She clapped her hands together. “Maggie, will you cue the music?”

  The day passed way too quickly with the thousand and one details she needed to take care of before they opened to the public.

  Now, at eight in the evening, Julia took a deep breath and opened the front door to Maxwell’s.

  Stan, her doorman, switched on the new neon sign and walked outside to view the bright violet against black. “That’s real classy, Miss Julia.”

  She nodded, pleased with the effect. “It does look stylish.”

  “I hope it’s enough to attract the crowds. It would be nice to have a queue like the opposition,” he said.

  Julia’s eyes narrowed on the premises of their closest competitor. “I wonder if we should rent a crowd for the official opening night.”

  “Elise used to distribute flyers with a coupon for a free drink.”

  “That might work,” Julia mused, glancing down at her black trouser suit. Professional? Yes, but she needed in-your-face sexy for this situation. “But for the next few nights I’m going to try the old fashioned carnival way. I’ll be back in a sec.” She strode back into the club, spying Connor and Maggie standing by the stage.

  “Connor, just the person I wanted to see. I need your help. Maggie, can I borrow him? He might need to flirt with a few women, but I promise there will be no touching involved.”

  Maggie shot her husband a considering glance. A crafty expression darted over her face before a toothy grin bloomed. “Will you let me dance? I really enjoy it, and I promise to keep my clothes on.”

  “On the condition you do some of the raunchy stuff for me,” Connor said.

  Maggie let out a screech of excitement. “Deal.”

  “I feel as if I should put my fingers in my ears like Susan does,” Julia said drily. “You can say no if you want.”

  “Watching Maggie dance makes me proud,” Connor said. “It’s the other men who make me see red. I don’t like the thought of others fantasizing about touching my wife.” He paused to study Maggie, and the faint tension in the air dispersed. “But, the truth is she’s good and enjoys the challenge. All of you are great. What do you want me to do?”

  Julia chuckled. “Don’t you mean you’re seeing green?”

  “I’ve seen you scowl when women look at your husband,” he shot back.

  “Yes, well, moving on. I need Christina to deck you out in a sexy costume.” She stood back to consider him, her head cocked to the side. “Vampire, I think. I’ll dress the glamorous lady vamp, and we’ll go out the front and talk up the place to passersby. Flirt and tease a little and tell them about our sexy dancers.”

  “Let me do it,” Ryan said from behind her. “Please.”

  Julia swiveled to face him and nodded slowly, melting under his intent gaze. “All right.”

  “Do you want Caleb to come and provide some music?”

  “Yes please,” Julia said. “That would be a nice touch.”

  “Let’s go,” Ryan said, holding out his hand. Her heart skipped a beat when his fingers wrapped around hers, and together, she and Ryan followed Christina out the back to the dressing room. He still had the knack of turning her breathless whenever he switched on his charm, and she wondered if she should worry, because the charisma translated to females of all ages. Scowling, she forced away the faint apprehension to focus on the present. He hadn’t put a foot wrong, and he deserved her trust.

  Christina went straight to the racks of costumes. “Slinky red for you.” She handed the silky dress to Julia. “And a red shirt to go with Ryan’s black trousers.”

  Julia stripped off her clothes and wriggled into the form-fitting dress while Ryan traded his shirt with the one Christina gave him. When they were both dressed, Christina stood back and nodded.

  “Perfect.” Christina made shooing motions with her hands. “Go. Bring us some customers.”

  By the time they exited the dressing room, half a dozen customers had walked into the club. Music blared through the speakers and one of her original dancers appeared on stage. Julia was pleased to see the effort she’d put into training had improved the dancer’s routine and her attitude. When the dancer caught her eye, Julia gave her a thumbs up gesture.

  “Julia.” Ryan’s soft voice drew her attention.

  “Yes?” The instant she met his gaze her knees threatened to buckle. Although they continued to sleep together, she held part of herself back. Ryan would leave soon to go on tour, and she didn’t know if she’d manage to hold herself together, if she could allow herself to trust him. Yeah. It was stupid, letting her fears ride her, but she couldn’t seem to truly put her misgivings behind her. She swallowed, promising herself she’d try harder.

  “Don’t be nervous. You’ve put so much work into the club.” He squeezed her shoulder, a gesture of additional support. “You won’t fail.”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “No, you come across completely confident in your decisions. You forget I know you well.”

  “We haven’t spent much time together.”


  “Is that what’s bothering you?”

  Julia glanced at him, indecision tossing her around in a maelstrom of worries and apprehension. “No matter how you talk around the situation, we still have the same problems.”

  “This time you’ll have the support of your friends, and I’ll have Caleb. Not that you have to worry,” he added hastily. “What I mean is we’ll both have a better safety network.”

  She drew in a quick breath. “Keep reassuring me so the past doesn’t come back to whack me over the head, okay?”

  “Deal.”

  “Okay, you have my permission to unleash your charm and flirt with the girls. I’ll do the same with the men. We’ll get Caleb to play and start with a dance or two.”

  Caleb was waiting for them when they reached the front door. Outside, the night was starting to creep in, and the neon lights along K’ Road sparkled like an elderly lady in fancy dress. It was too early for the streetwalkers, but in a few more hours, they’d pop out of the woodwork.

  “Music to tango to,” Julia said, already knowing Ryan could dance. They’d tangoed in Fiji under the moonlight. It was one of her favorite memories, and the hot sex in their bungalow afterward hadn’t hurt either.

  Caleb grinned in their direction, his nimble fingers plucking out the sultry notes of a Latin number. Ryan drew her nearer and led her into the steps. Across the street a group of young women stopped to watch. Ryan, ever the charmer, flashed a smile in their direction and dipped Julia. The women hooted approval and crossed the street when the light halted traffic.

  Julia and Ryan kept dancing, flowing into some showy moves. The crowd increased, and by the time Caleb came to the end of the song with a flourish, they stood in a circle three deep.

  Julia sucked in air, her breathing rapid despite her fitness. Ryan curved his arm around her shoulders, his scent and heat surrounding her.

  “Are you going clubbing tonight?” Ryan directed his question to the young women who’d stopped to watch them first.

  “Girls’ night out,” a cute redhead said. Her eyelashes fluttered as she peeked up at him in a flirtatious manner.