Hopeless

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Oh God, it’s the baby, isn’t it?”

  “She’s in labor. We need to get to the hospital, now.”

  She clamped her hand over her mouth, her eyes looking wide and frantic, before she finally said, “No, it’s too soon. She can’t have the baby yet.”

  He pulled her against him, trying to ease the panic he saw clouding eyes that just moments before had been glazed with pleasure. “Just relax, she’s in good hands. We just need to get to the hospital. She needs us.”

  She reached for his hand when he bent to pick up her dress. “I need you to promise me the baby’s gonna be okay, and Lena, please, just tell me they’re gonna be okay.”

  Jay didn’t even know how far along Lena was. He had no idea whether she could safely deliver the baby at this stage of her pregnancy, but he knew Victoria needed his reassurance, not reason. “She’s gonna be fine, baby. Come on; let’s get the hell outta here.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Victoria was gripping Jay’s hand as he asked the woman at the admissions desk for directions to Lena’s room. By the time they arrived, the waiting area outside her room was crowded with familiar faces. Lindsay and her fiancé, Trey, Sierra, Alisa, Derek, Ashley, Josh, and Lexi… even Mike was there. He’d been on his way out to pick up his date when they met him in the hall outside his apartment. He’d obviously decided to cancel his night on the town in favor of sitting in a hospital waiting room with his family.

  Lena finally had what she’d always prayed for, a family, and as everyone took turns hugging Victoria and telling her how glad they were she was back home, where she belonged, Victoria realized she was ready to face her biggest fear... She was ready to let people care about her. She wanted friends and family like this, who weren’t afraid to love her in spite of the inherent risks. These people cared about her simply because Jay loved her, and that was reason enough for them to accept her into their hearts without questions or reservations. They didn’t judge her because of her past or because she ran away when she should have stayed. They seemed willing to accept her exactly as she was… flaws and all.

  “Come on,” Jay said, tugging on Victoria’s hand, pulling her away from his mother. “We need to get in there. Lena’s probably scared out of her mind.”

  So was Victoria. She was terrified for Lena, and the baby she’d already fallen in love with. There hadn’t been time to tell Lena she’d had a change of heart about adopting the baby. She thought they’d have weeks before they welcomed her into the world, instead of hours. And Jay, how was he going to react when she told him she wanted to be a mother? Would he stand by her, as he’d promised, or would he decide he didn’t want the headache of loving a woman he had to share?

  “We’ll keep you posted,” Jay said to the group.

  Sierra put her arm around her daughter, who was biting her fingernails to the quick. “Please, give Lena our love. Tell her we’re all out here praying for her and her sweet baby, okay?”

  Jay smiled. “Will do.”

  Victoria took a deep breath as Jay led her into the hospital room. “Hey,” he said to Lena. “Look who I brought.”

  The look of relief that passed over Lena’s face before a fresh wave of pain stole her breath brought tears to Victoria’s eyes. “Hi, there,” Victoria whispered, pulling a chair up to the edge of the bed.

  “Are you the coach?” the nurse asked.

  “Um…” Victoria looked up at Jay. She had no idea how to help Lena, and she suspected he was as clueless as she was, but she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the scared teen alone with the medical team.

  “Please,” Lena whimpered, squeezing Victoria’s hand. “Can they both stay?”

  The nurse gave them a quick once over. “There are gowns in there,” she said, pointing to a small closet. “Slip them on.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jay said, disarming her with his sexy grin.

  The grey-haired nurse tried to hide her smile when she said, “You’d think I’d be immune to a handsome young thing like you…” She winked at Victoria. “But I guess you never get that old.”

  Victoria glanced up at Jay. There were times when she almost forgot how handsome he was. His looks seemed so superficial compared to the innate goodness she knew lurked beneath the surface. The world got to see the attractive exterior, but she felt blessed he’d let her see beyond that.

  He moved to stand behind Victoria, resting his hands on her shoulders. “You okay?” he asked, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

  She gripped his wrist with her free hand. “I am now.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Lena said between clenched teeth. “Both of you. I don’t think I could do this alone.”

  If Victoria hadn’t woken up that morning feeling brave enough to conquer her fears, she would have missed out on this moment. If she’d had any doubt fate had a hand in her future, she didn’t anymore. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, sweetie,” Victoria said, pressing her lips to the young girl’s hand.

  “I’ll be right back,” Jay said, walking toward the closet to retrieve the gown. He slipped into the adjoining restroom, Victoria suspected to give her a few minutes alone with Lena.

  “I’m so sorry I walked out on you when you—”

  Lena’s gut-wrenching cry echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls and tearing through Victoria. She’d heard those screams before, when she was the one in a hospital bed just like this one and the morphine wasn’t enough to take the edge off the other patients’ agony.

  “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay,” Victoria whispered, brushing the girl’s hair off her face. She wasn’t going to look back, not today. This was a time for hope, to look to the future, not to get caught up in her bleak memories of the past. “You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you.”

  “What… if… she’s not…okay?” Lena sobbed, squeezing Victoria’s hand as the tears slid down her cheeks and into her hairline. “It’s too soon. God, it’s too soon.”

  “Let’s just wait and see what the doctor says, okay?”

  As if on cue, the doctor who’d performed Lena’s ultrasound a few weeks earlier walked into the room. He smiled. “It looks like the little miss didn’t want to wait to make her entrance, huh?”

  Victoria glanced at the gold nameplate pinned to his white lab coat. “She’s premature, is that a cause for concern, Dr. Riley?” She knew it was; she’d been reading books about pregnancy, delivery, and the first few weeks of a newborn’s life, hoping she could help Lena when she returned home, but she never expected to put her newfound knowledge to use so soon.

  “She’s almost thirty-four weeks. I certainly would have preferred she carry to term, but I don’t see any reason to believe she won’t be delivering a healthy baby here today.”

  Victoria lowered her head and released the breath she’d been holding. “Thank God.”

  Jay came out of the restroom. He passed Victoria the paper gown, his hand lingering on hers long enough to put her at ease.

  The doctor cleared his throat. “Um, are you the baby’s father?”

  Jay looked insulted the doctor would assume he was someone who would engage in sex with a minor. “No, just a friend.”

  “I see, well… We should be ready to get started here in just a few minutes. The nurse tells me you’re already seven centimeters, which means it’s too late for an epidural.”

  Victoria wished there was something they could do to ease Lena’s pain, but she knew the girl had already endured more emotional pain than most people twice her age. The physical pain would pass; the emotional scars would last forever.

  “I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes,” the doctor said, slipping past Jay.

  “Can you believe him?” Jay muttered under his breath. “Implyin’ that I’d be dumb enough to mess around with a kid half my age?”

  Victoria smiled at his outrage. If only the doctor knew Jay the way she did. “Forget about him.” She slipped the gown on and pointed to the chair on the oth
er side of the bed. “Get comfortable, coach.”

  Jay looked hesitant as he reached for the chair. He positioned the back of the chair against the side of the bed, chuckling when Victoria rolled her eyes. “What?”

  “We may be here a while. You’ll probably want to get comfortable.”

  He sat down and reached for Lena’s other hand. “I am.”

  Victoria was surprised to see he did look at ease, holding Lena’s hand, tipping a cup filled with ice chips up to her lips, and wiping her forehead down with a cool cloth. He looked like the kind of man a woman could count on in the face of a crisis.

  “You ready to do this, sweetheart?” Jay asked.

  For a minute, Victoria thought Jay was talking to her when the endearment slipped past his lips, but she quickly realized he was talking to Lena. Of course he was talking to Lena; she was the one having the baby, she reminded herself. The only thing she had to do was sit there offering quiet words of encouragement and trying not to get in the doctor’s way.

  Victoria pushed the image of Jay whispering quiet words of endearment to her as they welcomed their own baby into the world out of her mind. She had no right to ask for more than she’d already been given. She had her health, a man who loved her, and the chance to be a mother. A few years ago, those blessings wouldn’t have seemed possible.

  The nurse came back in and asked for a few minutes so they could prep the patient for delivery.

  “We’ll be back soon,” Victoria whispered, leaning over to press a kiss to Lena’s cheek.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Lena cried, as another wave of pain wracked her small body.

  Victoria held Lena’s hand, encouraging her to breathe through the contraction and squeeze her hand. Once the pain passed, she and Jay slipped out, promising to return as soon as they were permitted back in the room.

  Instead of going to the waiting room to give their friends and family an update, Victoria kept walking straight to the nursery down the hall. She peered through the glass, marveling at the tiny bundles swaddled in pastel blankets with tiny little hats on their heads. Some were crying, others were trying to open their eyes to the light, and more were just looking around, taking in their new surroundings.

  “They’re so beautiful, so perfect,” Victoria whispered when she felt Jay pull her into the circle of his arms.

  He kissed her cheek and she could feel his smile against her skin. “They are.”

  “Did Lena tell you she asked me to adopt her baby?” Victoria whispered, praying this wasn’t the first he’d heard about it.

  “She did.” He pressed his lips to her hair before he asked, “How do you feel about that, darlin’?”

  “I want to.” She turned into his arms. “But I don’t want to have to choose between you and the baby, Jay. I love you, but I’m already in love with her, too. I know it’s crazy; she’s not even here yet. She’s not even mine, but—”

  He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “It’s not crazy, Vic. I think it’s incredible—you’re incredible.”

  She rested her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating against her ear. “What if she decides she doesn’t want to give the baby up anymore? What if she takes one look at her and realizes she wants to be her mama?”

  “You’ll support her no matter what she decides. We both will.”

  Victoria wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight. “It’ll break my heart. I know it’s terrible. I shouldn’t say — I shouldn’t even think it, but…”

  “I don’t think you have to worry, honey. Lena is just a baby herself. She’s only fifteen. She has so much livin’ to do before she’s ready to think about bein’ a mama.”

  Victoria wanted to believe adopting Lena’s baby would be the best thing for everyone, but a part of her worried the girl might change her mind days or weeks from now when the baby had already stolen her heart.

  “Trey told me he and Sierra want Lena to stay with them indefinitely. Alisa’s already begging Trey to send Lena to her school in the fall.”

  “Are you serious?” To go from being homeless to living in a mansion with a famous singer and his family, attending a private school… it was like all of Lena’s dreams were coming true, and it wouldn’t have happened had Jay not stepped up and fought for Lena. “I love you so much,” she whispered, not caring her tears were dropping onto his cotton shirt. “Do you know how lucky I am you came into my life?”

  He smiled as he brushed her tears away. “I feel the same way.”

  “Jay, if Lena does want me to adopt the baby, I’m not expecting it to be easy. I mean, being a single parent never is, but I’ll do my best to make time for you, and for us.” When he frowned, she said, “If you still want to pursue this thing between us?”

  He stepped out of her arms. “This thing between us? I thought I made myself clear; I want you with me all the time, at home, at the studio. I want to build a life with you, Victoria.”

  “But that was before you found out I want to adopt a baby.” Even though he was only standing a few feet away, he might as well have been on the other side of the room. The gap between them seemed to be widening with every word she spoke, and she didn’t know how to close it. She was so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and losing him again. “Please, don’t look at me like that… like you’re angry or disappointed in me. I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

  “But you are hurting me.”

  She reached out to touch him, but he seized her wrist. “You think I’d make you choose between being a mother and loving me?”

  “I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything. Adopting this baby is my decision, not yours. It’s not fair to expect you to step up and…” She bit her tongue when she saw she was only making matters worse by rambling on in the face of his rage.

  “Why don’t you ask me what I want, Victoria?”

  “What do you want?” she whispered, praying it wasn’t too late.

  “You.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her against his chest. “I want you, and I want to be a father to that baby, if you want me to?”

  She dropped her head against his chest, unable to believe her good fortune. Not only did she have a man who loved her unconditionally, but she’d found someone who understood that sometimes she was still her own worst enemy. “I do.”

  He kissed her forehead. “Good, it’s settled then.”

  “Wait.” She reached for his shirt when he turned away. “What if she doesn’t want to give up the baby?”

  “Then we’ll do everything we can to help her.”

  “But where does that leave us?”

  He threaded his hand through hers and brought her hand to his lips as he looked into her eyes. “Together. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together, agreed?”

  “Agreed.”

  After tending to her immediate needs, the medical team granted them a few moments with the baby before they had to take her back to the NICU.

  Jay watched the look of shock and awe on Victoria’s face when she held that beautiful baby girl in her arms for the first time and he could feel his heart swelling in his chest. He had no idea he could love someone so completely.

  “You look so right holding her,” Lena said, biting her lip.

  Victoria looked down at the exhausted teen and smiled. “It feels right.”

  “Have you given any more thought to what I asked you?” She looked from Victoria to Jay and back again.

  “I have.” Victoria sat down beside her on the bed, still cradling the baby as Jay stood behind her. “But I need to know whether that’s something you still want, honey.”

  Lena looked at the infant and smiled as she reached out to stroke her tiny little clenched fist. “I want to be a mama, I do, but I can’t. Not yet.” She closed her eyes as she leaned her head against the pillows. “It wouldn’t be fair to her. I have nothing to offer her.”

  Jay didn’t want her to make this decision because she felt like she didn’t
have any other options; he wanted her to be sure she was making the right choice for herself and her baby. “I’m happy to help you out financially until you get on your feet, Lena.”

  Victoria tipped her head back and smiled at him.

  He was concerned she may be upset he was offering Lena an alternative, a way to keep her baby, but when she looked into his eyes, he knew she understood he was doing this as much for them as he was for Lena. He couldn’t stand the thought of falling in love with this baby, or allowing Victoria to fall in love with her, only to have her taken away from them.

  “You don’t know how much that means,” Lena said, pressing her fist against her lips. “But I can’t, Jay.” Her breath caught on a sob. “I hope you don’t think I’m a horrible person for wanting to give my baby away.”

  Jay reached over to take her hand. “Sweetheart, I think you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. What you’re doin’ for your baby takes a lot of courage.”

  “Maybe if she had a daddy like you,” Lena said, offering him a watery smile. “But her daddy didn’t want her any more than mine wanted me.”

  “I’d be honored to be your baby’s daddy.” He sat at the foot of her bed and caressed Victoria’s hair as she brushed a fingertip across the baby’s soft cheek.

  Lena’s mouth fell open. “You mean… you two…” She covered her mouth with her hands as the tears fell from her eyes. “You would honestly consider adoptin’ my baby? Both of you? Together?”

  “Is that what you want?” Jay asked cautiously. He knew she was still reeling from the labor and delivery. He didn’t want her to make a decision she might regret later.

  “You mean she’d have a real family… a real mama and daddy to love her?” She looked at the newborn sleeping in Victoria’s arms. “It’s more than I’d hoped for. Victoria, when I asked you to adopt her, it was because I knew she needed a strong female role model, but knowing she’d have a man like Jay in her life, too…”

  “Are you sure this is what you want, honey?” Victoria asked as the tears slid down her cheeks. “Jay and I will understand if you need some time to think about it.”