A Year at Meadowbrook Manor

by Faith Bleasdale

  ‘Pip, read the email,’ Harriet begged. ‘Come upstairs and read it now.’

  ‘No, no I won’t. I am not going to let you poison me against my husband.’

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, surely you can’t be that stupid,’ Harriet shouted, knowing she had gone too far but unable to stop herself.

  ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ she screamed back. Harriet had never heard Pippa sound so angry. Even Freddie looked taken aback.

  ‘You’re not pregnant, Pip, you’re just going to see a doctor.’

  ‘Please, calm down,’ Gus begged.

  ‘No I won’t calm down. How dare you lie just to get rid of Mark. What is it, Harry? You want to get your hands on this house so you’re doing all you can to make sure no one, no one who cares about mine or Freddie’s best interests, is around. You’re the one who’s lost her job, so maybe you are the one who wants to get her hands on the money and the house. I guess you think you can wrap Gus around your little finger.’ Pippa’s accusation was worse than being slapped. ‘And Connor, but you can’t do the same with us.’

  ‘Hey—’ Gus started.

  ‘I don’t want that at all,’ Harriet stormed. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this angry. ‘I love you both, and I was trying to do the right thing to stop you both being hurt. If you want to accuse me of lying, then that’s fine. But don’t, don’t even think about trying to have a relationship with me. Ever again.’

  Pippa and Freddie both stood up and left the room.

  Harriet put her head in her hands.

  ‘That didn’t go the way I thought it would,’ she said.

  ‘Harry, I’m sorry but …’ Gus said, sounding grim.

  ‘They’ll calm down, honestly just give them some space,’ Connor said.

  ‘You think? I don’t think they will, and if they do, I’m not going to bloody calm down. How dare they accuse me of lying, of being manipulative, of wanting Dad’s money and of being mad?’

  ‘But, love, they just had a shock, and it’s not simple is it, relationships never are. I think deep down they both know they are wrong but Pippa believes marriage is for life, and now with the much-longed for baby situation being in the spotlight, she’s bound to be confused. And Freddie, well, he thinks that he needs Loretta. I know he comes across as the most confident man but he isn’t, and she makes him feel better about himself in many ways. You know, having a gorgeous woman on his arm, it sort of reinforces him. I think he’s scared that having lost his business and his dad if he loses her, he’ll have nothing,’ Gwen said, gently coming over to Harriet and putting her arms around her. She made sense, of course she did, but Harriet was too angry to think rationally.

  ‘But after what I just told them—’ Harriet couldn’t believe it. How was she made to feel like the bad guy?

  ‘I know, but it’s a shock, as I said, love, give them some time,’ Gwen pleaded. Harriet let herself feel the warmth of Gwen’s hug, she needed it so badly because she felt so close to falling apart. She believed she was only doing what her father wanted her to do, but look where that was getting her?

  ‘And, Harriet, in the meantime don’t do anything crazy, don’t leave here,’ Gus begged. ‘Don’t run off and ruin everything just because of the way they reacted.’

  ‘You know the old Harriet would be on a plane right now to New York, but no, Gus, I won’t. No matter what happens, Meadowbrook means too much to us all for me to risk it. Even if I have to spend the next four months avoiding those two, I will stick it out. For you and Fleur more than anything,’ she explained. Although how she was going to live here after this, she had no idea.

  She thought of her dad’s will, and how she managed to mess everything up. And now she was still supposed to tell Connor how she felt, but she wasn’t sure if she could bring herself to. She couldn’t cope with losing anyone else in her life, even if she didn’t have him in the way she wanted, she wasn’t going to let him leave her too.

  Chapter 27

  The end of the week was knocking on the door and Mark would be here again, along with Loretta. Harriet had successfully managed to avoid her siblings, Mark and Loretta, for almost three weeks. She had spent a lot of time on her own, a lot. Gwen despaired when Harriet insisted on eating breakfast and dinner in the kitchen, but she wasn’t going to play happy families when they were anything but.

  Freddie and Pippa had not only been happy to avoid her but they had joined forces, were thick as thieves, and Gus was stuck in the middle, trying to keep the peace, but thankfully he had Amanda to turn to when things got too much, as they normally did.

  During the week, Harriet spent her days at the animal sanctuary. There was a kind of peace spending time with the animals. It also made her feel closer to Connor, although she wasn’t any closer to the second thing on her to-do list. Nor were they close to hitting the target for the sanctuary, which had now been added to her list. It had become a matter of pride for her, which was all she had left. She would not fail to raise the money, she wouldn’t fail at something else in her life.

  The mess at Meadowbrook had to be sorted out first, she felt that keenly, but she had no idea how. The atmosphere was heavy with accusations, and pain. Gus, although civil, hadn’t fully been forgiven by Pippa and Freddie; he said they were treating him as a polite stranger. Freddie and Pippa had united, and didn’t seem to move without each other.

  How she would deal with the weekend, she still hadn’t figured out. She’d been trying to come up with a solution and failed and felt as if her father was further away from her than ever. God, she could just imagine how, if he was there, he’d bang their heads together and tell them to sort it out. Although, now Harriet thought about it, he clearly didn’t trust Mark, which was why he had spoken up in his pre-will.

  So she ran with Hilda, she helped with all the animals, she even got closer to Elton and David who seemed to accept her in their field now with almost friendliness. She confided her fears to them, to the pigs – Gus was right, they were good listeners – to Hilda and yes, maybe she had gone mad. Although the alpacas seemed particularly uninterested in her issues, all the animals needed her in a way her siblings clearly did not. Sleep was erratic, and her heart ached for all that she’d lost but she didn’t feel any closer to getting it back. She didn’t feel as if she’d ever get it back.

  On Thursday evening, she was hiding in her father’s study, desperately asking him for answers, when there was a knock on the door. It opened and Freddie, Gus and Pippa walked in. The way they looked at her made her feel a little like they were staging an intervention.

  ‘Harry,’ Freddie started, standing awkwardly in front of the desk, ‘we, Pippa and I, are sorry at how we handled things.’

  ‘Right,’ she replied. Pippa sat on the chair opposite her.

  ‘I’ve spoken to Mark and he’s explained everything,’ Pippa started. ‘Yes, he did speak with Loretta but only because they were worried about us. They felt that Meadowbrook changed us and they thought that if we sold the house then we’d be ourselves again.’ She said it as if this was the most reasonable explanation ever.

  ‘Right.’ Harriet didn’t quite know how to respond.

  ‘Loretta totally confirmed what Mark said,’ Freddie said. ‘Basically, you must have misunderstood them. They weren’t out to ruin things, they were just trying to help.’ He looked determined. ‘I am going to marry her, and Pippa and Mark are going to try to have a baby, you need to accept it.’

  ‘Fine.’ Harriet held her hands up. She had lost her fight and she didn’t have anything left. That wasn’t to do with them, it was to do with her.

  ‘Mark is desperate to apologise to you when he sees you this weekend. I know about his money problems, it was the recession, you see, but he is bouncing back right now and he doesn’t want my money at all.’

  How could they be so stupid? She shook her head, silently.

  ‘Harry, we have to find a way past this,’ Gus said. ‘I know this is little to do with me, but I love us being c
lose again and we don’t want that to fall apart.’

  ‘So I just have to accept things?’ Harriet asked. She might as well. Her head was already mushed up and she didn’t know if she cared about any of it anymore.

  ‘Look, when Daddy died, I know you felt guilty about not being here,’ Pippa said carefully. ‘And grief messes with people. I should have seen how unhappy you were.’

  ‘Exactly, we were our usual selfish selves and we forgot to check on you. I know it must be hard seeing us all so happy, and I know that you want us to be happy, but we do think you rather put your unhappiness onto us,’ Freddie added.

  Harriet threw her head back and laughed. Freddie eyed her with suspicion and Pippa took a step back. Christ, if they thought she was mad, then she might as well be. What they were accusing her of was ridiculous, but she had no intention of arguing with them. She didn’t even have the energy for that.

  ‘That’s what you think I was doing?’ Harriet asked. They both nodded. Gus shook his head but shuffled from foot to foot, uncomfortably. ‘OK, well you are adults, you’ve told me that, and I should respect both of your decisions. You won’t hear another word from me on the subject.’ They wouldn’t. She had failed. She’d failed her father, her siblings and herself. It was over, she felt that. Yes, she would stay at Meadowbrook as long as she had to but not a minute longer. She just now needed to figure out what, where and how, and she’d be off.

  ‘Right, well let’s have a brandy and put it behind us,’ Freddie said, decisively.

  Harriet shrugged. ‘Fine,’ she reiterated.

  As the siblings toasted their broken reunion, she plastered a smile on her face and tasted failure in every sip she took.

  After an awkward dinner where Harriet refused to say a word, Connor asked her to go for a walk with him.

  ‘But it’s freezing,’ she said.

  ‘You never felt the cold before,’ he said. ‘You used to run around all winter in barely a coat.’

  ‘Well I do now,’ she replied. ‘But OK.’ She reluctantly followed him.

  ‘You really aren’t in a good way, are you?’ he said at length as they trotted out. She shook her head. ‘You’ve done wonders with the animals, Harry,’ he said as they walked out towards the summer house. ‘I wanted to speak to you, to check you were all right and also to ask you what you think about the future of the sanctuary.’

  ‘Well, I am worried about the money side of it, we still have a way to go reaching the target, and not long in which to do it,’ she said, honestly, feeling hollowness opening up inside her with every step.

  ‘You know I’m sure you’ll do it. I mean, you’re used to making millions and millions.’

  ‘Not quite the same thing,’ she said. With the whole Mark and Loretta business and also her feelings for Connor, Harriet hadn’t been as together about raising the money for the sanctuary as she normally would be. She calculated that they had about four months left to make up the shortfall which was considerable and the old Harriet would have had a million plans up her sleeve to do it. What had happened to her? Was this what love did to a person? No wonder she’d avoided it thus far. She would never have kept her job if she behaved like this.

  They reached the summer house and, without a word, Connor opened the door and they went in. Gus had now filled it with easels holding paintings, which took her breath away. It was as if happiness jumped out from the canvases she could see; he’d been painting a lot. Landscapes, the gardens, Meadowbrook and there was one of the four of them, which brought tears to her eyes. They looked so happy, so together, they looked like a family. He must have painted it from a photo of them at the summer fête. She started crying.

  ‘Oh, Harry, I am so sorry,’ Connor said as he saw her looking at it.

  ‘Look at us, we’ve tried so hard to be a family, but we’re never going to be the Singer siblings again.’

  ‘But you were happy, up until the whole Mark and Loretta debacle, you were,’ Connor pushed.

  ‘No, I wasn’t. I was missing something, I’ve been missing something for years. I was so busy being successful, living a life in New York that is a million miles away from all this.’ She swept her arm around. ‘But now I can’t do it, I’m empty, Connor, I’ve been empty for years. I just didn’t realise it until coming here.’

  ‘And what can we do about it?’ He stood by the window, the night glistened, illuminating his face.

  ‘What can you do,’ she said quietly. The realisation that she had nothing more to lose hit her full on.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh, Connor, I never thought I could say this, but I have to.’ It was her last chance, she knew that. Her last chance to salvage any hope of a future at Meadowbrook.

  ‘Harriet, you’re not making any sense.’ He seemed bemused as he stared questioningly at her.

  She gathered any strength she had left.

  ‘Whatever happens in the future, I need to be honest, with you and myself.’ She felt the tears sliding onto her cheeks but she knew she couldn’t stop now. ‘I love you, Connor.’ Saying the words gave her a huge sense of relief, along with a terror that gripped her bones.

  ‘What?’ He tipped his head.

  ‘It’s always been you. When you got engaged to Elizabeth, I ran away to New York because it hurt too much. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember and I still do.’ She felt her father’s arm on her shoulder as she spoke, willing her on, giving her strength. Pushing her to do this, no matter how much it was going to hurt her. How hard it was going to be. Harriet was brave again. Stupid maybe, but brave.

  ‘Why now?’ he said, quietly. He turned away from her and looked out of the window.

  ‘I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, without ruining things, but now everything’s so messed up, so what’s left to lose?’ She realised that humiliation wasn’t the worst thing, the worst was not ever saying how she felt.

  ‘But Bella …’

  ‘You’re in love with Bella?’

  ‘Yes, no, I don’t know. Oh Christ, Harriet, why did you have to tell me now?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She wasn’t sorry. He refused to meet her eyes.

  ‘Look, Harry, I’ve always been so fond of you – no, sorry, more than fond of you, and yes, when we were younger I had this crazy idea that we were meant to be together.’ She felt a tug of hope, immediately followed by dread of what was to come. ‘But we are such different people. I love the country and I love Meadowbrook. You’re a city girl, you date men who earn salaries I could never even dream of, or even want. You’re sophisticated, you’re smart and beautiful and intelligent, and I adore you, but there’s no way we would ever work out. I don’t even know half the shoe designers you talk about, or the fancy cocktails you mention, our lives are too different, we’re too different. You’d be bored here, you’re already thinking about the next thing; being here, it won’t be enough of a challenge for you. I can’t even think about living in a city, this is enough for me, but it isn’t for you.’

  ‘What will happen to the animal sanctuary?’ She felt the nails being hammered into her coffin, one by one.

  ‘I was hoping you would set up such a great model that someone could easily run it in the future, I didn’t expect you to want to do that.’

  ‘I don’t know if I do,’ she replied, honestly. She couldn’t see herself doing it, not without being with Connor anyway. But then if she was with Connor, everything else would fall into place, wouldn’t it?

  ‘That’s what I thought. So us, we’d never work out, would we? I’m nothing like the men you normally go for.’ He crossed his arms.

  ‘If you say so, Connor.’ She’d given it her best shot; she wasn’t going to beg.

  ‘Harry, don’t be mad at me, you’ve dropped a bomb. I’ve been seeing Bella for months and you haven’t said a word. I don’t mess people around, I don’t hurt people, so for you to say this now …’

  ‘Sorry, I guess I’ll add it to the list of the things I’ve screwed up
this year.’ She turned from him. She suddenly had all the answers: she needed to leave Meadowbrook as soon as the year was through and stop looking back. It was over.

  ‘Please, Harry, let’s talk about this.’

  ‘Connor. There. Is. Nothing. To. Talk. About.’ Holding her head up as far as she could, she walked out. She heard him calling her but she refused to look back as she made her way to the house. Not home, it didn’t feel like home anymore, whatever happened at the end of this mad year that her father had somehow thought was a good idea, she would definitely be saying goodbye to Meadowbrook forever.

  Harriet didn’t know if she believed in fate, well she briefly flirted with it after her father’s death, but she had always felt that people made their own fate. With Connor’s words ringing in her ears, she finally knew how it felt for her heart to be shattered. This was something that she knew would always be part of her. Devastation, and as much as her father said she needed to feel this, she couldn’t quite comprehend it. Her heart had been pillaged, ravaged, left with nothing.

  But fate had a funny way of showing up when you’d dismissed it, she thought, as she sat cross-legged, like a teenager, on her bed, with her laptop in front of her, trying to stem the bloody annoying tears that had become her constant companion. Blurry-eyed, she was surprised to see an email from Bradley Fisher, her old work colleague in New York. She opened it.

  Harriet, please can you call me when you have a second, I assume you still have the number. Brad.

  That was all, but in the bank they always used the fewest words possible, always in too much of a hurry to waste precious seconds with any pleasantries – how are you? was not necessary. Emails were to the point of the point.

  Harriet smiled as she thought of the long chatty emails she now sent about the animal sanctuary, trying to raise money or awareness, and how she used as many words as possible to invoke interest. Well, goodness, her two worlds were so different, she didn’t even know where to begin comparing the incomparable.