Tainted by Love

by Jones, Gillian

  “Yes, we did. I guess I…fainted? I’ve never passed out before. It was weird. All of a sudden I heard a ringing sound, saw a few black specks, and the next thing I knew I was talking to a paramedic on the ground,” I tell the doctor.

  “Yes, it can be a very strange and scary feeling. I’m glad to see you aren’t too banged up. Sometimes when a person faints they can get quite hurt from falling,” she says, looking at my chart. “I see they checked you for concussion, but it was ruled out, that’s excellent. And can you tell me whe—”

  “Sorry to interrupt, Doc,” Hendrix says, sounding annoyed, “but it’s been a long night and I’m gonna need you to rip the Band-Aid off. Is Trin alright, or not? I mean…the HIV. Is her virus load higher? Is that why she fainted?”

  “Hendrix!” I scold. “She’s getting there. Wait.”

  “Sorry. She’s right,” he says, looking a little embarrassed but not at all sorry. “It’s hard. I’m losing my mind here. I wanna know.”

  “I understand,” Dr. Gallegan says, barely hiding a chuckle. “My apologies, Hendrix,” she says, “I don’t mean to laugh. I know you’re worried. Trust me. If it was serious, I wouldn’t have spent time with idle chit-chat.”

  Letting out a relieved sigh, Hendrix frowns. “Then why’d she faint? There has to be something. I mean, she just told you it’s never happened before.”

  “Hendrix,” I grab his arm, trying to calm him.

  “It’s alright, Trinity. Hendrix is right. There is a reason, but rest assured it’s not the HIV,” Dr. Gallegan says gently. “And I’m hoping you’ll be happy with what I have to tell you…”

  “Thank Christ,” I hear Hendrix huff beside me, and I immediately feel the weight of worry lift from around us.

  “I’m okay, then? My levels are within range?” I ask, sounding as nervous as Hendrix has been feeling, I’m sure. Because—for a brief second—I worry. If it’s not the HIV, then what could it be? But…wait a minute. She said it wasn’t anything serious…

  “It’s good news, then?” I ask hesitantly.

  “Well, that depends on if you’ve ever wanted children.” She smiles kindly as Hendrix and I gasp at the same time.

  “I’m pregnant? What? How?”

  “I’m going to venture a guess and say condom failure. With your HIV status, I assume you and Hendrix use condoms as protection?”

  “Yes, ma’am. Every time,” Hendrix answers before I can form words.

  Pregnant?

  “Do you want kids, Trinity?” Dr. Gallegan asks.

  “Yes. I mean, I’ve always wanted kids, I just didn’t think I should, with the HIV and all.” I let out an unsure and awkward laugh.

  I’m going to be a mom. I feel the beginnings of a smile start to take shape on my lips. I blurt out again, “I’m pregnant?”

  “Yes, Trinity. You’re pregnant. You and Hendrix are going to be parents.”

  “Oh my God,” I squeak, then cover my mouth. Looking over at Hendrix, I can’t even guess what he must be feeling right now.

  “I’m sorry, Hendrix,” I say, causing him to move immediately from his seat onto the bed, right beside me.

  “Are you kidding me? ‘Sorry’? No need to apologize, Fruitloop. I’m fucking thrilled. This is the best news ever,” he says, with a grin.

  “You mean you’re okay with this? What about that whole thing that happened before with Calli—” I start to ask, but he cuts me off with a gentle kiss.

  “Don’t bring that up. It’s nowhere near the same situation. Never compare now to then, that was the past. You’re my future. And you having my baby? What the hell isn’t there to be okay with?”

  “Hendrix, we’re going to have a baby. You and me—us. Can you believe it?” I ask him, unable to hide my excitement the more I repeat it.

  “We’re having a baby,” he repeats. A huge grin graces his handsome face, a thrilled look I’m happy to see replacing the look of worry and stress that had been etched over his features for the last few hours, the one he’d been doing such a shitty job of hiding.

  54

  Hendrix

  “We’re having a baby,” Trin laughs, repeating the words again. Then she lunges at me. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she whispers in my ear, “I’m going to be a mom after all.” And fuck me if that isn’t the most beautiful thing she’s ever said to me.

  “Yeah, you are, Fruitloop. And you’ll be incredible. But, remember, it’s actually pronounced ‘mum’…” I chuckle.

  “But, wait…” Trinity pulls back, worry lining her face as she glances at Dr. Gallegan. “If I’m pregnant, that means fluids must have been exchanged. That means…Hendrix! I could have given you…”

  “Relax, Trinity.” I try to calm her.

  “This is what I was afraid of. Oh, God, Hendrix. What if I infected you?”

  “Trinity, Hendrix. If I could, I’d like to talk a bit about next steps and what Hendrix will need to do in order to be tested.”

  Wiping her face with the tissue the doctor hands her, Trin nods, and we spend the next while discussing how, despite using condoms regularly and carefully, they aren’t always foolproof; even when used properly they can fail. According to Dr. Gallegan, ten to fifteen women out of a hundred will become pregnant from condom failure. A number we both found shocking. The doctor also discussed the risks of mother-to-baby HIV transmission with us, and how the delivery would have to be a planned C-section at thirty-eight weeks in order to avoid transmission via the placenta during a vaginal birth. Dr. Gallegan felt with Trin’s CD4 count being in the twelve hundreds, the chances of the baby not contracting HIV were promising, as it means that her HIV viral load is low.

  It was a lot to take in, and I already know we will spend a lot of time researching mother-to-child transmission on our own, as well, plus ways to ensure the safest possible pregnancy. After speaking with the doctor, I feel confident beginning this part of our journey together. We’ve done everything we could, now it’s a matter of hoping for the best.

  We did, however, leave the hospital that day with another seed of worry. Since the condom failed, Dr. Gallegan suggested I see my own doctor. She said with my PrEP medication, Truvada, I would likely test negative, but as a precaution suggested I get an HIV test anyway, ASAP.

  Needless to say, Trinity was a mess with worry. She thought that her biggest fear was coming true just as she had received her happiest news. I spent a long time willing her to understand that I’m a grown man who was educated on the risks we were taking and had made my own decisions. I also assured her it wouldn’t matter either way at this point, I loved her regardless (although I admit I was feeling somewhat jarred by the possibility I might have become infected inadvertently. That’s not news that anyone wants to hear).

  In the end, we decided to skip the rapid-testing option (which can be done within a doctor’s office, giving results in twenty- to thirty minutes). With the rapid test, there’s a possibility of testing “reactive”, which means it’s uncertain. If this were to happen, I’d have to be tested again using the traditional lab method anyway. With that information, Trinity and I opt for the traditional blood test, which we feel is the best and most accurate method for our situation.

  No doubt it was going to be the longest couple of weeks in our lives while we waited for the results, but I insisted Trin follow her own advice, that we try not to spend the time stressing about the things we can’t control.

  55

  Trinity

  “I really can’t believe you picked these for your bouquet,” Shannon says, laughing and handing me the arrangement.

  “I know. Hendrix will love it,” I giggle, looking down at the bouquet of chocolate tire irons I bought from the same place Hendrix used all those months ago. I decided they were a must-have for today. Our Wedding Day.

  After finding out about the baby four months ago, and surviving the stress of the longest week of our lives while we waited for Hendrix’s HIV test results—which thankfully came back negative, and soo
ner than the two weeks it could have taken—we decided two things. One, preventative medicines are definitely worth the money, and two, we couldn’t wait to be married. Therefore, after a few phone calls and errands, everything came together quite nicely and here we are today.

  Kara and Arran were over the moon to hear about both the baby and our wedding when we shared the news during one of our Facetime chats, and they booked their flights right then while live with us online. They were, however, not too happy that we told them about the wedding, the baby and Hendrix’s HIV scare only once his negative results were back. It was a decision that Kara understood in the end, but she made us both promise to not keep things like that from her in future. We agreed.

  “There. You look stunning,” Shannon says, her eyes glassy with emotion as she finishes manipulating my just-above-shoulder-length brown hair into a mass of sexy curls, pinning one last jewelled hairpin into place.

  “Absolutely no crying. I’m already hyperemotional as it is,” I say, rubbing my small baby bump. I’m officially five months along today, and the thrill of the idea of becoming a mum never gets old. We found out we’re having a girl, and to say I was excited is an understatement. Not that I’d be any less excited if I were having a boy, but knowing she’s a girl gives me a little confidence boost. Since I’m a strong woman (so I like to think), it makes me believe that I have lots of quality girl skills to pass on to and teach my daughter. Hendrix, of course, claims he knew she was a girl and is already plotting how to handle the teen years with Dex and Cannon. All I know is I cannot wait to meet and hold our baby.

  “I know, I know. I’m just beyond happy for you, Mama, and I love you.” She pats her hand gently over my stomach. “Now, let’s go get you hitched.” She thumbs towards the door of Dex’s office, where we’ve been putting on our finishing touches.

  “I love you, too. Thank you for helping us pull this off so quickly. I know you think we’re crazy for doing it here.”

  “Are you kidding me? Garage weddings are all the rage this year,” she winks, as we make our way out the door. Call us unconventional, call us crazy, but both Hendrix and I decided we wanted to get married in the place we began, Ignition Inc.

  Dex loved the idea—while Tillie and Kara thought we’d both gone mad—but once we’d shared the story of the night Hendrix and I first met, they both gushed and agreed it was the perfect spot for us to become husband and wife.

  “You ready, kid?” Dex’s gruff voice asks as he loops his arm with mine, soothing my last-minute nerves.

  I nod. “I’m more than ready.”

  “You look exquisite, Trinity. I’m honoured to be the one walking you down the aisle today. I’m happy for you, sweetheart,” Dex says, leaning in and giving my cheek a swift kiss, the hairs of his beard tickling me like always.

  “Dexter! You’re going to ruin my face!” I joke, wiping a few tears. Like I’d ever care about that. “I love you. Thanks to you and Aunt Tillie for always being here for me,” I smile, pulling him a little closer to my side.

  “Alright, kiddo, alright. Enough of the mushy stuff. Let’s go find your future,” he says, as “By Your Side” by Sade starts playing, giving us our cue, letting us know they’re ready for us to move into the shop where Hendrix and our closest friends and family will be waiting.

  “Let’s do this,” Shannon grins, as she takes the lead, making her way through the door leading into the garage, her pretty off-the-shoulder wine-coloured dress swishing with each step.

  Taking a deep breath, I smile, feeling the most contented I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m not only going to be a mum, but also the wife of an incredible man who has given me so much love and happiness that I could die tomorrow and feel my life was complete. I have no regrets, and, best of all, the love of a man who sees and loves all of me.

  “Now it’s our turn. Let’s go get your daddy and our happily ever after,” I grin, patting my stomach gently as Dex and I step forward.

  56

  Hendrix

  I stand silently at the top of the makeshift aisle, waiting for Trin and Flynn to appear through the office door. We’d decided on a low-key ceremony with Shannon and Cannon serving as our maid of honour and best man, and just close family members and a few friends in attendance. I see my mum and Arran and Aunt Tillie beaming at me from the front row, and have to look away.

  Suddenly, Trinity appears on Flynn’s arm, and I swear I almost swallow my tongue when my eyes land on her. Trinity looks so incredibly gorgeous in a long, strapless, champagne-coloured dress that highlights her best assets. Her eyes are done up in this smoky look which makes them even more insanely beautiful, and her lush lips are their usual glossy colour, which reminds me how sweet they taste.

  “You ready for this, big guy?” Cannon whispers beside me. “Gotta say, I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “I couldn’t be more ready to make Trinity my wife,” I whisper back, barely letting my lips move.

  “She’s gorgeous, man. Congrats.” He claps my back before moving aside when Flynn and Trin are finally standing in front of me.

  “Take care of my girl, Hendrix,” Flynn says, shaking my hand before giving Trin a kiss, then returning to his seat with Til, my mum and Arran.

  “Love the bouquet,” I say quietly, as Shannon reaches over to take the chocolates from Trin. “Are they metric or imperial?”

  “Knew you’d like it,” she whispers back, giving me a knowing glance. “They’re metric, of course.”

  “You’re stunning,” I tell her, taking her hands in mine and feeling the slight tremble in them, matching my own. I take comfort in knowing we’re in sync with one another. Both nervous, but also more than ready to begin our lives together.

  “I’m nervous, but excited,” she whispers, her eyes getting a little glassy as emotions start to run high. “I can’t wait to be yours,” she beams, her grey eyes meeting mine.

  “You’ve been mine all along, Trin. You just took a little time to catch on,” I smile, running my thumb along her cheek, before giving her belly a little rub, letting our baby girl in on the moment.

  “I think this is going to be an emotional wedding,” Trin says. “Even the cake had tiers, I noticed,” she adds, almost straight-faced.

  “You’re such a punny girl. You ready to become my wife now, baby, or do you need to get a few more out?” I ask.

  “God, yes. No more puns…for now,” Trinity answers, and I nod at Judge Coleman to begin when she’s ready. We’d met the judge when she brought in her ’67 Corvette for a brake job last month, and we both thought she’d make a perfect officiant.

  “Family and friends of Trinity and Hendrix, I welcome you today, in this garage, to witness the joining…”

  Judge Coleman’s words blur as I focus solely on my future standing before me. I never expected to end up with this life, but no matter what the future holds, I know Trinity, the baby and I will fight tooth and nail to hold onto what we have. Regardless of what happens with her HIV, I vow to make Trinity the happiest woman, to remind her everyday she’s loved, supported and that she’s the part that makes me whole.

  “Trinity, please take Hendrix’s hands in yours and recite your vows…” I hear the judge say, gaining my attention again. I’ve been waiting for this part. Trin and I decided to write our own vows, and we’ve had a bit of a competition going to see whose vows will be the best. We’ve gone as far as warning everyone that we’ll be taking a poll to declare an official winner after the ceremony. Unbeknownst to our guests, the winner not only gets street cred, but also gets to have the other act out a sexual fantasy of their choice. Hello, Boss/Employee fantasy—I can picture Trinity stretched out on the hood of my Camaro in my work bay. Yes, please.

  Giving me a knowing grin, Trinity begins her vows.

  “I, Trinity Paige Adams, take you, Hendrix William Hills, to be my lawfully hot, kind and beautiful husband. One I promise to let under my hood when needed…” she says, giving me a shit-eating grin that about bring
s me to my knees, “…especially when I start making that weird clanking sound.” She smiles, knowing she got me good there. “I vow to hand you every tool you may ever need, and buy you the new ones you ‘gotta have’ as soon as they hit the market,” she air quotes, and I chuckle, because she’s right, I’m always asking her to order the latest tools and machinery for my collection. “I will support your choices and decisions in both vehicles and in our life together. I, Trinity, love you, Hendrix, with all the tire irons and onesies the world has to offer, and that will never change. You’re my best friend, my very own ogre-turned-prince. I was incomplete until the night I walked in here,” she says, gesturing around the garage, tears falling freely down her beautiful face, “and thought you might be the world’s dumbest criminal stealing our wrenches. Turns out I was wrong; you were just stealing my heart. You saw the real me, the me I thought I’d lost. I love you, Hendrix. Very much. And that is my biggest truth.”

  “I love you too, Trin.”

  “Thank you, Trinity,” the judge says, turning to face me.

  “Beat that,” Trinity mouths so only I can see, which causes me to almost laugh out loud. This girl…

  “Hendrix, it’s time to share your vows,” Judge Coleman says.

  I clear my throat and begin. “I, Hendrix William Hills, take you, Trinity Paige Adams, my Short Stack-turned-Fruitloop, keeper of all my truths, to be my wife, my life partner and my best friend. You are the person who makes my heart beat, and I will strive each day to make you smile and belly laugh, and to encourage you to continue on your mission to be punny. You’ll get there one day.” I stop and hide my smile as she mock-scowls. “I will be the rock of strength on which you can always depend. Whether it’s in sickness or in health, I will always be there for you. I will shower you with onesies, tire irons and McEggMuffs from McDavid’s, but most of all, I’ll forever shower you with love. Love so strong you’ll feel me for all of eternity. Remember, you’re my butter half and olive you, Trin,” I say, finishing off with a lame pun I’d found online. One I knew she’d love.