Does She Love You?

by Rachel Spangler

  “Maybe not, but I bet you won’t mind the big fat raise that comes with Nic’s promotion.”

  “No, but not because I want to impress anyone in this room. If anything, our plans for that money will make them just as uncomfortable as they were the first time we showed up here.”

  Liz leaned forward conspiratorially. “Do tell.”

  “Just last night Nic said I could get pregnant this fall.”

  Liz’s eyes widened. “What did you have to do to get her to agree to that?”

  “Nothing.” Annabelle could hear the surprise in her own voice. “I haven’t talked about a baby at all lately because I didn’t want to put any added pressure on her. We were cuddling on the couch and all of a sudden she said, ‘I think our baby is really going to like it here with us.’”

  Belle’s heart ached at the sweetness of the memory. She’d tried not to get overly excited or make too much out of it, but her eyes had grown misty at the emotion behind the simple statement. “When I asked where that had come from, she said she’s just been thinking about the perfect life we’ve built together. She said she feels safe and comfortable when she’s at home with me, and a baby would, too.”

  “Wow. I’d started to think she meant to put you off indefinitely on the baby issue.”

  “We always said we wouldn’t take those big steps until we were ready. Early on, I was just happy to have her, and then we had careers to build and a house to buy. Even when we got settled in, we wanted to accumulate a nest egg. It’s really only been the last few years she’s had to hold me off.”

  “Yes, but you’re thirty-three. You’ll be thirty-four before a baby is born, and if you want more than one…” Their waitress approached.

  Belle intercepted the check and quickly wrote it off on their club account. “Don’t think I haven’t done the math, but while I was thinking about my age, Nic thought about all the things she wanted to provide for our family, all the things you and I take for granted but she never had. I see now that she wasn’t stalling. She just wanted everything to be perfect.”

  “And I respect her for thinking things through.” Liz’s smile turned sad. “I sure didn’t, which is why I have to go pick up your niece for a dental appointment her father isn’t going to pay for.”

  “I’m sorry.” Belle’s joy faded as she rose to hug her sister.

  “Don’t be. I’m so happy you found your fairy-tale romance. You give me hope I’ll find my own Nic someday.”

  “I hope you do, too.”

  Annabelle walked her to the lobby before saying good-bye and heading for the locker room. She needed to pick up her tennis bag before she ran to the grocery store. She didn’t see anyone else as she strolled past several empty shower stalls, but she heard two women talking on the other side of a tall row of metal lockers. She thumbed the dial to enter her combination on the lock, largely oblivious to their conversation until the sound of Nic’s name caused her to focus on their words.

  “Yes, I’m sure it was Nic McCoy. How many women do you know who look like her? You can’t miss those eyes.”

  Belle smiled. She’d heard plenty of times that even straight women found something alluring in Nic.

  “Did you know the other woman?”

  “No, but it’s the same one we saw her having dinner with a few weeks ago.”

  Belle stopped turning the dial. Her heart beat faster. What were they implying? She didn’t want to listen anymore, but she couldn’t stop.

  “Is it the same one you saw her leaving the hotel with in Savannah last year?”

  “No, this one is a redhead. She looks spunky, and she’s more brazen than the one we saw her with before. This time they were holding hands and stealing little kisses.”

  She sagged against the locker at the image of Nic kissing another woman.

  “Gross. At least Annabelle has a sense of public decency.”

  She eased herself onto a bench and tried to control her breathing. They were wrong. They had to be wrong. Just a bunch of uptight biddies, that’s what Liz had called them. Her breath came quick and shallow, but a wave of dizziness made her suspect the oxygen wasn’t reaching her head.

  “Poor Annabelle, but what did she think would happen with someone like that?”

  “I suppose she didn’t think. You know those Taylor girls. They see something they want and they get it.”

  Belle’s natural defenses rose. It was hard enough to hear Nic talked about like that, and now they were dragging her whole family into this mess.

  “So how many times have you seen her with this one?” The question killed what little defiance she’d mustered. There was more than one woman? More than one date?

  “I’ve seen them twice—at a restaurant and a baseball game. Martha saw them once too, at the Roller Derby, of all places. She said the tramp couldn’t keep her hands to herself.” The woman speaking changed her tone from distaste to glee at the salaciousness of her story.

  “Which tramp, Nic or her girl du jour?”

  The woman giggled. “Neither of them, I suppose.”

  Belle’s stomach roiled. These women were either spreading horrible lies or revealing the greatest heartbreak she could ever experience. How could they laugh while her whole world rattled and shook?

  “Wait, why was Martha at a Roller Derby? Does she want to go slumming, too?”

  “No.” The speaker scoffed. “She was touring the location for some function the Ladies Auxiliary wants to host in Atlanta. She’d never even heard of a Roller Derby and found it horrifying such a thing existed. Apparently Nic’s taste in company and entertainment isn’t up to Martha’s standards.

  “Well, you can forgive the entertainment, but not the company.” Their voices trailed off as they walked way, but Annabelle remained stone still and quiet long after she heard the door close behind them. It couldn’t be true. Nic wouldn’t hurt her. She couldn’t. There had to be some mistake. Or three mistakes, since they’d seen her with someone three times.

  She frantically ran through her memories of Nic’s contacts. She recalled a few women reps, but all of them older and no redheads. It could’ve been a sales contact they’d seen her with. It wasn’t unusual for Nic to wine and dine a big client. At a Roller Derby? Stealing kisses?

  “No, no, no,” Belle finally muttered. She couldn’t even form a complete thought, much less process details. There had to be an explanation.

  Lies, all lies. That was the only possibility she would consider. Bitterness, jealousy, homophobia, or just plain boredom ruled too many women around here. Someone must have seen Nic on a business call and let the story spin out of control. Rumors distorted truth like a child’s game of telephone, where the original message got distorted beyond recognition by the time it came around again.

  She weakly got to her feet and took a few steps. Too shaken to go to the store now, she’d go home, to Nic’s home. She needed physical reminders of Nic’s love, dedication, and desire to have a family with her. But Nic wasn’t there now, and the questions would be. The questions about long trips, late-night phone calls, all the times she couldn’t get ahold of her. So many things she hadn’t thought about before now seemed suspicious, even sinister. She dropped back onto the bench and covered her face with her hands. The blunt force of their gossip had ripped a hole in her confidence. Now the questions flooded her like water through the ruptured hull of a once-sturdy ship. How would she ever bail out all these doubts by herself?

  *

  “You brought me out to where God lost His shoes to ride go-karts?”

  Nic grinned one of those grins that made her dimples appear and Davis melt. “These are some of the fastest karts in the world, and I have a need for speed.”

  “The drug? I had that pegged the moment I met you.”

  “Sure, but I was mostly talking about fast cars and fast women.”

  Davis smiled and headed for the track. Competition and metaphors for sex—suddenly this little field trip made sense. “Well, I’m probably the
fastest woman you’ll ever meet, so if you came here thinking you’d enhance your macho sense of self by blowing by me, you’ve got another think coming.”

  They continued trash talking as Nic paid and they changed into their racing jumpsuits. The facilities were insane, with one of the largest interactive arcades she’d ever seen, a black and neon rock-climbing wall, two go-kart tracks riddled with hairpin turns, and a high-ropes course that allowed patrons to scamper around in the rafters above it all.

  As they took their place in line, Davis couldn’t help but stare at Nic’s lean, athletic body, so languid and delicious in the single-piece black racing suit that cinched at the waist, giving a tantalizing outline of her powerful form. Though it covered any bare skin from the neck down, she was almost certain she’d never seen a sexier piece of clothing.

  Nic turned around and gave a cocky little smirk that turned Davis on in spite of herself. “I don’t doubt you’ll give it your best, but you don’t even have a car, so just have fun out there and don’t feel bad if I lap you.”

  “Okay, honey,” Davis said in her best sickly sweet Southern drawl. “I won’t mind if you pass me. I will, however, put you in the wall.”

  Nic threw back her head and laughed. “If you can catch me.”

  Davis pulled on her full helmet and flipped down the visor. She might not be much of a driver, but she was every bit as competitive as Nic.

  She adjusted her seat and listened carefully as the employee talked about the throttle and brakes. She tightened her knuckles on the steering wheel and took deep breaths, but when the green light flashed, composure gave way to adrenaline, and she jammed the gas as if her muscles had acted on their own.

  Several other karts were on the track, but she saw only the one with Nic at the wheel. She had to slow around the first sharp turn but flattened the pedal again as she rounded the corner. Her arms shook, and the tension tightened through her back and shoulders, but she didn’t lift the pedal from the floor until she hit the next turn. She had to back off to keep from skidding, but Nic pulled farther ahead. “Damn,” she muttered as sweat beaded between her forehead and the helmet. Nic clearly kept the kart floored through some of the turns, and she’d have to get a little reckless if she wanted to keep up.

  Did she really care about keeping up? It was just a freaking go-kart, a child’s toy being used by adults in grand “whose is bigger?” fashion. No, if that were all she had at stake, she’d settle for a leisurely joy ride, but she wasn’t just chasing a go-kart. She was chasing Nic.

  The muscles in her jaw twitched as she set her teeth and trained her eyes on Nic’s bumper. She hammered hard through the next set of S-turns. For the first time she didn’t lose ground through a challenging part of the course, but she didn’t gain any either. Her real gut check approached quickly in the form of a wide but complete U-turn. Her senses heightened, and her skin prickled with the anticipation of danger. She had to fight her natural instinct to slow down. She rushed into the turn and jerked the wheel so hard the back end of the kart lost traction, sending her tires skittering across the concrete track and rattling her bones with each bounce. Miraculously, she didn’t hit the wall. Her steering wheel righted itself, wrenching her arms back into place as she flew down a straightaway, now almost even with Nic.

  The race seemed to go on forever as they looped around again, and Davis fought to hold her position as they traded places into the turns. With every corner Davis readied herself for a collision but never gave in to her internal warning to back off. After one more pass they got the signal they were on their final lap, and she bore into another turn. She was a mess of heat and sweat inside her suit, and the ache in her arms spread to her back and legs. The smell of gasoline seeped into her helmet, and the hum of the motor buzzed through her ears, but her concentration stayed clear.

  She felt more than saw Nic beside her down the final stretch. Their karts went nose to nose with the finish line flying toward them. Nic had a slight edge, and she was out of time. In an instantaneous decision, Davis gave one small twitch of her wrist, just a little movement really, but more than enough to brush metal against metal against concrete in a crushing squeal of rubber and chrome that ricocheted through her as both go-karts skidded to an abrupt stop inches shy of the finish line.

  As her blurred vision stabilized, she sought Nic’s eyes and found that deep-blue gaze filled with wonder and mirth. Even under Nic’s helmet Davis could tell she was smiling a wicked smile of acknowledgment. The implications of her actions seeped through her rapidly evaporating haze of competitiveness.

  She’d wrecked them both rather than let Nic pull away.

  The race crew jogged over to untangle them and ease the go-karts across the finish line. Davis quietly stripped off her helmet and racing suit, all the while staring at Nic, while she did the same. After her behavior on the racetrack, she didn’t trust herself to act according to the dictates of public decency.

  They walked quietly to the car, and Nic pulled through an alley to a deserted warehouse parking lot. She put the car in park before turning to Davis. “You put me in the wall.”

  “I did,” Davis said simply, not willing to admit how much that bothered her. How had she gone from being distrustful and avoiding intimacy to being so crazy about someone that she’d risk bodily harm to both of them?

  “That’s kind of crazy and sexy all at once.”

  “Well, I’m both crazy and sexy. That’s why you love me.” The words were out before Davis had a chance to think them through. She hadn’t meant to use the L-word. Even if she was ready to make that leap herself, she didn’t want to project something so major onto Nic. Maybe she could play it off as just another flippant remark, but one glance at Nic in the dimly lit car told her she hadn’t missed the significance of the comment.

  “You’re absolutely right,” Nic said. “I do love that you’re sexy and crazy. I also love that you’re tough and don’t put up with any shit. I love that you never give me a free pass or take easy answers. I love the way all your walls fall down when I get you in bed, and I love that you demand the same from me.”

  Davis was on top of Nic before she knew what she was doing. She’d never in her life had anyone say anything so damn perfect, and she couldn’t tell her anything more clearly than she could show her. She straddled Nic’s lap and pulled her into a searing kiss as they became a tangle of arms, hands, and seat belts. The adrenaline of their competition hadn’t disappeared. It had transferred right into their relationship. Once again Davis’s pulse raced and her body temperature rose. Oblivious to their surroundings her muscles ached too, only this time they didn’t scream for rest. They begged for more. More of Nic’s mouth, more of her breath hot on her neck, more of her touch on more of her skin. She ripped at Nic’s shirt, popping a button so she could get her hand inside the bra.

  Nic didn’t waste time with their shirts. She went straight for the zipper of Davis’s jeans. The tight fabric and her spread legs didn’t make the task easy, but Nic never shrank from a challenge. Within seconds she shifted them both to the backseat. Somehow the bumbling urgency turned Davis on more than the comfort of any silk-sheeted bed ever could. Their new position afforded them just enough room to get their hands in each other’s pants. Davis latched onto Nic’s clit, and Nic, always the one to push a step further, slipped inside her.

  Their bodies rocked in an awkwardly pounding rhythm, like two teenagers forcing their way through a cloud of lust, feeding off each other’s need for a rapid escalation. “God, yes, fuck me,” Davis growled, refusing to let go of Nic even as her own orgasm threatened. Like their earlier race to the finish, she was adamant they end together. “Come with me, Nic.”

  Nic’s clit hardened beneath her fingers as her thrusting became more erratic. She was close, and the realization only pushed Davis further into incoherency. As Nic lurched forward, her muscles contracting beneath Davis, she spun out of control as well, shouting out a profanity-laced release.

  “Fuck…yes,
Nic, don’t stop.” She panted as flashes of white surged behind her eyelids. “I love you…Nic…fuck yes…I love you.”

  Davis’s head lolled back onto the seat, and the rapid rise and fall of her chest settled into a more natural rhythm. “I haven’t done that since high school. God, you make me so crazy for you.”

  “I love the way you want me.” Nic was still panting.

  Davis searched Nic’s blue eyes through an evaporating gaze of lust.

  “What?” Nic asked.

  “You love what I do to you. You love so many things about me. You’re using the word ‘love’ freely, but just not exactly toward me, so I’m trying to figure out if you’re telling me something important or if you’re dodging something important.”

  Nic looked her directly in the eyes. “I love you, Davis.”

  She smiled so fully her face ached, and relief stretched her chest. “Yeah?”

  “Yes.” Nic kissed her quickly. “But if you keep looking at me like that I’ll have to prove it again, so let’s cool it until I can show you in your bed.”

  “That sounds wonderful.” Davis climbed back into the front seat, and Nic followed.

  They cruised down I-85, both of them riding in the comfortable silence of their afterglow until Nic’s cell phone rang. She made no move to pick it up.

  “Aren’t you going to get that?”

  “I hadn’t planned on it.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m with you now,” Nic said seriously. “I don’t want anyone to take away from that.”

  “That’s a lovely thought, but it makes me wonder who you’re with when I call and you don’t pick up.”

  Nic squeezed her hand. “Are you okay? You seem kind of, I don’t know…insecure tonight.”

  Davis grimaced. Needy, damn it. I’m getting needy. Just because they’d said the big L to each other didn’t mean she needed to start micromanaging Nic’s life. “I’m fine. I just don’t mind if you check your phone. Despite my behavior on the go-kart track, I’m not some possessive maniac. Maybe it’s your parole officer, or the STD clinic calling with your test results.”