Does She Love You?

by Rachel Spangler

  “Well, yeah. I mean if you’re eager to hear about that stuff, I’d be happy to check the message.”

  “Don’t put yourself out on my account. I mean, you might feel embarrassed to show your total ineptitude at using voice mail in front of me.”

  “Not at all. I can even do it one-handed.” Nic made a big show of pressing her voice-mail button and exaggeratedly listening as the message played, but halfway through, her expression darkened and her smile disappeared.

  She turned the phone off and tossed it onto the dashboard, her face grim and ashen. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to cut this evening short.”

  “What?”

  “Something’s come up. I need to get back to my hotel.”

  “Listen, if your herpes report came back positive we can work through it.” The joke wasn’t funny, but neither was the sense of dread spreading through her.

  Nic’s forced smile wasn’t convincing.

  “Are you fucking with me because I made you check the message?”

  “I wish. I really do hate to, but I’ve got to go.”

  Nic was serious, and that scared Davis. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, but a, uh, friend, is having a hard time. I need to go check on her.”

  “A friend?”

  “Yeah.” Nic paled. “My best friend.”

  “In Athens?”

  “She lives in Athens, but she’s coming to the city tonight, and she sounded pretty upset.” Nic looked more shaken than Davis had ever seen her, or maybe this was just the first time she’d ever seen Nic shaken at all. It was disconcerting to see such a normally self-assured woman look so lost.

  “Do you want me to come with you? I’d love to help any way I can.”

  Nic shook her head. “Thanks, but I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed any more than she already is. You understand, right?”

  “Sure, of course.” Or at least she tried to. She fought her selfish urge to tell Athens to get back in Athens. She already had to share Nic too much, and she didn’t want that other part of her life to infiltrate their time in Atlanta, too. Instead she said, “If it were Cass in trouble, I’d go in a heartbeat.”

  “Thank you.” Nic pulled off the interstate. As the distance to Davis’s apartment lessened, the space between them grew. It was just one night and for a reason that had nothing to do with them as a couple. Why did it feel like Nic was pulling away?

  When they parked outside Davis’s place, Nic didn’t get out to open the door for her. “I’ll call you when I know what’s going on. Maybe tomorrow sometime, okay?”

  “Yeah, take all the time you need.” Ugh, why had she said that? She wanted to say, “Hurry up and come back to me.” Instead, she kissed Nic full on the mouth, hoping she could make her feel something, but as she got out of the car, she wasn’t at all sure she’d succeeded.

  *

  Nic tore through the parking lot of the Wyndham and whipped the car into the first open spot she found. Grabbing a suitcase and her garment bag, she rushed into the lobby and struggled to function like a sane person as she checked in. All she could process was pure, white-hot panic. She tapped her credit card incessantly on the counter while the desk clerk typed her information into the computer, her gaze set on a permanent swivel from her watch to the front door. How much time did she have? It had been at least half an hour since Belle had called, but she didn’t know if she’d called from Athens or some other place along Highway 78. She could’ve already come and gone.

  No, no, no. “Gone” wasn’t a possibility she’d consider. She still had time.

  The clerk gave her the key to room three-fifteen, and Nic sprinted up the stairs rather than stand fully exposed in the lobby for another second waiting for the elevator. She burst through the door and slammed it behind her.

  Safe, she was safe. She had to slow her breathing. This was bad. Belle was clearly upset about something, but if someone were hurt she would’ve said so on the phone. All she’d really said was she needed to see her…right now. Maybe it was just her guilty conscience that made her suspect Belle knew about Davis. It could be anything. It could be nothing.

  Well, obviously it wasn’t nothing. Belle had sounded upset but also cold and distant, almost clinical in her summary of the facts. Maybe she’d just had a rough day. No, Belle wouldn’t rush to Atlanta over something trivial. Still, the situation wasn’t as out of control as she’d first imagined. Belle hadn’t caught her with Davis, and now that she’d made it to the hotel first, she had the upper hand. She tried to force her heart to stop racing.

  Everything would be okay. Belle would arrive to find her sitting in her hotel room, all alone and smelling like sex. Shit. She had the scent of another woman all over her clothes, her hands, her mouth. She wrenched off her shirt and jeans as she jumped into the shower before the water even warmed. She fumbled the soap while trying to strip off the wrapper and got shampoo in her eyes, but she managed to scrub away all reminders of Davis. Or at least she hoped so. Stepping out of the shower, she examined herself with all the calm detachment she could muster. Her eyes were still a little wide and frantic, but the rest of her body was clear of scratches or bruises, and her lips had long since lost their swollenness, leaving no outward signs anything was amiss.

  As she turned her attention to the rest of the room, her more calculating business instincts kicked in. She’d run damage control on more than one corporate account over the years and could do the same here. She crafted a story in her head about having been at dinner with a client and being so wiped out she went right to the shower when she got to the hotel. Had Belle called the hotel? If so, what time? It didn’t matter. She had to keep details to a minimum, say she hadn’t checked in until after dinner and—

  A knock on the door interrupted her planning. Nic grabbed her phone, threw open the door, and immediately began to lie. “Belle, oh, my Lord. I was just listening to your message. Are you okay?”

  Belle looked inexplicably small in the doorway. She held a tiny carry-on suitcase. Her linen pants were creased and wrinkled, but she clearly wasn’t the average traveler. Her eyes drilled straight past Nic into the hotel room, like she expected something sinister to materialize.

  “Belle, honey, come here.” She held out her arms, but Belle didn’t move.

  “Are you alone?” Belle’s voice was hollow, and Nic grimaced at her words. What had happened, what did she suspect, or did she know?

  “Of course I’m alone.” She gestured to the hotel robe she’d thrown on seconds earlier. “I just got out of the shower. Please come in and tell me what’s going on.”

  Belle sidestepped past her into the room. Nic followed her line of sight to her pile of clothes on the floor and her garment bag tossed on the bed. “Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. I never remember to hang things up when you’re not around.”

  “You haven’t unpacked.”

  “No, I went right to the office this morning, then to a dinner meeting that ran long. I only got checked in a little bit ago.”

  “A dinner meeting with a client?”

  “Yeah, honey, who else?”

  “Which client?” Belle’s voice held only steel.

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Which client, Nic?”

  Nic scrambled to think of a name, any name, and said the first one that came to mind. “Andretti Racing.”

  “A local client? I thought you were above that now.”

  “I am, in general, I suppose, but with a name like Andretti…” Nic was getting no response from Belle, and she didn’t stand a chance of breaking through that icy exterior with business talk. She touched her lightly on the shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re here. I was so worried when I heard your message. I can’t believe I get to touch you and hold you. Baby, I don’t know what happened, but I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

  She slipped her arms around Belle’s waist, pulling her near. “Nic, I—”

  She placed kisses along Belle’s neck and shoulder. “You
feel so good.”

  Belle began to soften in her arms. “You didn’t answer your phone, and you weren’t here or at the office.”

  “Oh, Belle, I’m sorry I worried you. I just hate to carry that damn thing, but I’m here now. I’m all yours.”

  Belle finally met her eyes, still searching for something. Then came the question Nic feared. “You are all mine, aren’t you?”

  The air left Nic’s lungs. Belle did know something, or at least suspected, but how much? What should she admit to? How had she let things get so out of control? And more importantly, how could she turn her life back around?

  Her panic rose again. Losing any ground was simply unacceptable. Belle wouldn’t settle for less than all of her. Some primal survival instinct kicked in as the lies began to flow. “Of course I am, Belle. You’re my heart and my anchor. How could you doubt that?”

  Belle seemed to waver. “I needed you, Nic, and I couldn’t find you. You’ve been gone so much, and people are starting to talk. I didn’t want to listen, but rumor has it—”

  “Shh, slow down. I’m here now. There’s no one else in this room. No rumors. It’s just me and you. No one else understands, but you know me. You’ve always known me.”

  The corner of Belle’s mouth twitched up briefly, so Nic kept going. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so much. I get tunnel vision at work, but it’s only because of our goals. I want to give us the life we’ve dreamed of, the family we’ve dreamed of. It’s so close I can feel it. Sometimes when I’m tired or run-down, I think of you with a baby in your arms, and it’s just so beautiful I can’t stand it.” That was low, and Nic hated herself for using Belle’s dreams against her, but not enough to stop. “You’re what helps me survive the extra hours or nights away, not because of me, but because of us. Only us.”

  “Oh, Nic, I’m so sorry.” Belle’s resistance broke. “I just love you so much it makes me crazy.”

  “It’s okay, baby.”

  “No, it’s not. I let some jealous old biddies rattle me, and I barged in like a woman possessed. I let myself doubt you, Nic, only for a minute, but I shouldn’t have. Can you forgive me?”

  “Hush now. Of course I forgive you. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. So much it scares me sometimes.” Belle started to place kisses along the bare skin between the lapels of Nic’s robe.

  She was torn between the overwhelming relief of having escaped a potentially relationship-ending conflict and disgust at herself both for how she got into this situation and the lies she’d told to get out of it. Who the hell was she becoming? She couldn’t go on living two lives. Well, technically she could. She’d skirted this disaster nimbly enough, but at what cost? What kind of person lied to the two most important people in her life? And the lies had come so quickly, so effortlessly.

  Belle slowly untied the knot in Nic’s bathrobe and slipped her hands inside. She had to stop this. She couldn’t make love to Belle less than two hours after fucking Davis. Then again, she’d told them both she loved them during that same time span. Wasn’t that a bigger betrayal? At least saying she loved each of them wasn’t a lie. If her feelings for them were a lie, she wouldn’t be in conflict now. She’d just let one of them go.

  Belle worked her way up Nic’s body until she pushed the robe from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Nic finally met Belle’s gaze, and a mix of love and lust overcame her guilt. Then Belle whispered, “Please, Nic, I need you.” All other thoughts vanished.

  She scooped Belle into her arms and carried her to the bed. Lowering her gently, she immediately began unbuttoning Belle’s blouse and placing kisses on the skin under each one. They moved so well together, years of love and devotion driving every kiss. The familiarity of Belle’s skin, her scent, the sounds of her breath as it grew shallow drew Nic into their past and showed her the most magnificent glimpses of her future. Nic’s arousal overwhelmed her. Skin to skin, mouth to mouth, body against beautiful body, she pushed into Belle, tears stinging her eyes as emotion overtook her.

  Belle reached for her as well, seeming as eager as Nic to strengthen the ties between them. They rocked in a steady motion, the energy between them grew to combustible levels. Nic worried she might disintegrate under the weight of their connection. She claimed Belle and gave herself up in the same moment as they clutched each other fiercely. Belle was home, Belle was happiness, Belle was everything that mattered.

  They collapsed, and Nic untangled herself only enough to wrap the comforter around them, then pulled Belle close. She couldn’t get enough of her, not now, not ever.

  “Thank you, Nic, for being who you are. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  The words hurt deep in her chest. “Shh, just sleep now, Belle. I’ve got you.”

  She wasn’t the person Belle thought her to be, or Belle wouldn’t be thanking her. But she wanted to be better. She wasn’t sure when she’d turned into someone she couldn’t even recognize, but she had to turn her life back around. Could she do it? She looked at the sleeping angel in her arms. For Belle she could do anything.

  Chapter Seven

  Belle woke in a tangle of sheets and Nic’s arms. How strange that a hotel room felt more like home than the home she’d made for them. She was torn between the overwhelming sense of comfort and a wash of embarrassment about why she’d rushed to Atlanta in the first place. How unbelievably silly she’d been to let two snide gossipers shake her confidence in Nic. She should’ve known she’d find Nic right where she said she’d be, doing what she had always done, taking care of them.

  She visually traced the lines on Nic’s face in the early morning light. Flecks of gray were beginning to appear around her temples, and lines of laughter curled faintly around the corners of her mouth, but to Belle Nic was the perfect picture of the woman she’d fallen in love with, the woman she was still in love with. How could she have questioned her?

  When she’d barged into the hotel, she’d honestly expected to find another woman in Nic’s bed. She’d conjured visions of some faceless redhead wrapped in Nic’s arms. Her mind had played the most awful trick on her; even when she saw Nic she couldn’t believe her. Thankfully, Nic never wavered. She hadn’t gotten angry with her for dropping in or defensive about her suspicions. How would she have reacted if the roles were reversed? She would’ve been hurt if Nic didn’t trust her. Guilt surged through her. She didn’t deserve Nic’s devotion, but Nic gave it anyway.

  Annabelle needed to show her she appreciated her and prove the faith she had in them. Nic was strong and unwavering and the most attentive provider, but lately Annabelle had done nothing but question and ask for more.

  A shiver ran down the length of her body at the thought of what she’d done, and she snuggled closer to Nic for warmth.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Nic murmured, and kissed her forehead.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “No, it’s nice. I’d much rather wake up to you than an alarm.”

  “I’m glad to hear that, but I shouldn’t be here.”

  Nic rolled over to face her. “What are you talking about?”

  “This is your world.” Belle ran her fingers through a shock of dark hair that had fallen over Nic’s eyes.

  “You’re my world.”

  The ache in her chest throbbed at the surge of love racing through her. “How do you manage to be so perfect all the time?”

  Nic grimaced, then turned the expression into a smile. “I’m not perfect, Belle. Please don’t think that.”

  “You’re perfect for me.” She kissed her lips. “We’re perfect together. We’ve always been so effortless together that sometimes I forget how good we’ve got it, but you reminded me. I’m going to carry that feeling home with me.”

  “You don’t have to go.” Nic pulled her tighter to her chest.

  “Yes, I do. You’re here working so hard for us. I want to do my job for you too, and that means making sure you’ve got everything you want when you c
ome home.”

  “At least stay for breakfast. We can call room service.”

  “No, if I stay in this bed the only thing I’ll be hungry for is you. Why don’t you get ready for work and we can get coffee and a bagel on your way out.”

  Nic looked less than enthused about the option. “We could have coffee and bagels in the room.”

  “I see right through you. You know if you keep me here you’ll get to have your way with me.”

  “Can you blame me?”

  Annabelle smiled sweetly, then threw back the covers. She did so enjoy being the object of Nic’s desire. “Get up. It’s a beautiful morning out there. Let me enjoy a little piece of Atlanta with you now, and then I’ll be on my way.”

  Nic sat up and rubbed her face as if trying to force herself to agree. “You know I can’t deny you anything, Belle.”

  In less than an hour they sat at an outside table in front of Caribou Coffee. Belle loved Atlanta in the springtime. The smells of freshly brewed coffee mingled with magnolias. The buzz of traffic and rush of pedestrians filled her senses. She loved to soak up the atmosphere. This particular intersection was one of her favorite spots. To one direction was the busy hub of Midtown and to the other lay the lush oasis of Piedmont Park. Just across the street sat the cutest little bookstore. They specialized in gay and lesbian books and kitsch. Nic called it tacky, but Belle found it amusing even if some of their things bordered on vulgar.

  She turned her attention away from the city scene before her and noticed Nic didn’t look as if she was enjoying the setting nearly as much as she was. Nic sneaked a peek at her watch, then glanced over her shoulder in the direction of the bookstore.

  “What’s the matter, Nic?”

  Nic shook her head and smiled. “Nothing, I’m sorry. I’m already thinking about rush hour.”

  “We could’ve gotten the food to go.”