Chasing Harpo

by Alan Black

Jack was shocked to see that having a doctorate in zoology earned Marks less than he made as a state trooper. Maybe his mom was wrong when she said he should go back to school to get a better career. Maybe a post-graduate degree would get him a job where someone did not shoot at him from time to time, but it sure did not look like it would pay any better.

  Jack made calls to send radio cars to the Marks apartment. He asked Natalia to have the BPD canvas Marks’ neighborhood, talking to anyone who might know where the zoologist had gone. In addition, Jack sent a car to interview Marks’ parents. They might have knowledge of their son’s whereabouts. He doubted they would tell the police anything, but he still had to have someone ask.

  Natalia gripped a handful of colored pens. She was making strange marks on the maps. The maps looked like a battle plan with arrows, wavy lines, boxes, circles and some weird shapes that Jack had not seen since high school geometry.

  He watched as Natalia took a sighting report on the suspect’s vehicle.

  She looked at Jack and shook her head, thanking the police officer on the radio even though the man had called in about an old Nash Metropolitan rather than a new Smart Car.

  “That is about fifteen dozen radio calls on the wrong car,” Natalia said.

  Jack said. “Well, it isn’t every day that we get to chase an ape around the greater Birmingham metropolitan area. Everyone wants to get into the act.”

  Natalia smiled and said, “Ha! That is what you think! Come check out my work some day. We are always getting to chase something strange around the zoo. Last week the ostriches got loose and started a rumble with the emus. Then there was the time the warthogs burrowed out of their compound and didn’t want to go back until after dinner. And that doesn’t even begin to cover some of our human guests. I don’t know how many fools watch the Lion King, then think it is okay to pet a lion cub. We are constantly chasing some redneck trying to ride the giraffes.”

  Jack grinned, “I might not mind getting chased if you are doing the catching.”

  “Ooooo, sexual harassment on the first day of the job. Your mother must be so proud.”

  Jack blushed. He said. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean-”

  “Ha!” Natalia said. She laughed in triumph. “Fastest catch of the day. Don’t make it so easy on me LT. At least put up a struggle, so that when I do finally get you into bed it will look like there was some sort of courtship going on.”

  Jack blushed, turning an even deeper red. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he did not know what to say. He just smiled.

  “Double ha!” Natalia said. “Caught and already set the hook in too deep to get loose.”

  “Well-”

  “Sorry, LT,” Natalia interrupted again. She pointed at the Bluetooth headset stuck in her ear. “I’ve got another radio call coming in.” She turned away from Jack and began making a small notation on the map.

  Jack looked over her shoulder at her notations on the map. For the most part, they did not make sense. She was putting a small green X about any call on the fugitives. She even marked the blatantly wrong reports. He could see a small red circle and slash over the green X with the notation “Nash Metropolitan.” He was not sure why she wanted to keep track of wrong information.

  He could see small multi-colored Xs about Smart Cars. There were small numerical notations indicating why the sighting was not Marks or Harpo. Jack assumed that Natalia had a legend somewhere that told what number went with whether the car was the wrong color, the occupants were not who they were looking for, the license number did not match the one for Marks’s car, or simply no orangutan in the passenger seat.

  Jack could see one large green X. It circled the zoo entrance. That was the first sighting of Dr. Marks and Harpo. There were no other green Xs on the map not overwritten with the red circle and slash.

  There was a plethora of other colors marking a variety of places and activities. There was a purple mark at the zoo and one for the Cops-R-Us Donut shop. Jack realized it marked their location as they progressed on the hunt for the missing ape. He spotted a third purple mark on the east side of town, not far from the zoo. It was a circle, not an X. He did not recognize the location. He glanced at the state map and was surprised to see a purple circle close to where he lived. He wondered how Natalia knew where he lived. He would have to ask her when she got off the call.

  Natalia made another notation on her map. She ended the transmission on the last call. Jack reached around her. With a forefinger, he tapped the location marked by the unknown purple circle near the zoo.

  He asked, “I don’t recognize this location. What is there?”

  Natalia looked at him. With a grin she said. “I thought you would never ask. That is my apartment. I thought you might want to know where it is, for when this is all over.”

  The sight of Steve heading back to the car saved Jack from responding. Steve balanced three coffees and a bag of donuts, dodging radio cars, and not letting the tranquilizer rifle on his shoulder slip so much as an inch.

  Natalia said, “Another nothing call. I don’t think we are going to find Dr. Marks in town. We are too late and he is way too smart to stay where he will be caught too quickly.”

  Jack nodded, “I agree. Get a call into that police sergeant from the zoo, whatever his name was. Make sure the city boys spread their BOLO to the State Police and the county agencies. Have them put my name and Porrizzo’s on it as endorsements. That should get everyone looking for Marks.”

  “And Harpo,” Steve said, as he finally wound his way through the cars in the crowded lot to reach Jack’s cruiser. Steve gave a coffee to Jack and Natalia, but kept the donuts for himself.

  “No,” Jack said. “I would rather everyone think about trying to catch Dr. Marks. Far too many people are far too trigger-happy thinking about shooting an ape. I would rather we catch these two without anyone getting shot.”

  Natalia asked, “You don’t agree with Porrizzo that Harpo is a danger to the public and needs to be put down?”

  Jack shook his head, “Well, actually what I think isn’t what matters at this point. All we have is the requirement to catch and detain. Not kill. I would rather Steve not have to use his trank gun if we can avoid it.”

  Steve nodded, “I would rather not shoot Harpo either. I like the guy. But I would rather I trank him than have some statey put a .45 through him.”

  Natalia looked Jack in the eye, “You didn’t really answer my question, LT. You are Porrizzo’s hand picked state trooper for this detail. Are you doing what the AG says to do? Are you going to put a .45 through Harpo?”

  Jack shook his head, “I am going to do what I am ordered to do. That is what we are all going to do. Catch and detain at this point; nothing more and nothing less.”

  Natalia smiled sadly, “Well, I am not sure I like that answer. Maybe I am not going to sleep with you after all.”

  Before Jack could answer, she pointed at her ear and turned away. She selected a colored pen and started to write on the map, but tossed the pen down in frustration. She kept her back to Jack and made another few calls.

  Steve took his coffee and his bag of donuts and went to sit in the car to listen to the radio.

  Left alone, Jack wondered if he should have confessed that he did not want to shoot Harpo anymore than Natalia or Steve. Still, he did want the promotion. If it cost the life of an ape, well then, that was what the law called for. It would not be his decision. If the judicial order came down to euthanize Harpo, then why shouldn’t he profit from it. He had been doing his job for years, trying to move up. He should take it; this was his chance.

  He tried to take his mind off shooting Harpo by flipping through the Marks file again.

  Natalia said, “Be-On-the-Look-Out went statewide, just a minute ago. We have a hit from a cruiser that said he saw a Smart Car with two people in it northwest headed up Highway 78 a while back. They didn’t think anything of it at the time, but it was odd enough to remember when the call d
id come through.”

  Jack said, “Why odd?”

  Natalia said, “Smart Cars are normally for only around town. They don’t have much range for long country trips. I don’t mean the mileage, but they are kind of small to be cooped up in for a long time. Anyway, the state trooper turned around. He is on his way back to cruise the area where he saw the car. It was a while ago and might not have been Harpo or Dr. Marks anyway.”

  Jack’s cell phone rang. He stepped away from the car for a small bit of privacy. He listened to the voice at the other end for a while, not smiling, but nodding in concentration.

  Natalia watched his face carefully, shaking her head slowly.

  When Jack hung up she asked, “Wife or girlfriend?”

  “Crap!” Steve shouted. “You might as well take me back to the zoo.”

  Natalia asked, “What?”

  Steve said, “It just came over the radio. AG Porrizzo got some state judge to issue a kill order on Harpo and an arrest warrant on Marks. Dr. Marks had some lawyer there, but it sounds like they pushed it through past his objections. As soon as this hits the police bands, there isn’t going to be anything left for me to shoot with a tranquilizer.” He looked at the coffee and donuts in his hand. He tossed them in a trash barrel in disgust and sat back in the car.

  Jack nodded, indicating the phone, “I got confirmation from Porrizzo’s office. He is going to do a news conference in about fifteen minutes. We have that long to get him some information on the whereabouts of Marks and Harpo. Any guesses?”

  Natalia gave a little pout, but said, “No LT. You see the same intelligence as I do. For all I know they are parked in the back of the donut shop waiting for us to go away before they drive home.

  *

  GARY stood quietly in the middle of the small crowd. He glanced around him and looked through the gaps in the loosely assembled group. Rome had gotten word of Porrizzo’s impending press conference and the two of them decided to come and hear what the man had to say. But, even in this small crowd, Gary had lost sight of Rome.

  Gary shook his head. He knew Rome was not far away. All he would have to do is find the prettiest woman and Rome would be right there. Every time Rome was off his leash, it was a guarantee he would chase some skirt with no less enthusiasm than a sailor would on leave in Shanghai.

  A man Gary did not recognize stepped up to the microphone. Even though the man’s face was unknown, Gary easily recognized the uniform of a state police officer. Gary frowned in disapproval. His time in the military had schooled him that men and women in uniform did not belong in politics, not while in uniform. There was politics enough in day-to-day life without taking sides in an incident that was becoming more emotionally charged than it was about rational police business.

  The officer’s voice rang through the public address system over the small crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our Attorney General and Alabama’s next governor, Stanley ‘Stan the Man’ Porrizzo.”

  Porrizzo waited through the applause. He waved his hands to stop the applause, but he was not fast enough. The applause died before he could finish the gesture. It was just a smattering of polite claps with only a few enthusiastic people in the crowd.

  Gary could see the disappointment on Porrizzo’s face. He was sure Porrizzo’s campaign manager would be up for a tongue-lashing for not putting a few more supporters in the crowd to pump up the response. Gary had pre-briefed a few assemblies in his day to cheer wildly at the approach of some unwelcome politician or unpopular officer. Gary knew the man had plenty of time to salt the crowd with Porrizzo supporters. After all, he and Rome managed to put aside their drinks at the B6 and get down here on time.

  Porrizzo’s smile never wavered as he surveyed the crowd. It was a typical press conference, with news and radio people pushing to the front with recorders, cameras and microphones. There were a few print journalists scattered in the group.

  Gary could see the TV cameras and recorders made Porrizzo smile even broader. The man never missed a chance to get his face on camera. Printed articles with in-depth coverage were never Porrizzo’s strength. There were a couple of national news organizations among the local media. Porrizzo looked positively giddy.

  Porrizzo said, “My friends, I thank Captain Stavros Williams of the Alabama State Police for that gracious introduction, but I am not here to campaign. I am not here to talk about my plans for the future of our great state. I am not here to talk about my plans to grow our economy and get our citizens, friends and families back to work. I am here to talk about a public safety concern. The safety of our friends and families is a concern we all share.”

  He looked directly into a camera lens of a network news reporter. “We have a killer on the loose. It is my belief that we need transparent government that is responsive to our citizens. In that light, I want to bring you the latest update on the killings terrorizing our zoo and the great city of Birmingham.

  “We are all familiar with the deaths caused by a small criminal element. We will track down those responsible. We will deal with them as severely as the law allows. Captain Stavros is heading that investigation and since it is an ongoing investigation we cannot comment on it at this time.

  “However, one of the apes at the zoo was instrumental in causing the death of men who may or may not have been guilty of anything more than trespassing on zoo grounds after hours.

  “This morning State Superior Judge Ellen Montero drove up I-65 from Montgomery to review the briefs on this case. As sad as it makes me, I have to report about the on-going legal decisions surrounding this ape.

  “It is the position of the State Attorney General’s Office that animals who kill humans should be…no…must be euthanized. It is to be done humanely, painlessly and quickly. In this, all rational citizens of Alabama must agree. That is the issue at hand. While we are working hard to respond quickly to the needs of our citizens, not everyone involved in this tragedy is a rational citizen.

  “The ape in question was stolen from the zoo this morning by a Mr. Carl Marks. We are checking into how and why Marks stole the ape. We are uncertain at this time as to whether he had authorization to be on zoo grounds at that time. State Police Lieutenant Jack Keegan is heading a multi-jurisdictional task force to apprehend Marks and bringing the ape back for final disposition.

  “Justice Montero has issued an order for immediate euthanasia of the orangutan for the safety and protection of the citizens of this great state.”

  Porrizzo loosened his tie, as if he was getting ready to capture the ape himself. He put on his most serious face and asked, “Are there any questions?” Porrizzo appeared to relax as if the hard part was over and answering questions was the easiest thing he had to do.

  Gary smiled inwardly. He was sure Porrizzo’s press secretary or his campaign manager had assured him that some of the local reporters and maybe even some of the national networks were in his pocket. Gary had little fondness for the media. He was sure some of them would toss Porrizzo a few softball questions in exchange for a personal interview or for an exclusive story. They would be easy questions Porrizzo would have readily prepared answers.

  “Politics!” Gary spat as if it were a curse word. Even without shouting or using any electronic amplification his voice carried clearly over the clamor from the news media up front. “Two-faced, double-speaking politician.”

  Porrizzo tried to ignore the voice, but many of the reporters turned to look at Gary. One of the reporters tried to ask a question, but Gary interrupted as he muscled his way to the front.

  Gary’s voice carried even to the fringes of the crowd. It had the tone of a command that required a person to listen. “That was the biggest pile of crap I have heard since Clinton said he didn’t have sex with that woman.”

  Porrizzo almost frowned as a couple of the cameras turned away from him and focused on Gary. He cleared his throat, “Do any of the reporters here have a question?”

  Gary was now at the front of the crowd. He sai
d, “Why only reporters? I have questions and I would like answers.”

  Porrizzo looked at Gary and smiled as if he were looking at a slow child. “This is a press conference, sir. Press, as in journalists.”

  “How do you know I am not part of the press? Just because I am not going to ask questions that you pre-rehearsed in advance?” A couple of the reporters looked sheepish at that question. “Ho-ho! I hit a nerve with that, huh Porrizzo? Did you bribe some of these reporters? That would be a nice story, but it isn’t the one we are here for, is it?”

  Porrizzo said, “No, sir. We have a growing public safety concern. That should be our focus, so if you let the reporters ask their questions for their viewers and readers, we can get back to work.”

  “I called you a two-faced politician,” Gary said calmly, in a loud clear voice. “And I can prove it. You said-”

  Porrizzo interrupted. “This is not an open debate about politics, sir. Please be quiet or I will have to request Captain Williams to ask you to leave.”

  “What about my rights?” Gary said in mock horror.

  Everyone in the crowd could see that Porrizzo wanted to shout back at Gary to shut up and go away. Instead, he leaned into the microphone and spoke clearly, “The legitimate press is here to protect your rights of free speech, sir. They will ask the questions and share the answers with all of the citizens of this state.”

  A shout from the back of the crowd rang out. “Let him speak, Stan. What are you afraid of?” A dozen others in the crowd, including some of the press, took up the shout.

  A reporter shoved a microphone in Gary’s face. “Who are you, sir?”

  Porrizzo shouted, “Wait a minute-”

  The voice in the back shouted again “Let the man ask you his questions, Stan. What are you afraid of?”

  “Ladies and gentlemen, there is a time and a place for this man’s right to free speech and this isn’t it.”

  Gary still did not shout, but his voice carried. Anyone with even minimal military experience recognized the timber of Gary’s parade ground command voice. “This is not about these reporters’ freedom of the press, or anyone’s rights to free speech. But, remember, you brought it up.”