Life Or Something Like It

by Annie Lyons

  ‘I do.’

  ‘So where’s the catch?’

  ‘Jesse.’

  ‘Pardon me?’

  Cat sighed. ‘This is strictly between us but Jesse and Alex are splitting up.’

  Ava shrugged. ‘Least surprising news of the year and…?’

  ‘Jesse has told me that he loves me.’

  Ava frowned. ‘I see.’

  Cat stared at her. ‘Is that all you can say?’

  Ava held up her hands. ‘Your funeral.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Okay, let me ask you another question. You say you’ve told Finn everything. How much have you told Jesse? And you say you trust this guy Finn. Do you trust Jesse?’

  ‘I’ve known Jesse a long time.’

  Ava shook her head. ‘Not the same thing at all. I’ve had an on-off relationship with cellulite for years. Doesn’t mean I want it crowding my butt.’

  Cat smiled. ‘Well I think I can trust Jesse. I mean, he got my job back.’

  Ava studied her nails. ‘Oh he did, did he?’

  Cat stared at her. ‘Okay, tell me the truth,’ she said, folding her arms.

  ‘You won’t like it.’

  ‘I’ll like it even less if you don’t tell me.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Ava with a sigh. ‘Jesse didn’t get you your job back. I did.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Donald and I are old friends. I put in a call.’

  Cat’s head began to spin. ‘He lied to me.’

  ‘Sorry, honey.’

  ‘He told me that he loved me.’

  Ava grimaced. ‘You really have been out of the loop.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Ava shifted in her seat. ‘Tell me, Ava.’

  ‘O-kay. Alex threw him out. He begged her to let him stay but she told him it was over.’

  ‘How do you know this?’

  ‘I suppose the obvious answer is that I know everything but actually, their indiscreet cleaner let it slip.’

  ‘He told me it was mutual.’

  ‘Well of course he did.’ Ava’s face softened. ‘I’m sorry you had to find out this way.’

  ‘He told me that he loved me,’ repeated Cat.

  ‘And he probably does, but then you do clear up his shit all the time.’ Cat looked hurt. Ava reached over and placed a hand on her arm. ‘Oh come on, sweetie. You are known in the business for it. You’re good at it but honestly? Everyone knows that Jesse Hemingway and Hemingway Media would be nothing without you. That’s what I told Donald because it’s true.’ Ava could see that Cat was in shock and gestured to the waitress that more drinks were required. ‘Come on, let’s order,’ she said kindly.

  After the waitress brought another round of cocktails and they’d ordered, Cat turned to Ava. ‘I’ve been a fool, haven’t I?’

  Ava smiled at her kindly. ‘Yeah but who hasn’t? Listen, I’ve told you before, none of this shit is real. We’re all gliding across the pond like swans whilst kicking our little legs like crazy under the water. All of us, Cat. Do I need to spell this one out for you, honey? Most people in this life don’t get a shot at true happiness. I know I never have. Sometimes you gotta give in, you know? I don’t know this guy Finn, but it sounds as if he got under your skin and you didn’t know how to handle it. I say go for it before it’s too late. Jesse needs you but you don’t need him. You just think you do.’

  As Cat returned home later that afternoon, Ava’s words kept coming back to her. She recalled the night she had spent with Jesse. He had arrived out of breath and eager to please, managing to hide his disappointment when Cat told him that she just wanted to talk. They had lain down on her bed and done just that. Cat had wanted to tell him about how she was feeling now, how different her life was since the summer. Jesse had listened but after a while Cat realised that he was asleep. She had watched him for a while, his handsome face creased by a frown. After a time she switched off the light and went to sleep in the spare bedroom. She told herself that it was the alcohol that had sent him to sleep but Ava’s words brought into focus how often she made excuses for him.

  The next day, Cat drove over to her brother’s for Sunday lunch. She had been surprised when Melissa phoned with the invitation earlier in the week. ‘Charlie and Ellie have something to give you and Andrew and I want to thank you properly for everything you did this summer,’ she told her.

  ‘I’d love to come,’ replied Cat.

  ‘Great,’ said Melissa sounding relieved. ‘The kids will be over the moon.’

  Cat smiled. She detected a softening of attitude from Melissa and recognised that she felt it to; there was a tacit understanding between them now.

  As she pulled up outside the house on Sunday, Cat felt a prickle of excitement. She had missed the children’s happy chaos and couldn’t wait to see them again.

  Ellie threw open the front door seconds after she rang the bell and leapt into her aunt’s arms. ‘You’re early! Daddy said you would be.’ Cat held her for a moment, relishing Ellie’s easy affection. It was reassuring and familiar now.

  ‘Hi, Cat,’ came Melissa’s disembodied voice from upstairs. ‘I’m just jumping in the shower. Andrew’s in the kitchen.’

  ‘No worries,’ cried Cat. ‘You take your time.’

  Ellie led Cat by the hand along the corridor. Andrew was draining potatoes over the sink as they entered. ‘Oh hey, sis. Sorry, we’re running a bit late.’

  ‘We’re always running late,’ whispered Ellie from behind her hand. Cat laughed.

  ‘Anything I can do to help?’ offered Cat.

  ‘You can open that and pour us both a glass,’ said Andrew, gesturing towards the bottle of wine she was carrying.

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘So Finn is very sad,’ said Ellie, never one to beat around the bush.

  ‘Ellie,’ warned Andrew.

  ‘No, it’s okay,’ said Cat. No hidden feelings. That was her new mantra. She knelt down in front of her niece. ‘It’s complicated, Ellie, but Finn and I are very different and it would never have worked.’

  ‘But I like Finn.’

  ‘So do I but we come from different worlds and we like very different things.’

  ‘You both like us.’

  ‘That’s true.’

  ‘And he loves you. I know he does.’

  Cat sighed. ‘That may be true.’

  ‘But you love that other man?’

  It was black and white to Ellie. ‘I do love him, yes.’

  ‘And you don’t love Finn?’

  ‘Ellie. Could you go and lay the table, please, darling?’ asked Andrew.

  Ellie glanced at him. ‘You interrupted, Daddy, and that’s very rude. We were just getting to the good bit.’

  ‘I know, sweet pea, but I really need your help. Please?’

  ‘O-kay,’ she sighed, sloping off to the dining room with a handful of cutlery.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ said Andrew. ‘We think she has a bright future as a hostage negotiator. She could break them just by talking.’

  Cat laughed. ‘It’s fine. She’s entitled to ask and to be honest I’m still trying to figure everything out in my own head.’

  Andrew nodded and picked up his glass of wine. ‘Anything you want to talk about?’

  Cat took a deep breath. ‘I think I’m starting to remember why I’ve been single for so long.’ Andrew looked worried. ‘It’s okay. I’m kidding. I’ll work it out.’

  ‘I just want you to be happy. You know that, don’t you?’ said her brother, putting an arm around her shoulder.

  Cat kissed him on the cheek. ‘I do.’

  Charlie appeared behind them at that moment. His face lit up when he saw his aunt. ‘Hey, Cat,’ he said, reaching forwards to give her an awkward hug.

  ‘Hi, lovely boy,’ she said. ‘How are things?’

  He glanced up at her from behind a floppy fringe. ‘Things are good.’

  Cat smiled. ‘I’m really glad. So did Miss Denby sort it?’

  Char
lie nodded. ‘She got this e-safety guy to come in and talk to us about social media.’

  ‘Oh really?’

  ‘Yeah, it was good actually. He said that we shouldn’t be afraid of it but we should understand how to use it safely.’ He glanced over at his father, who gave him a reassuring nod. It was clear that Charlie felt able to discuss things with Andrew now and Cat was glad. Charlie looked different, more confident somehow.

  ‘I like the sound of that,’ said Cat, her interest pricked, the germ of an idea starting to form in her mind.

  ‘Yeah, it was cool. And things are better with Tom. I mean he still says the odd thing but the online stuff has stopped and the others don’t join in as much.’

  ‘That’s good,’ smiled Cat. ‘I’m really glad.’

  ‘Right, lunch is served,’ declared Andrew. Melissa joined them from upstairs as they trooped into the dining room. Ellie made a huge fuss about sitting next to her aunt and Cat felt her chest swell with pride. After dessert, Charlie turned to his sister.

  ‘Ellie, shall we go and get that thing?’

  ‘What thing?’ asked Ellie looking puzzled before the penny dropped. ‘Oh yeah. That thing.’

  Melissa and Andrew exchanged glances as the children disappeared. ‘Should I be worried?’ asked Cat.

  ‘You’ll see.’ Andrew grinned.

  The children returned moments later with a flat rectangular object wrapped in green tissue paper. ‘We made it for you. To say thank you,’ explained Charlie.

  Cat accepted the gift with a smile. She peeled off the wrapping to reveal a montage of photographs from their summer. ‘I took them on my iPad,’ said Charlie with pride.

  ‘It’s wonderful,’ said Cat, smiling at the pictures of Ellie’s ice-cream covered face, of Charlie’s selfie with the lighthouse behind and of Cat and the children in the beach hut holding up the prawns they were eating.

  Ellie nestled alongside her aunt for a better look. ‘I like this picture best,’ she said pointing at a photograph of Cat laughing. ‘You look like Granny Julia in that picture with Grandpa Bill.’ Cat was perplexed for a moment before she realised that Ellie was talking about her own parents and the photograph she carried in her purse. She reached for her handbag and retrieved the miniature picture. ‘See?’ said Ellie. ‘Finn is looking at you just like Grandpa is looking at Granny. I told you he loved you.’

  Cat noticed Andrew and Melissa exchange glances as if they were thinking the same thing. She looked back at the photograph of her and Finn. She remembered it being taken the first night they had gone to the pub. Finn made a comment and she had found it so funny that she hadn’t been able to stop giggling for a good five minutes. Charlie had captured the moment perfectly but he had also caught the expression on Finn’s face. It was smiling and tender, taking delight in Cat’s laughter and gazing at her as if she were the only woman in the world. She remembered being fearful of letting herself return that gaze or open up to the feelings it brought with it.

  Cat put the gift down and reached out to hug her niece and nephew. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘It’s the best present anyone has ever given me. And it makes me so happy that you call Mum and Dad, Granny and Grandpa. Dad would have loved being called Grandpa Bill.’ She smiled over at Andrew who nodded. Ellie kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘Right, who wants to help Daddy with the washing-up?’ said Andrew, winking at his sister.

  ‘Not me!’ chorused the children.

  ‘I’ll do it,’ offered Cat.

  ‘I’ll give you a hand,’ said Melissa. Cat smiled.

  ‘So I haven’t had a proper chance to say thank you,’ said Melissa as Cat washed and she dried.

  ‘It was my pleasure,’ replied Cat. ‘In the end.’

  Melissa laughed. ‘It sounds as if it was a bit of an eye-opener.’

  ‘You could say that. But a good one.’

  Melissa nodded. ‘So, Cat?’

  ‘Mhmm?’

  ‘Obviously I’m a brash Aussie who tells it like it is.’

  ‘Yes?’ laughed Cat.

  ‘And you can tell me to mind my own business but…’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Just that if a man looked at me the way Finn Thomas looked at you, I don’t think I’d let him go.’

  Cat sighed. ‘It’s tricky, Mel. Finn’s a great guy but we were on holiday and I operate in such a different world.’

  ‘I guess. So how’s it been going back?’

  ‘Different,’ admitted Cat.

  ‘Different good or different bad?’

  ‘I can see where Ellie gets her tenacity from,’ teased Cat.

  ‘Sorry,’ chuckled Melissa. ‘It’s one of my worst and best qualities. Seriously though, I know you and I haven’t always been bosom buddies but I’ve always thought you were a bit wasted in the world of celeb PR.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, I mean you’re bright and savvy. You could change the world.’

  Cat laughed. ‘I don’t know about that.’

  ‘Look how you helped Charlie. You got him to open up and see the world differently. Trust me, that’s quite an achievement.’

  ‘To be honest, Charlie helped me open up as well,’ admitted Cat.

  Melissa nodded. ‘Look, don’t take this the wrong way but it seems to me you’ve got a chance to go for something new. You’ve just got to be brave and take the leap. But like I say, that’s just my perspective, which you have every right to ignore.’ She smiled to show that she meant well.

  After Cat had said her goodbyes, including a lingering farewell with a bereft Ellie, Andrew walked her down to the car. He wrapped her in a tight hug as they reached the kerb. ‘What’s that for?’ she teased.

  ‘For nothing.’ He grinned. ‘How about we make this a regular thing?’

  ‘Sounds good.’ Cat smiled and climbed into her car.

  As she started the engine, she glanced up at the house. Melissa and the kids were standing on the doorstep, beaming and waving. Ellie was jumping up and down shouting, ‘I love you, Auntie Cat!’ Cat waved and grinned, relishing being part of a family again.

  As she drove along the road, Cat glanced at the photo montage, nestled in its tissue paper on the seat next to her. Melissa’s words echoed in her brain. Maybe it was time to take that leap, maybe the old and familiar weren’t what she needed any more. She amazed herself as she pulled over and reached for her phone, dialling Jesse’s number. He answered immediately.

  ‘Kit Kat! How are you? I’ve been thinking about you all weekend.’

  ‘Jesse, I need to talk to you.’

  ‘Of course, darling. Come round now. We can have dinner and there’s champagne in the fridge. You can stay if you want and not if you don’t. Whatever you decide.’

  ‘Jesse, I’m resigning.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m leaving Hemingway.’

  ‘What? But you can’t. You’ve only just come back.’ She detected panic in his voice.

  ‘Jesse, do you really love me?’

  ‘Of course I love you. You’re my Kit Kat. We’re a team.’

  ‘But do you love me or do you just need me because of the business?’

  There was a moment’s hesitation, just a millisecond but it was enough for Cat. ‘Of course I love you. We’re meant to be. It’s always been you, Kit Kat.’

  Cat closed her eyes and shook her head in resignation. ‘Jesse, it’s finished. You don’t love me. You love the idea of me. Trust me, I know what that feels like. I’ll come in tomorrow and sort everything at work.’

  ‘But Cat – ’

  ‘Goodbye, Jesse,’ said Cat, ending the call and switching off her phone for the first time in her life. She started the engine and drove off, taking a right turn towards home. After a few hundred yards she surprised herself for the second time by pulling off the main road, turning round and heading in the opposite direction. It was as if Cat’s world had suddenly come into focus, her future mapped out before her, ready for the taking. All she had to
do was leap.

  Epilogue

  The little girl was running towards Cat, her face a picture of pure, bright happiness.

  ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy! Look what I did!’ She was clutching a painting in her fist. The paper was rigid with so much paint and Cat could see the images of two grinning figures: one big, one small. The big one was painted in red with long paint-dabbed hair and a wonky smile as well as the most gigantic ears Cat had ever seen. The small one was painted in a happy shade of yellow, a broad lopsided grin on its face and equally huge ears. ‘It’s you and me on holiday at the seaside. I painted the sandcastle too and a crab, even though there wasn’t a crab,’ she explained.

  Cat smiled as she ran into the outstretched arms of a woman standing next to her, who accepted the picture like a precious gift.

  ‘Hello, Auntie Cat,’ said Ellie, appearing by her side as if from nowhere.

  ‘Hey, Ellie. How was your day?’

  ‘Good. How was yours?’

  ‘Pretty good, thanks.’ Cat smiled. Charlie appeared alongside them, sliding a furtive glance at his aunt. She could see that he was a teenager in waiting; he was starting to grow tall and bore all the hallmarks of adolescent embarrassment when confronted with an adult. ‘Hello, Charlie. Shall we see you at home?’

  He grunted a reply but it was a friendly grunt. She watched with a proud smile as he jogged to catch up with his friends.

  Cat offered Ellie her hand. ‘Shall we?’

  The little girl grinned and took it. ‘Can I have a biscuit when we get home, please?’

  ‘Actually I bought some doughnuts today as a treat.’

  Ellie hugged her round the middle. ‘You’re the best auntie ever and before you say that’s cupboard love or whatever, I would have said it even if you hadn’t bought doughnuts.’

  Cat squeezed her hand. ‘I believe you. Thousands wouldn’t.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ said a voice behind them. Cat turned to see a woman with an open, friendly face staring at her. She was about the same age as Cat, wearing a smart tailored suit, and she was flanked by a boy who Cat recognised from Charlie’s class.

  ‘Hi.’ Cat smiled.

  ‘Hi, I’m Amy Hunter. My son, Sam, is in Charlie’s class.’

  ‘Nice to meet you.’

  ‘I just wanted to say that I think your cyberbullying initiative is fantastic. It’s such a great idea.’ She lowered her voice so that only Cat could hear. ‘Sam went through a similar thing last year and he only told me after your workshop.’