Secrets of the Heart

by Al Lacy

  Caleb Harned was eager to get home today. As he walked with his school chums, they laughed and skipped along the street, taking their time. Usually Caleb was satisfied to be part of it, but today was the first day his new mother would meet him at the house.

  One by one, the boys and girls peeled off when they reached their houses or had to turn a corner and head down another street. Two blocks from home, Caleb said to his remaining pals that he would see them tomorrow, then broke into a run.

  When he reached the corner of his block, he looked up the street and saw someone sitting in the rocking chair. For a brief instant, Caleb envisioned his real mother there. She had always sat in that same chair while waiting for him to come home from school.

  His heart skipped a beat, and he blinked against the glare of the afternoon sun, then got a clear view of Kathleen and started running again.

  When Caleb stopped at the corner and peered at her, Kathleen instinctively knew what must be going on in his mind, and she left the chair.

  As he bounded up the steps, she opened her arms and said in a quiet voice, “Hello, Caleb.” She held him close for a long moment, then looked down into his bright eyes and said, “How was school today?”

  “Uh…fine, ma’am.”

  “Do I detect that something didn’t go so well at school?”

  “I…uh…I have some problems with remembering the alphabet.

  And…uh…my teacher says I don’t write very good.”

  “You mean your penmanship needs improving?”

  “That’s exactly what Miss Wilson said. I’m supposed to work on it.”

  “How about if I help you with both your problems?”

  Caleb’s eyes brightened. “Would you? Would you really, ma’am?”

  “I sure will. Put your lunch pail in the house, and we’ll go to the hotel. I’ll wait here for you.”

  As they walked toward the business district, Kathleen matched her steps to the boy’s shorter ones.

  A cold, brisk wind came down off the surrounding hills, and Caleb said, “It’s starting to feel like winter.”

  Kathleen reached over and rolled up his coat collar around his ears. “Do you like winter, Caleb?”

  “Oh, yes, ma’am! I really like the snow! Dad made me a sled last year. I had lots of fun with it, and I can’t wait to go sledding again!”

  When they reached the hotel, Kathleen said, “I know you’re probably hungry. Did your mother let you have an afterschool snack?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “They’ve got some cookies in the restaurant, and milk. Would you like some?”

  “I’d really like that, ma’am!”

  After the snack, when they had gone up to Kathleen’s room, she took out pen and paper and asked Caleb to write something for her. As she observed him, his main problem was apparent. He tended to hurry when he wrote. When she got him to slow down, his penmanship improved.

  Next they worked on the alphabet. Kathleen made a game of it and told him some fun ways to remember the letters and their order.

  When his lessons were finished, Kathleen taught him some new games he had never heard of. They had fun laughing together as he caught on.

  Time passed swiftly, and when Kathleen glanced at the clock for the first time since they had entered the room, she started. “Oh! Caleb, it’s almost time for us to go down and meet your father for supper. Hurry! Lets get washed up.”

  A scrubbed-up Tom Harned stood in the hotel lobby, watching the stairs. A smile broke across his angular face when he saw Caleb and Kathleen appear at the top of the carpeted staircase. They were holding hands.

  As they slowly descended the stairs, Caleb waved to his dad but returned to chatting with Kathleen, and she smiled at his youthful exuberance.

  Thrilled to see them together like this, Tom said under his breath, “Loretta, I’ve done my best to find a good mother for your boy, and I have no doubt I’ve been successful.”

  When Tom met them at the bottom of the stairs, Caleb said, “Dad! She helped me with my writing, and with the alphabet, and I’m gonna do better now!”

  “Thank you,” Tom said to Kathleen, an expression of deep gratitude in his eyes.

  “My pleasure, Tom. Caleb’s a bright boy. He just needs some guidance in his schoolwork above what the teacher is giving him. It’s hard to give much individual attention when you’ve got lots of boys and girls to teach. Caleb and I will continue to spend time on his lessons.”

  “I appreciate it more than I can tell you,” Tom said.

  “I’m happy to do it,” she replied softly.

  The trio enjoyed a hearty supper, and the mood was light and carefree. After dessert, Tom and Kathleen lingered over coffee.

  “I saw you two holding hands as you came down the stairs,” Tom said. “Does this mean I’m out, and this kid is in?”

  Kathleen laughed. “It just might!”

  Tom rolled his eyes and looked at his son. “So that’s it, eh, Caleb? Are you going to marry this lady and take her away from me?”

  “Dad, you know I’m too young to get married!”

  “Whew!” Tom said, wiping a hand over his brow. “I’m sure glad. Or I’d sure enough lose her to you.”

  A peaceful bond of happiness settled around them.

  As the days came and went, and the bond between Caleb and Kathleen grew stronger and closer, Tom realized it was time for him and Kathleen to spend more time alone together. He was able to get Hank and Donna Mitchell to take Caleb for supper two or three evenings a week.

  Since the nights were cold, it became Tom and Kathleen’s custom to stay in the hotel lobby after supper and sit by the fire. Tom knew he was falling in love, though he didn’t voice it.

  On one particular evening, they were the only ones enjoying the fire’s warmth. They had been talking about their childhoods, laughing and having a good time. When the laughter faded, Tom’s face took on a serious mien. He took hold of Kathleen’s hand and looked into her eyes, and she let her hand relax in his.

  “Kathleen—”

  “Yes?”

  “I’ve got to come out with it. I’m falling in love with you.”

  Her heart pounded. “Something’s happening within me, too.”

  “It’s what we were hoping for, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, Tom, and thank you for allowing me time with this, and not pushing me into marriage.”

  “I only want what’s right for both of us, and for Caleb,” he said with feeling. “I’m willing to wait till you’re ready to say, ‘Tom, I’m in love with you.’”

  “You’re a wonderful man, Tom. There’s everything about you to love.”

  Tom raised her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “Goes double for you.”

  Kathleen lay in her bed that night, looking up at the ceiling and the soft illumination from the street lamps below.

  “Peter,” she whispered, “I know you want Meggie and me to be together, and I know you want us to be happy. We were so violently torn apart, and there’s nothing you or I can do to change it. I don’t like keeping Meggie’s existence a secret from Tom, but once I get her back, I’m sure he’ll love her and be a good father to her.

  “I’m doing the best I can for Meggie, Peter. I know you would like Tom if you met him. He’ll never take your place in my heart, but it seems a new place is being created for him. If I could hear you speak, I have no doubt you would say, ‘Kathleen, I want you to be happy. Find that happiness with Tom if you can.’”

  A similar monologue was going on at the Harned household. As Tom lay sleepless, he began to voice his thoughts aloud to the only person he needed to tell them to.

  “Loretta, you know I’ve missed you something terrible. It’s like a great jagged hole was torn in my heart the day you went away. Please understand that I’ll never forget you. How could I? I see you every time I look at our son. Kathleen is a wonderful woman, Loretta, and she’s so good for Caleb, as well as for me.

  “I’m so lonely, and i
t’s so difficult to be both mother and father to Caleb. I can’t cook nutritious meals for us. I’ve kept the house neat and in order, but it needs more than that to be a home. Our clothes are clean, but my ironing skills leave a lot to be desired. At the end of a hard day at the mine, I’m just too tired to give much attention to cooking, cleaning, or even to Caleb.

  “I’ll always love you, my sweet Loretta, but I know you understand not only my need, but Caleb’s as well.”

  When Tom had finished his quiet talk with Loretta, a peace stole over him as though she had given him her blessing to marry Kathleen and to have a happy and full life without her.

  Over the next several days, Tom carefully observed Caleb with Kathleen. The boy seemed perfectly at ease in her presence. She had been a tremendous help to him with his schoolwork, for which Tom was grateful.

  Sometimes when Tom and Caleb spent time with Kathleen in her hotel room, he would watch the two play games, or listen as she read stories to Caleb from books she had bought. Most of the time Kathleen and Caleb just chatted about the events at school that day.

  Tom could see a genuine love shining in Kathleen’s eyes for his son, and Caleb, needing a mother’s touch and care, responded warmly to her.

  One day in late October, Kathleen could stand it no longer. She took the chance that a return letter sent to the hotel would only be seen by the desk clerk, and wrote to Hennie. In the letter, she simply asked that Hennie go by the Stallworth mansion and try to see Meggie when she came outside with her nanny. Kathleen needed to know if Meggie was all right.

  On a cold night a few days later, after spending the evening alone together, Tom and Kathleen were sitting in the hotel lobby by the fireplace. Tom held her hand as they talked about Caleb for a while. When a small silence settled between them, Tom said in a low tone, “Kathleen, with every passing day I fall more in love with you.”

  She smiled. “Its the same with me.”

  “You mean that?”

  “Yes. I’m in love with you, Tom, and I want to become your wife.”

  “Whoopee!”

  The night clerk and two hotel guests at the front desk stared at the couple sitting by the fireplace.

  Tom glanced around as if searching for someone to share the good news. When he saw their startled faces, he said, “Hey, folks! I just got engaged! I’m going to marry the most wonderful and beautiful woman in the world!”

  The guests smiled and nodded, and the clerk said, “Congratulations, Mr. Harned! And you, too, Miss O’Malley!”

  Before Tom left the lobby, he and Kathleen had set the date for their wedding. They would marry on December 6.

  When Kathleen asked Tom if he wanted Pastor Humbert to perform the ceremony, Tom said it might be best if they simply went to the town’s justice of the peace. If they had Humbert do the ceremony, he might put pressure on them to attend church services. Tom didn’t want any “preacher pressure.”

  Tom and Kathleen had not discussed religion at all. She was relieved to know that he felt the same way she did.

  Later that evening, Tom was helping Caleb get ready for bed. The boy talked nonstop about what he and Kathleen had done that day after school.

  “Son,” Tom said, interrupting Caleb’s chatter, “can we have a man-to-man talk?”

  “Sure, Dad. About what?”

  Tom dropped to one knee to be on Caleb’s eye level. “You’re my son, Caleb, and I love you with all my heart. I need you to be honest with me.”

  “Sure, Dad.” Caleb looked at his father steadily, his eyes big and round with curiosity.

  “Son, are you ready to let Kathleen become your new mother?”

  Tom felt a tiny tremble go through the boy.

  “You mean am I ready for you to marry her and she will come and live here with us?”

  “Yes.”

  Caleb’s chin dipped for a moment. Then he drew in a deep breath, raised his head to look into his father’s eyes, and said, “My own mommy was the very best, Dad. But…but since she can’t ever come back, the pretty lady who loves me so much is next best.”

  Tom smiled. “Well, tonight Kathleen and I set a date for our wedding. Its not that far away—December 6 to be exact.”

  “December 6! She’ll almost be our Christmas present, won’t she?”

  Tom chuckled. “Yes, my boy. Almost.”

  Caleb jumped into bed, and Tom tucked him in, telling him he loved him, then blew out the lantern.

  When Toms hand touched the doorknob, Caleb said, “Dad…”

  “Yes, son?”

  “I suppose I should ask her now whether she wants me to call her Mom or Ma.”

  “I’d say that would be a good idea.”

  There was snow on the ground the next day, and the air was quite cold. Kathleen waited inside Tom’s house for Caleb to arrive home from school. She had built a fire in the parlor fireplace and had it toasty warm. When Caleb came inside, Kathleen was waiting for him.

  “Well, how’d it go at school today, Mr. Harned?”

  “It went real good, ma’am,” he said, smiling. “Since you started helping me, I’m doing a whole lot better!”

  “That’s good. Ah…did your father tell you about what happened last night?” Kathleen slipped the stocking cap from his head and smoothed his blond hair.

  “Uh-huh. And I’m real glad.”

  Kathleen knelt down to look him in the eye. “Really?”

  “Really! I’m glad you’re gonna be my real new mother.”

  Kathleen hugged him. “I’m glad too, Caleb. We’re going to be a very happy family.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “Uh…ma’am?”

  “Yes, honey?”

  “I…well, since you’re gonna be my real new mother soon, I would like to call you Mom or Ma—whichever you like best.”

  “Well, I like Mom the best of the two.”

  Caleb wrapped his arms around her neck and said, “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too, Caleb.”

  HENNIE O’BANION’S LETTER ARRIVED at the Silver Plume Hotel on December 5. It was delivered to Kathleen’s room by Donna Mitchell. As soon as Donna left, Kathleen tore open the envelope and quickly read the letter.

  Hennie explained that she had gone to the Stallworth mansion often, but it had taken her this long to send word because the nanny wasn’t taking Meggie outside while the weather remained so cold. However, when it warmed up some, Hennie had caught a glimpse of the child with the nanny, playing in the snow. Meggie was just fine, and she looked good.

  Kathleen immediately sat down and wrote Hennie again, thanking her, and explaining that she would be getting married the next day. She hoped to see Hennie when she came to Chicago to get Meggie sometime soon.

  That evening, as Kathleen and the Harneds ate supper at the Silver Plume Restaurant, Caleb gobbled his meal, noting that the adults were just picking at their food.

  “How come you aren’t eating?” he asked.

  Tom and Kathleen exchanged glances, then Tom said, “It isn’t every day that we get married. Tomorrow is our wedding day, and we’re both a little nervous.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m not nervous, and I’m about to become a real new son to Mom.”

  “I’m glad you’re not nervous, Caleb,” said Kathleen. “It’s good to see you enjoying your food.”

  When supper was over, Tom and Caleb walked Kathleen to her room.

  “Okay, son,” Tom said, “you get to hug her first.”

  Caleb squeezed Kathleen’s neck as they embraced. “I love you, Mom,” he said, “and I’m really glad you’re gonna be my real new mom tomorrow.”

  Kathleen kissed his cheek. “I am too, honey.”

  “Tell you what, son,” Tom said, “how about you go down and wait for me by the fireplace?”

  Caleb grinned. “How come?”

  “Never mind how come,” Tom said, giving him a mock scowl. “Just get your little self down there.”

  Caleb’s smile took on an i
mpish look as he said, “I know why you don’t want me here, Dad. ‘Cause you’re gonna kiss her good-night on the mouth, and you don’t want me to watch.”

  Tom chuckled. “Smart little dude, aren’t you? Now git!”

  Caleb skipped along the hall to the top of the stairs, then looked back. Both adults were watching him.

  “Git!” Tom said again.

  Caleb laughed and disappeared down the stairs.

  Tom folded Kathleen in his arms, kissing her soundly. When he lifted his mouth from hers, he said, “I love you.”

  “And I love you,” she responded in a whisper.

  “I’m excited about tomorrow.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Since I’m taking the day off, I’ll be here to check you out of the hotel at noon, and carry your things down to the buggy. We’ll take them to the house and I’ll go pick Caleb up at school. We’ll need to leave the house at 3:45 to be at Judge Olson’s house on time.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Kathleen said.

  “I assume the new dress we bought fits you all right.”

  “Perfectly.”

  “Good. See you tomorrow.”

  Tom kissed her tenderly, then moved down the hall. When he reached the top of the stairs, he turned and waved.

  She blew him a kiss.

  Kathleen stepped inside the room, closed the door and locked it, and pressed her back against it. She took a deep breath and said, “Tom, you told Caleb we didn’t eat much because we’re a little nervous. Well, I’m a bundle of nerves!”

  As Tom and Caleb headed down the street toward home the boy said, “You did it, didn’t you, Dad?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Kissed her good-night on the mouth.”

  Tom’s breath plumed out before him as he chuckled and said, “None of your business, pal!”

  Caleb giggled but said no more.

  The night was cold, and a bright moon cast its silver shadows on the snow. Father and son walked together in silence, each lost in his own thoughts.

  After bathing in fragrant rose-scented water, Kathleen put on a warm robe and slippers and sat before the mirror at the dresser, brushing her hair to a glossy sheen. It was still slightly damp on the ends that cascaded down her back to meet her waist.