Goodbye, Good Girl

by Renee Blossom

  She thought to call her father again but instead stared at her phone, willing it to ring, before heading to the hospital.

  The door to 8C cracked open. She went into her mother’s room and sat bedside on a stool.

  No ventilation mask.

  After ten minutes of watching her sleep, her physician popped in the room and told Kandace that depending on labs, Ginger could be released tomorrow to start rehab on her back.

  Kandace played with her phone, finding new apps to distract herself, happy to be on the hospital’s wifi. A pen tapping at the door startled her.

  A nurse stuck her head into the room. “Visiting hours are up in fifteen minutes. Just letting you know.”

  Almost 9 pm. And her mother’s eyes opened.

  “Hey there,” Kandace said, setting her phone aside.

  “Hey back. What happened?” Ginger said. Slow speech made her hard to understand.

  Kandace battled for emotional control and couldn’t think of what to say. After twelve hours of outrunning her own fear and anxiety, it all caught up. She could barely breathe.

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Are you okay?” Ginger asked, though the question felt out of place.

  “I’m okay, Mom. Amelia’s okay, Coral’s with her team.” Kandace moved her chair until her knees were pressing to the bed frame. “Are you comfortable?”

  Ginger was quiet, then said, “I think you girls need your dad here.”

  Are her drugs talking?

  Kandace didn’t know how to respond; she didn’t want to tell her mother how incapable of being a mom she was, however obvious. But still. She wanted to support her mother and not make her feel badly about her condition. “We’re fine, Mom. We have you.”

  “It’s just too much. Some days, I don’t see the point. Life is too difficult for weak souls like me.”

  Kandace held her tongue, unable to accept what her mother meant. “Oh, Mom. Stop. Don’t talk like that. You watch, you’ll get better.”

  “You keep hoping for me.”

  Kandace nodded quickly and felt tongue tied.

  Ginger touched her daughter’s forearm gently.

  Kandace realized she had been staring at the bed, not the person in it.

  “I know about the mattress money, Kandace. Use it. Go and find him. While you can.”

  The mattress money.

  “What are you saying, Mom?” She watched her mother and waited. When she didn’t say anything more, Kandace added, “You need me. Amelia and Coral do too. I can’t leave.”

  “I miss him too, love. Go. Find him. Remind him he’s got a family here.”

  Kandace had paths down her cheeks and paid them no attention. “I don’t know where he is. I can’t even get him on the phone.”

  Ginger watched her awhile and didn’t move, as though studying a face she hadn’t seen in years. “You don’t have to call him. I’ve got an address at home.”

  5

  Her mother had her father’s address—for how long? What was she thinking? And what if Clayton had found it? Oh no.

  Kandace squeezed on the arms of her chair.

  She had to get home, get the address. Leave.

  “Mom. Where is he?”

  “Don’t panic, dear. He’s in Los Angeles.”

  “And you never told me?” Kandace thought her heart might explode.

  “Honey, calm down. You know how your father is.”

  “I’m not positive I do.”

  Ginger made a face. “He’s hard to understand,” she said. “You’ve done your best, Kandace. I’m proud of you. Whatever you decide.”

  Kandace stared at her, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t think that I can leave you.”

  Her mother turned her head and closed her eyes a moment.

  What am I going to do?

  “Mom? Where is the address?”

  “It’s in my bedside table, taped under the top drawer. Yellow note.”

  Clayton. That’s why he was at the house. That’s why he broke in.

  He was looking for an address, a phone number. Anything. He had demanded Kandace’s iPhone. He must have known. Markus’s comment rang true. The trick is to steal information so they don’t know you took it.

  Kandace could understand why her mother kept the address a secret, but she couldn’t help feeling mad. Standing to leave, she kissed her mother on the forehead. Guilt assaulted her conscience.

  The heart rate monitor beeped loudly, Ginger’s pulse rising fast.

  A nurse jogged in and after studying the screen, adjusted controls. She waited, watching Ginger. Beeping subsided. She adjusted the sensor position on Ginger’s index finger. When the nurse had finished, she turned to Kandace. “Visitor’s hours are over, miss.”

  “I would like a moment with her if you don’t mind,” Kandace said.

  The nurse scurried off on her pink and purple sneakers.

  How can I leave you? You need me here.

  Kandace watched her mother start to doze off—no doubt aided by medication.

  Yes, Ginger had told Kandace to leave, but should she listen? Would her mother be upset if she didn’t coax her father home? Her mother was right—her father needed to come home. But what kept him away all this time? He’d never been gone this long and refused to answer questions about why he stayed away, other than to say he had to work.

  Los Angeles was 2,400 miles away, according to her phone’s map. Could Harriet survive that journey? She should fly. But what if she got there and couldn’t find him? She would have no car and probably no money left to live on.

  Probably not.

  Clayton. The house. The address.

  Kandace kissed her mother. “I’ll come back, Mom. I promise.”

  Behind the wheel of Harriet, she drove to the only home she had ever known. No suspicious parked cars. Street lights were on. Closed garage doors. Not a soul walking or loitering. The Tutor’s windows were dark, except for the lights Amelia had left on.

  Kandace held her breath as she flicked the light in the master. The bedsheets were disheveled. Had she left them that way? She stood still, reliving the morning when her mother had been there.

  Focus, Kandace. Get the address.

  She knelt beside the bed and pulled out the old wooden top drawer and laid it on the carpet, holding her breath as she turned it over.

  A faded yellow Post-It note, taped to the underside, near the back edge.

  J. Santellan

  P. O. BOX 89332

  Los Angeles, CA 90001

  “No!” Kandace sat on her feet beside the bed and cried. Her tremendous disappointment dug its nails into her.

  When she was able to compose herself, she returned the drawer. She texted Markus the PO Box.

  Nice find. I’ll search from that, he replied. No update on Clayton.

  Kandace asked, do you think he will come back?

  that’s possible.

  Mom. She’s at the hospital. What if Clayton went after her for information? The hospital was crawling with security, police. Video surveillance. He wouldn’t chance it. And Coral and Amelia wouldn’t know anything of use to Clayton.

  Kandace texted Markus: Mom said I should go find my dad. Do you think you could find him, if I drove to LA?

  I like a challenge

  She couldn’t afford to wait, considering the drive would take her three or four days. She couldn’t get her dad on the phone, which made her mad and terrified. Texting her dad again felt pointless. All her messages to him were marked Delivered.

  He hadn’t read them. He didn’t know the urgency. The possible threat.

  Kandace grabbed comfort items, tossed them in Harriet’s backseat and left several lights on, triple checking the locks on her way out.

  She drove in silence to Vivian’s house while her mind roiled. She stopped for chocolate cookies and ignored pestering negative thoughts throbbing through her mind. She wasn’t fat. She wasn’t out of shape. She wouldn’t get pimples from eating chocol
ate.

  “Kandace! Where’ve you been?” Amelia asked as her big sister entered the kitchen. It was 10:30 pm. Amelia sat at the island, three thick brown paper wrapped textbooks open, and her pen rapidly drumming on the stone counter. Her sister lacked rhythm but excelled at enthusiasm.

  “I brought you a little something.” She slid the little brown bag to Amelia.

  The cookies quickly vanished, only a smidgen of chocolate at the corners of her mouth remained. “Tell me you have more!”

  “Shh. Nada. But I need you to cover for me.”

  Amelia twisted on the barstool and studied her sister.

  “Dad’s in California. I’ve got to find him.”

  “Huh? Didn’t you talk to him? Isn’t he coming home?”

  “That was before everything happened. Now I can’t reach him. Besides, Mom said I should go.”

  Amelia’s expression teetered between disbelief and fear. “Mom said to go?” She was quiet a moment. “What about Mom?”

  “Her doctor is sending her to the rehab center again, like last time.”

  Amelia flinched. “Really?”

  Kandace forced a smile for her sister. “You’ll be fine without me staying here.”

  “You’re just gonna leave?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Will Harriet make it all the way to California?” Amelia asked.

  Kandace scrunched her face. “I don’t know. But… maybe there’s a better ride.”

  “What about Rachelle and Mckenzie? Adriana has a sweet car,” Amelia says.

  “Adriana uses her parents’ car. She’d get grounded forever. Rachelle is a maybe. She’s trying to be responsible, and I don’t want to pollute that. I refuse to be that friend, you know? Mckenzie would go for the thrill, but… I don’t know. She’s crazy.”

  Amelia smirked. “Kyle?”

  “Possibly.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh. You didn’t tell him about Mom?”

  Kandace shook her head. “Can’t risk scaring him off.” Kandace pushed stray hairs behind her ear. “Besides, he hasn’t called me today.”

  “Oh. You’re mad at him?”

  “A little. I don’t know. I like to be needed.”

  Amelia giggled. “So, when are you calling Kyle?”

  “Am I that predictable?”

  Her sister nodded and giggled.

  Kyle answered after the second ring. “Hey, I was thinking about you.” Battle sound effects dominated the background. “Sorry, I was a dummy last weekend.”

  “Oh, it’s fine. No big deal. Mckenzie didn’t say a word about it,” Kandace said.

  “Really? I kinda ditched her.”

  “She made other plans, she was cool with it,” Kandace said and hoped he wouldn’t press. Kyle was supposed to pick Mckenzie up but when he arrived at Kandace's house, he’d said he forgot. “Okay, cool. Underground’s show tonight was sick. I couldn’t hear for an hour after that. I’m playing Fallout with Sam. You just chillin?”

  “Uh, yeah. I’m hanging out with Amelia.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. Family time, huh?”

  “Yeah. It’s been a long day. How was Rochelle’s place?”

  “Like twenty minutes. Her parents were home. Kinda lame. Oh, you’re dead dude. So dead!” Sound effects and clicking from the controller got intense, explosions followed soon after.

  Kandace asked, “Are you winning?”

  “Hang on.” More war-torn sound effects from the game and controllers. Sam swore in the background. “Damn. They got us. What were you saying, K?”

  “You’ll live again, soldier,” Kandace said.

  “I’m still pissed. We almost had him.”

  Kandace sighed. “Can we talk? It’s important.”

  “Oh, shit. Don’t tell me,” Kyle said.

  “Oh, no, no. It’s not that. Don’t panic. It’s about my dad. I want to go visit him in California.”

  “Oh, that’s tight. So, when are you leaving?”

  “I was hoping you would tell me,” Kandace said.

  “Huh? You want to go together?”

  “Yeah. Totally. We should go now. It’d be fun, right?”

  “Oh, babe, that’s a crazy idea, even for me. Were you thinking to fly?”

  “Um. Prices start at 378.54 plus tax each. I’ve got a little money, but not enough for that. And the first flight isn’t until late tomorrow night, with a connection.”

  “Ahh, baby. That does stink. But I can’t blow off classes during my first semester.”

  Kandace paced, holding the phone like she wanted to crush it. “There’s gotta be a way.”

  “Oh, Adriana tagged me on your pictures.”

  “Pictures? Oh, yeah. Hey listen, for real. Going now means a ton to me because of Dad’s schedule.”

  “Oh, so that’s the urgency. He’s finally cool with you coming out, huh?”

  “He’s okay with it.” She cringed—she hated lying. “He worries about me. But it’s fine. He should. I get it. So… are we going?”

  He laughed a little. “I can’t. My mom would probably stop my credit card. Then I’m screwed.” Kyle started talking with Sam in the background. “Didn’t you say he was coming home?”

  “I thought he was. Weeks ago. Obviously, that didn’t happen.”

  “My dad’s like that too. It’s ridiculous, but whatever. He’s like an uncle.”

  “See? You understand me. I’ve got to go find my dad and bring him home.”

  “Oooh. Yeah. So… you’re off to California?”

  “That’s the plan. So, are you in? Please?”

  “Your pleading is crazy hot, like when we spooned in the sleeping bag. I’ve had that night on repeat. I hadn’t thought we’d ever top the morning shower.”

  Kandace smiled, watched Amelia a beat and wondered if her expression gave anything away. “I know. We should have more of that. Think of the beach.”

  “Ahh. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I can’t, but let me think. I can’t process. And Sam’s dying to get revenge on these guys. It’s war over here.”

  “Don’t take long, okay. Bye.” Kandace set the phone on the counter, wiping sweat on her pants.

  I have to leave soon. Go. Like now.

  Kandace watched Amelia’s frozen, slack-jawed expression.

  “What?” she asked, unable to wait for her sister to speak.“That was… amazing! Can you teach me how to talk to boys? I get so tongue-tied, I just can’t talk when I’m around this guy—”

  “Not yet. Just keep it to yourself, okay?”

  Amelia made a face. “I will. Geez. I can keep a secret. And you said not yet on doing makeup together last week.”

  Kandace sighed and closed her eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Not to rain on your parade, but V won’t like this one little bit.”

  Kandace rubbed her head, made a coffee and went upstairs to her temporary room to plan. And to pack. She swallowed hard and fought emotions, trying to decide what to do next.

  She rooted through her dated wardrobe. Jeans that were faded and ripped. Long sleeve T-shirts that had lost their luster. Her unworn dress she’d bought at a knockoff store for her father’s homecoming. She admired the dress, getting lost in it; as beautiful as it was, black, white and pink, with flowers and lace and a good but not great fit, it was in a lot of ways just like her life. Perfectly flawed. Full of promise. Waiting for its day.

  Would her father ever see her wear it? She folded it and placed the dress in her suitcase.

  A knock at her door startled her, and she wiped her face with her sleeve. Amelia, in pajamas, hugged her big sister. “Have a good trip,” she said, holding on.

  “I’ll be seeing you,” Kandace said.

  6

  Leaving for LA without an address presented a significant risk. As it was, Markus had been searching for months, with limited success. Knowing that her dad lived in Los Angeles would help narrow Markus’s search, but was it enough? If she flew there, she’d beat Clayton, but without an ad
dress, what could she do? She still couldn’t reach her father by phone. She thought to text Kyle. How long had it been, twenty-eight minutes? She had to make him understand.

  When she finished packing, it was shortly after midnight. Dress, pants and tops, undergarments and essentials from the bathroom tied in a Walmart plastic bag, and her life was ready for transportation in a black zippered suitcase.

  She allowed herself to envision her father, how he looked, even though her face looking back in the mirror was blotchy from tears.

  Still no word from Kyle. Kandace toted her bag downstairs in the quiet house, willing anyone to wake and take notice. Harriet’s backseat accepted the small bag among things she knew she should throw away but hadn’t yet. She felt silly and sentimental, waving to the house as she pulled away. She felt lonely at the gas station, filling up Harriet’s tank.

  At the gas station, her phone vibrated at her hip. Kyle.

  “Hey,” Kandace said, feeling defeated and victorious at the same time. “Did you miss me already?”

  “Uh, K. I know it’s lame, but I’m stuck.”

  “You talked to your mom.”

  “Yeah, she caught me checking flights. Nothing decent until Monday, like six-thirty in the morning.”

  “Thanks for trying, Kyle. I get it. It was super short notice, impulsive. No way you could have seen it coming. I’ll be fine. I’m driving alone,” she said as the pump’s automatic shutoff clicked.

  “Wait. What? You’re going? For real?” Kyle said.

  “I told you I would. I need to take care of my family. And me.”

  “Are you flying?”

  “I don’t have the money.” She was tempted to tell him why she was in such a rush, but would he understand or would the truth just freak him out? Was the truth worse than thinking she was just crazy to see her dad?

  “Whoa, seriously? That’s a long drive. Are you sure you can handle that? Geez. By yourself?”

  “Yeah, I can’t get anyone on short notice.”

  “I’m scared for you, going solo. Really. I wouldn’t try that drive alone.”

  “I’ll be okay. I’ll drive west and call when I get bored.” Kandace forced a laugh.

  “Oh shit. Fine. Fine. I’ll take you. You can’t drive yourself,” Kyle said. “You need help to drive and stay awake. Trust me.”