Goodbye, Good Girl

by Renee Blossom

  “I’m fine, Kyle. Really. I don’t need to be rescued.”

  I want to be rescued.

  “This isn’t a rescue… arrh. I’ll pull a bag together and sneak out in a few. Meet me at the Tutor in twenty. Okay?”

  Kandace felt like crying, and she wasn’t sure why—she wanted to both hit and kiss him. Which feeling was stronger? She’d had to push Kyle to the ropes. Did he agree now, only to back out later on? Kandace got into her car, afraid of that answer. “Okay. I’ll see you in twenty at my place.”

  She talked herself up while driving back, then paced on the Tutor’s driveway, checking her suitcase every few seconds. There was no point to even try to stand still, as she felt far too nervous, anxious, excited and elated. And terrified to the point her hands couldn’t stop moving.

  She told herself, over and over, that going to California was her mother’s idea—she shouldn’t feel guilty at all for going.

  The quiet neighborhood would still be home when she came back. But for now, the familiar maple trees played shadow games with moonlight. Were they waving goodbye?

  Now you’re thinking stupid and crazy.

  She breathed easier as Kyle’s black Mustang pulled to the curb. Luggage in the trunk, she slid onto the front seat and buckled in, with a lingering kiss for her hero.

  “Gas tank is full?” Kandace asked.

  “Yep. Got my coffee. Red Bull. Water bottles. Emergency bottle. Trash bags. Beef jerky. Sweet potato chips. Kale chips and a lighter.”

  “Emergency… oh, god, I get it. Never mind. You don’t have to explain.”

  “Gotta be prepared,” Kyle said, accelerating away from the curb.

  “Eww. Seriously? I can’t imagine watching you pee in a bottle while driving.”

  “Oh, you don’t do it while driving. That’s loco. You might spray everywhere and that stench doesn’t come out easy. Trust me.”

  “Okay, I’m officially grossed out now,” Kandace said.

  “Sorry, but it’s important to lay the ground rules and understand them on a long journey. Not sure it’ll work for you, though.”

  “We can’t have this conversation, Kyle. Seriously. I can’t imagine having to pee that badly that I’d go in the car. I can hold it.”

  “When it’s hours and hours. No place to stop. You’ll see what I mean. Your choices might be pee on the road where passing traffic can watch or in the car. And now that I’m thinking this through, it’s gotta be a wider opening, like maybe an empty can would work instead of a bottle, but it would have to be a wide mouth can. Oh, I know, one of those big water bottles like they use for an office cooler or something like that. Construction sites have them too. The opening is really wide, so that might work.”

  Kandace cringed and tried to watch the road ahead. “Thanks. I’m so glad you solved that, and I hope I never have to test your theory. So, how many miles are on the car?”

  “Three thousand, two hundred eighty-four. About time for her first oil change.”

  “Time for her first road trip. So… where do you think we should stop first? For gas?”

  “We got four hundred plus miles. You should sleep, for reals,” he said.

  “I don’t think I can right now. I’m way too on edge. Hyper. I’m doing great for how anxious I feel.”

  “You’ll have to. In about four hours, we fill up and change drivers. Then you can drive a few hours while I sleep until the next fill-up, that way we can keep switching and sleeping. It’s the only way to make time. If we do this right, we will get to LA late Monday.”

  “You want me to drive your car?”

  “You’ll be fine. You can drive a stick."

  “Yeah, but this car is totally different than Harriet. Way more engine.”

  “Okay, but the trip will take extra days if we can’t switch.”

  “But I can’t sleep now! I’m way too awake. And I’m still getting over all that pee talk.”

  “Oh, that’s nothing. Peeing in a bottle is basic road trip stuff. You invent games to keep from getting too bored. There’s no prevention I’ve found, aside from sleeping most of the way. My cousin did that last summer.”

  “We’ll break the mold, right?” Kandace said.

  “Yeah. I can’t believe we’re going to California. I mean, we have… I dunno. We have nothing but the road in front of us, right? Couple days and we’re on the beach. Can’t wait.” He paused a moment and laughed to himself. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

  “Uh, yeah. Well, thanks for driving. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t gone along.”

  “You’d have blown town in your death trap. You surprised me and I love that about you,” Kyle said.

  Kandace smiled to herself, and became self-conscious about it. In her mind, she was leaping into his lap. She felt giddy and tried to curb that before she spoke. “I’m not that determined. Except when it comes to my dad.”

  “Gotta be special to make this drive. So, where in LA did you say he lives?”

  She slipped her phone from her pants, holding her breath. After she toyed with her phone a moment, she realized she was biting her lip.

  Could she fake it?Kandace fussed with her phone while she thought up a response. “I’ve got his phone number here… but I can’t find the address. Ugh. I’ll text my sister for it. That’s annoying that I can’t find it.” She texted Markus: i seriously need an address

  “No worry. I’ll use LAX as our destination because until we are close, it won’t matter much.”

  Kyle adjusted his seat back, toyed with back support, then the climate control. His hands found a comfortable place on the wheel at four and eight o’clock.

  Kandace sat still, but inside she couldn’t keep her worries under control, even while Kyle talked about Los Angeles restaurants and bars, clubs and beaches and the best spots to park, surf. He talked about summer vacations, sightseeing touristy places. Days at the beach. Museums and amusement parks. California sounded like another world, another country.

  Kandace liked that he had visited places and his adventurous spirit.

  Kyle explained the driving rotation and Kandace complied, stretching out on the backseat and slipping off her Asics. Getting off her athletic jacket, she felt like a convict trying to escape restraints. Cold leather against her body startled her, but her back warmed the surface eventually. Her socked feet rested against the small back window. Wind noise from the outside wasn’t intense, but noticeable enough that she remained acutely aware the car was moving fast. Music played up front, just loud enough that Kandace could notice.

  She checked her phone for messages. Nothing from her father. Several messages from Rachelle, Mckenzie, and Adriana, wondering where she had run off to.

  While Kandace felt like a terrible friend, she kept fretting, wondering if her father had gotten any of her messages. Why hadn’t he called? She let her phone fall to the seat.

  She was startled by sudden movement. She sat up, watching the mostly vacant, dark highway speed past. Kyle’s eyes were fixed on the road. Empty cans littered the seat. A pending change of the guard on the dark horizon.

  4:22 am. Hours had passed like a city limits sign whisking by. Kandace felt sweat on her hands, at her pits, butterflies in her stomach like when she had to speak in public.

  “Is it my turn?” she asked.

  “How’d you guess?”

  Kandace yawned. “I need a coffee. Where are we?”

  “Indianapolis. Gas station right off the freeway. Stretch. Hit the throne. Reload caffeine, fill the tank.”

  “Good idea. I seriously need to pee.”

  “I told you. It’s coming. Can’t help the inevitable.”

  “Stop being gross and watch the road. Geez. I’m starving too. I hope there’s food.”

  “Best bet is McDonald’s. Nothing else is open this early, unless you count vending machines,” Kyle said. “But it’s cheap and fast, and everything tastes good when you’re hungry. McDonald’s keeps their bathr
ooms clean too, at least most of them do. A high benefit, if you get my meaning. It’s terrible if you hit a crappy truck stop out in BFE. Gotta high plop it.”

  “Okay, if I hear any more bathroom talk I am never having sex with you again.”

  “Ouch! C’mon. It’s a part of road trips. That’s a seriously cruel promise, K.”

  “Kyle. I can’t deal with bathroom stuff,” Kandace said. “I’m stressing about having to drive your car.”

  “We can find a Hilton if we must, but I gotta sleep.”

  “After all that caffeine?”

  “Right now, even the steering wheel looks comfortable.”

  “Okay, okay,” Kandace said.

  Kyle pulled off at the exit and drove down a dark road until he made a right turn, then a left into a spacious and well-lit corner gas station. Kandace slipped on her shoes and jacket, making sure she zipped all the way to the top. She hugged herself tightly against the nearly freezing wind.

  “I should have changed at home,” Kandace said.

  Kyle looked her up and down. “I’ll fill up. If you want a coffee and porcelain goddess visit, go right on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

  Kandace giggled and jogged inside the gas station store, her arms wrapped around herself. She found the bathroom first, happy for cleanliness. She got a coffee and a pretzel as Kyle walked in.

  “What happened? Everything okay?” she asked him.

  “Oh, my credit card didn’t work. Something about unable to authorize. I’ll have to pay the cashier. Just a time waste, that’s all. You got coffee and food. Good.”

  “I did. I’ll meet you at the car, then.”

  Kyle seemed indifferent, and Kandace got behind the wheel. She thought she might want to change clothes first, but she had no idea how that would work. In the bathroom? Her tights and jacket were warm enough. At least for now.

  Moments later, as Kandace studied the panels and instruments, Kyle arrived and stretched out in the backseat.

  “Do you know where you’re going? At least to get back on the highway?” he asked.

  “Should be okay. Goodnight. Just don’t mind if the music gets a little loud.”

  “I can sleep through anything.”

  “I know how hard you sleep,” Kandace said, pulling away from the station in first gear, the engine holding a guttural rev. She shifted to second, as though the vehicle might launch out of control like a missile. The Mustang felt so much heavier and wider than her Honda. The gas pedal was like an earth-shattering world of raw power.

  Add to all that temps were freezing; these Indiana roads could have ice. Few other vehicles on the road meant the Mustang could slide out of control alone.

  On the freeway, she discovered how easily she could drive too fast. The car held the road and responded at her lightest touch. Shallow potholes peppered the path, and Kandace worried about the tires holding up if she hit a big one. Kyle was at a steady snore before the first song ended.

  Kandace toyed with the radio controls, but she couldn’t find a station she wanted. She paired her phone, a dubious proposition while driving, but she was able to manage to get the car’s radio and her smartphone to talk wirelessly without taking out the guardrail.

  With her running mix streaming from her phone through the car’s speakers, hearing familiar tunes made her think about her running trail at home and friends and her sisters and what felt increasing, with each passing well-lit highway sign, more and more like a crazy stupid whim. But was it the right thing to do? She couldn’t stop worrying about whatever her father did that he needed saving.

  Was she horribly irresponsible to leave home like this?

  No, she knew what she was doing.

  With only her music for company, she maintained a comfortable seventy-five on the dark highway. She changed the current song. Then changed again. Nothing sounded right. Either too fast or too slow. Not enough bass. Then her iPhone app froze, and she wanted to wake Kyle for help.

  The Mustang’s headlights on dark pavement felt unending. Unnerving. Kyle had been right. Her mind was running all directions.

  She rubbed her eyes and sipped coffee, quickening her pulse. Anxiety still roiled within her. Then she tore off a chunk of her pretzel and wished she had chocolate.

  Was Rachelle awake? It was late, or early, depending on whom you asked. Daylight was still another hour away at least. Most traffic was slower moving semi-trucks.

  Her mind wandered home, without her permission.

  During the early days after Ginger came home, unable to function, unable to deal with pain. Unable or unwilling to deal with life. Bills went unpaid, mail piled up and Kandace slowly realized she had to parent her sisters and run the house.

  One night for dinner, Kandace recruited her sisters to dig through sofa cushions, in drawers, anywhere in the house, for loose coins. They scrounged enough for a five-dollar fried chicken bucket. Markus had gone along on that walk to the corner market—Kandace envisioned the photograph from that night and felt an ache to go back.

  Her mind stirred restlessly. Hypnotic yellow dashes in bright blue-hued lights. Cars were scarce and because of the dark, they were all the same. She couldn’t think of a reason why her father hadn’t called her back—at least not a good one. Guilty feelings wedged in, for ignoring her friends. To their credit, her girls were trying to help.

  Kandace thought about a family reunion, years ago. She could relive her father’s arms, his hands clasped on her own, swinging her around and around, a big blue dizzy blur where grass and trees washed out, bathed in blinding sunlight. Ginger had been happy. Healthy. Aunt Vivian had been there with Uncle Elton and Bryn and Annett.

  Life felt perfect. She held to that photograph in her mind, no matter what happened.

  A loud thumping noise beneath the Mustang jolted her.

  She’d been driving on the shoulder with her eyes closed.

  7

  Kandace pulled back into her lane and gulped her coffee. Even loud music failed to help as her desire for sleep fought for supremacy and her stomach rumbled.

  Lonely feelings pressed in, and Kandace wanted to wake Kyle for company. But he had to sleep if they were to keep driving without stopping. She had read once that driving tired was almost as dangerous as driving buzzed.

  Her thoughts drifted back home with the pestering question: Where did Clayton go?

  If Clayton lingered in Pittsburgh, then she had a head start.

  Kandace texted Markus: any news for Clayton?

  She waited through a song, then: nothing yet. drive safe.

  At least Markus cared enough to pay attention.

  Ginger came to mind and she fought off her emotions, thinking of her mother in a helpless state.

  Kandace couldn’t keep her hands from shaking, and she wondered if the cold or nerves or tiredness caused it.

  While the sun came up, she dialed Coral’s cell.

  “How was the game? Did you totally kick butt?” Kandace asked.

  “We did!” Coral said, followed by ambient screaming. Coral excused herself and the background cheering dissipated. “Brittney had the winning goal, and I had the assist! Amazing! None of us slept!”

  “Sounds awesome!” I so wish I could be there. Poor girl has no family there for her. “What was the final score?”

  “Three to two and it was a fight. Coach got us right though, and our strikers won the game for us, totally. It was so tough but what a game!”

  “That’s so great. I’m happy for you. Who’s next?”

  “A tougher team. Springfield. They’re like the Patriots—cheat like bastards—”

  “Coral!”

  “It’s true. Some of the girls can’t wait to take it to ’em.”

  “Well, good luck. I know you’ll do great. Get some sleep, though.”

  “Yeah, okay, Mom… speaking of… how is she with you leaving her for Dad?”

  Kandace cringed. “She told me to go.”

  Silence. “Wait, so Mom’s gone mad? Seriously
?”

  “No, no. She needs Dad at home, same as us.”

  “Wow. So, you’re driving across the country? Where the heck are you?”

  “We’re past Indianapolis, next stop is St. Louis and I’m pinching myself to stay awake.”

  “Is Rachelle with you?”

  Kandace smiled to herself. “It’s Kyle and me.”

  “Ooooh. Well. Are you driving his car? I love his car.”

  “Yeah, I am, and it’s freaking me out.”

  “Oh. I’m so jealous. I have to go for a ride in it. Hey, hey, I totally forgot to have Mom sign a parent form. I’ll call the house later on, I guess. I need money too… think I’ve got any chance at getting fifty bucks?”

  “Mom’s… she’s had a bad day, Coral. Email the form to Aunt V, she can sign it.”

  “Oh geez. What’s wrong?”

  Don’t distract her. “You know how Mom is.”

  Coral was silent for a moment. “You’d tell me if it’s bad, right?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry I can’t be at your game. Maybe V can bring Amelia.”

  “Hell, yeah!” Girls screamed in the background on Coral’s end. “Kandace? I gotta run. I’ll catch ya later. Bye!”

  Coral was gone, and loneliness returned, worse than before. Her sister was high after a big win; no need to have ruined that. Coral didn’t need to know the brutal truth yet.

  Kandace turned up the vents, to blow freezing air on her face.

  Fast food coffee, though robust and hot, hardly restored her. She had the crazy idea of running barefoot though the ice-cold parking lot while idling in the drive-thru. She felt fatigue, too anxious to sleep, and her head hurt.

  Cruising the highway as bright sunlight welcomed the day, she thought she was through the worst of it—but she hadn’t brought any sunglasses. She wasn’t ready for busy morning traffic.

  She felt satisfied to have made it this far without waking up Kyle. Thirty miles to St. Louis and the turn to I-70. Then 270. Then 44 West for 471 miles.

  As sunlight bathed the car’s interior, Kyle sat up, his mouth hanging open. Kandace glanced at him in the rearview mirror, his dirty blond hair plastered to his face like a mask. A big yawn.