The Distance Between Us (Mac Security Series Book 3)

by Abigail Davies

  I stand up on shaky legs, turning the tap on and cupping my hand under the running water so that I can swallow my pills. I wipe my face dry of the water that splashed me in my haste and look up into the mirror, hating the woman staring back at me. I stumble back, my ass landing on the closed toilet seat as I let my head drop into my hands.

  Why did I do that? Not only do I now have no pills left but I’ve failed yet again. It’s not even the failing that makes me feel so bad, it’s knowing that I don’t have any pills left. What am I meant to do now?

  I have to get out of here. I can’t be here like this.

  “Kitty?” I squeal at the sound of Charlie’s voice and the knock at the door. “Let me in.”

  I shove the empty bottle back into my pocket and stand up, turning the lock on the door and stepping back as it opens and Charlie walks in.

  “I can’t do this,” I tell him, shaking my head vigorously.

  “Take a breath, Kitty Kat.” His hands frame my face and he presses his forehead against mine. “Just take a breath.”

  I do as he says but it doesn’t do anything and I tell him as much. I shouldn’t be here, this isn’t what my life should be. I’m bad for Charlie and he should know what I’m really like, what I’m doing to my body, but I can’t bring myself to say the words. To tell him what’s really going on.

  His hand moves down to my chest, moving up and down as I breathe.

  “That’s it, baby. Just breathe, I’m here.”

  “I’m sorry, Charlie. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this.”

  “You know why I asked you to meet them?” I shake my head no and wait for what he has to say. “Because I love you, Kitty Kat. I love your stubborn, sexy ass and I don’t want to live without you.”

  “You love me?” I whisper, a lump forming in my throat and tears coming to the surface of my eyes, threatening to break free.

  “I love you,” he tells me again, a soft smile on his face.

  He pulls me closer, bending at the knees and pressing his lips to mine, once, twice, three times before he pulls away and smiles.

  “I… I love you too,” I choke out, the tears winning out and flowing down my cheeks.

  He wipes them away with his thumbs and pulls me into his chest, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

  “Now, what say we get this meal over and done with so I can take you back to my place and show you just how much I love you.”

  I close my eyes and breathe him in, centering myself. Although I’m not sure if it’s him or the pills I’ve just taken, but I feel more at ease now.

  “Okay.” I smile. “Let’s do this.”

  “That’s my girl,” Charlie chuckles, smacking my ass as I pull the door open.

  “Hey!” I spin around and point at him. “Watch it.”

  He throws his hands up in the air in surrender with a grin on his face and I can’t help but smile back at him.

  “I like her,” Ma announces as I bring the plates into the kitchen with her. “She’s nice, different.”

  “Yeah,” I chuckle. “She is.”

  “You love her.” She smiles, her eyes lighting up.

  I lean against the counter as she pulls out a pie. What is it with her and pies?

  “Yeah, I do.”

  She claps her hands, jumping up and down then throwing her arms around me. “I’m so happy for you!” She’s acting like a little girl who just got the Barbie doll that she wanted for Christmas. Seeing her like this makes me happy but I won’t tell her that.

  “Yeah, okay, Ma. Calm down.”

  “Oh hush, my boy is in love again! It’s time to celebrate.”

  I shake my head and follow her back into the dining room, sitting back down next to Kitty and resting my hand on her thigh. I wink at her and she gives me an answering smile.

  “So, Kitty. Tell us about your parents.”

  I feel her muscles tense and I’m just about to say that she doesn’t have to answer that when she says, “My mom and dad are back in Canada, but we’re… not close.”

  “Really?” Dad says, shoving a spoonful of pie into his mouth.

  “Yeah, I haven’t talked to them since I left home at eighteen.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry,” Ma says, a sad look in her eyes.

  Kitty shrugs and looks down at her plate, picking up her fork and breaking off a piece of pie. “It’s okay. My dad only ever wanted me to become another asset, someone he could marry off to further his own career.”

  I squeeze her thigh as we all become silent and the air becomes thick. It’s the most I’ve heard about her parents and I’m not going to push it. I knew all of this anyway because Ty vets everyone that he’s working with, but Kitty doesn’t need to know that.

  “So, Elena, you must tell me how you make this pie, it’s delicious.”

  “Anytime you want, honey. You just come on over and I’ll teach you.”

  “Really?” Kitty asks, surprise in her voice.

  “Really.” Ma smiles.

  Once we’ve finished eating I announce that it’s time for us to leave. I can feel Kitty starting to get more tense and besides, I want to get her home to show her exactly how I feel.

  Ma’s face falls but perks up as we stand, putting on a front. I know I should come and see her more, and maybe now that I’m trying to move on I will. It’s just going to take some getting used to. I feel like bringing Kitty here wasn’t just about her meeting Ma and Dad, but in a way, for Emmy to meet her too.

  “It was so nice to meet you, honey,” Ma says, wrapping her arms around Kitty. This time she hugs Ma back and does the same to Dad before we walk down to my SUV.

  We wave them off as I pull out of there and I turn to Kitty, resting my hand on her thigh.

  “Wasn’t so bad huh?” I ask as we drive down the private road that leads to the main road.

  “No.” She shakes her head. “It wasn’t, thanks for bringing me.”

  I grin at her as I come to a stop at the junction and squeeze her hand as she places it on top of mine.

  “Want to go back to yours or mine?”

  “Yours.” She smiles, sleepily.

  Her head falls to the side facing me and her eyes close. I watch her when we get to a stoplight, in awe of her.

  How did I get here? How did I manage to find her? She’s become so much to me in the last couple of years and I honestly can’t even comprehend living without her now. Sometimes I kick myself for not getting here sooner but I know that I wasn’t ready. Six months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to connect with her the way I am now. I know that it was our path to each other, that it was our journey, but I can’t help the voice in my head that tells me the world is cruel and life is short and that I should have done it sooner. I know that all too well.

  It doesn’t matter now though because I’ve found her. It may have taken me a while to realize what she means to me, but now that I have, I won’t let her go. She’s it for me.

  “Kitty,” I call when I pull up to my place and turn the engine off, shaking her shoulder. Her eyes open sleepily and she groans. “Come on.”

  She doesn’t move so I jump out of the car and jog around to her side, lifting her off the seat and carrying her into the house. Looks like my plan of showing her just how much I love her is on hold.

  “I think your ma put me in a food coma,” she groans.

  “Yeah, she tends to do that,” I chuckle.

  She brings her face to my neck as I open the front door and kisses me just below my ear. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I ask, looking down at her.

  “For everything.”

  She closes her eyes again and snuggles into my chest and it’s all I can do not to wake her up to tell her how much she’s helped me, how without her I wouldn’t be where I am now. I’d still be stuck inside my own head, stuck in the past.

  I shoot up in bed, my eyes springing open and my chest gasping for breath. My skin is slick with sweat and my pulse is pounding in my ears. I look down t
o where Charlie lies next to me, his lips parted with his arm under his head as he faces me while he sleeps.

  My eyes scan the dark room, trying to find what’s woken me, but there’s nothing but the red numbers flashing on Charlie’s alarm clock.

  2:30 a.m. stares back at me, taunting me.

  I scratch at the skin on my arm, the itchiness getting more intense the more that I scratch. I need a shower, a shower and… shit!

  I jump up out of the bed, running over to my jeans and checking the pocket. I open up the bottle even though I already know that I don’t have any in there. I fall down onto the floor, bringing my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth.

  I shouldn’t have let myself run out, especially not here, not now.

  My eyes flick up to Charlie where he still lies asleep on the bed. Would he notice if I borrowed his SUV and drove to Wayward?

  No, I can’t do that.

  I shake my head rapidly and use the wall to help me stand, stumbling into the bathroom and turning the shower on and stepping in, letting the cold water wash over me.

  It hits me like a thousand tiny needles are shooting against my skin and I gasp at the sensation before turning it to warm.

  I lean my head back on the black tiles that line the shower cubicle wall, letting the water wash all of the sweat away before I lather up some of Charlie’s body wash. The smell relaxes me slightly but I’m still on edge.

  I shuffle down the tiled wall, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, the tears falling from my eyes mixing in with the flow of the water.

  This isn’t who I am, it isn’t who I ever wanted to be. Why? Why did this happen to me?

  All I ever wanted was a peaceful life. I wanted to meet someone, fall in love with them and have them love me for who I am and not what my last name is… was. I wanted to make a family, at some stage. I wanted… I didn’t want this.

  I switch the water off and climb out slowly, wrapping a towel around me and wiping the condensation off the mirror. I have bags under my eyes that never used to be there, my skin is ghostly pale and I can see the weight loss from the way my cheekbones are starting to protrude.

  What am I doing to myself?

  It doesn’t matter how much I can see what is happening to me, it isn’t making the craving for the pills any less. I need them, and I can feel my breaths getting faster and shallower just at the thought of never taking them again.

  I open the door to the bedroom, slowly peeking around it to see if Charlie is still asleep. When I see that he is, I grab some panties and a sports bra, shove them on and then push my legs through some leggings before I pull Charlie’s discarded t-shirt from earlier over my head.

  I close the bedroom door softly, saying a silent sorry to Charlie and then picking his keys up off the kitchen counter and walking out the front door.

  My hands shake as I get into his SUV and it takes several attempts to get the key in the ignition. When I do, I close my eyes, take a deep breath and turn it, bringing the engine roaring to life and pulling out of the driveway, heading straight to Wayward.

  As I get closer I realize that people will notice whose car it is, so I’ll need to park a couple of blocks over so that they don’t think something suspicious is happening. The last thing I need is for someone to think that I’m scoring undercover.

  I park the car under a streetlight and check behind me before I get out, locking the car and clutching the keys in my hand as I walk the block over to Wayward.

  I wrap my arms around my stomach, my head swiveling back and forth as I get closer, making sure no-one is watching me.

  I jog up the stairs and knock on Joel’s door, gasping when Jonny answers. “Jonny?”

  “What are you doing?” he grits out. “You can’t be here.” He grabs my arm and moves me backward, pushing me around the corner and up against the wall.

  “I need… I need.”

  “What?” he spits, his mouth in a grim line and his eyes narrowed at me in mirth.

  “I need pills.”

  He takes a step back, assessing me. “You’re not getting them tonight, I have other business. You need to go.”

  He turns and I lunge forward, grabbing his arm. “Please, Jonny. You don’t understand, I need them. I have none left!”

  He looks at my hand on his arm that’s shaking and then moves his eyes back up to meet mine.

  “You owe me,” I say. “You said that I could hit you up because of that shot.” I swallow. “This is me hitting you up.”

  He watches me intently and is silent for so long that I’m sure he’s going to push me off him and walk away, but instead he huffs a breath and drops his head. “Fine, but only because I need you to get out of here. Don’t move.”

  I nod, complying and watch as he turns the corner, my ears on high alert listening to his footsteps.

  I bring my hand to my mouth, biting my nails—something I haven’t done since I was a kid—and start to pace back and forth. It feels like forever before I hear his footsteps again and he appears with a bottle clutched in his hand.

  “I really don’t want to give these to you,” he says, lifting the bottle in the air. “But I will on one condition.”

  “Anything,” I say, practically salivating at the sight of them.

  “You don’t come back here, not to Joel. I know what you did, who you are, and however much I hate what you were trying to do, I still care about you and seeing you do this to yourself...” He looks me up and down. “What happened to you?” he whispers. “How did you become this?”

  “What happened to me?” I laugh. “I got shot, at your club.”

  He shakes his head, his eyes growing sadder the longer he stares at me but with a hint of anger, the swirls getting more intense as he holds his hand out, extending the bottle to me.

  I practically snatch his hand off for the pills. “Thanks.”

  “I don’t want to see you here again, Kitty,” he calls after me.

  I wave my hand in acknowledgement and jog back to the car, sticking the key in the ignition and pulling away from the sidewalk.

  I roll over in bed, stretching my arms and pulling Kitty closer to me but all I come up with is empty space. My eyes squint open and I sit up at the sound of an engine. Tires squealing have me jumping out of bed and racing to the front door, pulling it open and finding my SUV gone.

  What the fuck?

  I run back into the house, grabbing my cell and calling out for Kitty. I get no response so I go searching for her.

  The bathroom light shines bright and as I step in, I see that she must have only just taken a shower because the room is full of the smell of my body wash and the mirror is fogged over.

  I frown and spin around; none of this makes sense, why the hell is she taking a shower in the middle of the night and then taking off in my car?

  My head spins, I don’t know what to think. My first instinct is to call people, to see if they can find her and then I realize she could just be heading to the store… or… I don’t know.

  Where would she be going at this time in the morning?

  I stumble through the hallway, my body still trying to wake up. I sit in the armchair in the living room, positioned for me to see into the hallway. I don’t turn any lights on, I sit there in the dark, my thoughts running rampant.

  All I can do is wait, but I won’t wait long, I’ll give her an hour and then if she isn’t back I’ll start to make some calls and go and look for her.

  My leg bobs up and down, relentless as I watch the clock. My eyes don’t move as the hands tick by slowly. I keep trying to get through to her cell but all I get is her voicemail, my jaw clenching harder the more I hear her voice on the message. I want to scream for her to pick up but that won’t get her to answer my calls.

  Ten minutes go by, then twenty, then thirty and still no word from her.

  So many things go through my mind as to why she would be gone in the middle of the night.

  Was dinner with Ma and
Dad too much for her? Maybe it was too much too soon. She could be undercover, or Ty could have called her in. But Ty would have messaged me, at least to say what was going on, he wouldn’t just let Kitty disappear in the middle of the night.

  Maybe she’s found someone else?

  No, she couldn’t have, I would have felt it if she was pulling away and she definitely isn’t pulling away.

  My eyes move back to the clock, fifty minutes, only ten minutes before I call the cavalry in and go searching for her.

  The sound of an engine coming closer makes my head snap up and I fight myself to stay seated and give her the benefit of the doubt. The door handle turning echoes through the quiet space and then it opens. I hear footsteps come past the darkened living room and watch as Kitty walks by, heading toward the kitchen.

  I lift up out of the chair and silently pad my way through to the kitchen, listening intently at the sound of her opening the fridge.

  I lean against the doorframe, watching as she pulls a bottle of water out, the light illuminating her face. She closes the fridge, placing the water on the counter along with a small bottle of what looks like medication. I frown, certain that she shouldn’t still be taking them.

  She pours several out into her hand and brings her palm up to her mouth, her face full of relief. I don’t want to think what I’m thinking right now, but it’s plain as day to me as the last couple of months start running through my head. The way she’s been acting, the weight she’s lost.

  “Kitty?”

  She jumps, the pills flying out of her hands and scattering across the kitchen floor. She scrambles down, trying to find them, her hands frantic.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, stepping closer.

  Her head leans back and her eyes connect with mine, whatever she see’s staring back at her must spook her because she forgets about the pills that she dropped, jumps up and grabs the bottle, running for the bedroom.

  The bathroom door slams shut just as I make it into the bedroom and I switch the bedroom light on, my eyes scanning the area.