The Amoral Hero

by Logan Jacobs

  Then Katrina seemed to realize that I had noticed, and so did Janina. She quickly closed her hand around the watch, too late, and both twins stared at me with wary blue-green or green-blue eyes.

  “Remember what I said about withholding pertinent information from me,” was all I said. Then I walked into my room and shut the door behind me.

  Chapter Five

  In the morning, when I met the girls downstairs for breakfast, they looked as fresh-faced and immaculately dressed as ever despite the fact that none of us had had more than a few hours of sleep, but they were both hiding yawns behind their hands.

  One of the twins was wearing a periwinkle gown, and the other was wearing lavender. Both of the gowns had the same low-cut bodice and suffocatingly cinched corset that they seemed to favor but lacked ruffles or lace, which I guessed was their idea of practical traveling clothing. Their traveling jackets this morning, however, were both cream-colored. I didn’t bother to tell them that the fabric would get visibly dirty by noon. They’d realize that soon enough for themselves.

  I stole glances at them whenever I thought I could get away with it while we spooned porridge into our months, in an attempt to discern any facial differences that I could. I still couldn’t identify any difference except for the eye color, and that was subtle enough that I kept second-guessing myself. I thought, however, that the one in the periwinkle gown had very slightly greener eyes, and the one in the lavender gown had very slightly bluer eyes. My guess was confirmed to be correct when the blonde in the periwinkle gown asked the blonde in the lavender gown as “Kat, can you pass me the cream?”

  Thankfully, the boorish mine owner brothers from the night before were nowhere in sight. There wasn’t any other inn in town, so unless they had slunk out of town with their tails tucked altogether after our confrontation, they were probably in the building somewhere. But I guess it wouldn’t surprise me if they were in the habit of sleeping in till noon.

  There were a handful of other patrons eating breakfast at the same time, though, including a couple of grizzled old ranchers, and what appeared to be a well-to-do family. The ranchers were definitely eyeing the twins sidelong with a wistful look in their eyes, but I couldn’t hardly blame them none for that, and just so long as they weren’t making any move in their direction, which they weren’t, it was nothing to trouble me. Besides that the only other people in the room were only the portly innkeeper and his gangly teenage servant.

  When Katrina spied the teenager, her eyes lit up, and she beckoned him over with a finger.

  “Yes, Miss?” he asked her warily, no doubt remembering his struggle of the night before.

  “Well, my sister and I are about to be heading out, and we were just so awfully appreciative of your help with the luggage last night, and hoping you might be persuaded to lend us your strength again for the same purpose,” she cooed.

  After the teenager had trudged away dejectedly in the direction of the stairs to the upper floor, Janina turned to her twin and giggled.

  “Poor kid, did you see his face?” she said. “Maybe we ought to take pity on him. Mr. Hale could do it in one trip, after all.”

  “Yes, and for more money than it costs to buy a horse!” Katrina retorted crossly.

  “Not a horse like Theo,” I pointed out.

  “Oh? How much would you ask for Theo?” Janina asked curiously.

  “Simple,” I said. “A better owner.”

  “That might be the first selfless thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Katrina mused.

  “It’s all hollow posturing really,” I replied. “Since Theo would never consent to go with someone else, even with my blessing, there’s no danger of my having to uphold that pledge.”

  “I still think it’s sweet,” Katrina said.

  “I bet you’d never recognize someone else as a better potential owner, anyway,” Janina snorted.

  “I’ve met plenty of better horse owners than me,” I replied. “Men who own green pastures. Fruit orchards. Herds of other horses. Whose horses don’t have anything to do but graze to their hearts’ content and roam free beneath the sun. But have I met any better Theo owner than me? No.”

  The innkeeper’s assistant came downstairs with the first two suitcases of many then and lugged them outside toward the stables with a woeful expression on his face. When he looked in the direction of our table, the twins gave him their sweetest smiles, and I gave him my most unapologetic of blank stares. I’d accounted in our travel plans for the half hour or so that it would take him to complete the task, so it was no matter of concern to me.

  “You always write the rules to suit yourself, don’t you just,” Janina remarked as she squinted her beautiful greenish-blue eyes at me. Both girls’ eyes looked like the sea. Those stormy colors were the only wild touch in their otherwise doll-like faces.

  “That’s the whole point of the frontier, isn’t it?” I asked. “It’s a blank slate for pioneers to write new truths on.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Katrina said. “I know folks write new falsehoods every day-- every hour-- every minute! But it seems to me that most truths that really matter, have existed since ancient times. All of the essential truths about humanity and the universe.”

  “A small truth can get you killed just as much as a big truth,” I said.

  “What do you mean?” Katrina asked.

  “I mean, ‘Hey, your saddle’s not fastened properly’ is a bit more relevant on a day-to-day basis than ‘Tools have made mankind the master of other animals,’ ain’t it?” I replied.

  “Well, if we were born nobles, then we could think only of the big truths, and leave the small truths to our servants,” Katrina said wistfully.

  “I don’t think that works how you think it works,” I chuckled as I spooned the last of my porridge into my mouth.

  Soon after that we had all finished our breakfasts, and the twins came outside to supervise the luggage that was piling up there and start loading it onto their hapless mares, while I fed Theo his breakfast.

  Truth be told I started to get awfully restless waiting on the scrawny innkeeper’s assistant to finish lugging it all out, and would have preferred to finish the job myself, but if I did that, it would give the Elliott twins the mistaken impression that I was conceding to their whims, which would surely have a very undesirable effect on their future behavior, so I just cooled my heels.

  When the kid had finally carried down the last hat case, the twins each pressed a gold coin into one of his hands-- and then they each planted a kiss on one of his cheeks. I had to suppress a chuckle at watching that, because I’d never seen someone’s face transform from so utterly miserable to so dizzily euphoric before in the space of a second. Then the teenager stumbled back toward the inn, and Janina, Katrina, Theo, and I were finally off on our way to the next town.

  “I just hope you didn’t pickpocket that poor kid,” I remarked as we started to clip clop across the open plain, under a rosy sunrise.

  “I would never,” Katrina exclaimed indignantly.

  “Oh, never?” I said sarcastically. “Is that so?”

  “Not a sweet kid like him,” Janina clarified. “Last night was different.”

  “We have standards, unlike you,” Katrina said. “We won’t target just anybody.”

  “Oh, so you only rob beastly people?” I inquired.

  “Well, no,” Janina admitted, “but we only rob people who are either beastly, or who can afford the loss.”

  “What a noble philosophy,” I said sarcastically. “Practically saints, the two of you are.”

  “I didn’t say that, but we have to survive somehow, don’t we?” Katrina demanded. “Just like anybody else.”

  “First of all, from the looks of things, you’ve taken it a bit past merely surviving,” I said as I raised an eyebrow at their aristocratic traveling clothes, and then glanced pointedly at the mountain of luggage strapped to their two extra mares. “And second of all, I don’t really give a damn. Except
, that is, insofar as your thieving activities endanger your lives during the span of the next nine days. And third of all, now that I know what I know, I’m going to have a lot less patience for either of you turning up your noses at my moral condition.”

  “Murdering people is far worse than what we do,” Katrina insisted.

  “Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t,” I said. “Depends on the person and the circumstances. Sometimes a body needs killing. Sometimes that’s the only way to save the rest of the world a whole lot of grief.”

  “You’re not God, and that isn’t up to you to decide who lives and dies,” Katrina argued.

  “In my personal experience, you certainly don’t need to be a god in order to decide a thing like that,” I replied. “In fact you don’t even need to be a man. You can be a cat with a mouse. Or a bird with a worm. And be perfectly capable of making your own decision on the matter, without any divine input at all. In fact if that weren’t the case, you’d starve and die.”

  “I meant humans,” Katrina said.

  “What makes us inherently different?” I asked.

  “Our wits and our consciences,” Janina said.

  “Our souls,” Katrina added.

  “If we have souls, then animals do too,” I said. “And anyone who believes in souls, generally believes that they can’t be killed just by killing the body.”

  “I don’t know about a soul, but I know my wits are superior to most men’s,” Theo snorted.

  “Well, yes, but you’re not like most animals,” Janina pointed out.

  “Nor am I unique among animals,” Theo said. “Well, yes, I am, actually. But not in the regard that I can think for myself.”

  “And this is a funny argument for you to pick, anyhow,” I told the twins, “considering as you’ve hired me on to do just that: decide who lives or dies, I mean. And if you think that giving the orders means your hands are cleaner than the one who does the deed, then all I can say is that’s a fool’s opinion.”

  And one shared by many a family member of mine. If you counted the one who gave the order as equally guilty, however, which I did, then I had relatives who’d killed more people during my childhood than I ever possibly could even if I lived to a hundred and maintained a successful career until my dying day.

  “You shouldn’t insult your employers,” Katrina said angrily.

  “My week’s salary depends on you,” I acknowledged. “And your lives depend on me. So who has the authority here, if we’re going to stand on it? Which I’d rather we didn’t, seeing as there’s not much point to a friendly argument if you reduce it to that.”

  “Well, anyhow, those men last night deserved to get robbed,” Janina said after a moment’s silence.

  “I can wholeheartedly agree with you on that,” I chuckled.

  “And from the contents of their wallets, they really were telling the truth about how rich they are,” Katrina said happily.

  “Sure you don’t want to turn around and go marry them?” I suggested.

  “Ha, ha, ha,” Janina said.

  “We’ve made a pledge never to marry anyone,” Katrina said.

  “You take issue with the institution of marriage?” I asked.

  “We take issue with the lifestyle of married women,” Janina said. “We don’t want to raise whelps, or cook and clean for men, and let them tell us what to do.”

  “But you think that men should be naturally obligated to carry your luggage for you,” I said, “and generally treat you as more fragile and precious and in need of assistance.”

  “Well, yes, that’s how it ought to be in any civilized society,” Katrina agreed.

  “Don’t you think that’s a bit inconsistent?” I asked. “To want the privileges of being a lady but none of the burdens?”

  “Why, do you think women should be your servants?” Katrina demanded.

  “Not at all, unless they willingly entered a contract of servitude with me,” I said. “And likewise, I am in no sense their servant.”

  “That’s because you are not a gentleman,” Katrina declared.

  “Well, then, a gentleman, by your definition, is entirely a fool,” I said. “You know, I don’t mind in the least if a woman wants to put on trousers and ride with the cowboys, as long as she can keep up. And I don’t mind in the least if she wants to be a frail and cosseted little domestic creature. But the one will get no pity or special treatment from me, and the other will not get my man-to-man respect.”

  “No matter what you say, plenty of men are happy to treat us exactly as we deserve,” Janina informed me haughtily.

  “I suspect I’m one of the first, actually,” I replied.

  My lovely blonde employers lapsed into silence after that remark.

  When we stopped for lunch, I used my ability to water Theo in the usual fashion. Then he lowered his head and began eating dry brush.

  “Stop that,” I said. “You know it isn’t any good for you, and you’ll just ruin your appetite for supper.”

  “Yes, but it’s tasty,” he complained. “Besides, I’m always hungry.”

  The mares were doing the same, although I’m sure they didn’t have the same awareness of the nutritional consequences of their actions, and the twins made no effort to stop them. Instead they pulled out fans from one of their suitcases and started vigorously fanning themselves. They were wearing bonnets to shade their faces from the sun, but their layers of constricting clothing probably weren’t helping them to keep cool.

  “You know, if you stripped down to your chemises, you’d feel a lot better,” I suggested to them. I didn’t expect they’d actually do it, but it couldn’t hurt to put the idea in their heads. And way out here in the middle of nowhere, we weren’t likely to run into anyone who’d care. Even in their chemises and bloomers, they’d still be dressed extremely modestly by Savajun standards.

  “Wouldn’t you like that,” Janina scoffed.

  “Yes, I would, because you’d be less likely to faint or die of heatstroke, and your survival would simplify the collection of my fee,” I said.

  “You’ll just have to content yourself with the contents of your filthy imagination, because we are hardly--” Katrina began as she stepped toward one of the mares. Then I heard it. The telltale rattling sound.

  “Stop,” I barked at her.

  “How dare you--” Katrina started to say, but at least she had halted in her tracks. If she hadn’t, then she would have stepped right on top of it.

  I pointed behind her. She turned and saw the thick brown spotted snake coiled a few feet behind her skirts, with its black-and-white striped tail pricked up in the air.

  She let out an earsplitting shriek. Janina heard the shriek, looked around until she recognized the cause, and added her own identical shriek.

  “Shut up and don’t run,” I yelled. I was about ten feet away from her and the rattlesnake. I wouldn’t have time to reach it before it bit her if the creature was provoked, and my approach in itself might cause the snake to feel threatened and attack. But rattlesnakes weren’t naturally aggressive, they feared humans, and that was why they preferred to warn us away and avoid conflict altogether. “Just back away, very slowly.”

  Katrina took a few deep, shuddering breaths. For a moment I feared that she was too terrified to move away at all. Then, she took a tiny step away from the snake. The snake remained in attack position and glared at her, but it didn’t strike. She took another step. The snake allowed it.

  “Slowly,” I reminded her. “You’re doing fine. Just keep coming towards me.”

  Katrina took several more faltering steps, and then the snake relaxed its erect posture, and slithered away into the underbrush.

  “Alright, it left,” I told her.

  Katrina looked behind her to confirm that the snake was really gone. Then she whimpered and flung herself into her twin’s arms.

  “Let’s head on out,” I said. “Best to leave its territory.”

  The girls didn’t have to b
e prompted twice. We were back on our horses and riding within a minute.

  “I didn’t hear it,” Katrina said as we rode. “I had no idea it was there. I would’ve stepped on it--”

  “Yes, well, now you know what sound to listen for, I hope,” I said.

  “I’ll never forget it,” she replied.

  “And more importantly, you know that you should be paying attention to the sounds of your environment,” I continued.

  “I suppose so,” she agreed.

  “And most importantly of all, you know that you should always follow my instructions,” I concluded.

  “Well, I don’t know about always,” she said suspiciously.

  “Would you have been dead if you hadn’t, just now?” I asked.

  “I don’t know, are rattlesnakes very poisonous?” she asked.

  “Not in the least, but they are quite venomous,” I said.

  “I despise smug people,” Janina groaned. Which was fair enough, except that the twins themselves had a rather smug air, much of the time. Except for right then. Katrina was clearly… for lack of a better word… rattled.

  “You can despise me all you want, but your sister would have been dead without me,” I said.

  “You didn’t even lift a finger,” Janina pointed out.

  “I didn’t need to, in order to save her,” I replied.

  The twins had nothing to say to that.

  “I’m not fond of snakes myself,” Theo confided to me under his breath. I chuckled and patted his neck.

  “So, I hope you are beginning to appreciate the value of your investment,” I said cheerfully to the blonde Elliott twins.

  “Thank you,” Katrina said after a moment’s hesitation.

  “You’re very welcome,” I said. “Now, back to my previous advice.”

  “Your previous advice?” Janina asked in confusion.

  “Yes,” I said. “In this weather, I really think you’d both better strip down to your chemises.”

  The girls groaned in unison.