Almost Perfect

by Jenny Siegel

  “Guess that’s my cue.” I say with a groan and set down my glass.

  “Rather you than me.”

  With a heavy sigh I dig out my car keys. “Yeah, don’t know if I’ve got the patience for this tonight.”

  “You do seem a bit…” She searches for the right word, but I save her.

  “I am.” I push away from the kitchen counter. “I’ll be back once I take them home.” Grace nods and watches me go.

  Dominic is playing cards with some of the guys and I lean down to talk quietly in his ear. “I’m taking Iris and Bryan home because she’s wasted. I won’t be long.” But I don’t have his full attention, he doesn’t even tear his gaze away from his cards as he nods. Why do I bother? I straighten and spy the quarter full bottle of JD sitting next to him. This night gets better and better

  On my way to the back door, I brush past the same pretty blonde from earlier tonight. It seems her attitude hasn’t improved any when she looks me up and down, the same sneer as earlier on her face. Fuck this. I roll my eyes at her. Yeah okay, I only have on jeans and a t-shirt, but I don’t look that bad. No need to look at me like that.

  Getting Iris and Bryan into my car is a lesson in self-restraint and I clench my fists behind my back on more than one occasion. Iris looks worse for wear and paler than usual. Silently I pray for her not to barf in my car or I will make her clean it up. All the way home, Iris mumbles incoherently. Bryan, on the other hand, looks like he’s fallen asleep, his head slumped against the window, and his mouth hanging open slightly. I’m anxious to get them home so I can go back to Dominic and we can leave.

  When I pull up to their apartment, I have a nightmare time getting Iris out of the car and up the stairs, a real test of my patience. She keeps stopping to look up at the stars and talking crap about god knows what. It is literally two steps forward and three steps back as I try to get her into the apartment. I wrestle the keys out of Bryan’s grip because he still hasn’t managed to open the door after the fifth attempt and let us into the apartment. Bryan collapses on the couch and starts to snore right away, leaving me to deal with my drunken best friend.

  Muttering a string of curses under my breath I follow Iris as she bounces off the walls, like a pinball on her way to the bedroom. Eventually, she flops down on the bed and I take off her shoes and pull the cover over her.

  “Bowl,” she slurs and it takes me a minute to realize she is addressing me. Scared that she’s going to be sick and I’ll have to clean it up, I hurry into the kitchen in search of a bowl, rummaging in every kitchen cupboard until I find one. Bryan is snoring, dead to the world, as I take it back through to the bedroom and leave it on the nightstand.

  “Thanks, Charlotte. You’re my best friend. I’m so lucky I have a friend like you.” Her eyes are closed, and she’s slurring her words, but she looks so young and innocent. I suddenly feel bad for getting annoyed with her earlier. She’ll be suffering in the morning, and I’m betting it won’t just be a one-day hangover. No, she’s going to feel like shit for days. I brush curls off her face and squeeze her hand. Not sure if she’s asleep or passed out or what.

  “I’m the lucky one, Iris. To have a best friend like you. Love ya.” I feel a slight squeeze on my hand before I leave her in peace and slip out of their apartment.

  • • •

  Running down the steps, I jump into Daisy, a sense of unease washes over me as I peel away from the curb. Knowing there is something wrong with him, I am desperate to get back to Dominic. Getting Iris and Bryan home took longer than I thought and now I’m frantic to get back, so I drive faster than I should and make the journey in record time.

  The poker game is still underway when I walk into the kitchen, but Dominic isn’t there anymore. Grace is sitting in Pete’s lap and smiles at me when I walk through the back door. She eases out of Pete’s arms and stands beside me.

  “How’d it go with Iris?” She asks in a quiet voice.

  “Oh god, she was a handful. I got her to bed, with a bowl beside her as a safety measure.” Grace’s soft peal of laughter is infectious, and I crack a small smile before I get antsy.

  “Where’s Dominic?”

  “I think he went upstairs. Zak told him to go sleep it off; he’s been in one hell of a mood and nearly started a fight.”

  My eyes bug out as I stare at her; something really is up with him. “Seriously?”

  She nods. “He was wasted. What was wrong with him tonight?”

  “Damned if I know. He’s been off for a few weeks now,” I grumble and Grace flashes me a sympathetic smile.

  “He’ll be in the room at the end of the landing.” She squeezes my shoulder reassuringly, but I don’t feel very reassured. If anything, I feel worse. The knot in my stomach tightens and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all about to kick off.

  My heart rate accelerates with each footstep until I feel like I’m having palpitations. It is made worse when I see a blonde step out from the room at the end of the corridor. When she draws level with me, recognition flickers in her gaze before she smirks and looks me up and down. Bitch. Who the fuck is she and why the hell is she coming out of that room? I catch the triumphant look in her eye before she descends the stairs.

  Not wanting to give credence to my negative thoughts, I try to push them out or my mind and concentrate on one problem at a time, trying not to jump to conclusions. My hand tremors as I reach out for the door handle, but I hesitate, not sure if I want to open it and see what lies on the other side, some part of me knows it won’t be good. But a sick need to know takes over and with a final fortifying breath, I push open the door.

  Standing at the threshold to the bedroom, dimly lit by a small bedside lamp, my stomach plummets. Dominic lies on the bed, face down, arms tucked under the pillow, sheets twisted around his waist. My stomach lurches, and for an instant, I think I’m going to be sick. A heavy weight pulls me down making my body sag, Gripping hold of the door frame until it’s the only thing holding me upright. Pain sears through my body, as though I’ve been torn in two and I can’t breathe past it. This isn’t the kind of breathlessness I encountered when I first met Dominic. No, this is very different.

  Finally, I find the strength to move, but only because anger has kicked in. It propels me into the room and I slam the door behind me. The loud thud jerks him out of his stupor and he raises his head, looking over his shoulder to see what the noise is. His face cracks into a drunken smile when he sees me. Well, I think it’s ‘cause he sees me, his eyes are unfocused.

  “Charlie, babe,” he slurs and flops back down. “Come here.” He starts to turn, the sheets twisting further and the ride lower and lower until I catch a glimpse of the waistband of his boxer briefs. It should make me feel better, but that doesn’t mean shit. As I edge closer, I fight back the urge to be sick. I struggle to draw a breath, the whole room is closing in on me, my vision narrows, my pounding heart won’t slow down.

  Unable to move I stand at the side of the bed. Dominic’s eyes open, bleary and unfocused.

  “Hey, baby,” he slurs.

  When I am finally able to speak, I demand, “What the fuck is going on?” My voice is as cold as ice, despite the fiery rage that is bubbling up inside me.

  “Where’ve you been? I was waiting for you.” His eyes flutter shut, and I wonder if he’s fallen asleep. Grace wasn't kidding; he is trashed. He’s also conveniently forgotten he has been acting like a dick all night.

  “Who was that girl? The one I saw walking out of here?” I demand.

  “Umm.” His eyes snap open and he looks disorientated, confusion creasing his brow as he his eyebrows draw tight together.

  “Did you sleep with her?” I try to keep my voice level, but I am dangerously close to losing it.

  He stares back at me, a blank look on his face. The slight flicker of panic in his eyes causes my stomach to churn and bile starts to rise in my throat.

  “I dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” he slurs.

  “
A girl just came out of here, and you’re in bed in your underwear. So you tell me, what’s going on?”

  He scrubs a hand over his face, but I don’t wait for his answer.

  “Fuck this. I’m done,” I hiss and his earlier confusion turns to panic. Before he can get up, I turn on my heel and storm out ignoring his shouts of protest. Slamming the door behind me, I run down the stairs and my eye catches the blonde from earlier who is leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching the card game. The minute she raises her head and her eyes connect with mine, I see red, especially because of the smirk playing across her lips. You think that's funny? I'll wipe that smug smile off your face. Taking her by surprise, I grab her by her shoulders and push her against the doorframe.

  “What the fuck are you playing at?” I seethe.

  On impact, her eyes widen in shock before a sly smile forms on her pretty face.

  “He was only too willing,” she sneers.

  Against my better judgment, I pull back my hand and slap her hard across the face.

  “Keep your fucking dirty hands off him.” I push her hard against the frame and get satisfaction when she hits her head with a dull thump and winces in pain.

  “Charlotte?” Grace calls over to me as I drop my hands and stalk to the door.

  I storm out of the door, ignoring the worried look from Grace as I slam it behind me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I run from the house, jump into my car, and race out the driveway with my tires squealing. There is no way I want to go back to the apartment; I can’t be there when he gets back. I’m not sure where I’m going because it is late and I’m tired. I just want to lie down and sleep, so I turn and head to Iris’, praying that one of them will answer. Too tired to do anything, other than rest my head on their door as I ring the doorbell. Too tired to even cry, anger and exhaustion keeps my tears at bay.

  Bryan answers the door, half asleep and still wearing the clothes he had on earlier, looking a little confused about why I’m standing on his doorstep.

  “Can I stay?” I rush out and without saying a word, he steps aside to let me in, not bothering to questioning why I’m here at this time of the morning. He’s either too tired or maybe still drunk, but he shuts the door behind me and shuffles back to bed, leaving me to my own devices. I make my way to their guest bedroom and flick on the light. The sight that greets me stops me in my tracks. Iris’s stuffed animals cover the bed. Fuck. Not in the mood to pay them the attention Iris would expect, I take the duvet and shake them all onto the floor. But there is one that I pick up, a dog eared Snoopy, and take it into bed with me. Holding it tight, I curl myself into a ball and fall asleep cuddling it.

  A buzzing sound wake me, it takes a minute to remember where I am. The memories of last night and what has happened come flooding back and I wish I could shut them off and go back to sleep, pretend it never happened. The cell keeps on vibrating, I know who it is without looking at the display and I also know he’s not going to give up until he speaks to me. I don’t want to speak to him, but I know I can’t avoid him.

  “Yeah?” I answer the cell with a yawn.

  “Charlie, where are you? I’m going out of my mind, babe.” His voice is thick; by the sounds of it, he has one hell of a hangover.

  “I’m not ready to come back yet.” I say in a flat voice.

  “Please, Charlie. I need to speak to you.” He pleads.

  “No need. I know what I saw.”

  “Nothing happened, baby. Please come home. I just want to see you.”

  “I saw her, Dominic. I saw the way she looked at me when she came out of the room, and there you were, half naked.” My voice rises, anger and upset getting the better of me.

  “Nothing happened,” he grinds out.

  “You were out of it. Are you positive?” I wait, holding my breath, not wanting to hear what’s coming next.

  “Dammit Charlie, I didn’t sleep with her. I don’t even remember her being there. I don’t know who the fuck she is or what she was doing there, but I didn’t sleep with her. You have to believe me.” I can hear the desperation in his voice. My silence drags on; sensing my doubt he rushes on. “Zak told me what happened this morning when I couldn’t find you. I’m sorry, babe, please just come home.”

  I chew my lip as I think about what he’s telling me. “Not just yet,” I whisper, and he sighs heavily on the other end of the line. “I’ll speak to you soon.” I hang up as he mumbles, “Bye.”

  Flopping onto the bed, I stare blankly at the ceiling but still, the tears don’t come. I’m numb, sick to the stomach, and my gut twists every time I think of them, an uncomfortable feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. When I eventually drag my sorry, miserable ass out of bed, silence greets me. I guess Iris and Bryan must still be in bed, so I help myself to toast and coffee then start to gather up my textbooks. My head’s not in it, but I need to study, lucky me my textbooks are in the car from yesterday. Before I leave, I tap lightly on Iris’ bedroom door. I don’t know if she even realizes I’m here.

  “Iris?” I push open the door a fraction and suppress a smile when I see her lying with her arm thrown over her forehead. She pulls it away and offers me a weak smile. A mass of curly red hair fans out on the pillow, and she is much paler than usual.

  “Bryan said something about you being here. What happened?” The concern in her blue eyes does me in. The tears I’ve managed to keep at bay all night and this morning threaten to burst forth. So I shrug and stare down at my feet.

  “It’s all fucked up,” I mumble.

  “What is?”

  “Him, us. I don’t know.”

  “Charlotte, you’re not making any sense.” I hear the bewilderment in her voice, and I know exactly how she feels. What the hell has happened to us? I thought the worst thing was Dominic finding out what a slut I’d been and losing him that way. Turns out this feels much worse because I’ve had a taste of what it is like being with him, loving him, and it’s slipping through my fingers.

  “He was wasted last night, and when I came back from bringing you home, I went to find him. When I got to the room, the blond girl from the gig was coming out.” I hear Iris’ shocked intake of breath. It’s not a full-on gasp, but the small sound makes me feel worse. “He was in the room… lying in just his underwear.”

  “And…”

  “And when I asked what was going on, he couldn’t tell me.”

  “What did you do?” Her eyes narrow a fraction, and I’m positive I hear a slight accusation in her voice.

  “I walked out.”

  “Charlotte,” she groans.

  “What?”

  “Did you not even wait?”

  “No, he was wasted and he’d been acting a dick all night.” I don’t want to relive it all over again. “Is it okay if I stay here just now? I’m sorry to put you in the middle, but I’m not ready to see him yet.” I beg because.

  “Of course, that’s okay. Isn’t it?” I hear the rustle of covers as she kicks Bryan, who I thought to be still sound asleep.

  “Yeah, sure. Whatever,” he mumbles, and I feel worse for asking them. He is Dominic’s friend, after all.

  “Thanks, it won’t be for long.” I just need to figure some shit out. “I’m going to the library.”

  “Come here,” Iris commands in a soft voice and lifts her arms in the air. She is still lying down and I’m betting it’s ‘cause she has a banging headache.

  “Iris, I’m fine. Honestly.”

  “Come here.”

  “Iris,” I groan, not ready for someone to comfort me.

  “Charlotte.” She uses her stern voice and there is no point in arguing with her, so I shuffle around to her side of the bed and lean over her. Her arms wrap around my shoulders and she pulls me down to the bed covers so she can hug me. Initially, I tense, but the longer she holds me, the more I allow my muscles to relax a fraction. “He loves you. You’ll work it out.” I nod but don’t trust myself to speak. There is something about
Iris and her hugs and the way she can break through my pretense of not needing anyone.

  “I’ll see you later. I need to study.” I swallow thickly and push down the emotion welling up inside my chest.

  “Okay, and you need to speak to Dominic.”

  I stifle my groan. “I will.” I extract myself from her arms and leave her and Bryan to sleep off their hangovers.

  Although I want to crawl back under the duvet and cuddle with one of Iris’ stuffed animals, I can’t. I need to study and it might help keep my mind off Dominic and what the hell I’m going to do. Shuffling down the path toward my car, I stop short when I see something stuck under the windscreen wiper. At first thought, it looks like a flyer, but as I get closer, I see it’s an envelope. There is no address or postmark, only a label with my name printed on it.

  Who the fuck is doing this?

  Twirling around, I scan the surrounding area, looking for anything suspicious. Nothing. There’s no one around. Taking a deep breath I pluck up the envelope, ignoring the tremor in my fingers as I crush the envelope in my hand. I open my door and climb in, tossing the crumpled envelope onto the front seat along with my phone. The engine roars to life and I pull out of my parking space, nearly clipping Bryan’s BMW in the process. With my foot hard on the gas, I speed down the street, desperate to get away.

  More fucking photos. How the hell did they know where I was and why can’t they leave me alone? This was hand delivered, which is freaking me out even more. And I don’t let myself dwell on the fact that they know I’m not at home with Dominic. They know I stayed at Iris’ last night, which means they are watching me. This has just reached a whole new level of fucked up. Angry with myself, with Dominic, and the coward sending me letters, I grip the wheel and drive faster. I swipe at the hot tears that have started to run down my cheeks. Tears of frustration flow at everything going on.

  The library parking lot is empty, so I pick a spot near the entrance and kill the engine. It all becomes too much and I can’t hold back the tide of emotion. Instead of fighting it, I give in and let the tears flow. My shoulders shake as tears stream down my face, and I wonder how the hell it all got so complicated. You’d think it would be easy to move away and reinvent yourself. Apparently not, as someone isn’t letting me forget who I was, and it is destroying what Dominic and I have in the process.