In with the Tide

by Charlee James

  “Lindsey,” Jay said and pulled her into an easy half hug. “It’s nice to finally meet the person I hear about for the better part of the day.” His warm eyes crinkled at the corners, genuine and sincere. Damien had told her about his face, but the scars pained her all the same. Lindsey introduced Alex to the men. It was interesting that Alex’s hand rested in Jay’s for more than a casual moment. Throughout the meal she noticed Alex’s eyes wandering over Jay’s face. She knew her friend well enough to know it wasn’t the burns she kept glancing at. Jay looked up every so often, and shot her a lazy smile.

  When it was time for Maris’s feeding, Lindsey retreated into the nursery. She was surprised when Damien snuck in and shut the door behind them.

  “Can you believe the looks flying between them? I’ll bet you anything that I won’t be the one taking Jay home tonight.”

  Lindsey’s lips curved smugly. “I don’t make a bet I know I’m going to lose. Alex’s intentions are written all over her face. She’s not exactly the bashful type.”

  “Jay’s eating it up. He doesn’t get much female attention. This is really good for his ego.” He clasped Lindsey’s chin and brushed his lips against hers. “I hope you didn’t miss the looks I was sending you.”

  “How could I? They were enough to add an extra layer of singe to the shepherd’s pie.” She had tried not to worry about overcooking dinner. It was one of those things that would have set Matthew off like a cannon.

  “It was delicious, and I don’t think either of our guests will be complaining about their dining experience tonight.” He kissed her forehead. It was a sentimental gesture she’d never get sick of. What was it about a kiss on the forehead that made a lovely warmth spread through her chest? He stroked a few strands of stray hair away from her face, and that warmth swirled down to the tips of her feet. Damien gave her those little toe-curling moments every woman dreamed of. Except he wasn’t a dream at all. He was real and solid. She pushed away any thought of the file and of his sister. Once their friends left, tonight was going to be just about them. At least in bed, she could show him how she felt, without having to put her overwhelming emotions into words.

  As predicted, the evening ended with Alex offering to drive Jay home. As Damien and Lindsey waved goodbye, they shared a victory high-five behind their backs. With Maris swaddled and tucked into her crib, Lindsey slid into the bedroom and settled under the covers next to Damien.

  “How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Damien asked. The last thing Lindsey wanted to think about right now was her ex coming to see their child for the first time.

  “I’m trying not to feel anything about it.” She snuggled closer and let her cheek rest on his bare chest. The steady thrum of his heart echoed against her cheek.

  Damien leaned back to glance down at her, and frowned. “Do you still have feelings for him, Lindsey?”

  “That’s not what I meant. I’m trying to put aside my anger toward him. I don’t want Maris to sense any hostility from me. He’s her father after all, even though he hasn’t been here. I haven’t seen him in over a year.”

  Damien nodded and pulled her back against him. “I’m not budging. You know that, right?” His hands ran through the length of her hair, then back again. “If you want privacy, I’ll give it, but while he’s here, so am I.”

  She knew it shouldn’t give her pleasure, but the fierce protectiveness in his voice sent a thrill straight through her. He was so resilient and so completely male. Anticipation flooded her when he cupped the back of her neck. He brushed kisses over each eyelid, and one on the tip of her nose, before parting her lips with his. She sank into his skin, drank in his scent, and overflowed with desire for him. They made love with an intensity that matched the heightened emotions of the day ahead. She knew it wouldn’t be simple to come face-to-face with Matthew, and Damien was showing her in every delicious way she could imagine that she belonged to him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maris wailed and Damien crossed his arms tightly against his chest. The prick was holding her all wrong. He wanted to bat the city slicker’s hands away from the baby, and boot him out on his ass. Hard enough that those salmon-colored shorts filled with sand, and maybe a pinching crab or two. Matthew had walked into the cottage with a chip on his shoulder, examining the house with an upturned nose. It took all Damien’s military restraint to hold back when Matthew kept making belittling snipes.

  Matthew cleared his throat. “This might be a nice weekend getaway for two, if you like a more…rustic style, but it’s hardly a conducive place to raise my child.” Was this guy serious? What a pompous ass. Damien was about to jump in, but Lindsey got there first. Her nostrils flared, and a red flush spread over her cheeks.

  Lindsey’s eyes narrowed. “In what way?”

  Matthew shifted his body toward Lindsey, blocking Damien out of the conversation.

  “Well, do you remember how our perfectly manicured Colonial had two stories with the master suite on the first floor, and the bedrooms on the second? You could get a decent night’s sleep if the baby was upstairs and you couldn’t hear all its screeching. Then you wouldn’t have those dark circles under your eyes.”

  Damien’s throat was dry. It choked him like a tie that was far too tight, and added to his irritation. “What you’re talking about is neglect,” he said in a low voice. How many times had he cried himself to sleep as a kid, wishing his father would come up and hug him instead of hitting him? To tell him everything would be okay without his mother.

  “If Maris cries, it’s because she needs something. She might be hungry or uncomfortable. Like she is now, because you’re holding her like she’s a ticking time bomb that’s going to ruin your shirt.” Damien got up from the loveseat and took Maris out of his hands.

  Her crying instantly stopped. His baby was a good judge of character. Except she wasn’t really his baby, even though he wished she was. She was so tiny and vulnerable, it made him want to protect her in a way that he wasn’t as a child. He loved her thick mop of hair that was softer than the feathers from a down comforter. Maris had started smiling, too, and man, did those little grins melt his heart.

  Maris and Lindsey made him want to stay in the one place he’d always wanted to run from. He didn’t like being obligated to care for others, because the people who should have raised him did a piss-poor job of it. He didn’t want to follow in his parents’ footsteps, so he hadn’t wanted a family of his own, but they made him want things he’d never wanted—ever. The vagabond lifestyle he imagined suddenly seemed very empty, and a quiet life shared with two special people seemed like heaven. In his arms, the baby snuggled closer to his shirt and her eyelids dipped. It was right around nap time.

  “She’s getting sleepy,” Lindsey said. “I’m going to put her down for a nap, then you can tell us why you came here in the first place, Matthew.” Lindsey moved toward Damien and gently gathered Maris in her arms. She was a good mother. The kind every child deserved.

  With Lindsey out of the room, they both sat in stony silence. There was no question why Matthew was here. Things had gotten stale with the secretary and he was here to take Lindsey back. Meeting Matthew gave him a glimpse of the life she might’ve had before she moved back to the Cape. The guy was all pomp. He’d looked up the address they’d once shared, gritted his teeth at the million-dollar Colonial, and shoved down the cover to his laptop. Sure, he was financially sound, comfortable even, but did she miss the elaborate house, the fancy restaurants, expensive beauty treatments? Would she tire of the quiet lifestyle she’d chosen? Was the one she led before enough of a lure to send her packing with Matthew? His insides churned.

  The dog had jumped on the couch, and Matthew roughly nudged her off. Heat rose up Damien’s face and neck. He didn’t trust someone who didn’t like dogs. Not that he’d entertain the idea of liking him, even if he hadn’t eyed Daisy like she was a petri dish swarming with disease. He hated everything this man stood for. He’d taken Lindsey for granted, cut her
down emotionally, made her feel small, and left her high and dry when she was the most defenseless. Yet, he was her ex-husband, they’d shared a history, and his mere presence was a threat to Damien. What would he do if she wanted to go with him? Would she expect him to fight for her or stand there defeated?

  Damien was glaring at Matthew when Lindsey came back into the room.

  “I’d like to wait until we’re finally alone, Lindsey, to say what I need to say.” Matthew’s voice held a hint of a sneer. As if to imply Damien was a lower life-form.

  He wanted to say there was no way he was leaving, but this was still her ex-husband and the father of Maris—no matter how miserably he’d failed at both relationships. Damien paused and glanced at Lindsey. The cottage was quiet and the air thick with tension. Lindsey looked down at her hands, and he got a sour taste in his mouth.

  Then she lifted her chin and looked Matthew square in the eyes. “Damien lives here. He can decide whether he’d like to come or go.”

  Pride spread inside his chest. She’d taken the first step to standing up to the man who’d put her down for years. Part of him knew Lindsey had to do this on her own. He wanted to remain beside her on the loveseat, but he also wanted her to know that he believed in her. If he went outside and gave them time to talk, it would be like admitting he not only had confidence in Lindsey, but that he trusted her and the fortitude of their relationship. He needed conviction in what they had as much as she needed to trust herself. Damien squeezed her shoulder. “You’ve got this,” he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  Across from them, Matthew flinched away from the dog who’d settled at his feet. Damien snickered lightly and slid off the couch. “I’m going to take this germ beast for a walk. I’ll be just outside.”

  In the kitchen, he found Daisy’s leash and clipped it to her collar. Her nails clicked against the wood floors as she pranced in a circle at his feet.

  “We’re not going far, girl,” he muttered to the dog, who was already pawing at the door.

  He opened the slider, and closed only the screen, just in case Lindsey needed to holler for backup. Damien tried to concentrate on pitching the yellow tennis ball to Daisy, the fresh air misting his skin, and the toss and turn of the sea—anything to ease the silly thoughts racing through his head. What if Lindsey decided being with Matthew was the best thing for her and Maris? Sure, Matthew was a son of a bitch, but had Damien really treated Lindsey that much better in the past few weeks? He bent down to pick up the ball, and squeezed it hard inside his palm. They’d squabbled and fought over stupid things. Well, maybe not so stupid. He’d messed up taking the painting and again when he stormed out over the letter. Damien cursed himself. He should have done better for her.

  A soft breeze caressed his cheek, cleansing away the self-doubt that welled up inside him. A few sailboats dotted the horizon under a bright sun. Waves rolled up the sand and took away the seaweed and debris that cluttered the shore. The Cape was no longer a place of fear and hopelessness for him. It was never the location that had hurt him; his parents had. Lindsey wasn’t like his mother. She was brave and kind beyond measure, and would never leave what they had for a few monetary comforts, because this place had healed her too, and Matthew no longer had a hold over her. Some of the heaviness that settled over him dissipated like morning fog burning off on a hot day.

  Damien walked closer to the water, and Daisy dropped her ball and followed at his heels. He sat down in the sand, and with the solid beach beneath him, he whispered, “I forgive you.” The words that left his lips were whisked away in the wind and replaced by empowerment. By forgiving his parents, not just saying it but really feeling it, he was no longer their victim. Daisy climbed into his lap and licked his chin. He smiled and laughed, feeling full of hope and possibility.

  He glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the slider opening and saw Lindsey and Matthew coming onto the deck. Her posture was straight and full of confidence while Matthew’s was wilted. Damien turned back toward the sea and stroked the dog’s glossy coat. She needed to have her own moment of power, just as he had had. Maybe on the same day, they could both stop being victims. They could both be freed.

  “Matthew, nothing you can say can change my mind. If you’re truly interested in playing a role in Maris’s life, I would never try to stop you, but moving back to the city with you is not an option. It never will be.”

  “You’d give up the beautiful home I gave you, the clothes, the trips, to stay in this cardboard box with that Neanderthal? Men like that don’t stick, Lindsey. He’s playing you because you’re naive and available. He’s just letting you warm his bed until the next best thing walks by.”

  “You’re describing yourself, Matthew. I choose Damien. You may be Maris’s biological father, but he’s the father that’s nurtured her since birth. I feel sorry for you, Matthew, because for you everything is about having control and wealth. You’re a hollow shell who never sees the value in people, or the beauty around you.” Her voice was so victorious, Damien’s grin stretched ear-to-ear. “I don’t hate you anymore, Matthew. Every time you put me down or made me feel like I wasn’t good enough was because of your flaws, not mine. I’ve said what I needed to, now I’m going to spend this lovely day on the beach with Damien and Maris.”

  “Yes,” he quietly cheered from his spot in the sand. Lindsey had triumphed and he couldn’t have been prouder of her. Footsteps sounded on the deck and crunched across the shell drive. When the BMW’s engine purred to life, Damien stood up and strode to the deck. Lindsey met him with a big hug at the top of the stairs.

  “You did it, and you were amazing,” he said as he kissed her forehead.

  Lindsey smiled brightly and for a moment they just basked in each other’s eyes.

  “Can we sit out for a minute? I just want to enjoy you and this feeling for a moment.” Lindsey viewed the baby monitor before sitting down at the picnic table they’d put outside. “A day we were both dreading turned out to be pretty good, huh?”

  “You have no idea,” he said and ran his hand over her cheek. “Lindsey, I haven’t been upfront with you in our relationship, and I didn’t realize it until you were in there with your ex, that I need to do a better job of showing you, of telling you.” He was already fighting to find the words. Communication had never been his strength. But for her, he tried.

  “How so?” Lindsey asked, her eyes never leaving his.

  Damien laced his free hand with hers, so they were completely connected. He liked the warmth and strength he found in her solid grip. It steadied him. His brows furrowed in concentration. He had to get it right.

  “I’m not just here to pass the time. You know that, right?” When Lindsey nodded, he continued. “There’s something about spending my days with you and Maris that makes me feel whole. You’re both so important to me…” He rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles. Sweat beaded on his forehead. “I’ve never had as much faith in one person, as I have in you. I trust you Lindsey, like I’ve never trusted anyone before.” Her expression sank and she glanced down at the table. Had he said something wrong? He didn’t have a chance to ask before she was getting up.

  “Wait here,” Lindsey disappeared inside. When she returned, she was carrying a file and gripped it in both hands like it might fall and shatter. Lindsey sat at the table and faced him with unsteady eyes.

  “I didn’t want you to finish what you were saying, about trust, without knowing. I’m afraid I’ve made an awful mistake.” She let out a breath and scooted the file toward him. “I found her, Damien.”

  His insides turned to ice. Everything that had been on the cusp of his lips vanished into thin air. “You mean my sister, don’t you?” His voice was unsteady. He loved her, and she had betrayed his trust, just like everyone else he’d ever cared for. Damien was rooted to the picnic bench, frozen. It was more than the betrayal. Every blood relative he’d known had left him with invisible scars that never truly healed. He was afraid of more disappointm
ent, more pain, after he’d just found his strength sitting on the beach. Now, Lindsey had resurfaced the trauma he’d just laid to rest.

  When he spoke, his voice was so low, he could barely hear himself. A wave of sickness coiled in his gut. “I told you I didn’t want to find her.”

  “I know, and I’m so sorry for being dishonest, for not letting you make the decision on your own. But if you’ll just open the file and look, you’ll see she’s so much like you—strong and determined. She looks like you, too.”

  Her voice turned to static in his ears, like he was standing under the engine of a roaring fighter jet. Damien was in shock at what she’d done, and her actions tore at him. Didn’t she understand what this meant? He’d already taken a huge leap of faith in himself to build a relationship with Lindsey despite his past. He didn’t want all this responsibility and he didn’t want someone else he could end up hurting like his parents had hurt him. What if his sister was a living, breathing version of his father or mother? It would suck him back into the vortex of hell he endured the first eighteen years of his life.

  “I trusted you.” He laughed bitterly. “How was I so wrong about you?”

  “I never would have done it to hurt you. I just wanted you to be happy, to have a family of your own. Just like how you wanted me to be successful with my artwork. I was upset when you took the painting without telling me, but in the end, it’s brought so many wonderful things.” She tried to grasp his hand and he pulled away.

  She had earned his trust by treading gently when they went through papers from his father’s house. Now the trust they had was built on a lie, too. Lindsey had only pretended to respect his privacy. His pulse was speeding like a race car. He believed her when she said she wouldn’t pursue finding his sister. What the hell had happened?