His Touch

by Mary Lynn Baxter

  “Better than I ever thought possible.” He gave her a detailed accounting.

  “Oh, Brant, that’s wonderful. I’m thrilled for you both.” She sat in the nearest chair and took a sip of her wine, feeling it hit the bottom of her empty stomach with a thud. Food had been the farthest thing from her mind all day. She didn’t recall having eaten a thing.

  “Me too, or at least, I think so,” Brant added, blowing out his breath. “With kids, you never know.”

  “When will you see him again?”

  “He’s coming to Arkansas. And believe it or not, he’s going to square it with his mother himself.”

  “Which obviously won’t be easy.”

  Brant’s features darkened. “Marsha might as well accept the fact. It’s going to happen, with or without her blessing.”

  “Good for you.”

  Another silence fell.

  “This is bullshit, you know.” Brant’s harsh tone hit the silence like shattering glass. “We’re acting like strangers, or uptight teenagers. Take your pick.”

  Jessica flinched without meaning to. “Why don’t you say what’s on your mind, then?”

  “I just did.” His tone grew harsher.

  She sucked in her lower lip and turned away.

  “Jessica, look at me. Please.”

  Now his tone was pleading. She couldn’t ignore that. Yet it was all she could do to face him again, an unnamed fear threatening to choke her. God, she wasn’t ready for this showdown. She needed more time to collect her thoughts, to search her soul. She swallowed her mounting apprehension.

  “I love you, Jessica, and I don’t want to leave you.”

  He loved her!

  Suddenly her thoughts were clear as the rarest of crystal. “And I love you, too,” she whispered, her heart leaping with joy and her eyes brimming with tears. “So now you have no reason to leave me. You can stay here, with me, forever.”

  His eyes burned into her. “I have a better idea. Marry me and come to Arkansas.”

  Shock rendered her speechless. To admit to herself and him that she loved him had been a giant leap of faith. But marriage… Ice-cold fear numbed her. Too much, too soon. She wasn’t ready to step that far out of her previous life. How could she tell him that? How could she unpack her heart with the right words?

  She couldn’t. There were no right words.

  “And give up my job as mayor?”

  “Yes,” he said without hesitation.

  Her nerves clenched. How could he ask that of her?

  “Do you love me?” he went on.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “But—” Her voice broke.

  Brant crossed to the sofa and sat beside her, though he didn’t touch her. “I can’t stand the thought of you in such a high-profile job, a job that will always have the potential for danger. If anything had happened to you—” This time his voice broke.

  “I find that reasoning a bit ironic, don’t you?” Jessica paused, grappling with her tangled emotions. “Aren’t you forgetting all those years you lived in danger?”

  “I won’t deny my words smack of a double standard, but if I had it to do all over again, I’d walk away. That job contributed to the breakup of my marriage and the loss of my son. I can’t stand the thought of that happening to us.”

  “But you’re asking the impossible,” Jessica responded in a disbelieving voice. “I love you, but I love my job as mayor, too, and it’s important.”

  “More important than me?”

  “That’s not fair, Brant, and you know it.”

  He stood and walked back to the fireplace.

  “What if I put you on the hot-seat?” Jessica said. “And asked you to stay in Dallas, to consider going into partnership with Thurmon?”

  He swung around. “Are you asking me that?”

  She hesitated, but only briefly. “No. I would never ask you to make that kind of choice.”

  His features closed down. “Good, because I never want to return to security work. Like my Secret Service work, it’s too demanding.” He paused and searched her face. “Anyhow, our relationship should be top priority, not our jobs.”

  “And you think I’m putting my job before us?”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “You’re twisting things, Brant, and trying to make me into something I’m not.”

  “What you’re saying, then, is we have no future.” His tone was sharp-edged and blunt.

  Feeling her heart crumble, she whispered, “Perhaps what we need is time. Apart.”

  His features remained closed. “Perhaps you’re right.” He strode to the door, then turned around. “Take care of yourself, Jessica.”

  Forty

  “I’m okay, Ronnie. Really I am.”

  “I just don’t understand how Brant could just walk out and leave you high and dry.”

  Veronica had dropped by to check on her after she had learned Brant had returned to Arkansas.

  “His job was over,” Jessica pointed out softly, careful to keep her voice as normal as possible.

  “Still, I think he’s a rat for just up and hauling out, not even bothering to say goodbye to Thurmon and me.”

  “He was eager to get back home. You should understand that, knowing him.”

  Veronica’s gaze homed in on her. “Don’t you think it’s time you told me the truth?”

  Jessica averted her gaze. Tell her, a little voice whispered. Tell her the truth. It will do you good.

  “You two had a thing,” Veronica said in a matter-of-fact tone.

  Jessica swung around, widening her eyes. “How did you know?”

  “Actually it was pretty obvious, more so to Thurmon than me, actually.”

  “Did Brant say anything to him?” Jessica found that hard to believe. That wasn’t Brant’s style.

  “No, he didn’t have to. Thurmon figured it out on his own.” Veronica paused. “And you’ve changed, Jessie. There’s something different about you, something softer—” She broke off with a shrug. “Hell, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. It’s just that I can’t put my intuition into words, if that makes sense.”

  Jessica bit down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling. “It…does.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “There’s not really that much to talk about,” Jessica said, continuing to hedge and not knowing why.

  “Sure there is. The truth.”

  “We…love each other.”

  This time Veronica’s eyes widened. “Well, I’ll be damned. And to think you two managed to keep it a secret.”

  Jessica smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Crazy, isn’t it? Me, who swore she’d never fall head over heels in love.”

  Veronica waved a hand. “I know what you mean, honey. You loved Porter, but you weren’t in love with him. As for you and Brant, I think it’s great.” Her features sobered. “If you do, that is.”

  “Right now, I’m so confused.”

  “What happened? Something not good, obviously, or Brant would still be here.”

  “He asked me to marry him and go to Arkansas with him.”

  “Surely not,” Veronica responded in an astounded tone. “What about your job? I mean—” She broke off on a splutter.

  “Exactly.” Jessica stood, suddenly feeling too jumpy inside to sit still for another second.

  “And he wouldn’t even consider staying here and working with Thurmon?”

  “No,” Jessica said in an unsteady voice.

  Veronica stretched her lips into a thin line and shook her head. “I thought for sure Elliot might lure him out of those woods, but I guess I was wrong.”

  Jessica didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Her whole body seemed to have shut down, leaving her feeling empty.

  Veronica scrunched her face in anxiety. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. It’s just not fair. You’ve been through so much, you deserve a break. You deserve to love and be loved. Damn Brant and his bullheadedness.”

  “I’ve never
felt this way before, Ronnie. Like you said, I never loved Porter with all my heart. I never let him get that close. I was too afraid.” Jessica swallowed around the lump lodged in her throat. She refused to cry in front of her friend, but that was exactly what she felt like doing.

  “Do you think there’s any way you and Brant—” Veronica’s words faded out as if she was on uncharted seas.

  “Right now, I’m so mixed up, I don’t know what to think about anything, especially the direction of my life.”

  Veronica walked over and gave Jessica a hug. “Things will work out the way they’re supposed to. You have to believe that. And you know I’m here for you anytime, day or night.”

  Jessica could only nod, tears replacing the lump.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  What was she going to do about Brant?

  How was she going to purge him from her heart when he refused to budge? More important, why did she want to? He was the best thing that had ever happened to her and surely worth fighting for.

  Passion.

  Family.

  Love.

  He represented all those things and more. In the few short weeks he’d been with her, he’d entrenched himself in her life as no one ever had. So how could she just have let him walk out the door, knowing he would never come back?

  Fear.

  And lack of trust.

  But love and trust went hand-in-hand. One was no good without the other. Neither could stand alone. Yet she had to admit she didn’t trust him, and she was afraid.

  Whole-hog love demanded that you trusted the other person enough to let go, to lose control and know they were going to catch you if you fell. She had always been afraid to take that ultimate risk. Instead, she’d taken the safe, acceptable path and married a man who was no threat to her emotional security.

  Because Porter hadn’t touched her soul, he could never destroy her the way her daddy had done so long ago. But Brant wasn’t her father, and she was no longer a child. She was a grown, self-confident woman.

  A chill ran through Jessica, and she cloaked her upper body in the security of folded arms. From the beginning, she had feared Brant. He’d tapped into her emotions, and that had freaked her out.

  Until now she had trusted only in herself, in her ability to manage her life, happy to remain within the confines of her box. Now she realized what an empty life that was. Brant’s loving warmth and protection had shown her that.

  Risk.

  Wasn’t that what life was all about? That was certainly what her career was all about, and she thrived on that aspect of it. She was always the first one to jump in headfirst.

  So why not take that plunge when it came to love, something much more substantial and rewarding in the long run than a career? Any woman could have a career. Not just any woman was lucky enough to find someone to love from the heart and who loved her in the same way.

  So could she give up her career and move to Arkansas? Make the ultimate sacrifice?

  Even though she loved Brant desperately and was finally willing to trust him with her heart and soul, she didn’t think she could be cut off from civilization, from her friends, her work.

  While she would always need Brant, she needed others, as well. Yet she couldn’t ask him to become something he wasn’t, either. The city represented pain and heartache for him. He was content to bask in the peace and quiet of the woods.

  Letting the fresh tears flow, Jessica stared out the window into the inky blackness and prayed for a miracle.

  The sky was perfect—azure-blue, without so much as a cloud to mar it. His boat was also full of fish. And solitude surrounded him. Only the sounds of nature’s critters cut into that silence. He was doing exactly what he had longed to do for so many weeks.

  So why was he one miserable sonofabitch?

  He missed the two people he loved most in the world—Jessica and Elliot, though he had the promise of a strengthening bond with Elliot to hold on to. Not so with Jessica. It was over.

  His heart wrenched, which surprised him. He had thought he was numb to the pain, that the biggest chunk of his heart had remained with Jessica. God, he ached for her—her smell, her touch, her laughter. He missed everything about her.

  Yet here he was, back in the woods, back where he belonged. The thought of resuming a normal life in normal surroundings was too terrifying to contemplate. Even the thought made him break out in a cold sweat in the glaring heat of the day.

  But the thought of never seeing Jessica again was more terrifying.

  He watched his line jerk in the water. So what if the fish took the rod and all? He didn’t give a damn. Actually he didn’t give a damn about anything but Jessica.

  So what was the solution?

  He couldn’t live without her. Yet he couldn’t live in the city, either.

  Or could he?

  Brant froze. Had he lost his mind? Or had her love healed him enough to make the impossible possible? With Jessica’s love and strength behind him, anything—hell, everything—was possible.

  Realizing he was shaking like a wet dog in the wintertime, Brant jerked in his rod, cranked the motor and headed for shore. Once there, he forced his unsteady limbs to move, though it seemed his mind and body weren’t properly connected.

  When he reached the cabin and walked inside, he knew. He had to try, for his own sake. He couldn’t bear to remain in that dark pit any longer. He had no choice but to return to Dallas.

  To Jessica.

  “Thank God your life has finally settled back into a routine, even though you really don’t seem excited about that.”

  Jessica scarcely paid attention to Tony’s words, especially since he’d been in her office for over an hour. As much as she continued to depend on him and his efficiency, he was stepping on her nerves.

  But then, of late, everything and everyone did that.

  “I’m not so sure my routine is that good anymore,” Jessica mused out loud, then regretted that lapse in judgment.

  Tony’s mouth fell open. “Surely you don’t mean that?”

  Jessica kept her silence.

  “Why, I thought when the cops were arrested and he-man exited your life, you’d be over the moon. And well you should be, too. Your election campaign is off the ground and gaining steam.”

  Tony began pacing the floor. “And despite the fact that Curtis Riley’s running against you, I think you’re a shoo-in. He’s just a big bag of hot air with an ax to grind. He won’t get to first base with the voters.”

  Tony hammered on. “Besides, the preelection polls have you ahead. And you’ve managed to get your stepson in a drug treatment program that seems to be helping him. And since the big council vote, the office itself is running like clockwork. What more could you ask for?”

  Brant.

  She hadn’t heard a word from him. And while she hadn’t expected to, his silence was killing her. Sleepless nights and long desperate hours bore testimony to that.

  “Are you sick or something?”

  That question jolted Jessica. “You know better than that,” she replied in an irritated tone.

  Tony shrugged, his gaze shrewd. “I noticed you’ve lost more weight.”

  “It’s just the fallout from the cops,” she said, removing her gaze.

  “Hope that’s all, since you’re busier than a cranberry merchant at Christmas and will be until the election’s over.”

  “Trust me, Tony, everything will be all right,” she said, stretching the truth again. At the moment, she didn’t think anything in her life would ever be right again.

  That thought still haunted her as she sat in the lonely comfort of her home, with only her sadness as her companion. Was this evening a pattern for the future? Would this gaping hole inside her continue to zap her energy and her enthusiasm?

  The doorbell must have rung several times before she realized she had a visitor, even though whoever it was seemed to be sitting on the button. If it was Curtis Riley, she swore she wouldn’t let
him cross the threshold. He seemed to think he could court her and challenge her at the same time. He had more gall than anyone she’d ever known.

  “Yes?” she asked, not even bothering to place her hand on the knob.

  “Jessica, it’s Brant.”

  Her legs turned to water. Blindly she reached for the wall and leaned against it, trying to quiet her runaway heart.

  “May I come in?”

  “Of course,” Jessica whispered, though she knew he couldn’t hear her. With trembling, uncoordinated fingers, she unbolted the door and swung it open, knowing her heart was in her eyes and not caring.

  She loved him. She would make no apologies for that.

  He had one hand propped against the doorframe, and he looked haggard and vulnerable under the glare of the porch light.

  “Jessica,” he rasped, his eyes devouring her. “I couldn’t stay away.”

  With a cry, she flung herself into his open arms and soaked up the love she felt emanating from him.

  Even though his penis was no longer rock-hard, it remained nestled inside her warmth following hours of making love.

  After holding on to her for the longest time, he’d scooped her up in his arms and taken her into the bedroom, where clothes were dispensed with in record time. He’d kissed her fiercely on the lips but hadn’t stopped there. He’d taken those kisses down her body all the way to her toes.

  During those magic hours, her body had been his slave, and his hers. She wasn’t ashamed. In fact, she had reveled in every moment his naked flesh had been adhered to hers, especially when he’d sensed she was about to climax under the sweet assault of his hands and mouth. He’d spread her legs and pierced that moist heat between them with his tongue, sending her over the edge.

  She’d writhed in blissful agony. Unwilling to slight him, she’d push him on his back, bent over and taken him in her mouth, using her lips to bathe his entire penis, finally concentrating on the soft tip, sucking there until she tasted him.

  “Jessica, Jessica,” he’d moaned before grabbing a leg and pulling it across him, which enabled him to thrust high and strong in her. Then, clutching the sides of her buttocks, he’d moved her back and forward, creating a friction that had nearly taken both their heads off.