The New Beginnings Coffee Club

by Samantha Tonge

  ‘Questions? Well … just one really. Does being a woman feel as good as you expected?’

  ‘That’s it?’ she said, voice breaking.

  I shrugged. ‘What did you expect?’

  Tears hung in the corners of her eyes. ‘I’ve given up telling people. It’s always the same. Straightaway curiosity strikes. People want to know if I’ve had my bits cut off or if being a transwoman means that I’m really gay. It’s like I’ve lost my right to any respect or privacy because I’ve changed sex.’

  ‘But you haven’t really, have you?’ I said. ‘Changed sex, that is. I’m assuming inside you’ve always felt like a woman and have just made the outside a more appropriate match.’

  Elle nodded vigorously. ‘Exactly. And in answer to your question, it’s been difficult, but overall I’ve got almost everything I want in life and feel really great.’

  We stared at each other for a moment. Poor Elle. Lucky Elle for making the change. I couldn’t decide which.

  ‘Your childhood must have been difficult,’ I said. ‘Especially the teenage years. They are hard enough without a having a full-blown identity crisis.’

  ‘They weren’t the best,’ Elle muttered. ‘I hated looking in the mirror. What I saw didn’t match what was in my head. That’s one reason all this clothes shopping is new to me. I didn’t enjoy it for so many years.’

  ‘Oh, Elle.’ My eyes filled.

  ‘Do you know, I used to parade around my room, in secret, with a towel draped over my head, pretending it was hair.’ She gave a small smile. ‘My dad was a builder. Macho mates. Macho work. There was no way I could be anything less than a son to him – wearing football shirts and helping out on the sites when I was old enough.’ Elle talked for a few minutes about the primary school years and how she’d never fitted in with the football crowd. How at high school she’d dreaded PE and playing rugby, another of her dad’s favourite sports.

  ‘How did he take the news?’

  Elle laughed. ‘Out of all the people I told in the early days, he went against the odds and took it on the chin. Said he and Mum had wondered if I was gay but this made better sense.’ Elle drained her cup. ‘Once Mum caught me trying on her favourite green evening dress. I was ten and somehow managed to laugh it off. But Dad said they had both noticed other things – how I’d always felt far more comfortable in the presence of girls, and apparently as a small boy had begged to go to Brownies instead of Cubs.’

  ‘So, this Dale …’

  A solitary tear trickled down her face as Elle described the painful confrontation, moment by moment. ‘Guess I can’t blame him,’ she said, eventually. ‘It came as such a shock. He shouted. Got angry in the end. Called me a faggot and warned me to stay away. It was the final catalyst I needed to leave my job and start seriously looking into becoming the woman I knew I always was.’

  ‘That’s so brave,’ I said. ‘So, Noah knows all about it?’

  ‘Yes. We left at around the same time and kept in touch.’

  I wanted to press for more information about Noah – but today wasn’t about him.

  ‘Don’t give up on finding a man. That Dale doesn’t speak for everyone.’

  Elle shrugged. ‘At least I’ll know that if I do find someone, they are bound to be pretty special.’ She called over the waitress and asked for the bill. ‘My treat, Jenny. Thanks for listening.’

  ‘Ditto – about April.’

  ‘I’ve loved today’s shopping. Now I just need new shoes.’

  I looked at my watch. ‘We’ve time for that.’

  Elle smiled. ‘I’ll probably have to go online. Not many women’s shoe shops stock a size nine.’

  She caught my eye and we laughed. ‘And just in case you’re wondering, I’m not gay,’ she said.

  ‘Me neither.’

  We both grinned.

  ‘Did you ever think you were?’ I asked. ‘Growing up – being attracted to men …?’

  Elle nodded. ‘Oh yes. I even tried it for a while in my early twenties – hoping I would at least fit that label. But gay sex … it never felt right; never felt like me. I always dreamt of a man being the stronger one, and …’ She blushed. ‘Sorry. Probably too much information. But aspects of straight sex always seemed more natural.’

  After Elle paid the bill, we stood up, grabbed our handbags and headed out into the June sunshine. I slipped on my sunglasses. Elle put on hers. They were plain-rimmed and didn’t do her striking, strong-featured face justice. ‘Let’s both buy new shades before going home,’ I said. ‘I fancy some red-rimmed ones to go with my new hair.’

  Elle’s face lit up. ‘That would be great and … thanks again. For not running a mile.’

  ‘Don’t be silly.’ I put down my bags and wrapped my arms around her neck, giving her the tightest hug. My throat hurt at the thought of the tough times she must have been through. I pulled away. ‘And as Noah would be sure to tell you, I have trouble running a few metres at the moment, let alone a mile.’

  Arm in arm we headed along the street to a great accessories shop I knew. Then as we turned a corner, I stopped dead. Over the road walked Zak and Chanelle, Prada the pug scurrying at their feet. Her salon-blonde hair rippled in the breeze. They certainly made a handsome couple. I put my head down but just before I did, Zak caught my eye. He chatted to Chanelle and then crossed the road on his own. The three of us moved to the side of the pavement, in front of a pharmacy.

  ‘Jenny,’ he said.

  I nodded.

  ‘Could I have a word in private for a moment?’ he said.

  ‘I’ll just be next door,’ said Elle to me and unlinked her arm from mine before heading off into a stationer’s.

  ‘You two seem very chummy,’ he said.

  I shrugged. ‘She’s great. By the way, April loved her bike.’

  ‘I know. She texted me last night.’

  ‘What have you got planned for this weekend?’ I asked.

  ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’ A frown crossed his face. ‘She couldn’t stop talking about that stupid tent. She wants to go camping this weekend. Just the two of us. Managing with the basics.’ He shook his head. ‘That Tom, apparently he talked about a site on the estate of a stately home called Greenhedge Hall. I checked it out. There is no electricity. Just two toilets for everyone and no shower.’

  A snort of laughter rose in my chest. ‘And what’s wrong with that? You need to toughen up. Not afraid of a bit of dirt, are you? And I believe the weather is due to be great.’

  He scowled. ‘It’s hardly my scene, is it? It’s the influence of that poxy Noah. Before moving she would much rather have stayed in a civilised hotel, like we always did on holiday.’

  I shook my head. ‘Listen to yourself, Zak. She’s ten years old. Ten. Which do you think is more appropriate – getting down with nature or having her nails done?’

  A muscle flinched in his cheek. ‘Mum took us camping as children. My lilo deflated during the night and we had to trek across a field to reach the toilets.’

  Celia would have approved of this weekend. The riches earned from Elite Eleganz hadn’t turned her head. It served Zak right. I could have grinned. But instead I gritted my teeth and suppressed any laughter. I didn’t want April to become estranged from her father long-term. I had to work at keeping their relationship strong as much as he did.

  ‘Look on this weekend as an opportunity to make things right with April,’ I said softly. ‘Who knows, you might enjoy it. Marshmallows over a fire. Sitting under the stars. Chirping birds waking you up. It won’t cost much, either, which is another important benefit over a fancy hotel.’

  ‘Well, it wouldn’t surprise me if our daughter asked to come home after a few hours. Camping out in the back garden is one thing but I can’t see her lasting two whole days without her dressing table mirror and Minecraft.’

  ‘I think you underestimate her.’

  ‘And I think you are fooling your
self that she won’t want to move back to Oakwood Towers. Only this morning she texted Skye and said how much she missed her old friends.’

  My stomach knotted. ‘She’s bound to. April is a caring girl. That doesn’t mean she won’t be happy with her new mates.’ I glanced across the road. ‘I wouldn’t keep Chanelle waiting if I were you, and Elle will be wondering where I am. Ring if you need me to pack anything in particular. You could buy one of those instant barbecue sets and do bacon for breakfast. The pound shop sells them. And I’m sure Noah has a cool box you could borrow.’

  Zak’s nose wrinkled. ‘I’ll get what I need, thanks very much. Chanelle and I have taken the afternoon off today. Camping gear is on our list. She’s offered to sub me until the business gets back on its feet.’

  ‘You two are clearly planning to stay together for the long term, then. At least all the hurt hasn’t been for nothing.’

  A strange expression crossed Zak’s face, as if he hadn’t looked at it like that before.

  Behind him Elle came out of the shop – a woman who’d faced a lifetime of rejection. In that moment, I decided that if John could fight to become Elle, then Jenny Jarvis could do her best to become the woman she realized she was inside.

  ‘Just make sure Chanelle doesn’t buy her fairy lights instead of a solid torch, or a sleeping bag with impractical frills. Goodbye, Zak. See you early Saturday morning,’ I said firmly and left him standing in front of the pharmacy as I joined Elle.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I yawned and sipped my coffee. Friday mornings were always busy in the shop, what with people out and about in the village, buying in food for the weekend. Laventon positively buzzed with queues outside the butcher’s and wire shopping baskets clanking as people picked them up and returned them outside the supermarket.

  However, today seemed more active than ever. It was ten o’clock and we had already served over ten toasted teacakes. I gazed at the tables, thinking back to Noah’s comments about how the coffee shop could be a haven for troubled people. No one looked upset today but there was lots of talking in low voices, as if they all harboured secrets.

  I shook cocoa onto the top of a hot chocolate and placed the drink on a tray. A sense of satisfaction washed over me. Finally I’d got the amount of froth just right and smiled at the customer as he happily took it away. I still couldn’t master the latte art and needed to speed up. But I loved how my T-shirt smelt of coffee beans each evening and I took great pleasure in tasting any new cakes Noah decided to stock. Although today I’d hold back as after school I was heading into Comberfield with April, to indulge at the Dairy Delights ice cream parlour. We were going shopping to fulfil her second wish of having a celebrity makeover.

  I gazed across the room and winked at Elle. On getting home Wednesday night, we’d sat in the lounge and told Noah I knew about her transition. He’d wrapped those strong arms around her and hugged her tight. We talked about their jobs in finance. How they’d become friends as colleagues and both left at around the same time.

  ‘I’d been so nervous about telling Noah,’ said Elle. ‘Especially after what happened with Dale. Not that I fancied you,’ she’d said to Noah and punched his arm.

  ‘I reckoned you’d be the perfect best mate,’ said Noah, ‘and the love stuff would never rear its head because you just aren’t my type.’

  ‘What, too intelligent and witty?’ I’d said and the three of us laughed.

  ‘No. Looks-wise, she’s out of my league and can beat me during an arm wrestle – my macho pride could never cope with that.’

  How Elle had blushed – and how I’d longed to be wrapped up within Noah’s embrace and hug him back. In fact, scrub that, I’d wanted to snog him senseless. Yet it was never going to happen, because at this moment in time I had to let my head rule my heart, right?

  I inhaled. Nothing smelt more comforting that the rich aroma of coffee – especially the latest bean Noah was trying, which had a hint of spice. He loved seeing if the locals noticed that he’d changed their caffeine hit. Postie had the best palate, he decided, and could tell straightway if a cup of coffee tasted different.

  Talking of Postie, he’d stopped off for his usual mid-morning cup but headed straight outside without a chat. It was spitting with rain but still he stood by the window. I could understand if it was for his usual smoke but there was no sign of a cigarette dangling from his lip. Plus, on Fridays he always ordered cake, to celebrate the looming weekend, but today he’d not even glanced at the glass counter.

  Perhaps he’d had another bad experience online dating. I headed over to Elle who’d been handing out free chunks of her latest creation: chocolate-dipped cherry flapjack.

  ‘Did Postie seem okay to you?’ I asked.

  ‘Funny you should say that.’ She shrugged. ‘He hardly looked me in the eye when he paid and scuttled outside as quickly as he could. Whereas everyone else …’ She scanned the room. ‘I think someone’s been messing with Laventon’s water supply and added a spell to make everyone chattier. This place sounds like the House of Commons. Customers who normally just mutter the name of the drink they want have asked me about the weather or my latest baking. I couldn’t get away from that young couple in the corner.’

  I grabbed a plate and put a couple of chunks of flapjack on it, before heading outside to tempt Postie inside. I waved the goodies and grinned. ‘You’re getting wet. Try this free sample. It will energise you to complete your round.’

  He shook his head. ‘No thanks. I’m okay out here.’

  I studied his flushed cheeks and cold gaze. ‘What’s wrong?’

  He pursed his lips as I neared him. Gently I placed my hand on his arm but he shook it off.

  ‘Postie?’

  ‘Don’t make me spell it out,’ he said in a tight voice.

  ‘You’re going to have to. I can’t mind-read.’

  ‘Okay. If you insist. You’ve let me down, Jenny. Inviting Louise over here last week to help you with the zookeeper evening. I assumed she’d be safe.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  His bushy brows knitted together and for the first time he met my stare. ‘She spent the evening here innocently, in the company of that … freak.’

  My brow furrowed. ‘You’ve lost me.’ What was he going on about?

  ‘Elle. Or whatever he’s really called. That queer dressed up as a lady. Fooling everyone. Louise told me it made no difference but I believe that men are men and women are women and there’s nothing decent in between.’

  My mouth went dry and all I could hear for a moment was my heart thudding against the inside of my chest. ‘Who told you this?’

  His top lip curled. ‘You know what the Laventon grapevine is like. I’m amazed she – he’s – kept it a secret for so long.’

  Postie, a bigot? Surely not! Of all the people, I thought this happy-go-lucky, cheerful chappie would be more broad-minded. Hands feeling sweaty, I shook my head. ‘Why so aggressive? It’s not like you. Elle’s been through a hard enough time already.’

  He snorted. ‘What, luring men into having …’ He shuddered. ‘Instead of being open about his identity? Gaining the confidence of women who think he’s just a nice female friend when all the time he’s probably after a one-night stand?’

  ‘So he – as you call her - is gay yet fancies women?’ I pursed my lips. ‘You aren’t making sense. Elle isn’t gay. And she’s a woman who was just born into the wrong body.’

  He laughed. ‘Oh God. Has he got you believing all that guff? I thought you were cleverer than that.’

  ‘So what about all these months that you’ve enjoyed chatting to her? The free cake she’s given you? The interest shown in your life? Does that mean nothing?’

  He broke eye contact. ‘She is a he. What else might he have lied about? Friendship has to be based on honesty.’

  ‘And what do you know about transgenders?’

  He passed me his cup and shrugged. ‘I already k
now more than I want to and won’t be drinking in The Coffee Club again.’

  Heat flushed through my body as I watched him haul his bag back onto his shoulder and stomp off down the road. Then I turned and looked into the café through the window. How full it was. The low voices. All the glances at Elle. Of course. Now it made sense. The locals had piled in this morning to study her as if she were some novelty act in a circus. My pulse raced. But how on earth had everyone found out? I was about to go back in when Mrs Carlton from the corner shop came over.

  ‘Morning, Jenny. I hope they got the weather forecast right for this weekend – today it’s looking a bit dull.’ She took her brolly out of her large Mary Poppins handbag and cleared her throat. ‘May I have a word, petal?’

  We both stood back from the doorway.

  ‘You know I’m not one to gossip.’

  That was a fair comment. All sorts went on in the corner shop – people collapsing with illness, others having their credit card rejected – but news of that never came from her mouth.

  ‘It’s a bit awkward,’ she said and shuffled from foot to foot. ‘But I think Elle should know.’

  I swallowed.

  ‘People are saying that Elle … used to be a man.’ She stared at me. ‘You aren’t laughing. Does that mean it’s true?’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t believe it, I mean, yes she’s big-boned, but I’ve always thought what an attractive woman she was – especially with that new hairdo.’

  ‘It’s not really my place to say.’ I bit my lip and Mrs Carlton patted my arm.

  ‘Don’t worry, dear. It bothers me neither way. You know I’m a champion of lost causes, like little Buttercup and my Marmalade. Not that I’m saying Elle is lost – or comparing her to a kitten. I just think someone should tell her. That way she’s prepared for any awkward comments.’

  ‘How did this this rumour start?’ I asked and felt slightly sick.

  ‘Steph from the hairdresser’s told me when I popped in for my blow-dry last night. She’d heard it from Poppy’s mum. I think Poppy is in April’s class at school.’