The New Beginnings Coffee Club

by Samantha Tonge

  ‘Yes she is. But April doesn’t know.’ I sighed. ‘So how are people taking the news?’

  Mrs Carlton fiddled with her umbrella. ‘You know Steph – ever ready to complain about anything. And as transparent as a sheet of clingfilm. She doesn’t believe in secrets and says the locals had a right to know. My friend who works at the Oxfam shop was sympathetic. I saw her going home last night and she was saying how hard it must be to, well, have all the operations and so on. The estate agent surprised me the most. He’s so macho with his Top Gear ringtone and compliments for the ladies. I thought he’d be up in arms at the thought of a fellow male crossing over, so to speak – instead he said he admired Elle.’

  My chest relaxed a little. ‘So the reactions aren’t all bad?’

  She put up her brolly as the spits of rain became a shower. ‘Far from it. Laventon may be small but that doesn’t necessarily mean small-minded.’ Her eyes crinkled. ‘You wait and see. This time next week someone else will be the target of gossip.’

  I headed back into the café but Elle was nowhere to be seen. Noah pointed to a couple of tables that needed clearing. His face looked hard and flushed, not brimming with his usual chipper smile. I wondered if the pair of them knew. I didn’t get a chance to ask, as we were so busy until after the lunchtime rush. Noah’s toasted paninis always went down a storm and we’d bought in a new coffee and walnut gateau from a local baker. Only two slices remained.

  ‘Where’s Elle?’ I asked.

  ‘About to leave for her hospital appointment. It’s at four but it’ll take her around an hour to get there. And she has been packing for the weekend.’

  ‘I’ll just nip out the back and say goodbye.’

  He grabbed my arm. ‘Don’t tell her,’ he said in a low voice and stared at me. ‘I saw the look on your face when you came in from outside. I watched Postie storm off. I’ve picked up bits of customers’ chat today. Somehow they’ve found out.’ He raised an eyebrow.

  ‘You think I’ve said something?’

  He shrugged. ‘You are the only other person who knew.’ He limped over to the coffee machine.

  ‘What’s wrong with your foot?’ I said and swallowed my anger at his suspicion. A row in the shop wouldn’t look good, even though he was one hundred per cent wrong – unless I’d accidentally given it away, but I couldn’t see how.

  ‘I dropped a bag of coffee beans on it,’ he muttered.

  Ouch. They weighed several kilos.

  ‘Go and rest it out the back for a while. I can manage,’ I said. ‘Say goodbye to Elle for me.’

  He paused and then nodded. Somehow, I got through the afternoon, racking my brains as to how people found out about my colleague – and friend. Even in the playground, when I picked up April, I could sense people looking at me and whispering. I went over to Tom’s mum. We chatted food. Bikes. Comberfield shopping. But I could hold back no longer.

  ‘Susie, have you heard anything … any gossip about Elle from The Coffee Club?’

  She ran a hand through her mousy bob. ‘Yes, as a matter of fact. She’s a transwoman, right?’

  My mouth went dry. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘April told Tom. Well, the whole of the class, I think.’

  My jaw dropped. ‘But she didn’t know.’ When I talked with Noah and Elle about it on Wednesday night, April had been tucked up in bed.

  Susie squeezed my arm. ‘Try not to worry. I haven’t heard many nasty comments. Just a few ignorant ones. I think people are more curious than anything. And it is neither here nor there to me. If someone decides to embrace being a woman, well good luck to them.’ She pulled a face. ‘I for one could do without the monthly surge of hormones and discomfort of squeezing my boobs into a bra.’

  Good old Susie, but guilt pinched at my stomach. Had I somehow let the news slip to my daughter? I tried to think of anything I could have said to let the cat out of the bag as children started to file out of the classroom. I decided to ask her when we were in Comberfield’s Dairy Delights at the start of our shopping trip.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Imagine mounds of biscuit, raisin, marshmallow, and all colours of ice cream, saturated in a creamy chocolate sauce. Tom had told April about a particularly gooey rocky road sundae in Dairy Delights, and she sat in front of the monstrosity, not quite sure where to dig her spoon in first. Worry over Elle meant that I could only manage a scoop of vanilla with a large Americano coffee on the side.

  ‘Mmm. This is fab-u-licious,’ she said and grinned.

  My shoulders relaxed as I watched her tuck in. These days her face was browner than usual, with a slight ruddiness in her cheeks. Perhaps it was the walk to school, instead of being driven, and lunch hours racing around the school field with Tom instead of sitting inside and discussing the latest reality show. Or the time spent in the cottage’s back garden, trying to attract the ducks our way with crumbs of bread.

  It sounds naff, but I was beginning to appreciate the simple things in life. I’d forgotten what pleasure it could create, smelling a rose or watching a duck neck back a slightly stale crust. And it gave me a sense of satisfaction budgeting my money across the week. It made me realise how much I’d taken for granted, living with Zak. The pound shop was a revelation, selling top-brand names at rock-bottom prices. I finally understood the joy of picking up a bargain, and working so hard for my money made me appreciate every single pound – make that penny – that I spent.

  ‘Before we talk about your makeover …’ I clasped my hands together ‘… April, have you said anything at school – about Elle?’

  She carried on eating. ‘Yes. I heard you talking the other night. Elle used to be a man, didn’t she?’

  My face fell. ‘I thought you were in bed. That was a private conversation. You shouldn’t have listened, let alone told everyone in your class.’

  Her face matched the colour of the pink marshmallows and she stopped eating. ‘Have I done something wrong? I was thirsty and got myself a glass of water. You were all laughing about it. Elle said something funny about bras. I didn’t think it would matter. Everyone thinks it’s really cool.’

  ‘Not all their parents do,’ I muttered.

  Her chin trembled. ‘Is Elle upset?’

  ‘She doesn’t know yet. The news has spread across the village. Adults sometimes like to give people a label and don’t like people who require an unfamiliar one.’

  ‘But my friends thought it was ace. I explained all about Kim Kardashian’s stepdad Caitlyn Jenner. Poppy said she was a tomboy and wondered if she’d grow up to switch to be a man.’

  Oh great. I knew her mum. Not the most open-minded person. I’d heard her rant about all immigrants being terrorists. If she heard of Poppy’s comment then she’d write Elle off as a bad influence.

  ‘How did people take it – when Caitlyn Jenner came out as a woman?’

  April stared at her ice cream. ‘I didn’t think about that. Some people were nasty online.’ She looked up. ‘Will people be nasty to Elle? Because of what I’ve done?’

  ‘The news will blow over eventually, darling. Just be more careful next time. What people discuss in their houses they don’t necessarily want the whole world to know.’

  Mouth downturned, she stared at her sundae again.

  ‘Will Elle hate me?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘I think it’s great. Elle looks fab. I wonder what she looked like before.’ She picked up her spoon and tucked into a scoop of ice cream. ‘I wish we could all just be who we want to be, without those labels. I mean girls wear trousers – why can’t boys wear skirts?’

  ‘Good point,’ I said and thought back to Elle’s comments about how she had to fit in with a certain macho image growing up, as she was the son of a builder. ‘Although you always seemed happy dressing up in girlie stuff with Skye. Have you thought what kind of celebrity makeover you want today? I thought we could buy a new outfit.’ I’d managed to sell a hear
t-shaped pendant on eBay this week. Zak had given it to me for our first wedding anniversary.

  She cocked her head as I waited for her to utter the word Kim Kardashian and announce what sort of dress she’d like.

  ‘I’m not sure any more,’ she said, eventually. ‘I liked the clothes I used to wear but sometimes they didn’t feel comfy. I have fun hanging out with Tom and just pulling on jeans and a nice top. I still like party dresses but …’ She shrugged. ‘It’s been nice not having to always look smart, just to meet friends.’

  I nodded. Lately I’d wondered why I used to put on my best heels and expensive foundation, simply to pick up April from Oakwood Towers’ playground.

  ‘Remember what we said the other day about just being ourselves?’

  ‘Yes. I don’t want to be really girlie but not mega boyish like Poppy, either. Somewhere in between.’ She sipped her Coke. ‘Wouldn’t it be easy, Mummy, if shops just did children’s clothes and didn’t say if they were for boys or girls? You could just choose what made you happy.’

  ‘That would probably have made Elle’s life much happier as a child.’

  April put down her glass. ‘Not that Tom would EVER wear pink. Or a dress. But some boys might want to. And I like his combat trousers I borrowed.’

  Unisex clothes right through childhood, from the baby years to teenagers? Hmm. Something in my brain sparked and I had a sudden urge to get out a notebook and pencil.

  ‘Mummy?’

  ‘Sorry, sweetie, you were saying?’

  ‘My makeover … I don’t think I want a celebrity one after all. Could I just get some cool trainers – proper ones for playing out on my bike, with lights down the sides? And it’s Lizzie’s birthday soon. She’s having a disco party. I still want to dress up but I don’t want a tight dress like the ones I’ve got. Can I …’ She looked sheepish. ‘Can I just buy a nice top to go with my jeans? Or do you think I should try to look more grown-up?’

  ‘I think you should leave looking grown-up until you have grown up,’ I said, in a soft voice.

  ‘And I’ll wear my new trainers so that my toes don’t hurt when I dance. There’s going to be a Hula Hoop contest. Me and Tom are going to ask Miss if we can borrow the school ones to practise at lunchtime.’

  I gave her the thumbs-up. ‘So, how do you feel you are settling in? Do …’ My breathing quickened. ‘Do you still miss Oakwood Towers?’

  Oh. Disappointing. April nodded straightaway. ‘The canteen was ace and I liked wearing the straw hat in the summer. It kept the sun off.’

  ‘What about your old friends?’

  April shrugged. ‘We text. But it isn’t the same. I don’t miss them as much as I thought I would. I sort of miss the celebrity chat and talk about pop stars but that was all we used to do. With my new friends I actually do stuff.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘When I went to tea with Tom, Lizzie popped in. His mum let us make this playdough out of flour and we coloured it.’ She giggled. ‘We made a right mess. And Lizzie says next week we could both go to tea at hers. She’s just been given some paints we could use.’

  ‘I’m sure Noah wouldn’t mind us inviting them around,’ I said. ‘You could make some biscuits.’

  ‘Fab-u-licious!’ she said and punched the air.

  And so, the second wish on the list was easily fulfilled. I’d imagined April wanting a new stylish dress, cute shoes, and me to do her make-up when we got back. Instead she begged to go out on her bike again and meet Tom in the park. After suffering another worry about having hurt Elle’s feelings, I tried to put her mind at rest, then packed her a sandwich and she flew out wearing her new trainers. She couldn’t wait to show him and I hoped she’d heard me call ‘back before half past seven’. All her friends at Oakwood Towers had lived too far away to meet up after school. My throat ached at the thought of her maybe moving back there.

  A stillness engulfed the cottage, without April, Elle, and Martini. I headed into the lounge. Noah sat with his ankle bandaged and raised on the table.

  ‘Is it more serious than you thought?’ I said, trying not to still feel hurt that he thought I’d let slip Elle’s secret. I knew he was just being overprotective.

  ‘I managed to get a cancellation at the doctor’s. Apparently it’s badly sprained and I need to rest it until Monday.’ He sighed. ‘That means no jogging for me for a couple of days.’

  Oh joy! That meant I’d actually get a small lie-in over the weekend. The downside was Elle was away and I’d be busier than ever in The Coffee Club with Noah out of action.

  ‘Never mind,’ I said. ‘You’ve got me to look after you. Would you like a drink? Seeing as you are taking the weekend off fitness, how about a takeaway? My treat?’

  ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘Curry or Chinese?’ I put on a bright voice. It was the first time I’d really seen him look grumpy.

  I rummaged through the magazine rack for takeaway menus and finally found a couple. I sat down beside him and shuffled from side to side. ‘By the way … it seems April overheard us talking with Elle the other night – about her transition. April told her school friends. She didn’t think it would matter. That’s how the news got out.’

  ‘Yeah. Sorry about the comment I made earlier, blaming you,’ he said, straightaway. ‘I didn’t mean it. Guess I’m just a bit on edge, what with this sprained foot and … I get very defensive, when it comes to Elle.’

  ‘She’s a lucky woman, then.’

  ‘We should have thought that April might be awake. ‘ His voice softened for a second. ‘Sorry again, for what I said. I know you’re not one to gossip. I think I was still in shock that everyone knew.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Although it could be a blessing in disguise …’

  ‘How so?’ I snuggled back into the sofa and accidentally nudged his arm. He smiled and wrapped it around my shoulder. ‘Not very subtle are you, in asking for a hug?’

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself!’ I said, but my torso relaxed. Maybe this would be a pleasant weekend after all.

  ‘Well … Elle has been carrying her secret like some big burden, weighing her down. There is no reason why the whole village should know her business but perhaps life will seem easier for her, if she doesn’t feel she has a past to hide.’

  ‘Have you read The Danish Girl?’

  He nodded. ‘And seen the film. At least Elle didn’t have the complication of already having been married. Oh, and Louise came in just before closing today. Furious, she was.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘With her dad. Apparently she’s told him in no uncertain terms how shameful his narrow-mindedness is. She even brought some flowers for Elle.’

  ‘I wondered where those carnations in the kitchen had come from. What about Martini? Do you think she’ll feel … let down that she didn’t know before everyone else?’

  He smiled. ‘She did know. Martini’s a perceptive lady. She worked it out about six months ago. Or at least that’s when she mentioned it to Elle.’

  ‘But how did she figure it out? I mean, it’s obvious when you know – the striking facial features, the broad build, and lack of experience of a woman’s world. Like suddenly finding out that the sea is blue because it reflects the colour of the sky.’

  ‘I never knew that!’

  I grinned. ‘Exactly. But I bet you are now wondering why you never realised that before. So Martini …?’

  ‘She noticed the little things. How Elle was useless at applying nail varnish. How when she first moved here, she was still wearing the odd item of male clothing, like a shirt with buttons down the right-hand side.’

  ‘Mad isn’t it – buttons defining someone’s gender. Zak explained it to me because Elite Eleganz’s garments also conform to that standard. One reason goes back centuries to when men fought with their sword usually in their right hand. If the buttons were that side too, they could easily undo garment with their left hand, thus keeping hold of their weapon at t
he same time.’

  I settled back as we gazed at the takeaway menu, my mind thinking back to my conversation with April about the lack of unisex clothes. Perhaps I’d sketch some designs of kids’ garments that could easily be worn by both sexes.

  One chicken balti, two bhajis, and half a naan bread later, I took out my notepad and pencil. Noah had gone quiet again. His usually buoyant mood seemed all over the place today. I sat at the kitchen table, having reluctantly left the sofa. We’d returned there after our meal and me putting April to bed. I’d hoped for his arm to find its way around my shoulders again. It had felt comforting and safe and, yes, okay, I admit it, I was longing to kiss Noah again.

  I put down my pencil for a moment and thought back to my first months with Zak. It had been his physical attributes that had caught my eye. Although, don’t get me wrong, Noah was super-sexy and when laughing had the most mesmerizing, make-love-to-me eyes. Yet there was so much more to him that turned me on. His knowledge of books. His compassion. His vulnerability. I’d hoped with Elle’s secret out in the open he would talk more about their life before Laventon, working in finance. All he’d said was that Elle had also been there for him.

  I picked up my pencil again and started sketching. Combat trousers with a simple waist and trouser width to fit both sexes. They could be available in a range of colours from purple to khaki green. I drew shirts with buttons on the right for boys and girls – these days a female could brandish a weapon just as well as a male, right? I designed a T-shirt with subtle flowers across the chest in muted colours. It looked neither feminine nor frilly.

  My mind raced with ideas of how to incorporate the more stereotypical gender images, like rockets and cars or cupcakes and pug dogs, into clothes for both the sexes. Plus I came up with slogans to inspire boys and girls, like ‘respect yourself’ and ‘aim high’.

  I looked at my watch. Gosh. A quarter to midnight. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so fired up. My chest glowed as a sense of achievement washed over me. It was as if my brain had twitched and said, Hello there. Nice to see you back again. You’ve been missed. Humming, I got to my feet, feeling just a little bit taller than before.