Ash

by Julieanne Lynch

  “Do I get chocolate syrup on my pancakes?” he asked.

  “Maybe.”

  He stomped his foot, peeked up at me, and smiled. “Please?”

  I couldn’t stay angry with him for long. He was the cutest misery guts on the planet. To be fair, I was the moody prick, and Jake was just doing what all children do.

  “Of course, you can,” I replied. “The last one to the kitchen is on clean-up duty.”

  I jumped up and winked at Jake, who dropped his teddy and ran straight for the kitchen. Either way, I would be cleaning up, regardless of him getting to the refrigerator before me.

  We worked together, me breaking the eggs into the bowl, and Jake stirring. He glanced up at me with his goofy smile, and I patted him on the head.

  “Daddy?” he asked.

  “Jake,” I said, heating up the frying pan.

  “Will I ever have a new mommy?”

  Nothing could have ever prepared me for this question. I had never even considered that these kinds of things ran through his head, yet he stood there, staring up at me, waiting for my answer.

  “What do you mean? You have a mommy.”

  “But she’s not here anymore.”

  I cleared my throat. “I know that, Jake. But mommies can’t be replaced.”

  “Oh,” he muttered. “But Elijah has a new daddy. So why can’t I get a new mommy?”

  “Elijah has a step-daddy, which is something entirely different.”

  He stared at me and shrugged. “So I can get a step-mommy?”

  I didn’t know how to address his questions. The inquiring mind of a child was a force to be reckoned with.

  “Not yet, Jake.”

  “Why?”

  “Because sometimes, daddy’s need to take their time with these things. And if ever the time comes when I’m ready for a new relationship, I need to make sure she is perfect for both of us.”

  Jake scrunched his face and sighed. “Adults are so weird.”

  He got that right.

  I poured pancake batter into the pan and watched it sizzle.

  Jake made sound effects before licking his lips.

  “You ready for this one?”

  “Yup!” He jumped down and ran to the table.

  I flipped the pancake and cooked the other side. I served it with sliced banana and his favourite chocolate sauce. I smiled, watching him devour it. I turned my back and made a few more, knowing Danny would be hungry.

  The doorbell chimed. Jake didn’t budge. He continued munching on more of his banana, dipping it into his sauce.

  I strolled to the door and let Danny in.

  “Something smells good in here,” he said, throwing his jacket on the sofa.

  “You hungry?”

  “Famished,” he replied, following me to the kitchen and sitting across from Jake. “There’s my dude. High five.” They exchanged their bizarre handshake, and Danny sat back, folding his arms across his chest.

  “It’s a good job I know how to cook,” I said, and set a plate of food in front of him.

  “You’ll make a great wife one day.”

  Jake laughed. “You’re so silly, Danny. Daddy is a boy.”

  “Well, you just never know,” Danny responded, and ate a mouthful of bacon.

  “What does that mean?” Jake asked.

  “It means Danny needs some sleep,” I said. “You finished?”

  Jake nodded.

  “Then, you can go clean your teeth.”

  “And then can I play some Minecraft?”

  “Sure.”

  “Yes!” he shouted, and ran down to the bathroom.

  “He’s such a dude,” Danny remarked in between stuffing his face and slurping on his coffee.

  “He’s also asking me lots of questions.” I sat down.

  “Like what?”

  I ran a hand across the back of my neck. “Like when I’m getting him a new mother.”

  “Fuck!”

  “Exactly.”

  “No one prepares you for this shit.”

  “It seems you’re having a tough time of it at the moment.” He set the cutlery on the plate. “So, what went down with Joe?”

  My stomach knotted at the sheer thought of having to mention the confrontation with Marcy.

  “I’ve been taken off duty. Apparently, I’m not coping very well, and Marcy thought it her responsibility to speak to Joe.”

  Danny shook his head. “That fucking bitch!”

  “To put it lightly.” I got up from the chair and refilled our cups with coffee. “And do you know what the worst part is?”

  “Go on,” he said.

  “Marcy is actually getting to me. She’s fucking winning, and I can’t believe I’ve allowed her this power.”

  “Then, you know you have to take her down before she destroys your life.”

  Danny meant well, and in some ways, he was right. Unless I planned on going out and killing the bitch, I had to be clever. I didn’t want to end up behind bars for acting impulsively, no matter how much I hated her.

  “I’m thinking of taking a clean break, far from here,” I announced.

  He stared at me with his mouth open.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Danny.”

  “So you’re just going to run from the problem instead of facing it head on?”

  “What do you want me to do? She’s never going to leave me alone.” I sighed. “She’s proven her point by coming into my place of employment. Hell, she called me a ton of times last night and left me messages, warning me that she would get her way.”

  “Then, you fucking kick her ass.”

  “Seriously? This coming from the man who almost married the psycho.”

  He shrugged. “What can I say? The woman destroyed me. There’s nothing she won’t do to get her way. We both know that.”

  “So, you’re telling me to fight her? How do I do that without actually breaking her neck?”

  “You get strategic.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Come on, Ash. You are a clever man.” He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve connections.”

  And there it was. The one path I didn’t want to go down, but there was no other way.

  I sat at the bar in the one part of town I swore I’d never return to. I remember how I used to feel every time I came in here. I hated the stench of stale beer and the smoke that clung to my clothing. I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was being watched, but it was a small price to pay for what I was about to do.

  Andrés took a seat next to me, and had a refill of whiskey. “You are the last person I expected to hear from.”

  “Desperate times.” I didn’t look at him.

  “You’re looking good, slick,” he remarked.

  With Andrés, you never knew what to expect with him. He had a way of unnerving the hardiest of men, and I wasn’t in a position to be a cocky prick.

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” I replied.

  He sniggered and took a sip of his liquor. “You need something, huh?”

  I took a deep breath and nodded.

  “Let’s take this into my office,” he said, and got off the stool.

  I followed him to a small room at the back of the bar.

  Two of his henchmen stayed outside.

  This was the one thing I wanted to avoid. Some things in life needed a little rough handling, however. Andrés was the man for the job.

  “Take a seat,” he said.

  I sat down at the small table, eyeing the heavily tattooed man in front of me. He hadn’t changed much and was still in good condition. This was another factor I had to be wary of.

  “So, what’s the problem?” he asked, lighting a cigarette and taking a long puff. He blew the smoke into my face.

  “There’s a person who is trying to destroy my life,” I replied.

  “And you want me to take him out?” He laughed.


  “It’s a ‘she,’ and she’s intent on taking my kid away from me.”

  He chuckled and took another drag. “An angry ex, yeah?”

  “No, this is a complex matter.”

  “Then, I think you better fill me on all the complexities.”

  We spoke for a good hour. I covered all the details I thought he needed to know.

  He never once said a word and listened, nodding, smoking, and sipping on his whiskey.

  Andrés waited until I was done talking. “I see your predicament,” he said. “And you want me to help you deal with this Marcy woman?”

  “I need to do something,” I replied.

  “Why should I do anything for you, Ash?”

  His glassy eyes bored into mine, the same cold glare I remembered from when I was a boy.

  “Because you’re the only one I know who can handle something like this and walk away with his hands clean.”

  He sniggered and seemed to like the compliment.

  I, on the other hand, was sick to my stomach.

  “I like you, Ash. I always did. You’ve done good getting away from this life. You were destined for greatness, even though your choices didn’t go down too well with me.” He paused. His eyebrows furrowed and he stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray. “So, you don’t want me to pop a bullet into her head?”

  “Fuck, no!”

  “You sure?”

  I expected this line of questioning with Andrés. He wasn’t afraid of being up front. Killing in cold blood was something he did very well.

  “I am sure.”

  “Just checking.” He smirked. “So, all you have to do is give me an address.”

  “I don’t want your guys going heavy on her. Okay?”

  He shook his head. “No. I will make sure it looks like a robbery gone wrong. She will just happen to get in the way.”

  “I mean it. I don’t want blood on my hands.”

  He laughed, baring his gold teeth. “Don’t worry, Ash. This one shall be blood free.”

  “And what do you want from me in return?” I asked, the nerves swarming in my stomach.

  Andrés popped another cigarette between his lips and lit it. “Oh, this one is easy. You just need to burn a warehouse for me. Make it look like an accident.”

  Some things in life never got old. Andrés’ demand went against everything I stood for. I was torn, completely at odds with myself. The moment I agreed to his terms, I would be making a deal with the devil, and there would be no coming back from that.

  “Can’t I pay you? I have savings,” I said in desperation.

  He shook his head. “Afraid not, my young compadre. This one requires an equal measure of trust and little bit of your soul.”

  I sat in silence, weighing my options. I didn’t want to step back inside Andrés’ seedy world, yet I sat there, on the verge of agreeing to doing something that would cost me more than my life, my pride.

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  Andrés sat back, smiled, and poured two glasses of whiskey. “See? This is how real men make deals, Ash. I do something for you, and you repay me. It’s simple, and nobody needs to get hurt.”

  “But this will be the only thing I do, Andrés. I’ve a child that needs me. I can’t be getting mixed up in all this again.”

  “Relax, man, this is a one-time deal.”

  “I’ll need details about the warehouse and shit,” I muttered, hating myself for what I was going to do.

  “Oh, that’s an easy one. It’s an old friend of ours out on West Englewood.” He stared at me.

  Fuck! I roared internally.

  “That’s Juan’s territory.” I swallowed the bile rising at the back of my throat.

  “Yes, and Juan has been stepping on my toes. He shouldn’t be bringing his business to this side of town. You know how this works, Ash. Don’t make me spell it out for you.”

  I didn’t get to ask questions. I wasn’t privy to his gangland war. I was just a pawn, willing to commit arson, and it would haunt me every day for the rest of my life.

  Sophia was sitting in her car when I pulled up to my apartment building.

  I got out of the truck, walked over to her, and got inside. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Nice to see you, too,” she replied.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  She stopped frowning and relaxed. “Are you going to tell me what happened at the station?”

  “Jesus, Sophia.” I sighed, running a hand over my face. “I don’t know where to begin.”

  She reached over and touched my hand. “Start at the beginning.”

  I gazed at her. She was so beautiful, even when she looked like she had hardly any sleep. I didn’t know if I trusted myself with her. Was I willing to reveal everything to her? Let her see how broken I truly was?

  “You better come inside, then,” I replied, and got out of her car.

  Sophia didn’t say anything. She picked up her bag, got out, and locked the door. She followed me inside the building.

  “Ash,” she muttered.

  “Yeah?” I looked back at her.

  “Is your kid here?”

  “Yup,” I replied. “And so is my mom.”

  We stood outside my door.

  She touched my arm. “Are you sure?”

  “Relax, okay? If I wasn’t sure, you wouldn’t be here.”

  “Okay.”

  We walked into my apartment.

  My mom called out from her perch in the living room. “Ash, is that you honey?”

  “Yup, and I’ve brought a friend,” I said, and strolled up the hall.

  Jake sat by my mother’s feet, playing with his Lego. He looked up and smiled.

  “Hi, Daddy.” He then stared at Sophia. “Is that your friend?”

  “Oh, yeah, this is Sophia. She’s a medic at the station. Remember, she’s the one who patched you up at the game when you fell and hurt your knee.”

  “Oh, yeah, the lady with the funny voice,” Jake replied.

  My mother stared at Sophia. She stood and brushed down her skirt.

  “It’s lovely to meet you, dear.” She greeted Sophia and held out her hand.

  Sophia stepped forward and shook my mother’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Benton.”

  It was weird. My mother kept staring at Sophia and me with curiosity, but she was a classy lady, who asked few questions.

  “Do you want a drink, Sophia?”

  “Sure,” she replied, sounding quite unlike the feisty woman I’d come to know.

  “Mom, Jake, do you guys want anything?”

  Jake shook his head. “Nope!”

  My mother smiled and declined. “If you don’t mind, I’ll get on home. Your father has plans on taking me out to dinner, and I never say no to a night out.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said, and kissed her cheek.

  “I’ll let myself out. You and your friend go on and have that drink.” She touched my face. “I love you, honey.”

  “I love you, too, Mom,” I replied.

  “Bye, Jake. Be a good boy for your daddy.” She patted Jake on the head and left the apartment.

  “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything, Jake. Okay?”

  Jake looked up at me. “I’m making a Minecraft city and the Emderman is going to teleport.”

  “Okay, have fun.”

  I led Sophia into the kitchen and popped two bottles of beer. I handed one to her.

  “Thanks,” she said, and took a seat next to me at the breakfast bar. “So, fill me in on everything.”

  “My life is fucked up,” I admitted.

  “Isn’t everyone’s?”

  “Probably, but I don’t care about anyone else. My problems began the day my wife asked her best friend to carry our baby for us.”

  Sophia sat with her mouth open.

  “It was a simple deal, or so I thought. My sperm, Conn
ie’s embryo, all inside Marcy’s womb. She agreed to do this out of “love” for Connie. She relinquished any rights she thought she had. It was all done legally. But now, since Connie died, she suddenly wants access to Jake. Until recently, I’ve let her see him at the zoo, hence the weekly visits,” I said. “But none of it is enough. She thinks she can be his mother, and that I will allow this to happen.”

  “Wow,” Sophia remarked. “She sounds like a bitch.”

  “Oh, it gets better. She turned up at work the other day, taking my so-called problems to Joe. Marcy told him that I am not capable of working or parenting, stating that I’m not coping very well and blatantly lying through her teeth. And that wasn’t enough for her. She left me a message, telling me that she would destroy me, just to prove a point.”

  “You need to see a lawyer, and get some advice on this stuff. She can’t go around doing this to you.” Sophia touched the back of my hand.

  I stared at her, looking down her hand. I took it in mine and gripped her hand tight.

  “Legally, she hasn’t a foot to stand on, but she’s using my grief against me. Jake hasn’t been neglected. I’ve protected him from day one. He’s always been my priority. That’s never going to change.”

  “Anyone can see how much you love him, Ash.”

  “Then, why do I feel like all the power has been taken from me?”

  Sophia leaned forward and touched my face, gently running her hand down my cheek. She was so unbelievably gorgeous.

  I lost myself in the moment.

  “Because you’ve allowed her to get too close,” she replied.

  “And the worst part is, I can’t say I regret having her in my life because she’s the very reason I have my son. It’s a fucking catch-22 situation and I hate it. I am tired, angry, and I’m fucking scared of what she’s willing to pull next.”

  “Maybe I should talk to her. I’ve a mean right hook.”

  I laughed. “Thanks, but no thanks. You don’t need to get involved in my shit.”

  “Too late. It appears that I’m already very much involved,” she said, and kissed my cheek. “Besides, I’ve only a few more weeks here. My transfer came through, and I wanted to let you know in person.”

  She delivered the news I didn’t want to hear.