Ash

by Julieanne Lynch

  I was getting used to having her in my life, and she was leaving. I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go, not yet.

  “Sophia,” I whispered.

  “Please, don’t say it, Ash.”

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  We sat in silence with nothing but Jake’s sound effects in the background. I couldn’t believe I had said it. For the strangest reasons, Sophia brought a sense of comfort to my life. I didn’t know what I wanted out of our so-called relationship, but I wasn’t ready to let her leave.

  “Ash, you know I’m leaving. I have to. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make me change my mind.” She let go of my hand.

  I swallowed the hard lump. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I wasn’t normally a needy man. Sophia brought out a whole new side of me.

  “I know, and I accept that. I’m just being a selfish asshole.”

  “You’re not an asshole.” She nudged my arm with her elbow. “I wish circumstances were different, but they’re not. I have to go and do my own thing. Just like you need to sort this shit out with Marcy.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” I didn’t want to sit there and beg her to stay. I wasn’t that kind of man. “But at least stay for dinner?”

  She grinned. “It all depends.”

  “On what?”

  “What’s on the menu? I have a very delicate palate, you know. I don’t eat any old thing.”

  I laughed at that, because there was always some hidden innuendo thrown in when it came to Sophia. “I’m sure I can rustle us something decent to eat. I’m a handy man in the kitchen.”

  “Or we can get take out.”

  “You, with the delicate palate, want take out?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Sure, but let’s take it to a vote.” She got off the stool and walked to the living room door. “Hey, Jake, I vote pizza for dinner. What do you say?”

  “Yes!” he roared, and I knew I had been beaten.

  Sophia turned around and grinned, holding her arms out on either side of her and curtsying in front of me. “See? I know how to get to a man’s heart.”

  “That you do,” I replied, sliding off the stool and walking over to where she stood. I wrapped my arms around her waist, rubbing my nose against hers. “How about a sleep over?”

  She giggled and nodded. “I suppose, why not?”

  Thirty minutes later, the three of us sat in another fort that Jake convinced Sophia to build, eating pepperoni pizza.

  Jake sat in between Sophia and me, munching on his favourite food.

  We watched The Lego Movie, and Jake recited the lines he knew so well.

  Occasionally, he looked up at me and smiled with contentment. He was adorable, and I could tell he liked Sophia.

  Once the credits rolled, it was time for bed.

  “Okay, little man, it’s sleep time,” I said.

  “Can’t I sit up a little while longer? Just five more minutes?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Nope, it’s bedtime for you.”

  “That’s not fair.” He sulked.

  “Jake, you know the deal here. If we build the fort, you do as you’re told, right?” I said.

  His nostrils flared, and he nodded.

  “And do you really want Sophia to think you’re being silly?”

  He shook his head.

  “Then, why not go and brush your teeth? I’ll be down to tuck you in.”

  He looked at the two of us.

  “I want Sophia to tuck me in,” he announced.

  I glanced at Sophia, and she smiled.

  “Sure, I can do that, but listen to your daddy, okay?”

  Jake’s face beamed. He ran down the hallway to the bathroom.

  I was a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” I muttered.

  “What for?”

  “I don’t know. He just gets a little excitable.”

  She strode over to me and kissed my lips. “Don’t worry about it. I can tell a mean bedtime story.”

  “I’m ready,” Jake’s voice thundered from his room.

  “And that’s my cue.” She laughed.

  “His room is the last on the right,” I said, and she disappeared down the hall.

  I cleaned up the living room, popped two bottles of beer, and set them on the table. Fifteen minutes had passed, so I went to investigate. I stood by the doorway and peered into the room.

  Sophia sat on the side of the bed, singing and holding his hand.

  “Au clair de la lune. Mon ami, Pierrot. Prete-moi ta plume. Pour écrire un mot. Ma chandelle est morte. Je n'ai plus de feu. Ouvre-moi ta porte. Pour l'amour de Dieu. Au clair de la lune. Pierrot repondit. Je n'ai pas de plume.Je suis dans mon lit. Va chez la voisine. Je crois qu'elle y est. Car dans sa cuisine. On bat le briquet. Au clair de la lune. L'aimable Harlequin. Frappe chez la brune. Elle repond soudain.” She stopped singing, smiled, and kissed Jake’s forehead. “Dieu bénisse, petit.”

  “What does that mean?” Jake asked.

  “God bless, little one,” she replied. “Now, it’s sleep time.”

  “Sophia,” he said in a sleepy tone.

  “Yes, Jake?”

  “I like you. You’ve a pretty voice.”

  “Well, I like you, too,” she replied.

  “Sophia,” he said once more.

  “Yes.”

  “Will you make my daddy happy again?”

  She stooped down and touched his nose. “Let’s see if I can.”

  “Good night.” Jake snuggled down under his covers and closed his eyes.

  “Bonne nuit,” she whispered, and turned around.

  Her face grew serious when she saw me. She crept from the room and left the door ajar, switching off the light.

  “I didn’t know you could sing like that,” I remarked as we walked back up to the living room. “What was that?”

  “Oh, just something my mother used to sing to me. “Au Clair De La Lune,” an old French folk song. It reminds me of my childhood and always makes me smile,” she replied, and sat down on the sofa.

  “Jake seems to really like you,” I said.

  “Of course, he does. What’s not to like?” She grinned.

  I sat down beside her and rested my head back on the sofa.

  She sipped at her beer and gazed at me. A connection had been made between us. No matter how we tried to fight it, it was there, and I was petrified of what was happening. Yet, I craved the new feeling. It gave me hope that there was, in fact, life after all the grief. I just didn’t want guilt to destroy me.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I declared.

  She smiled and looked away from me, her cheeks flushed. “Do you really want us to go down this road?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even knowing I am leaving?”

  “Of course.”

  Sophia sat forward, setting her beer on the table. “Then, make love to me.” She stood and held out her hand to me.

  My heart raced like a galloping horse. I took her hand, and she led me to my bedroom. Closing the door tight, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her softly. I wanted to stay in that moment forever, losing myself to her completely.

  The desire burned within me, but it was different this time. The urgency of fucking her had gone, replaced by the need to shower her with affection. What the fuck was happening to me?

  I combed my fingers through her long dark hair.

  She undid the buckle of my belt. Sophia unbuttoned my jeans and slid her hand beneath the waistband to curl her fingers around my cock.

  “I haven’t wanted a man like I want you in a long time,” she whispered.

  I didn’t reply. Instead, I spun her around, pulled her back against my chest, and danced.

  We swayed from side to side, neither of us speaking a word. The rhythm of our hearts led the way.

  “Ash,” she muttered.

  “Yes?”

  “What are we doing?
”

  I unzipped her jeans and slipped my hand inside her panties. Gently touching her clit, I stroked her a few times before I answered her.

  “Losing our minds.”

  She let out a soft moan, bucking her hips forward.

  I rubbed her swollen nub faster.

  “You’re going to make me . . .” she said.

  I stopped moving, and watched her expression change from ecstasy to frustration.

  “You tease.” She hit my arm and smirked.

  I laughed.

  “Just keeping you on your toes.”

  “Literally,” she replied.

  I pulled the shirt over my head, slipping out of my jeans and boxers. My hardness grew.

  Sophia joined me, throwing her clothes onto the floor. She stood in front of me, her gorgeous body begging for my touch.

  I pushed her back onto the bed, leaning my body against hers. I kissed her neck, leaving a trail of kisses over her collarbone. I continued downwards until my lips brushed across her nipples. I slowly circled each nipple with my tongue, sucking them into my mouth and releasing them.

  Sophia arched her back and let out a soft moan of pleasure.

  I moved down, kissing her chest and stomach. The sensation of her skin against mine drove me crazy. I lifted my head and gazed into her hungry eyes. I returned my attention to her sexy body, and continued leaving my kisses all over her body before coming to a stop at her pussy. I buried my face between her legs and licked her lips.

  Sophia let out a series of gasps.

  I flicked my tongue over her clit and sucked it into my mouth. She tasted so fucking good. Her juices flowed, leaving a trail over my chin. I eagerly lapped at her, devouring every inch of her soaking pussy.

  Sophia squirmed and panted with ecstasy.

  “Oh, keep doing that,” she whispered. “I’m gonna come.”

  The taste of her drove me wild with lust. I drove my tongue over her clit harder.

  She held her breath and finally let out a long sigh. Her legs trembled from my touch.

  I continued to flick my tongue against her clit until she begged me to stop.

  “Oh, fuck, stop.” She giggled. “I want you inside me.”

  I didn’t need any further persuasion. I climbed back up over her, resting my arm near her head. Taking a hold of my cock, I pressed it against her and slid deep inside her.

  Sophia opened her mouth, her eyes focused on me, as I moved in and out of her. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and met every thrust as I made love to her. God, she felt so good. Warm and slick. She was so fucking sexy.

  I pressed my entire weight on her and rested my head against hers. Several seconds later, I pounded into her with abandonment. The momentum increased. Our bodies slapped together.

  “Oh, Ash,” she breathlessly panted.

  “Come for me,” I whispered in her ear.

  Her nails clawed my back and her breathing changed. A strained moan escaped her mouth, and she bit my ear, humming as she climaxed.

  Just hearing her orgasm had my balls contracting and I couldn’t hold back. It was like an explosion. My load shot deep inside her.

  Her spasming pussy clamped around my cock, milking every last drop, until there was nothing left of me, and I collapsed in a heap on top of her.

  I rolled off her and pulled her into my arms. “Maybe in another life we would have been destined for each other.”

  “Maybe. But who knows what the future holds,” she replied, sinking her head into my chest and falling asleep in my arms.

  For the best part of the week, I was all over the place. I hadn’t heard from Andrés, but I had been given the dates and exact location in an anonymous text. Sitting around the apartment, trying to fill my time with things to occupy my mind was beginning wear me down.

  Jake’s summer camp schedule was jam-packed. Between my mother, Michelle, and me, we were busy running him around town.

  No matter how much I tried to ignore Andrés’ request, the nerves increased. I was going to do something that would essentially destroy my career, not to mention the possibility of ending up in prison. But it was the price to pay to get Marcy off my case.

  I had just dropped Jake off at his soccer camp when the phone buzzed.

  Marcy.

  I thought about ignoring her, but I couldn’t. I had to say my piece, so I put her on the loudspeaker as I drove.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  “Have you given things anymore thought?” she asked in a condescending tone.

  It made me want to throat punch her. I wasn’t a violent man when it came to women, but Marcy brought out the maniac in me.

  “Oh, the part where you’ve tried to destroy my career and lied to my boss, or the part where you think you have grounds to be a part of my son’s life?”

  She laughed in response. “Jesus, Ash, why does it have to be this way?”

  “Because you’re a fucking delusional bitch.”

  “I’m not the one who’s about to lose everything,” she said. “Let’s see how you cope when your world comes crashing down. I told you not to fuck with me, Ash, but you just had to be the arrogant asshole I knew you were all those years ago.”

  I shook my head and listened to her. She really was insane. There had to be no other reason for it. She continued her tirade of hate, and it confirmed what I had to do.

  “And when all is said and done, there is no way you could ever replace the love of a mother. No man is ever good enough. You promised Connie. Are you really willing to piss off the dead?” she hissed.

  “Don’t you dare talk about my wife like that! You and I have varied opinions when it comes to love. You’re just an evil bitch, who will never be my son’s mother. So fuck you.”

  I ended the call and drove straight home. I sat in the quiet apartment, staring at a picture of Connie. Her gaunt face was full of joy as she held our newborn son. She had longed for that moment for so long, that when it finally happened, she sat in silence, staring at the life we’d created. I smiled and grabbed the picture frame. I ran my thumb over her beautiful face, and it hurt remembering.

  The phone rang just after eleven p.m.

  “What’s wrong?” Connie asked as she answered the call.

  I sat up on the bed and stared at her.

  She listened and nodded.

  “What’s going on?” I whispered.

  “Okay, we’re on our way.” She set the phone down and jumped from the bed. “Marcy’s waters have just broken. We need to get her to the hospital.”

  It was finally happening. My heart raced. The two of us ran around our room, getting dressed.

  I picked up the baby bag we’d filled weeks ago.

  Connie stopped, sat down, and started breathing heavily.

  “Hey,” I said, and knelt by her knees. “Breathe. Come on, big, deep breaths.”

  The combination of drugs used in her chemo sessions had left Connie weak and sometimes short of breath. Nothing ever prepared me for those moments when she became overwhelmed by her treatment, but I found it best to remain calm.

  “I’m okay,” she muttered.

  “You sure?”

  She raised her eyes and looked at me. “We’re having a baby.” She cried and threw herself into my arms.

  I embraced her, holding her close, fighting the urge to cry, too. I had to be strong for us both. There was no time to crumble.

  “Then, let’s go get Marcy and get this show on the road,” I replied, and helped her to her feet.

  We made it to Marcy’s apartment in less than twenty minutes. By the time we got her to the truck, her contractions were coming every ten minutes.

  Connie sat in the back, holding her hand and breathing with her.

  “Whoa.” Marcy groaned and panted. “They don’t prepare you for this in birthing classes.”

  “Just breathe through it,” Connie replied, encouraging Marcy to focus on her breath
ing.

  We arrived at Saint Anthony’s before midnight, and were met by a nurse and a tech who took her up to the delivery suite.

  Connie and I followed, both of us nervous as hell.

  Once Marcy was settled in her room, Connie stayed by her side, holding her hand.

  I was the spare part, unsure of what to do or say. A part of me wished that it was Connie experiencing this firsthand, but as it stood, that had been taken from us.

  Marcy closed her eyes and groaned in pain.

  “You’re doing so good.” Connie encouraged her.

  I was so proud of my wife. She’d gone through so much in the past year. Although she had a long way to go, she was determined to beat the disease. There wasn’t a part of me that hadn’t been broken by witnessing her struggle.

  “Oh, my God,” Marcy complained in between puffs of Entonox. “How women do this all the time is insane.” She took several deep breaths of the gas and relaxed.

  A doctor came in, put on her gloves, and said, “Let’s see how far you’ve dilated.”

  That was my cue to turn my back. I didn’t want to observe this part.

  “Well, it’s safe to say you will be having a baby tonight,” the doctor announced. “You’re fully dilated.”

  “Oh, my goodness.” Connie’s voice filled the room. “I am so proud of you.”

  I turned around and saw Connie hugging Marcy.

  The two of them cried.

  “Do you girls want me to go grab you something? Some water? Snacks?” I asked, wanting to get out of the room.

  “I could use something,” Connie replied. “What about you?”

  Marcy shook her head and took several puffs of the gas as another contraction hit.

  “I’ll be right back,” I muttered, and took a deep breath once I left the room.

  I took a walk outside. I needed the fresh air. I felt useless, unable to offer Marcy the kind of support she needed. Yes, I had stepped up when she would call me after my shifts, telling me she needed groceries. I was happy enough to drop off her favourite ice cream at ungodly hours, but this was different. This was life changing, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for the change. I hated myself for admitting that, yet I couldn’t deny myself my few moments of truth.

  My phone buzzed, pulling me from my pity party. It was Connie.