by Anna Antonia
I gasped, already imagining the grim possibility and what it would do to them. “That’s such a low blow, Damian. How could you?”
“You wanted truth? There it is. You won’t last a day out there if I don’t take care of this now.”
“Take care of this? Do you hear yourself? Taking out the garbage is something you take care of. Hiding out from people and making decisions to have them killed is not.”
“Again—don’t judge me, Risa,” he warned softly. “You don’t know the circumstances of my decision. It’s not one I’ve made lightly.”
“I don’t know the circumstances because you don’t tell me anything.”
“And you wonder why.”
His iciness judged my fire. “Forgive me for having a normal reaction to the situation, Damian.”
“It’s not normal to me. Not in the least bit.”
Damian said it evenly and with full sincerity. Stumped, I dug for something to say but came up empty.
He granted me a tiny smile. “There’s always been a difference in how we view things, Risa, because of our backgrounds. In your world, my decision is abhorrent. In mine, not making the decision is fatal.”
“There has to be another way—”
“There isn’t. I would’ve found it by now. There. Isn’t.”
I girded myself for the conversation I should’ve asked at the beginning.
“I want everything out on the table, Damian.”
“Everything?”
“Everything.”
He tilted his head, leveling his stare at me. “No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“You don’t, Risa. This truth you think you want will hurt more than help.”
“Why won’t you tell me? Because you think I’m weak and need protection?”
“I don’t think you’re weak but you do need protection.”
My breath hitched. “The only person I’ve needed protection from all this time has been you.”
Damian didn’t move a muscle. His austere expression was as unyielding as one carved from granite.
“I see.”
I looked away, eyes burning and mouth turned into a crumpled frown. I hated that I hurt him, but it was my truth.
Damian was right. Sometimes the truth hurt far more than it helped.
49
DAMIAN
Risa continued to push for things she never needed to know. I continued to deny her.
She thought it a slight against her intellect. Wrongly, she believed I dishonored her by my silence.
Silence was the only move I had because once I directly involved Risa, once she became privy to what had to be, she’d be tainted.
Risa couldn’t handle the burden of these decisions. She was the type of woman who still called her father “Daddy”. How would she even begin to comprehend why Elaine and Thomas had to be assassinated?
She wouldn’t.
She’d think me a monster and it would kill her love for me dead.
I prayed she didn’t connect these particular dots. I didn’t know if I had it in me to directly lie to her if she confronted me on the truth about Elaine. I could keep it secret for only so long. Eventually, she’d expect to see my former guardian. I couldn’t very well produce a corpse for dinner.
I’ll cross that bridge when it comes time.
I’d rather Risa yell and scream and accuse me of being a chauvinistic pig who didn’t believe her capable of strategy. So be it. I’d spend the rest of my life making up for it.
But to hear Risa declare me as the sole threat she’s ever needed protection from…it gutted me.
Because it was true.
More because I didn’t want it to be.
50
RISA
“Why did you order containment for your parents?”
“Enough, Risa.”
I voiced my suspicions. “You’re afraid of something. More than what’s going on.”
“You’re wasting your time, my love.”
He said it so calmly. No emotion. But now I knew what to look for. His eyes betrayed everything by showing nothing.
Damian was afraid. Not for himself. That much I knew.
For me?
“You’re not hiding here. You’re hiding me here.”
Nothing.
“Let me call Thomas.”
“No.”
“Elaine. She can help us. I know it.”
“No.”
Pain, ever-so-slight, but there nonetheless.
“Why don’t you want me to call your parents, Damian? What did they do that was so wrong? Why did you use ‘containment’ with them? It means…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. “It means what I think it does.”
Tell me I’m wrong. Please.
“They’re not my parents. You know that now.”
Damian said it so coldly. Vicious in the lack of emotion.
I covered my face, mind speeding about until it came to a stuttered stop. The puzzle still eluded me but two more pieces locked into place.
I was mistaken. I had to be…but if not…
I had to know.
My arms fell to dangle loosely by my side. “You said you had your reasons. There’s only one reason you would be this closed-mouth. It was Elaine, wasn’t it? She was the reason why that man was in my apartment. She led him there, didn’t she?”
Heart racing and throat tight with fear, I prayed he would immediately dismiss my words as ridiculous and so far off base that I’d be compelled to apologize. Profusely.
Instead, his silence spoke the unspeakable.
“Damian?”
Tension.
“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m out of my mind.”
He amazingly grew colder. He didn’t say a word. He simply stared.
“Go on, Damian. Do it.”
My shoulders collapsed. I scanned the ceiling frantically. I couldn’t believe the woman who’d been so loyal to Damian would betray him. It didn’t make sense.
She loved him. I knew she did. There was no way she could’ve faked it. No one was that good of an actress.
So why would Elaine have put him in danger? Why would she have sent someone to my apartment?
Oh no. How could I be so fucking dense?
“Miscalculation. You weren’t supposed to be there. It was me all along. She wanted me dead.”
More pieces fell into place.
Elaine’s visit. She always warned me that my emotions were too easy to read. She knew what I’d do when she told me Damian was in Denver. It was as good as winding me up and watching me go.
She needed me out of the apartment to send the assassin. The problem was that Damian wasn’t supposed to follow me there. He was supposed to fly out of Denver and then I’d be six feet under and a footnote in his life.
Disposed of like so much trash.
I went cold.
All the times Elaine kept me close to her, all of it was to keep me away from Damian. It was her idea for me to lie to him, to pretend to be someone other than his lover. Elaine offered her help to get me out of New York. Not as a personal lifeline but as a way to remove me from Damian’s world.
How could I have been so mind-numbingly stupid?
“You didn’t want me to take my phone because she was tracking it. Oh God! It was there all along. I just didn’t see it.”
“What?”
I tried to focus on Damian’s face. He swam beneath the weight of my tears. “Elaine told me the only reason why she tolerated me was because I’d never try to hurt you.”
His lips tightened. “Did she now?”
***
“Don’t misunderstand me, Risa. I am very fond of you. More than I should be. But you must understand my alliance and allegiance has always been to Damian. I have and always will put his interests ahead of my own or anyone else’s.”
***
It all made macabre sense. Elaine believed my love was nothing more than a disease weakening her son. And what did you
do with disease? Eradicate it with serum.
Or my case—a bullet.
In Elaine’s eyes, I was a threat to Damian. That wouldn’t change as long as I was with him. Which meant either I had to die or…
“Damian, what are you going to do? You’re not really going to hurt Elaine, right?”
The light went out of him, leaving something soulless behind.
“This is why I told you don’t ask questions you really don’t want the answer to.”
Oh my God.
“No! You can’t have your own mother killed! Go to the police—”
“You know that’s not possible,” he broke in gently. “We cannot count on normal laws.”
“Denver was self-defense, Damian. Surely, we can prove that. I was there. I can testify on your behalf. There’s no way you’ll go to jail for it.”
“I’m not afraid of going to jail.”
“Then?”
“The police can’t help in this situation.”
Desperation made my voice go ragged. “Don’t do this, Damian. Please! I’m begging you.”
He cupped my chin and kissed me as gently as I’d ever remember him doing so.
“You are the one thing in my world that I can’t bear to lose, Risa. I have to keep you safe.”
“I don’t want this! Not because of me! There has to be another way!”
Damian wouldn’t speak so I begged him over and over again until he finally uttered five words.
“Regrettably, Elaine made her choice.”
I burst into tears. Again.
Even if she did try to have me killed, Elaine didn’t deserve to die by her adopted son’s hand or decree. It would destroy Damian. Regardless of how merciless he’d become, I knew that once the anger and betrayal wore off, Damian would be left with soul-consuming regret.
I had to find a way to stop this.
What if it’s already in motion?
“You’re keeping me here until it’s done, right? We’re waiting things out here until she’s dead and everyone who sided with her. That’s what you meant by wiping them off the face of the earth.”
Deny it. Please deny it!
Damian didn’t answer, but his silence confirmed it. There was nothing I could do to stop him. Or this.
The tears kept pouring out of me, making it hard to speak. “You can’t kill the woman and man who raised you. You’ll never forgive yourself if you do.”
“It’s not a question of forgiveness. It’s a matter of making the impossible decisions especially when backed into a corner.”
Maybe he was right. Maybe we were backed into a corner. But I just couldn’t believe it. There had to be another way to make Damian see reason.
I scrubbed my face with the back of my hand and covered my mouth until I put a pin in my rising hysteria. I didn’t want to fight him, but I would. As long as he continued to be this goddamned obstinate, I’d keep going.
“If Elaine set this up then you should go to the police. It’s their job to handle these kinds of things. Not yours. If she really is guilty then she’ll be convicted and go to jail. That’s what the justice system is for.”
“Your naivety is charming.”
Except for now went unspoken but I heard it nonetheless.
“So killing people is the automatic option? No mediation, no proof, just bam? Dead.”
“I have enough proof, Risa.”
“And what about when it’s over? What will you do then knowing you’ve had the only people who raised you killed?”
“Mourn.” Apparently seeing the shock on my face, Damian asked cuttingly, “Does this surprise you? Of course, it does. I’m a monster without feeling for anyone. I’m incapable of loving anyone because of the decisions I make.”
“I didn’t say that!”
“No, but you’re thinking it.”
He took a step towards me. And then another. Stalking closer, Damian clearly expected me to bolt. I planted my feet and leaned into him. I wasn’t going to run from this. Not when I knew there was still a chance to change his mind for the better.
“You don’t know what I’m thinking. You really don’t.”
“No?” Damian reached me, his feet directly in front of mine. He was so close all I had to do was take a deep breath and I’d touch him. “You’ve always convicted me before when I wasn’t guilty. This time I am.”
“No, you’re not. Not yet.”
His low laughter gave me chills. “But I am, Risa. I’m guilty of all that you think and more. Much, much more.”
“Stop trying to scare me.”
“You’re scared? That’s too bad, my love, because I haven’t even begun to try. I’m simply stating the truth and already you’re this disturbed. Do you see why I need to keep things from you? Do you understand it now?”
“No! Just because I’m…disturbed…doesn’t mean I’m incapable of at least seeing things from your side.”
“Brave words from such a little girl.”
This time the pet name rankled because it wasn’t said out of affection.
“Turn it around, Damian. What if I was doing something you knew would hurt me? Wouldn’t you do anything to keep me from doing it?”
“Absolutely.” He cupped my chin and leaned down. “That’s why I drugged you, put you on my plane, flew you to France, and then chained you to a bed in my mansion. Make no mistake—I would’ve kept you there for as long as it took, Risa.”
It was the unrepentant declaration of a man who wanted to show me the darkness of his soul. I wasn’t afraid for myself. I was afraid for Damian.
“That’s different.”
“It isn’t. I will do whatever it takes, fair or unfair, legal or not, to keep you. Especially now.”
I gulped in air, trying my damnedest to calm my ragged breathing.
“You can’t do this.”
Some emotion I couldn’t identify shadowed his gaze. “Don’t say anything further, Risa. Put it out of your mind. Do this for me. Please.”
Damian rarely said the word “please”. The fact he used it now was as close to begging as he could get. I’d love to make him happy by acquiescing.
I couldn’t lie—temptation to do just that rode me hard. I never wanted to purposely be the cause of Damian’s unhappiness.
If you agree it’ll just undo everything you promised yourself. You’ll be right back at square one. Damian will hold all the power and you’ll feel vulnerable because of it. You’ll never feel settled by his side that way.
I could deal with it. Not well but the situation was survivable. What wasn’t, however, was Damian.
He’ll damn his soul.
Not because religion doctrine stated it. Damian may have believed he could live with “containing” Elaine and Thomas, but I believed different. No manner of mental gymnastics could make it better.
If we were going to have any real chance of a life past today, then it had to be the right way.
Hard reality punched right through my tears.
“There has to be another choice.”
Our gazes stitched together. Damian didn’t say a word, but his beautifully cruel eyes said it all.
That was when I knew there was nothing I could say to change his mind. Damian wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t stop until Thomas and Elaine Black-Price were gone from this world.
And it’s all my fault.
My violent weeping probably proved Damian’s point. If these were the truths he hid from me…
What else is waiting?
Elaine was right. Being with Damian wasn’t about making love, traveling, and shopping. It wasn’t a fairy tale.
Princes didn’t always ride off on snowy white steeds. Sometimes it was in hearses.
Perhaps I was naïve. Perhaps Damian really didn’t have a choice.
After all, if Elaine had already gone this far to kill me, maybe she was the reason he’d almost been killed in France. If she did it once—she could do it again.
And maybe she’d succeed.
<
br /> I’d lose him. Again. Except this time it wouldn’t be because he banished me from his life. This time it’d be because he was dead.
I saw Damian in my mind’s eye. Bloodied and still. Gone from me.
Forever.
Letting out a piercing wail, I dropped to the ground. I rocked back and forth as the sobs overtook my body. I couldn’t lose him like that. Anything but death.
Damian crouched down. “Oh little girl…”
He tucked me tight against him, lifting me so my face nestled against his neck. I tried to shift but he pressed a hand against the side of my head.
“Ssh, Risa. Let it out. I’m here, my love, and I’m not going to leave you ever again. No matter what.”
My heartbreaking cries and his sweet lies that everything would turn out okay corrupted the space of truth.
51
DAMIAN
Risa laid on her side, breathing softly in sleep. Worn out, she needed the rest. We’d sat in the floor for over an hour and she cried for nearly as long.
Risa stopped begging for Elaine’s life and my soul, but I heard it with every jagged sob. I wished I could’ve promised her a different outcome. I wished I could’ve lied to her then and denied the unyielding truths of my decisions.
Wishes wouldn’t change the ending.
I traced her brows with a fingertip. I loved everything about this woman. So much I knew I’d gone insane from the first moment I saw her.
Risa was right. I was a liar. I demanded all of her truths because of what I wouldn’t give her.
I was a bastard to be this selfish.
Yet, I couldn’t lose her. The complete truth would do it. The jagged pieces already did their damage.
Risa still wanted them all with the same tenacity she approached everything in life. I loathed the thought it might finally break her.
Rather, that I would break her.
What I’d failed to impress on Risa was I didn’t want to kill Elaine. But what I wanted no longer mattered. Elaine had made her choice the moment she tried to end Risa’s life.
I had to be prepared. Elaine would expect this move from me because it was exactly how she raised me.
Pain jaggedly sliced through my control. The emotional wound split, letting memory after memory ooze out.