To Love and to Cherish

by Leigh Greenwood

  “I don’t know.” There didn’t seem to be any reason until he could see if he could bring himself to ask Martha Simpson to become his wife.

  ***

  “Did you know Jared was seen having supper with Martha Simpson?”

  Naomi was waiting for Laurie when she got home. She barely allowed her cousin time to take off her coat and hat, fix some coffee, and settle into a chair before coming to the reason for her visit.

  “No, I didn’t.” Between being tired from the day’s work and the afterglow of making love, Laurie wanted little more than to relax for an hour or two before going to bed. She also needed time to think. Jared had been reluctant to make love the last time. She’d practically had to seduce him. She hadn’t wanted their relationship to become too serious, but she didn’t want it to cease altogether. There was no reason Jared couldn’t have dinner with anyone he wanted. She had no hold on him, but she was upset and a little jealous. Martha was young and beautiful. Marrying her might be the one thing to convince Norman to give Jared his loan. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because you ought to know.”

  “Why?”

  Naomi looked her straight in the eye. “Because you’re in love with him.”

  Laurie set her coffee down before her trembling hand caused her to spill it. “What makes you think that?” she asked without meeting Naomi’s gaze.

  “By the way you talk about him. Your eyes light up. You smile like I’ve never seen you smile. You’re animated, almost eager to talk about him.”

  Laurie knew her feelings for Jared had become too serious, but she had no idea anyone had guessed. “I like Jared,” she confessed, “but it would be hard not to like him after being married to Noah.”

  “You just gave yourself away.”

  “How?”

  “If you’d been talking about anyone else, you’d never have compared him to Noah. He’s your boss, not the man you want to marry. Nor is he your lover.”

  Laurie prayed she didn’t blush, but maybe it didn’t matter. Naomi seemed able to see inside her head. Something must have given her away. Naomi’s gaze suddenly intensified.

  “He isn’t your lover, is he?”

  Determined to brazen it out, Laurie asked, “Why would you think that?”

  “Because you look the way Peter does when he’s in trouble. There’s guilt written all over your face.”

  Still hoping to avoid confessing, Laurie said, “Okay, so I’m fond of Jared, but it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to marry again.”

  “Does he know that?”

  “Everybody at the ranch does. Steve has been trying to convince me to change my mind ever since I told them.”

  “Why would you tell everybody something like that?”

  “We were talking during dinner. I don’t remember how the subject came up, but Steve asked me, and I told him I would never marry again. Why would I? My father sold me into a marriage I didn’t want, my husband became my jailer, and Norman is trying to turn me into a living monument to his brother’s memory. The last thing I want to do is subject myself to another man’s control.”

  “That won’t happen if you find a man who loves you as much as Colby loves me.”

  “I figure there’s only one Colby, and you got him.”

  “What if Jared is Colby’s brother?”

  “Being brothers wouldn’t make them alike.”

  “What if Jared marries Martha or somebody else? Would you still have a job at the ranch? I don’t know if Norman has anything to do with Jared having dinner with Martha, but I’m sure he won’t give Jared his loan as long as you’re working at the ranch. That would put you back where you were at the beginning, dependent upon Norman for every penny.”

  Laurie had already thought of that outcome. The only reason Jared had accepted her proposal for a partnership had been because he didn’t have the money to buy the Herefords he wanted. Initially, he figured if the previous owner couldn’t make a go of it with longhorns, he wouldn’t, either. But since reaching his agreement with Laurie, he’d had time to study the former owner’s records, and he had learned that the man had made some mistakes he could have corrected if his wife hadn’t insisted on going back East.

  Now Laurie wasn’t sure he absolutely had to have Herefords to make a go of the ranch. She hadn’t wasted her time over the years listening to Noah and Norman talk business. She understood finances enough to know he’d end up with more money by getting a loan from Norman than by giving her half the ranch’s income.

  Frustrated with Laurie’s silence, Naomi asked, “Don’t you care what’s happening?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “What are you going to do to stop it?”

  “How can I stop it? More important, why should I try? I thought you hated my working for Jared.”

  “I did at first, but you’ve been happier than you’ve been in years. You smile all the time now. You and Steve laugh. You’re Esther’s favorite person after Colby and me. I like Jared and I believe you love him. I think you ought to marry him.”

  Laurie gaped at Naomi, unable to believe what her cousin had said. She hadn’t thought of marrying Jared. It was hard to believe Naomi had.

  “Don’t look at me like I’ve suddenly grown two heads,” Naomi said. “You love Jared, and he’s obviously very fond of you. If you married him, you’d have a husband to protect you, and you’d be beyond Norman’s control.”

  Memories from the past flared into existence. “I don’t want anybody to protect me. That was my father’s excuse for marrying me to Noah and Norman’s excuse for trying to control everything about me down to the food I eat. I’m not going to let anyone tell me what I must do or make me feel I have to apologize for the way I look.”

  “Does Jared do that?”

  “No.”

  “Do you like him enough to marry him?”

  “I haven’t thought about it. But if I do marry again, it will only be because I feel I can’t live without him.”

  “Do you think he’s in love with you?”

  “He can’t be if he’s paying court to Martha Simpson.”

  “Maybe he wouldn’t be doing that if he thought you weren’t set against marriage.”

  “If he were in love with me, he’d be doing everything he could to convince me to change my mind instead of wasting his time on Martha.”

  “He’s done nothing to indicate he was in love with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I thought he had. That quite changes my opinion of him.”

  “Why?”

  “No gentleman would convince a woman to work at his ranch against the advice of all who hold her dear unless he was interested in her for a proper reason.”

  “He didn’t convince me. I convinced him.”

  “That’s not what you told me in the beginning.”

  Laurie was tired of carrying on half conversations. “There’s something I have to tell you, but you must never tell anyone, not even Colby.”

  “You can’t expect me to believe you’ve done anything that awful.”

  Laurie told her about the money. “I convinced Jared to take me on as a full partner. He only did so because Norman wouldn’t give him a loan. Now that Norman has changed his mind, Jared would be worse off taking money from me.”

  At first Naomi was shocked, then worried. Finally she smiled. “I can’t believe you had so much money all these years and no one knew about it. It’s a wonderful joke on Noah. Where did you hide it?”

  “In the drawer with my undergarments. I knew he would never go there.”

  Naomi laughed. “And Norman has no idea that you have this money or that you’re planning to give it to Jared?”

  “No. Investing with Jared was a perfect cover. No one would know it wasn’t his money.”

  “They’d figure something was wrong when you started living like a queen off your ranch income and everybody knew Norman wasn’t giving you enough to keep a squirrel alive. The only way to
disguise it completely would be to marry Jared.”

  “Well, I don’t love him, and we’ve established that he doesn’t love me.”

  “We haven’t established any such thing. I don’t think you’re honest about your feelings for Jared, and we don’t know what he’d do if he thought you weren’t opposed to marriage.”

  “You’re forgetting that Norman won’t give him the loan if I’m still working for him.”

  “If that’s all that’s bothering him, Jared could ask you to stay away long enough to get the loan, then marry you. Norman wouldn’t know anything about the money if you could talk Jared into changing his accounts to Papa’s bank. Your money would just disappear into Jared’s account.”

  Laurie shook her head. This was getting too complicated. “I love you for being so worried about me, but you don’t have to. Whatever Jared decides to do, I’ll be just fine. I’m just never going to be under a man’s control ever again. Not even love is worth that.”

  But as Laurie walked home, she began to wonder how far she’d wandered from the truth, which led her to wonder if she knew the truth. Did she really understand Jared’s position, or was she merely saying that to keep from having to deal with her feelings about it? What were her feelings? Did she feel betrayed, abandoned, forgotten, used when needed and cast aside when no longer useful? Did she have the right to feel any of that when Jared had every right to put his interests and those of his men ahead of her? He hadn’t promised her anything beyond a business arrangement, which was exactly what she’d insisted on. She had promised him the money, but she hadn’t given it to him. Could he have started to wonder if she actually had it?

  He believed in her, or he would have said something before now. The business had gotten sidelined by their physical relationship. Each was so attracted to the other that they hadn’t talked about anything else. They’d been trying so hard to pretend, for the sake of her reputation, that nothing was going on that they’d failed to talk about their feelings. Or had they failed because they didn’t want to have to deal with their feelings? What were their feelings for each other? Did she know? Did he? Did it matter since he seemed to be interested in Martha Simpson?

  She reached her house and went inside. “Steve, are you here?” She wasn’t surprised when she received no answer. Steve liked spending time with Ben Kessling, which was good for both boys, but she could have used some distraction from her thoughts. Making coffee and thinking about what to fix for supper wasn’t enough.

  What did Jared feel for her? She’d never been courted in the traditional fashion, but when they were alone he treated her the way she thought a man would treat a woman he liked very much. But would he have tried to keep his feelings secret from others if he loved her? There were lots of reasons why a boss would do that, but none why a lover would. She guessed that answered her question. As she suspected, he wasn’t in love with her, which was okay. She hadn’t wanted love, only proof that she was desirable. The hours in his arms had proved that. She wouldn’t marry, but she no longer had to feel ashamed of herself. She would never be able to thank him enough for that.

  But how did she feel about Jared? Not the lovemaking, not his saying she was beautiful and desirable. What did she feel about him? He loved his nephew, respected his friends, was a good boss, and worked hard to ensure their futures. That caused her to admire and respect him, but was that the limit of her feelings toward him? Could Naomi have seen what she couldn’t?

  The answer surprised her. That was only the beginning. Her feelings went far beyond that. She liked being with him. She only had to think of being in his arms and she went soft and hot inside. Bringing his face to mind invariably caused her to smile. She always felt protected when she was with him. Much to her surprise, she’d started to feel more at home at the ranch than in her own house. She preferred being there, might have moved there if it wouldn’t have caused such an uproar. Why should she feel that way when she had her own home and prized her independence?

  Because she loved him.

  ***

  Jared didn’t know what to make of Dr. Kessling coming to the ranch. He went down the steps to greet the doctor as he tied his horse to the hitching post. “I’m glad to see you, sir, but I don’t think anyone here is in need of a doctor.”

  Kessling extended his hand in greeting. “It seems our community believes being a doctor isn’t enough to take up my time. They think I ought to become a banker.”

  “I was surprised when I heard that.”

  “Glad it has affected you the same way it did me. Let’s go inside. Winters out here are crazy. It’s cold one day then hot a few days later, only to go back to being cold again. It’s a miracle half the town isn’t sick. But they’re all healthy, so I have time to learn what it means to handle other people’s money.”

  “I’m surprised Norman hasn’t tried to have you murdered.”

  The doctor laughed. “I’m sure he would if he thought there was any chance I would succeed.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Let’s sit down with a cup of hot coffee, then I’ll tell you. It’s a long story. Where’s Laurie?” he asked when Jared returned with the coffee.

  “She’s so determined to learn how to run a ranch she talked Steve into showing her around this afternoon. She thinks I’m too protective.”

  “I don’t know how she can think that when the first thing you showed her was a bull being castrated.”

  Jared couldn’t help being irritated. “Is there anything that happens here that everybody in Cactus Corner doesn’t know?”

  “Not much. We’ve known each other all our lives, so we’re famished for anyone new to talk about.”

  “Sounds like where I grew up in Texas.”

  “I guess all small towns are the same. Or at least they were before the war.” The doctor sighed. “That changed a lot for us. You, too, since you didn’t go back to Texas.”

  “I might have if my family hadn’t died. That made the quest to find my brothers all the more important.”

  “Naomi said Colby was resistant to the idea.”

  “But he agreed to write his parents. Maybe he’ll find something to help.”

  “Don’t get your hopes up. Colby says they did everything they could to make him forget he had any other family.” The doctor took a swallow of his coffee. “Now to why I’m here.”

  Jared set his coffee down and turned to face the doctor.

  “You know Norman has refused to give Laurie access to her inheritance because of the will Noah left. He could have given Laurie a generous allowance and still honored the spirit of Noah’s will, but Norman can’t do anything without trying to prove he’s in control. It doesn’t matter that he continues to infuriate people. But you don’t want to know all of that. People in town are really angry about this, angry enough to do something. And that something has been to start a new bank. And they’d decided I’m the one to do it.”

  “I agree with them,” Jared said. “You are universally liked and trusted.”

  “That might not continue to be true if I manage to pull this bank business off. In any case, what I have to do first is find enough depositors to actually open a bank. I’m here to ask if you will transfer your accounts to us and if you’ll use your influence to get Fort Verde to do the same.”

  It hadn’t taken Jared long to guess the object of the doctor’s visit, but he hadn’t expected to be asked to talk to the people at the fort. It left him in a ticklish position.

  “I’ll be frank with you. I hope you succeed. Norman needs the competition and everybody else needs a banker who’s at least polite to his customers, but I can’t help you. I’m hoping Norman will give me a loan. Helping you would guarantee he would turn me down again.”

  “Suppose the new bank could give you the money you need?”

  “You can’t.”

  “You need that much?”

  “Yes.”

  “Everybody knows you want to buy Herefords, but are you sure s
pending that kind of money is wise when you already have longhorns?”

  Jared supposed he’d have to get used to everyone knowing his business, but he wasn’t going to like it. “It’s an investment in the future.”

  “Whose future?”

  Jared could guess that people in town might suspect his relationship with Laurie had developed into something more. It was time to set the record straight. “This ranch represents everything my nephew and I could salvage from Texas as well as the little money the men working for me were able to scrounge up. It represents all our futures. Longhorns would enable us to make a bare living. That might be fine for me, but not for Steve and the others. They’re not ranchers. Herefords would give them a chance for a life of their own choosing.”

  “I wish you success, but I hate to see you depending on Norman.”

  “So do I, but it’s our best chance.”

  The doctor set his coffee down and rose. “I won’t bother you any longer. But if you change your mind—or Norman changes his—come see me.”

  Jared laughed, but he didn’t feel lighthearted. “If Norman turns me down, you can be sure I’ll do everything I can to get the fort to give its business to you.”

  “And Laurie?”

  “What about her?”

  “You’ve got to know Norman won’t give you that loan as long as she’s working for you. She took a gamble with her reputation by coming here. It hasn’t helped her relationship with Norman, either.”

  Jared decided it would save time and confusion if he convened a town meeting every time he wanted to discuss his private business. “Laurie is a wonderful woman who deserves everyone’s respect and admiration. I hope Norman will treat her more generously if she stops working here.”

  “I understand you’re courting Martha Simpson. How does Laurie feel about that?”

  Jared struggled to keep command of his temper. “I’m not courting Martha. We only had dinner once.”

  “In Cactus Corner, that’s courting.”

  Jared decided it was useless to argue that. “Norman has made it plain that I won’t get the loan as long as Laurie is working for me. Laurie has made it equally plain to all of us she has no intention of marrying again.”