Pulse (Collide)

by Gail McHugh

  “He’s in astystole!” the nurse yelled.

  The doctor looked at the monitor. “Push one milligram of epi.”

  Not a sound ushered through Emily’s mind as she brought her eyes from Gavin’s motionless body to the monitor, the mountainous waves on the screen, disappearing into a single flat line. There wasn’t a long, drawn out beep, or if there was, Emily couldn’t hear it. The only thing she could hear was Gavin’s sweet words from the night before.

  “I wonder if he’ll know how much I’m going to love him and his mother until the day I take my last, dying breath.”

  “My last, dying breath…”

  “Last…dying…breath…”

  “Time of death: 10:28 p.m.,” the doctor said somberly.

  Emily’s world skipped forward a few seconds, memories lost in a wicked lightning flash of pure darkness. She felt her throat twist and tighten. Her wide, green eyes stung. She willed her body to keep standing, but it couldn’t. Backing away and hyperventilating, she landed painfully on all fours just outside the room. Words from others came and went in a fuzzy blur. Even Lillian’s screams were distant. Far away cries from a mother who’d lost her youngest son.

  Eyes soaked with tears, heart drenched with pain, and unknowing of whose hand was helping her from the floor, Emily tried to swallow. Tried to breathe. Trevor’s trembling arms blanketed her body. He buried his weary face against her shoulder as he cried with her. Tonight, in the year her life was going to change in so many beautiful ways, fate had broken its promise and decided to fuck with everyone in Emily’s life. In a haze, she watched a brother mourn his only sibling, a father cry out for his son, and friends gather in despair over the loss of someone they’d grown up with. Yet in all of the grief the hallway held, in that moment, Emily knew the largest loss belonged to the child she was carrying. His father was gone. Never to walk this earth again. Never to share a late night talk with his son. Never to hold his child in his arms for the first time.

  He was gone…

  No more stolen breaths before a kiss…

  No more racing hearts from a simple look…

  No more tingling skin without a touch…

  He was… gone.

  Breathe…

  Breathe…

  “Emily.”

  Breathe…

  He’s gone…

  “Emily,” the voice called louder.

  With a gasp hurdling up her throat, Emily’s eyes flew open, as she tried to adjust to the bright lights above her. Drenched in sweat and coughing, she sat up, kicking off the sheets. The sound of quickened footsteps grew nearer.

  “Jesus, baby. Are you okay?”

  Emily’s eyes darted to the voice and her heart dropped when her gaze locked on Gavin. She rushed a hand to her mouth as she broke into hysterics. Body shaking like a leaf, and tears falling from her eyes in waves, Emily jumped from the bed and fell into Gavin’s warm embrace.

  “You were dead,” she cried, smoothing her hands along his confused face. She needed to make sure he was real, make sure he was breathing, living. Her fingertips melted under the feel of his slight stubble as a painful contraction hit her, nearly knocking the breath from her lungs. She dragged her trembling hands along his bare chest as she feverishly kissed his lips, the words tumbling from her mouth between her panicked breaths. “Oh my God, Gavin. You died. You went for milk. The motorcycle.”

  Gavin cupped Emily’s flushed cheeks and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Staring into her eyes, a small smile touched his lips. “I’m here, sweets. Nothing happened. It was just a dream.”

  “It wasn’t a dream,” Emily cried, hunching over. Holding her midsection, another contraction zipped across her stomach. “Oh, God.” She straightened, clinging to Gavin’s shoulders as she kissed him repeatedly. Not wanting to close her eyes, she stared into his as her mouth moved over his soft lips. “It was a nightmare. You were dead.” Another contraction followed by a kiss. “They shocked you. You wouldn’t breathe. I begged you to keep fighting, and you couldn’t. Your body gave up. Your mother’s face. Your father. Your brother. Everyone was devastated.”

  Gavin gathered her tighter to his chest. Cradling her head, he ran his hands through her dampened hair. “Emily, calm down. I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

  Still frantic, she couldn’t relax. Was he nuts? It was impossible. Visions of his lifeless body hung in her mind as clear as a cloudless sky. She pulled Gavin down to her lips as she continued to cry. “I love you. God, I love you so much, Gavin. I haven’t told you enough.” Another kiss, and another contraction. Zip. A deeper, shooting pain rippled through her stomach. These weren’t Braxton Hicks contractions. Nope. Slowly backing away, Emily looked at Gavin, her voice a whisper. “I love you, Gavin Blake,” she paused, wiping her hair from her forehead, “and we’re about to have this baby.”

  Gavin swallowed and felt his eyes grow wide. “You’re in labor?” he questioned, unable to keep his voice from cracking as if he was a teenage boy going through puberty. “You’re not due for another three weeks.”

  She was the one in labor, but Emily could tell Gavin looked as though he was about to lose his shit. Pulling in a slow, cleansing breath, Emily nodded. “Yes, but I need you calm, okay?”

  Gavin cocked his head back, convinced she had really lost her mind. Two seconds ago she was bugging about him dying, but now she was about to bring their child into the world and she’d become freakishly relaxed. “The bag!” he blurted out, turning toward the closet. He flung open the door and stopped. Spinning around, his eyes went wider. “Fuck, we didn’t bring the bag. How are we supposed to do this without the bag?”

  Though in slight physical discomfort, Emily felt mentally amazing. She stared at Gavin’s scared face, wanting to drown in his eyes. It seemed so unreal he was standing in the room with her. She moved toward him, and touched his cheek, cradling it in her hand. “The baby’s coming whether or not we have the maternity bag.”

  “Right,” Gavin croaked, grabbing a pair of sweat pants and T-shirt. He slipped them on, trying his hardest to relax, but her calmness was making him nervous.

  A subdued knock came at the door, followed by Olivia walking in. Sporting a pair of silk pajamas and furry bunny slippers, she squinted against the light. “You whackos do realize it’s almost three in the morning, right?” She yawned and rubbed a tired hand over her face. “Considering Jude and I are right next door, is it possible you two could, I don’t know, keep it down a little? You know I’m a light sleeper.”

  “Emily’s in labor,” Gavin answered, searching for his keys on top of the dresser.

  Olivia’s eyes went wide right about the same time another unwelcomed contraction started working its way through Emily’s stomach. Hunched over, she tried to breathe through the pain.

  Olivia and Gavin rushed to her side, each grabbing her arm. Olivia’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit, Em. We’re all the way in the Hamptons. What the hell are you going to do? Drive back to the city? I mean, your doctor’s there, not here.”

  Emily shook her head, her eyes drifting between Gavin and Olivia. “What’s wrong with everyone?” she bit out, her voice not as sweet or calm as before. “I might be wrong, but women give birth all the time without maternity bags and without doctors they follow throughout their pregnancies. Right?”

  “Right,” Gavin and Olivia answered in unison.

  “Thank you,” Emily said, sinking onto the bed as she began to cry again. Between the pain and the nightmare, she was a mess.

  Gavin glanced at Olivia, his voice feigning calm. “Can you get her out something to wear?”

  Olivia nodded, and Gavin kneeled in front of Emily. Hands on her knees, he looked up into her eyes, thankful for everything she had and was about to give him. “I love you,” he whispered. Emily ran her fingers through his hair, a weak smile touching her lips. “Scared together, sweets. Remember that. I’m here.”

  “Scared together,” Emily softly repeated, accepting a shirt and maternity l
eggings from Olivia.

  “I’m going to wake everyone up.” Olivia popped a kiss on Emily’s cheek and another on Gavin’s head. “They need to know little Noah Olivia Alexander Blake will be here soon. Eek!” With that, she disappeared into the darkened hall.

  Once again trying for the “I’m cool as a cat” act, when he was truly freaked the fuck out, Gavin helped Emily out of her pajamas and into her clothes. By the time they made it downstairs, the kitchen was awake with excited friends and family. Emily took a steeling breath as she stared at their smiling faces, her nightmare rushing back with full force. She couldn’t help it; she broke down, tears exploding from her eyes.

  Gavin wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He had a pretty good idea why she was crying.

  Frowning, Lillian pulled Emily into her embrace. “You can get meds at the hospital for the pain, sweetie.” She held her against her soft, black robe.

  Taking in Lillian’s concerned but happy demeanor, given she was about to meet her third grandchild, Emily pulled herself from the nightmare and stopped crying.

  “How far apart are the contractions?” Lillian asked. “You’ve been timing them, right?”

  Gavin shook his head, his throat suddenly dry. Damn. He was fucking this all up. He hadn’t timed shit. He felt as if everything he’d learned in the many Lamaze classes he and Emily attended had flown right out the window.

  “Just start timing them now,” Fallon offered, pulling a chair from the table. She tossed her silver and green-streaked hair into a pony tail and sipped her coffee. “I read if they’re closer than five minutes apart, the baby’s coming soon.”

  Olivia shot her and Trevor a look. “You two are trying to have a kid, aren’t you?”

  Trevor smirked. “Sis, you are and will always be a nut.” Olivia rolled her eyes and Trevor walked over to Gavin, shaking his hand. “Give us a few to wake up, and we’ll meet you at the hospital. Born on the fifth of July. Cool birthday. Congratulations, bro.”

  “Thanks.” Gavin smiled and walked Emily to the door. After hugging everyone goodbye, she stepped out into the dewy night air, making her way toward Gavin’s car.

  As Gavin went to rush after her, Colton caught his arm. “Just remember, little man, do whatever she asks. Don’t take her threats or name calling personally. She still loves you. She just won’t like you for the next few hours. At all.”

  Chad chuckled, slapping Gavin’s back. “I can’t say I disagree with your brother. Linda Blair from The Exorcist comes to mind, but she’ll calm back down.”

  Lillian swatted Chad’s arm and pulled Gavin in for a hug. “Ignore your father and brother. Everything will be fine. Love you, baby boy. We’ll be there soon.”

  Gavin kissed his mother goodbye and stepped from the house. Anticipating a full blown demon, he was surprised to find Emily casually leaning against his car. She still looked stressed, but he expected wicked. As if he had willed that demon into existence, he watched her face go from relaxed and loving to all-out pissed as she hunched over, grabbing her stomach.

  “Jesus, Gavin, can you just open the door already?” she hissed, her fingers curling around the side mirror of his BMW.

  Gavin nervously fumbled with his keys to unlock the door. He helped Emily into her seat, slammed the door, and shot around the vehicle. Once in, he looked at her, his heart sinking. “Breathe, baby. Remember the breathing techniques they taught you.” He watched her toss her head back, and he heard some kind of grunt rumble up her throat.

  She whipped her head around, glaring daggers at him. “I know how to breathe, Gavin. You just worry about getting me to the damn hospital so I don’t give birth to your son on these leather seats. Got it?”

  Yep, she was scaring Gavin. Throwing the car into reverse, he figured he’d speak only when spoken to for the remainder of the ride.

  As lights along the darkened road came and went, so did the contraction possessing Emily’s body. It left her feeling terrible, though. Sitting on her knees, she leaned over the console. Cupping Gavin’s face as he stared at the road, she started raining kisses along his temple, hair, and jaw. Anywhere she could kiss, she did. “I’m so sorry.” She kissed his nose, neck, ear, cheeks, and lips. She cried again. “You were dead. You were gone. I love you, Gavin. You’re my Yankees-obsessed, bottle cap-giving wiseass. I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”

  Gavin’s mouth twitched into a nervous smile. “This bottle cap-giving wiseass loves you, too.” He paused and wiped a tear from her face, unsure whether or not he should say what he was about to. Her hands were tiny, but he knew his girl could throw a pretty powerful smack. “Um, sweets, you need to sit back down, okay? Get your seatbelt on for me.”

  Emily nodded. As she reached for the belt, her belly started to ball in pain. As it simmered, anchoring through her muscles, she felt a little pop. Still on her knees, warm liquid trickled down her leg. She pulled in a fast, harsh breath. “Oh… my… God,” she cried out, her eyes wide with panic. “My water just broke. You need to drive faster, Gavin. Now.” She turned to him, her face twisted in pain as she held her stomach. “I’m not kidding. I know you know how not to drive like a grandfather. Get that big foot of yours to press harder on the gas. I. Am. Not. Kidding.”

  Gavin blinked, swallowed, and brought his eyes back to the road. With Linda Blair’s twin sitting next to him, he didn’t say a word as he gunned it. Though the love of his life was a bit scary, Gavin would never deny, when telling his grandchildren of this very night, he liked Emily giving him permission to drive like a bat out of hell.

  In a matter of minutes, he had them screeching to a stop in front of the hospital. Jumping from the car, he fumbled for, well, he didn’t quite know what he was fumbling for. But he was. Swiping a nervous hand through his hair, he swung open Emily’s door and helped her out. By this time, she’d calmed down, exhibiting signs of severe bipolar disorder as she kissed him repeatedly. Breathing heavily, Emily cried her apologies as she clung to his arm while walking into the emergency room. He couldn’t help it, but in that moment, Gavin wondered where she’d been all his life. God. He loved this woman, and she was about to give him the greatest gift ever, bipolar or not.

  After a quick conversation with a nurse, Emily was seated in a wheelchair and whisked into an elevator. Destination: maternity floor. Emily shivered as she thought about the nightmare that’d plagued her sleep. Holding Gavin’s hand, she looked at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t even want you here with me right now,” she whispered, her body shaking. “I mean, I do. Of course I do. But I’m worried something’s going to happen to you.”

  Gavin popped a brow, a grin smoothing across his mouth. “You know you’re about to give birth to our child, right?” Emily nodded, and Gavin leaned down, brushing his lips along her forehead. “Emily Cooper, let me do all the worrying about you right now. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Okay?”

  She nodded again, gripping his hand tighter as another contraction slowly started to build. Its predecessors had nothing on this one. Breathing faster, Emily curled her fingers around the arm of the wheelchair. She swore her nails scraped the leather right off. “How many more floors?” she bit out, her eyes pinned on the nurse. From the look on Gavin’s face, Emily swore she’d cut off circulation in his hand. “I’m not going to make it through this. I know I’m not.”

  The nurse patted her back, her twinkling eyes holding a wealth of knowledge. “I said the same thing with my first, second, and third. You’ll be fine.”

  Hell no. Emily blew out a breath, completely, unequivocally, one hundred percent convinced she’d never let Gavin touch her again. When the elevator doors slid open, she was wheeled into a private room, her contraction easing its attack by the time she stood. The nurse handed her a hospital gown, and Emily made her way into the bathroom to get undressed. After changing and cleaning herself up, Emily stared at her reflection and her stomach.

  Sighing, she started to relax. Gavin was fine. It was only a nightmare. Although what s
he was about to endure would be nothing short of torturous, at the end, not only would she have Noah, but Noah would have his father. A blizzard of emotions hit her when she heard agonized cries from a woman in the room next door. She swallowed, stared at herself for a long moment, and walked out of the bathroom praying she could handle this.

  “Hey,” Gavin said, helping her over to the bed. “You okay?”

  She gazed into his baby blues, his love evident. “Right now I am.” She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed his soft lips. He held her, his embrace warm. “I’m apologizing now for the way I might act during…” Her voice trailed as another contraction started to erupt. Backing away, Emily held her stomach and sat on the bed. Eyes narrowed and breathing harsh, she stared at Gavin. “Oh God. Say something to keep my mind off the pain!”

  Gavin’s heart melted. Somewhat afraid to touch her, he gently ran his hand over Emily’s stomach, praying she wouldn’t take a swing at him. “I hope he looks like his mother.” He kissed her forehead, pushing her hair away from her shoulder. “I hope he has your beautiful green eyes.” He grinned and kissed each eyelid. “He’ll have the ladies all over him if he does.”

  As the nurse adjusted a maternity belt over her stomach, Emily did her breathing exercises, convinced her back was slowly breaking. “My eyes? I was hoping he’d have yours.” She tossed her head against the pillow and rolled to her side. “Keep talking. God, keep talking, Gavin,” she cried out. “Twenty questions, and don’t you dare bring up anything sexual.”

  Gavin cleared his throat, grabbing her hand. “Pain killers or no pain killers?”

  “Definitely pain killers,” Emily grit out, her eyes locked on the nurse.

  The nurse nodded with a sympathetic smile. “I’ll get something for you as soon as I get this IV started.”

  Emily didn’t notice the tiny pin prick as the contraction built in intensity. Continuing her breathing exercises, that she was pretty sure weren’t going to help her for anything, Emily tried to concentrate on the baby’s heartbeat whooshing through the air. “Another question. Something. Please, Gavin. Something.”