Love Is Overdue

by Natalie Myrie

  So for some reason, staying home with my mom just felt like the right thing to do. By the time I was seventeen, we’d turned our before-bed Scrabble matches into all evening-long affairs – complete with a bottle or two or three of red wine. Tony was always so shocked that I would get drunk with my mom and I always just shrugged it off as a cultural difference. And to me, drinks around the dining room table seemed far tamer than the parties and clubs my friends rarely succeeded in dragging me to.

  My mom loved to talk about her teenage years – her life before her illness – maybe in a way to prove that it had actually happened, and so, because of that, we talked about boys all the time. Her stories always horrified and fascinated me at the same time. Basically, by my nun-like standards – considering I had never even been kissed – my mom had been a bit of a slut. But the best thing about her openness with me was that I was never afraid to tell her anything.

  And so, over our sober Scrabble match that afternoon, I finally told her everything about Ben – aside from any sexual details, as that gene had definitely skipped a generation. I also kept his financial offer to myself. She would have hit the roof if she knew.

  “I want to meet him.”

  Her voice startled me, after an intense silence, focusing on our plays.

  “Ben?” I looked up.

  “Yes. You haven’t had anything bad to say about him – that doesn’t seem right.”

  I smiled. “Maybe that’s why it is right.” I frowned down at my letters. It always confused me playing in English while trying to speak and think in Portuguese.

  “That’s ridiculous.” My mother rolled her eyes at me. “Love is blind, Gabriela. Worse than that it can make you very stupid too.”

  I glared at her. “Why can’t you just be happy for me? Is that so hard?”

  She sighed. “Fine.” She gave me a resigned look. “You know best.”

  I stared back at her. “What is it now? You’ve been in a bad mood since I got here.”

  “They’re releasing me. I said I wanted to tell you myself.”

  “What?” I wasn’t prepared for this. “When?”

  “A few days. Maybe a week.”

  My mind was racing. “Ummm…I’m looking for another apartment, I don’t know if Teresa told you.”

  She just nodded slowly.

  “I’ll have it all figured out – don’t worry, Mama. Anyway…” I took a deep breath. “I have a surprise.”

  She glanced up at me, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Lazaro will be here on Wednesday.”

  I waited, watching my words register on my mother’s face.

  “Why?”

  “Why?” I repeated, not understanding. “Mama, Lazaro hasn’t been home in years! He’s coming to see us, that’s why…”

  The look on her face didn’t change. I kept waiting for her speak, to say something, but she didn’t. And eventually she just shook her head slowly and started to cry.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I hadn’t heard from Ben all day. By the time I got home it was nearly 8 pm and I knew the festival would be winding down. I texted him as soon as I collapsed in the living room and switched on the television.

  An hour or so later he still hadn’t replied so I decided to call. He picked up on the fourth ring. “Hey.”

  I rolled my eyes at his abrupt greeting. “Hey…what’s up? How is everything?”

  I heard him let his breath out deeply. “I’m tired,” he said simply. “Got your text, I just had some shit going on, sorry…”

  “It’s okay…so what time you there till?”

  “We’re packing up now…”

  I smiled. “Need a back rub?” I offered.

  I heard him let out a little laugh. “You good at that?” he asked me.

  I thought. “I would assume so yes. I’m sure it’s not that difficult…”

  “Hmm…” He sighed softly. “Well I guess I’ll have to take you up on that then…”

  My heart rate quickened. I missed him. I needed him. I wanted him so badly I could scream…and yet, I’d only said goodbye to him that morning. This was too much…

  “But I think I’m just gonna crash tonight, baby.”

  “Oh.” My heart sank. “Okay.”

  “How is your mom?”

  His concern made me feel a bit better. “She’s okay, I guess. She said she wants to meet you.”

  Shit. I bit my tongue. Probably not the best time to bring that one up…

  He paused briefly. “Wow…okay…”

  “We can figure that all out another time,” I said quickly, cutting him off.

  I heard some noises in the background then. Voices. Someone was talking to him and he became distracted for a moment. “No, just move ‘em to the back so we can get the grill up…” Ben was talking now. “Awright…cool…” Slight pause again. “Baby, I gotta go,” he told me then.

  I sighed. “I know, it’s okay. Don’t work too hard…”

  “I’ll call you later.”

  “Bye…” I let my breath out and put my phone away.

  The sound of my phone buzzing on the coffee table jolted me awake. I’d passed out in front of the TV. What time was it?

  I grabbed my phone and sat up slowly, trying to focus. 11:45 pm. I checked the text. Tasha? What was she texting me for at this hour?

 

  Jamaica Hall? What? I was lost.

  I hit reply.

  My phone buzzed a minute later.

  My heart sank. Ben? My head was spinning. I thought Ben was tired and was going home to bed…or so he had said…

  I hit reply.

  I set my phone down. I started to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My phone buzzed.

 

  I sighed, unable to find any humour in her joke. I was not in the mood for any more idle texting.

  I grabbed my phone and headed for the bathroom. As I peed and brushed my teeth I couldn’t help remembering what had gone on in that room the previous night. Ben had been right. I did hate this bathroom a little less now…

  I was choking up at the thought of him lying to me. Why? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

  I fought the urge to text or call him. I just needed to sleep. I had to work in the morning. I had to find an apartment to move into in less than a week. The impossibility of all this shit was wearing me out… And why would Ben have offered what he did if he didn’t care about me? There was a perfectly logical explanation for everything. There had to be.

  So as I got into bed I made sure to rest my phone on my night table right next to me. I put the ringer back on and desperately tried to will myself to sleep, at the same time trying to will my phone to ring.

  My eyes sprang open with a start as my phone finally sounded. I grabbed it quickly and checked the time. 2:30 am. It was Ben. My heart started pounding furiously as I opened the message.

 

  That was it? I stared at the screen for a good minute brooding. Then I just shut it off and rolled over and went back to sleep.

  Ω

  The work morning dragged. I tried to focus but my head was not cooperating. I’d heard back from the property manager. The apartment was no longer available. What the fuck was I going to do? I thought about texting Ben the news but then the previous night came flashing back and I decided against it.

  I was glad things were slow on Mondays because I kept zoning out, staring at my computer screen and pretending to work for long periods of time. Jeannine kept pulling me from my pity party with her boring play-by-play of her fabu
lous weekend in Victoria with her husband Bill and their two-year-old twin boys. I actually really liked Jeannine and normally would have humoured her and not really minded her ridiculously drawn-out stories. She reminded me of my high school Algebra teacher, with her eighties perm and feathered bangs and her pleated polyester suit-pants. Her laugh was infectious and she was always in a good mood, which I generally really appreciated about her, but that morning I could have strangled her. She was driving me fucking crazy.

  I refused to reply to Ben’s text and he hadn’t sent another one. I kept willing my phone to ring so I could relish the feeling of ignoring him again. But instead, just before noon, the front door chimed and in walked Ben, looking sexy as hell in some dark, faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt, his dreads tied back neatly with a thick, black band. Not bad for a man who had worked and sweated in the scorching heat all weekend and then partied at Jam Hall until all hours of the night…

  I deliberately pretended not to notice him as I stared at my computer screen and rechecked my emails.

  Jeannine piped up immediately. “Hey Ben! How you doing?”

  I noticed Ben turn to her from the corner of my eye. “Hey whassup Jeannine – how di boys doin’?”

  “Four very large handfuls, as usual!” Jeannine laughed.

  Ben chuckled at that. “You a brave woman…” he teased her, and then turned to me.

  I still didn’t look at him, even though he was standing right in front of my desk. He slowly sat down onto the chair across from me.

  I sighed and glanced up casually. “Hey,” I said, a bit more rudely than I had intended to.

  He gave me a strange look. “Hey yourself…so what’s good? Y’awright?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine. How are you?”

  Ben narrowed his eyes at me. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing, just…got some stuff on mind, that’s all. How was your night?”

  “Hey Gab!” Jeannine cut in suddenly. “It’s ten to – just cut out early for lunch, there’s no one here…”

  I glanced over at her. “You sure?”

  “Yeah of course!” she insisted, nodding at the back of Ben’s head, her silent way of telling me to go get some privacy.

  “Cool,” I said simply, locking my computer screen and grabbing my hand bag, all the while Ben still looking at me with this expression of confusion, caution and suspicion all rolled into one.

  He followed me out the back door and into the alley.

  “What’s up with you?” he wanted to know, as soon as the door to the shop was closed behind us.

  “Nothing.” I fished in my bag for my cigarettes. “Up late last night?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me again. “Yeah, I was…that’s why I text you so late.”

  “I was sleeping.” I lit my cigarette.

  Ben was still watching me cautiously. “I have something to tell you.”

  I met his eyes then, my pulse quickening. “What is it?”

  “Well, it’s lunch rush now, so I gotta get back…but last night Lena and Patrick dragged me to Jam Hall for the festival wind-up and I ran into an old friend of mine. She’s moving back to Toronto next week and she still hasn’t rent out her place yet. We can go check it out when you get off work later if you want. I’ll take you.”

  My eyes went wide and I just stared back at him for a moment, letting his words sink in. “Oh…wow…okay…” I thought for a minute. “Where is it?”

  “Just up the street. Commercial and 16th.”

  “Okay…” I thought again, my mind racing. “So it’s main floor, wheelchair access, alla that?”

  “Yeah…don’t worry, we’ll talk ‘bout all that later,” Ben assured me. “But I gotta get back now…y’coming for lunch?”

  I smiled then, forgetting that I was mad at him. “Yeah…I’ll be right in.”

  Ω

  I met Ben at his parking stall behind the restaurant just after 5 pm.

  “So…this friend of yours…she isn’t someone else that you used to…you know…” my voice trailed off as we pulled out into the alley.

  Ben glanced over and sucked his teeth at me. “No.”

  I sighed. “That’s a relief.”

  “Is it?” Ben teased me. “I had no idea you were such a jealous woman.”

  “I’m not!” I protested quickly and unconvincingly. “I just think it would be kinda awkward, that’s all…” I sighed. “Could you imagine?” I continued, thinking out loud. “Me moving into an apartment that you used to fuck some other woman in?” I shuddered at the thought.

  Ben sucked his teeth at me again. “I’ve never fucked her and I’ve never even been to her apartment so you can relax,” he said, dismissing it. “Anyway, what was up with you earlier?”

  “When?” I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about.

  Ben glanced over at me. “At lunch. You looked like you wanted to tear my face off…or something worse.”

  “I’m sorry,” I told him. “I was just being stupid. Tasha texted me last night and said she saw you at Jam Hall…and you had told me you were just going to bed…I guess it got me a bit irritated.”

  He shook his head, sucking his teeth softly. “Come on now…y’serious?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So…” Ben looked a little confused by the concept. “You sayin’ you was pissed off that I stop by Jam Hall instead of just goin’ straight to bed? What are you now? My mother?”

  My mouth fell open. “Don’t be an asshole!” I turned to look at him and noticed a look of amusement on his face. “That was rude. And you’re laughing.”

  “Because it’s funny.”

  “How is it funny? You didn’t tell me you were going to Jam Hall. Why? You didn’t want to take me? You didn’t want to see me?”

  I was digging myself a bit of a hole, but at this point I didn’t care anymore. I needed to know.

  Ben glanced over at me then, his amusement fading. “You need to relax. For real…” His tone was still calm, but serious. “First, it was a last minute thing, and second…I guess you right. I didn’t want to take you or see you.”

  I was dumbstruck. “Wow. Okay. Good to know.” I was at a complete loss now with this new piece of information.

  “Serious. Gabriela.” He stressed my name. “Sometimes I don’t think you get how hard I work – for real. I mean, y’see me all weekend out in da heat cookin’ at the festival – up at da crack a dawn until fuck knows when at night – then to top it off I got you distractin’ me with your sexiness all day long – got me up fuckin’ half the night every night…” he sucked his teeth. “I mean, come on now, am not a machine…”

  It took a moment for his words to register. “Oh…I see.” I thought about it. “Well, I guess I apologize then. I’ll try to tone down my sexiness from now on.”

  Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re fuckin’ nuts…”

  “You know, we don’t have to fuck every night, Ben,” I pointed out. “We could just go to sleep…I like sleeping with you. Or…” My mind was racing. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re spending too much time together. I don’t know. I guess I am nuts. Sorry…”

  He glanced over at me then, smiling slightly. Then he nodded his chin over at the building we pulled up next to. “We here.”

  I turned to look where he was pointing and was immediately impressed. “Wow…is this a townhouse?”

  Ben eased the car into park and cut the engine, and then I felt his hand running slowly up my thigh, squeezing lightly. “Somethin’ like that…” His voice was soft.

  I turned to face him. “It looks nice.”

  Ben was looking at me. And then he lifted his hand and ran it across my cheek, brushing my hair back gently. “I never said we were spending too much time together, Gabby…” He let his breath out. “What is it with alla you beautiful girls?” His voice was still so soft. “Can never be satisfied…” He smiled slightly, his thumb grazing my bottom lip. “You so high-maintenance…”
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  My eyes went wide. “What? Me?” I was confused. “I’ve never heard that before…”

  “On my mind,” he clarified. “You drive me crazy.”

  I caught my breath. “I do?”

  “Yes. You do,” he stressed, sounding so very serious. “I can’t even spend one night away from you without you freaking the fuck out and I can’t even stay mad at you for it…” He let his breath out again, pushing my hair back behind my ear. “I must be losing my mind.”

  Ω

  “Ben! What’s up – you made it! Awesome…”

  The woman that opened the door for us was a beautiful tall, extremely slight blonde in her early thirties, with a short little pixie-cut and a chest that needed absolutely no support, which is why she looked super-comfortable braless in a loose-fitting tank-top and a pair of booty shorts. I couldn’t have imagined Ben fucking her either, so I was immediately at ease.

  “Hi, I’m Erin…” she introduced herself to me, extending her hand. “Come in, sorry about all the boxes…”

  I introduced myself and immediately started focusing my attention on the spacious living room with huge bay windows that overlooked the street. She was nearly completely packed so the room was bare, as were the walls. The floors were a light-coloured laminated hardwood. Everything looked brand-new.

  I turned toward Ben and Erin, as they made small-talk near the main entrance. “Do you mind if I go…” I gestured toward the hall.

  “No, not at all, take your time – look around,” Erin insisted quickly.

  I wandered through the apartment slowly, taking everything in, from the beautiful floors to the neutral colours on the walls, the clean, spacious bedrooms – two of them – the master even sporting a small en-suite half-bath, and a walk-in closet. My heart started racing. Was this really possible?