Love Is Overdue
Page 35
“Well, what do you wanna do when you grow up then, Gabriela? Sit around and play with your dolls all day?” he sneered back at me.
“No. I’m going to be a beautiful princess. Or a mermaid. Like Mama. And I’ll live in the ocean.” I was adamant.
But Lazaro just rolled his eyes. “No, you won’t. You would just drown.”
Ω
“You there, Gabby?”
My brother’s voice on the other end of the phone knocked me back into reality.
“Yes. I’m here. That was beautiful. I probably haven’t told you lately how talented you are.” I found my voice.
“Or ever,” he corrected me.
I laughed. “You’re probably right.”
“Well, hey. Better late than never. I appreciate it, Gabby.”
“Laz…” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to form my next words. “You know…when you told me about Mama…what happened all those years ago, I just…”
“We don’t have to talk about all that again, Gabby,” Laz insisted. “It was a long time ago and…it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie, as they say right? What matters is now…it’s all we can change anymore. I’m sure you know that.”
“That’s true,” I admitted. “But I’m not sure I’m very good at changing much of anything. I never have been.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well…I mean…I think…” My voice broke. The tears had been falling silently until then, but I could no longer hold back my sobs. I caught my breath. “I think you were right all along, Laz. I think I’m ready now.”
Laz listened to me in silence for a moment. “Ready for what, Gabby?”
“Everything,” I said in a whisper. “I’m ready to live my fucking life, Laz.” I wiped at my face with the back of my hand, but there was really no point. My tears weren’t about to stop falling. “I want you to…if you still can…get me that stuff you have for Pine Hollows…and then I want to know if I can come visit you some time…I really want to meet my nephews…I really want to get to know them and spend time with them…with you…your whole family, Laz. I’m ready now.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“So what are you saying, Gabby?” Tony wanted to know.
“Just what I said. My mom is moving into a personal care home at the end of the month. Laz and I figured it all out. But it also means I’m gonna have to move – I can’t afford the apartment on my own,” I explained, turning and eyeing myself in the full-length mirror. “I don’t like it.” I made a face at the top I had just put on. “The back is too short – makes my butt look too big.”
I had dragged Tony to the mall with me to do some post-break-up clothes shopping. It was the only activity that I knew for certain wouldn’t bring me to tears. That is, unless the super-hot dark-wash denim skinnies I was about to try on didn’t fit me…
“That’s unavoidable,” Tony reminded me, eyeing my back-side like a plastic surgeon contemplating a face-lift for an ogre. “I don’t get it, though, Gabby. I thought you were against shippin’ your mom off like that.”
“I was,” I said, sinking down onto the stool in the change room. “I mean, in a way I still am but…after everything that happened with Ben and my mom’s accident…I don’t know. Something just had to give – inside me, you know. I can’t explain it.” And it was true. I couldn’t. All I knew was that the decision I had made had lifted an unbearable weight off of me – it had given me something to wake up for in the morning…for the first time since I had lost Ben. Now the only obstacle left was breaking the news to my mother. But I wasn’t ready to worry about that just yet.
“Speaking of your douchebag ex-boyfriend,” Tony started then. “I ran into him the other day. I wasn’t going to tell you but you lookin’ so excited about those jeans I figure you can take it.”
My eyes went wide. “You saw Ben?”
“Yeah. It was fuckin’ creepy.” He let out a little exaggerated shiver.
“How? Where?”
“At Celebrities. He was mackin’ on some drag queen givin’ lap dances…”
“Fuck off Tony.” I smacked him across the leg with the $150 pair of jeans.
He laughed. “Just playin’…I saw him on Granville Island near the docks. Matt and I were taking a little afternoon stroll.”
“Oh. Did you talk to him?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Shit. You didn’t cuss him out or anything, did you?” I was near panic.
“I would have, but he was with his kid.”
“Oh that’s right…” I remembered Ben saying Sophie loved to visit the duck pond there. I suddenly wished Tony hadn’t told me about it. I was starting to feel a knot grow in my throat…
“He asked about you.”
My eyes shot open again. “He did? What did he say?”
“I don’t know, something like how are you doing or some shit – can’t really remember, but then I fed him a buncha crap about how great you’re doing and how you met this guy – a client actually – what did I say his name was again? Oh yeah Carlos, that’s what it was…and I haven’t seen you much ‘cause you been so busy with him and whatever else – don’t worry, I made it super-believable – and then I just said…you know…it’s really too bad, ‘cause you’re an amazing woman and he really lost out by letting you go…totally fucking winged it, Gab, but I swear, he swallowed the whole story right up, you shoulda seen his face.” Tony sighed, looking thoroughly impressed with himself.
I just stared back at him in utter shock. I couldn’t speak.
“What?” Tony stared back at me, looking concerned all of a sudden.
“Then what happened?” I wanted to know.
Tony looked a little puzzled. “I’m not really sure…he didn’t really say much after that…and I had to get Matt outta there, ‘cause he was drooling all over that nigga like he was ready to pounce, it was gettin’ fuckin’ ridiculous…”
I didn’t say anything for a good minute. Then I met his eyes again. “Tony, don’t fuck with me.”
“I swear to God, Gabby – no word of a lie, that’s exactly how it went down. You can ask Matt if you don’t believe it.”
“So…when you said that, I mean…did he look upset? Hurt? Relieved? What was it?” My mind was beginning to race in a thousand different directions.
Tony looked like he gave some serious thought to my question. “That’s a good question. It’s hard to say, you know. But I think if I had to describe it…he kinda looked like my dad when I came out to him, you know…like I’d destroyed all his hopes and dreams and crushed his very last reason for living. Almost fuckin’ identical to that. Some creepy shit, am tellin’ you. Gave me shivers.”
Ω
By the end of that week I had already listed the apartment for rent. I had a good feeling it would be a much easier sell than my old apartment which, had it not been for all of my brother’s hard work, would have probably still been up on the market – and simultaneously costing a man that I no longer even talked to over a thousand dollars a month. Luckily, that had been taken care of before he dumped my ass and broke my heart into a thousand pieces…
My own apartment hunt happened secretly on the nights I had respite. My goal was to low-ball it as much as possible and find a hip little bachelor pad for around $800 a month. It ruled out some of the more desirable neighbourhoods like Kitsilano, the West End, or even the Drive, but I didn’t care. Hell, I would have moved into a rooming house in the Downtown Eastside if it came down to it – as long as it was all mine. But I was definitely counting on not having to resort to extremes.
The appointment I had booked a viewing for on Main and 24th looked quite promising and when I left the office that Thursday evening, I was glad the skies had held out. It was overcast and there was a chill in the air, but the rain hadn’t come. As I stepped out the front door I found myself suddenly face-to-face with Lena, as she stepped out of the restaurant and into the busy street.
“Hey…Gabby, what’s up?”
she addressed me easily, with a smile on her face and no look of concern whatsoever, which made no sense to me, but I tried my best to put on a brave face.
“Oh…hi, Lena.”
“How are you?” She hesitated briefly. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah…I’m good, what about you? How’s work?” It was my typical go-to conversation-starter.
“Fuck…” She groaned. “Just some drama with Levi, but what else is new…”
“Really? What happened?”
“Oh…just the same old shit-disturber he always been,” she explained. “He kinda redeemed himself for a while there – he was watching Sophie for Ben in the evenings in the restaurant and stuff – playing with her, taking her to park and everything – but yesterday some punk showed up looking for him, saying he owed him $300 for a cell phone…I don’t know, girl…” She sighed, rolling her eyes. “What’s going on with you, though? You okay?”
“Me?” I found my voice. “Yeah, I’m just…apartment hunting.” I bit my tongue.
“Really? Didn’t you just move?”
I nodded. “Yeah…but some stuff went down.” I decided to just let it out. “My mom is moving into a nursing home, so I’m downsizing.”
“Oh…wow…sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her quickly. I paused, trying to decide whether or not to ask what I so desperately wanted to know. “How’s Ben?”
Lena sighed. “He’s okay, I guess. Adjusting to full-time daddy-mode…I don’t think it’s been that easy for him.”
I swallowed back the gnawing pain that was trying to creep up into my throat again. “What happened with Maria…if you don’t mind me asking?”
She shook her head slowly. “It’s been a nightmare really. She showed up here at the restaurant a few times pretty heated…but Ben got temporary custody while they try to sort out everything. And I mean…it’s not like he’s not letting her see Sophie – he’s actually been bending over backwards to make sure they get to spend time together, but at the same time, he’s fuckin’ paranoid about Miguel still being in the picture and nobody really knows the real story behind all that…it’s just a mess.”
I let my breath out, trying to take everything in. I didn’t know what to say.
“Anyway…I should probably go. I have to run to the corner store,” Lena said then. “It was nice seeing you, Gabby. You should come by Buena Comida next weekend…Saturday night. Adam’s band is playing.”
“Oh.” I was surprised at the invitation. “I don’t know…”
She gave me a little knowing look. “Between you and me, Gabby…I think he misses you.”
My heart was in my throat. “What?”
“Ben,” she explained. “I probably shouldn’t say anything, but…” She paused for a moment and looked like she was trying to decide whether or not to continue. “Are you seeing anyone right now?”
My eyes went wide as I stared back at her. “What?” I just repeated yet again.
She shook her head quickly. “Sorry. Never mind. Seriously, though…next Saturday…you should come out if you can…I gotta run though.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay…I’ll try…” I didn’t know what else to say.
And then she was gone.
I leaned up against the side of the building and tried my best to pull myself together. But my focus was shot. I couldn’t get Lena’s words out of my mind. Ben missed me? What the hell did that mean? I had told him I loved him and he’d dumped me so fast I hadn’t known what hit me. And now, after nearly a month and a half, Lena of all people, was telling me he missed me?
Fuck that. If he wanted me, he knew where to find me. And yet, I stayed put. I couldn’t move. I just stood there, along the side of the building.
And then I pulled out my phone. He was still there in my contacts. All of our texts from over a month and a half ago – still sitting there in my inbox. I agonized over them all the time. I came so close to deleting them day after day but I never could. I couldn’t lose any more of him than I already had. It was unbearable.
I stared at the screen for a good minute.
Ω
I was alone in the office, sitting at my desk and working through my morning coffee break since Jeannine was sick and Tammy was out on a business lunch when I heard the door chime. I glanced up and there was Ben. I nearly choked on my chocolate. I grabbed the bag of M&M’s I’d been snacking on and stuffed it in the top drawer of my desk.
“Hey, Gabby.”
And in mere seconds he was right there in front of my desk.
I stood up slowly. “Hey…can I help you?” It was all I could come up with.
He shook his head slowly, not able to hide his amusement at my ridiculously awkward demeanor.
“Where’s Tammy?” he asked me finally, looking around the room.
Oh. My heart sank. “Why you want Tammy?”
“Because she keeps parking her car in my loading zone and I have a truck coming in about an hour,” he told me seriously, just staring me down again.
“Oh.” I thought for a moment. “That sucks. She’s not here.”
Ben sucked his teeth, looking more than irritated. “Y’serious? How is she not here but her car is?”
“Well, probably because she’s taking her two and a half hour lunch break getting loaded at Amici’s just up the street. You can probably track her down there,” I explained simply.
Ben didn’t say anything right away, just kept watching me. “You think I have time to go chasin’ your boss half-way up the Drive, Gabby? Just call her.”
“I’m sure you have her number. You can call her,” I refused him. “I’m already on thin enough ice with Tammy – there’s no way I’m gonna call and drag her from a business meeting just to come move her car.”
Ben kept quiet for a moment, again just barreling me down with those beautiful eyes of his. I wanted to crawl up over my desk and throw my arms around him…
Then he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his blackberry. I just kept watching him as he scrolled through his contacts. I waited for another moment.
“You calling her?” I finally broke the silence.
Ben glanced up briefly as he pulled the phone to his ear. “No, I’m calling a tow-truck.”
My eyes flew open. “Shit, no, Ben, I’ll give you her number. Stop it. Hang up.”
His eyes met mine again and he slowly pulled his phone back down. “I’m waiting.”
“Wow…since when are you all about making enemies with your neighbours?” I wondered, as I started searching through my messy paperwork for a copy of our office contacts. “I can’t imagine that would be good for business.” Fuck, I was disorganized.
I found what I was looking for and held it out for him. “Here.”
He took the piece of paper from me but didn’t look down at it. He kept his eyes on me instead. “So what’s happening with you, Gabriela?”
“What do you mean?”
“Lena told me something about how you’re moving…I don’t get it…what’s going on?” He looked concerned all of a sudden.
“Why do you care, Ben?” I shot back instead.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just do.”
“Do what?”
“Care.”
I sighed. “Yeah, no surprise there. You care about a lot of things, don’t you?” I let my breath out again. “Well yeah. I’m moving.”
“What about your mom?”
I hesitated. “My brother…he and his wife have offered to pay for a nursing home and…right now I just think…” My voice trailed off.
Ben still looked far too concerned…and confused. “Yeah, but…you’re okay with that? You always said…”
“Yeah, I know,” I cut him off. “But right now I
just think it’s better for both of us if we…you know…it’s a long story, Ben. And again, I don’t see why you care.”
“Whatever, Gabby.” He shrugged off my comment that time. “Why do you have to move, though? Why don’t you just look for a roommate or something…I thought you loved that apartment.”
Yeah, I wanted to tell him, I did love that apartment. Past tense. But not nearly as much as I loved you…
“I thought about it,” I lied. “But I think I’d prefer to live alone.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“How’s Sophie?” I decided I had to change the subject.
He just watched me in silence for much longer than necessary. “She’s driving me fuckin’ crazy…but in a good way I guess…’cause I got her with me.”
I smiled then. Just slightly.
His eyes were still all over me. “I miss that so much.”
My heart leapt again. “What?” I asked cautiously.
“That smile…shit…” He let his breath out. “I hope you haven’t forgotten to do that every now and then.”
I didn’t say anything to that though. “You know what, Ben…”
He watched me. “What?”
I stared right back at him. “You have a lot of fucking balls…seriously…do you know that, or are you just completely oblivious to your own shit?”
His eyes went wide at that.
I wasn’t finished though. “I guess this is what you do all the time, isn’t it? You rope a woman in with all your fucking charm and good intentions and your ‘I’m such a fucking nice guy’ bullshit…just go on and on and on about how much you care…how the last thing you’d ever wanna do is hurt her…fuck, if I have to hear about how much you care about me one more fucking time, I think I’m gonna throw up…you let your ladies down so easy, don’t you? Then what? You wait until they’ve wallowed in the torture and agony of losing you just long enough that you can…what? Reel them back in again? And then you got them right where you want them? Is that it? Really, Ben?” I shook my head in disbelief, as much for what I was feeling as for how I could actually be saying it out loud.