Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “You’ve really changed the room since the last time I was here. I don’t know why I thought your walls would still be baby pink and your stuffed animals would be taking over your room.”

  “Yeah, well I grew up.”

  “Trust me I know.” He arches his eyebrows. “And I’m glad you did.” He sits on my bed and picks up my book. “Huh, The Great Gatsby? How do you like it?”

  “The movie was better.”

  “Which version?”

  “The Leo DiCaprio one of course.”

  He places his hand over his heart and falls back as if he’s in server pain. “You’re breaking my heart. Have you ever seen the 1949 version with Alan Ladd and Betty Field?”

  “Who? Is it in black and white? Cause I don’t do black and white movies.”

  “Are you kidding me? Some of the best movies are in black and white. You’re really missing out. I’m gonna get you to watch one.” I giggle. “What?”

  “I never pegged you for a black and white kind of guy. I thought you would be more of an action movie type.”

  “Huh! There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

  “Oh really? Like what?”

  “Hmm...Like I like to watch only half of a movie and then go home and make up the rest myself. I also love to sit alone at the beach at four in morning and write while the sun comes up. It’s therapeutical in a way.”

  “So you still like to write?”

  “Yeah.”

  I walk over to my closet and pull out a pink oversized shoebox. I open it and pull out a one-subject purple notebook. “Here.” I hand it to him.

  His mouth opens wide. “I can’t believe you still have this.”

  “Of course I do. It was one of the best birthday gifts I’ve ever gotten.” When I turned nine years old Austin gave me a purple notebook filled with short stories he wrote himself. I remember I stayed up all night reading each one of them. It really was one of best gifts I’ve ever gotten.

  “I could of sworn after our falling out you would’ve destroyed it.”

  “No I just buried it. I found it the other day and reread each one of them.”

  “How bad where they?”

  “Not bad at all. In fact there’s some really good stories in there. My favorite is the one about the pirate who saves the wench instead of the princess.”

  His eyes twinkle as he looks at me. He grabs my wrist and pulls me onto his lap. “You know you really are amazing.”

  “I agree,” I say making him laugh.

  Austin buries his face in my neck breathing me in. “You smell so damn good.” His lips brush my neck and send a tidal wave of tingles along every inch of my skin.

  I turn to look into his dark eyes and can no longer resist him. I lean in and press my lips against his.

  “Mmmm. This is my most favorite thing to do,” he utters with his eyes still closed.

  “Mine too.”

  He places his hand on my face and once again begins to kiss me. It doesn’t take long before I’m lying flat on my bed. Austin wiggles himself between my thighs pressing his body weight against me.

  His warm chest rises and falls above me as we go from zero to sixty in seconds. His right hand begins to travel up my thigh producing a trail of goose bumps. I feel his lip slowly wander from lips to my neck. I let out a moan as he gently massages my neck with his tantalizing lips. It’s becoming hard to think straight.

  He slips his hand under my yellow V-neck T-shirt. His fingertips linger on my stomach making me wonder if they’re going to go up any further. My wait is not long, before I know it his hand beings its journey up to my breast. I gasp for air trying to make sense of everything that is happening.

  I know I should stop him. This is all happening too fast, but I can’t. I want him as bad as I can feel him want me. He brings his lips back to mine and kisses me even harder. We both moan in harmony.

  I dig my fingers deeper into his back every time his lower body presses against mine. The hardness in his pants feels like it’s going to rip right through. I tighten my legs around him as he pushes harder against me. We both have on all of our clothes yet it feels like we are wearing nothing.

  “Baby, you feel so good,” Austin breathes in my ear, before imprinting kisses down my neck again and then onto my collarbone. His lips begin to go lower until they are on top my breasts causing my body to quiver in ways it hasn’t done before.

  We are completely getting lost in this moment so much so that neither one of us notices anything around us—until we hear a knock on my door and a familiar voice say, “Jade?”

  Austin pops his head up and we both look at each other in terror. We shoot up and manage to sit up right as my mother opens my door.

  She takes one look at us and I know she realizes what was just about to happen in my room. “Austin, I didn’t know you were over.” She tries to smile, but is only able to produce a tight line across her face.

  “Hello Mrs. Miller,” Austin says, still trying to catch his breath.

  “Actually it’s Ms. Lennox now.”

  “What are you doing home? I thought you had to work late,” I blurt out as my nerves attack each part of my body.

  “My last meeting was canceled so I decided to come home and cook dinner.”

  “You’re cooking?” She hasn’t really cooked since my father walked out of her life. I wonder if I look outside I’ll see pigs flying by.

  “Yes. I invited Tony over.” She softens her face as she says his name. “He’s going to fight the cold weather to grill some steaks for us.”

  “Great.” I roll my eyes. “Can Austin stay for dinner too?” I quickly add.

  “If he’d like to,” my mom answers with another tight lip smile.

  I squeeze his hand begging him with all my mental energy to stay. “Ah...sure.” He squeezes my hand back.

  “Well, then can you do me favor?” my mom asks him turning on her sweet voice.

  “Sure.”

  “Can you go get the groceries out of my car?”

  “Sure.” My mother hands Austin the keys. I wish she didn’t do that. The last thing I want is to be left alone with her. Right before Austin walks out of my room he pulls his brows up in a worried look. I know he’s feeling as scared as I am.

  “I didn’t realize this thing with Austin had gotten so serious,” she says, interlocking her fingers in front of her as soon as he’s out of the room.

  “It just happened.”

  “What exactly happened?”

  “We’re dating. He’s my boyfriend.”

  “Huh. And what was going on in here before I walked in?”

  I can feel my cheeks turn red. “Nothing.”

  “It didn’t look like nothing.” She raises her left eyebrow higher than the right one. “Jade, please tell me you’re being careful.” My mother still thinks I’m a virgin and I would like her to continue to believe that until my wedding day or maybe even after.

  “Mom! All we were doing was kissing. I swear.”

  “I hope that’s true. Whatever the case, I prefer you don’t hang out in your room when I’m not home. Actually, I prefer he doesn’t come over when I’m not home. Am I understood?”

  I nod feeling happy this is all I’m getting. This could have gone a lot worse.

  “Well, let me go downstairs and start cooking. I think you should fix yourself up before you come down to join us.” She turns around and walks out. I really hope she’s not going to mention this whole thing again, or even worse tell Carrie or my father.

  I take a look in the mirror and am shocked at what I see. My hair is a tangled mess. I run a brush through it and then splash some cold water on my face. Panic begins to rush through me as I realize what I almost did up here. I know we would have gone a lot further if my mother did not come home. I want to say I’m ready to take the next step, but I’m not sure.

  When I slept with Garret I only did it to get it over with and to get rid of the pain inside me, but with Austin I want it to be dif
ferent.

  In fact everything with Austin is different. I want to spend every minute with him. I’m not afraid to tell him anything. He is slowly starting to become my best friend again.

  “Well that is amazing. I’m so proud of you,” my mom says to Austin as she chops potatoes.

  “What’s amazing?” I ask, sitting next to him at the oversized kitchen island. It’s crazy how excited I get every time I’m near him.

  “Your mom was just asking me about all the schools I’m applying to.” I try my best not to let my sudden sadness appear on my face. I hate thinking about him having to leave me again, not after just reuniting.

  “His top choice is the University of Texas, and from what he’s telling me I’m sure he’ll get in,” she gloats.

  “I know. I’m so proud of him.” I put on the same phony smile my mom has on her face as I imagine a big timer on top of my head counting down the days until he leaves.

  “Yeah. I’m excited. It’s wild to think in a couple more months I’ll be heading to college.”

  “Yes, across the country,” my mom states nodding her head just staring at me. I know this is her way of warning me that I’m going to come out of this relationship with a broken heart.

  22

  Friends Will Come & Go

  Thank God, Austin is here for dinner. I don’t think I can survive this without him. I really don’t like Tony. I especially don’t like Tony with my mother.

  “So Jade, how’s school?” he asks.

  “Fine.”

  “Are you reading any good books?”

  “No.”

  “Do you like to read?” Oh God, why does he keeping asking me questions. Doesn’t he see I don’t want to talk to him? I have no idea what my mom sees in him.

  “I love to read,” Austin says smiling. “My favorite book is The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. I know it’s a middle school read, but even as a senior it’s still my favorite book.”

  “It is a classic,” Tony says looking happy he’s made a connection with someone else besides my mother.

  “Yes it is. One day I hope to write a book like it.”

  “Oh is that what you’re going to college for? Writing?” My mom asks cutting her overcooked steak, thanks to Tony’s bad grilling skills.

  “No. I’m actually interested in law.” Really? I didn’t know this. I also thought he would be going to school for writing.

  “Oh, you want to be a lawyer just like your father.” She looks directly at me as she spits out each word. I know it’s another warning.

  “Yes. I think.”

  “Well you’ll figure it out once you’re in college,” Tony adds once again taking over the conversation.

  They both continue to talk about everything from football to the difference between rock music and alternative music. They act like they’ve been friends for years. I can’t help feeling a little betrayed. He’s supposed to dislike Tony as much as I do.

  My mother looks pleased that our boyfriends are getting along so well. I hope she doesn’t suggest we go on a double date where she can send me more warnings about my inevitable doomed relationship.

  I eat my dry steak in silence hoping Tony has to leave soon.

  “Who’s up for dessert?” My mother asks starting to clear the table.

  “I am,” Tony says, giving her a seductive look and making me sick. He’s so gross. My dad is so much better looking.

  “Thank you. But I better get going. I have tons of homework,” Austin answers breaking my heart. I’m not ready to say goodbye to him yet.

  “Of course. Thank you so much for staying for dinner. I hope you come again, when I’m home that is. I don’t want you over when I’m not. You understand right?” I knew she was going to say something embarrassing.

  Austin’s smile disappears, but quickly appears again. “No problem. Well I better get going.” He walks over to shake Tony’s hand and gives my mom a hug.

  “I’ll walk you out,” I say getting up.

  Right before we are out the door my mother calls out, “Jade don’t be long, you also have homework to do.”

  I don’t answer her. I walk out and make sure to slam the door behind me.

  “That was fun,” Austin says as soon as we’re outside.

  I nod not smiling.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in closer. “You haven’t smiled all night.”

  “You noticed. I thought you were too busy talking with Tony to notice.”

  He starts laughing. “I was only being nice to him to get on your mother’s good side. Come on she caught us...” He raises his shoulders up to his ears as he tries to find the right word to describe what we were doing a couple hours ago in my room. “Well, you know what we were doing. I’m lucky she didn’t throw me out on my ass after that.”

  I can’t help but laugh. I didn’t think of it like that. But I wish it were the only reason I’m feeling hurt. The truth is I’m sad to know our relationship is on a time limit. “It’s not just Tony...” I’m not sure if I should tell him. “I just have a lot of things on my mind.”

  “Are you freaked out about the whole college thing?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure? Because I saw how your face changed when your mother mentioned it.”

  “I guess I am. I hate to think you’ll be leaving next summer.” I try my best to ignore the lump forming in my throat.

  “Let’s not think about that right now.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t even been accepted to any of these schools yet. Lets just focus on being together right now.”

  “Your right.”

  “You know it’s gonna be harder to be alone now that I’m banned from your house when your mom’s not home.” He devilishly smiles.

  “I guess we’re gonna have to be sneaky about it.”

  “Ouuu I like that.” He leans in and begins to kiss me. It feels so right to be in his arms.

  “Josh asked me to homecoming,” Farrah says running to sit right next to me during lunch.

  “Yay!” I give her a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Me too. I was beginning to think he wasn’t gonna ask me. He didn’t do in any romantic way or anything. He basically just asked me right before my math class.”

  “Who cares how he asked you. The important thing is you’re going to homecoming with Josh.”

  “I know! I’m so excited.”

  “What are you so excited about?” Logan asks, coming to sit with us. It’s still weird when I see him. I don’t know how to act around him.

  “Homecoming. Josh asked me.”

  “Congrats,” he says, taking a bite of his enormous sandwich. “You got what you’ve wanted.”

  “Yes I did.” She smiles triumphantly.

  “Who are you taking?” I ask him, hoping we can carry on a conversation.

  “I don’t know yet. I might skip it.”

  “You have to go. It won’t be the same without you,” I say. I’m taking advantage of his good mood.

  “Not that it matters to the both of you. You’ll have your dates to keep you company.”

  “So. Ask someone. I’m sure there’s a girl out there desperate enough to go with you,” Farrah says laughing at her own joke.

  “Stop it Farah,” I demand not joining in her laughter. I turn to face Logan, who doesn’t seem phased by what Farrah just said. “How about Becky?” I suggest. I know I’ve said I don’t like her for him, but all I want right now is for him to be there with us.

  “She’s my sister’s friend. I don’t go out...”

  “Hey beautiful,” Austin says, surprising me. I can’t help but smile brightly every time I see him.

  “Well, that’s my cue to get out of here,” Logan barks aggressively pushing his chair back.

  “You don’t have to go,” Austin says sitting on the other side of me.

  “Nah, I do. I have to go find my friends.” Logan stomps
away.

  I watch him walk across the cafeteria and sit with Garret and the other junior boys. I feel like we’re breaking up and it sucks.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare him away,” Austin says, twirling my hair around his finger. “Did you tell him I didn’t know the about his relationship with Olivia?”

  “Yeah, but he doesn’t care. Logan just likes to hate, and right now he’s liking hating me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s no big deal,” I lie and lean into his arms.

  “So, I heard my boy Josh asked you to homecoming,” Austin says to Farrah, who’s busy texting away.

  “Yes he did,” Farrah sings looking up from her phone. “Wait, how do you know? Was he talking about me?”

  Austin laughs at how excited Farrah is getting. “He told me and asked if the four of us could go together.”

  “What did you say?” I ask.

  “I said it’s up you guys. Do you wanna go together?”

  “Yes!” We both answer simultaneously. Homecoming is going to be amazing. I can’t wait.

  “Did you get your dress yet?” Farrah asks as we walk to our next class.

  “No. I was hoping my mom would take me this afternoon, but she has to work late or something like that.”

  “How about we go together without our mothers?”

  “I would love to, but you know my mother she loves to do this kind of stuff with me.” The truth is I’m excited to go shopping with my mother. She likes to make a day of it. Besides it’s been a while since we’ve done something just the two of us.

  “Well then how about this weekend? We could go together. I’m sure my mother would love to see your mother.”

  “I can’t. It’s my father’s weekend.”

  “Oh, I forgot. How’s that going by the way?”

  “Okay, I guess. I just go there and do my time.”

  Farrah drapes her arm around me and says, “Well if you ever want me to come over and rescue you just let me know.” I’m so lucky to have a friend like her. I wish my other best friend would act the same way.

  23

  Unwanted

  I can’t stand waiting for my dad to pick me up. He was supposed to be here at six, but he’s late. Doesn’t he realize it’s Friday night and I have plans?