Dreamweaver (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

  As Ryder walked to the door, she tugged on a strand of Pepper’s hair. “Don’t underestimate your appeal, Miss McCoy. I’m sure the man would walk over hot coals to get to you.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that.” Pepper picked up the other cake and followed her sister out, anxious to see what the day would bring.

  …About an hour away, Judah sat in the back of the rented SUV, thumbing through the journal he’d been writing in a few moments before. He couldn’t get the words of the doctor out of his mind.

  By all indications, Mr. James, the testing shows you have some type of mental disorder. We need to do more testing to find out how best to help you.

  Mental disorder.

  Mental disorder.

  MENTAL DISORDER!

  He slammed his fist into the seat next to him.

  “Are you all right, Sir?” the driver asked him.

  Judah met the man’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “I’m fine.”

  He wasn’t fine.

  He was crazy.

  Judah felt sick at his stomach. What was he doing? He had no business spending time with Pepper McCoy. Yet, he couldn’t not show up. He couldn’t do her that way.

  Oh, God, what should he do?

  More of the conversation with the doctor filtered back to him.

  I’m hesitant to put a label on your condition, yet. Even in your present state, you are high functioning. There are medications we can give you that should ease many of your symptoms. There’s no reason you can’t live a fairly normal life.

  Judah felt like such a fool. He’d grasped at any and every straw, trying to explain his condition and symptoms with any explanation he could find. Could his Native American heritage have given him some type of spiritual ability? Was he seeing spirits that tried to trick him? Was he psychic? Was all this some type of display of his creative abilities? Did every writer or musician experience a different manifestation of their muse?

  Hell. Even he knew all that mumbo jumbo was utter nonsense. Judah grabbed his head, wishing he could just delve into his brain and fix what was broken.

  “We’re almost there, Sir? Do you know where I should park?”

  “Uh, this will probably be pretty organized. I’m sure they’ll be someone at the gate to point you in the right direction.” He put the journal into a pocket on the back of the front passenger seat. Most people would see him arriving in this big black SUV and think he was making a statement about his celebrity – when, in fact, he was becoming afraid to trust himself behind the wheel. What if his hallucinations extended to cars that weren’t really there or pedestrians who were figments of his imagination?

  He bent double in the seat, gasping for breath. How was he going to handle this with Pepper? As they turned off the main road and headed to the ranch, Judah tried to come up with a plan. He was here, he intended to be gracious and friendly. But he needed to begin to distance himself from her. Until he found out the true cause of his problem and could get some help, he had no business involving another person in his spider web of insanity.

  …Pepper wasn’t even trying to hide her excitement. She stood at the edge of the gathering, ignoring all the people who were milling around and sipping on drinks. All her focus was on the road, waiting for the arrival of one special person. She wasn’t sure what he was driving now, he might’ve acquired a new vehicle since making it big. Still, she kept on the lookout for his Challenger. When a black SUV pulled up, Pepper stood on tiptoe to get a better view. The driver climbed from the front seat and moved to open the rear door. As the passenger emerged, she let out a small cry. “He’s here!” she announced to no one and everyone.

  Trying to maintain some sense of poise, Pepper went to greet him. She forced herself not to run, but her feet ignored the directions they were given and she took off, throwing decorum to the wind. “Judah! Judah! You’re here!”

  Judah didn’t even have a chance to step away from the SUV before he was hit by a mini-tornado of excited woman. She threw herself into his arms and he had no choice but to hold her. For a few precious seconds, Judah cradled her close. The feel of her warm, delectable body against his was pure heaven.

  “I’m so glad to see you. I’ve missed you so much.”

  He allowed himself a brief kiss, pressing his lips to her hair. “I’m glad to see you too,” he whispered, almost too low for her to discern. “How’s the party going?” Gently, he eased her away from him.

  “It’s going great, I was just waiting for you.” She pushed her hair back, glancing over her shoulder. “I guess we should be careful, I still haven’t told anyone…about us.”

  “Probably for the best,” he muttered as he turned to give instructions to his driver.

  “Come, join everyone.” Pepper moved a few steps to the side to give him room to get away from the open door. She’d ran right up to him, effectively trapping the poor man. “There’s plenty of food and things to do. Games. Music. Dancing. A campfire tonight. Tubing tomorrow. It should be fun.” He gave her a bright smile and Pepper’s heart flipped over.

  “I’m sure everything will be great.” Looking into the distance, he saw several people he knew. “I think I’ll mingle a bit.”

  “Oh, sure, sure.” She fell into step next to him. “You make yourself at home and we’ll spend some time together a little later.” A sinking feeling hit her in the middle of her stomach. He was acting differently, aloof. Pepper didn’t really know what she was expecting. After the passionate night they’d shared, she’d expected…she didn’t know what she’d expected.

  More. That’s what she wanted. More.

  A breeze was blowing off the lake, ruffling her hair. She picked the mass up off her neck and twisted it into a knot over one shoulder. “Did you have a good drive?” She felt like she was searching for something to say. The easy-going intimacy between them was gone. It was as if he’d erected some type of barrier between them.

  “Very good.” He stopped and reached for her hand. “Thank you so much for the invitation. I’m sure I’ll have a wonderful time.” With a nod of his head, he indicated a group of people in the distance. “I see Jimmy, I think I’ll go say hello.”

  Pepper knew she wasn’t imagining the tingles traveling up her arm at his touch. Didn’t he feel the same thing she did? What had changed in so short of a time? “Did I do something wrong, Judah?”

  Judah felt like someone stuck a knife in his heart. “Of course not. We had a great time.” He passed off their time together as something casual.

  Pepper froze.

  Had. We had a great time.

  Past tense.

  “Yes, we did.”

  Judah leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

  As he moved away, leaving her standing alone, two or three dozen people moved toward him. He’d been recognized. Fans were flocking to him like seagulls to a scrap of bread.

  Pepper stood and watched it all unfold, as if from a great distance. She hugged herself tightly, trying to become smaller. Less evident. What had just happened? She kept staring after him, willing Judah to turn and look at her. As if on cue, he glanced toward her and raised his hand, giving her a wave. That’s all it took, she grabbed onto that small gesture with her heart and both hands. Surely, she’d misread the situation.

  Everything was fine.

  She loved him so much, it had to be.

  * * *

  Over the course of the next few hours, Pepper played the good hostess. She saw to everyone’s needs, she put people at ease, and each time a well-meaning family member inquired as to why Judah was here or why they weren’t hanging out together, she played down their association.

  “Oh, we’re just friends,” she told Cato at one point. “I think he’s wonderful and we’ve talked a few times. I wish there was more to it than that, but there’s not.”

  Pepper was denying what happened between them so often and so hard – that she was beginning to believe it herself.

  By
all indications, Judah was having a good time. He was never alone, constantly surrounded by admirers. At one point, he performed a song, one that had climbed the charts quickly. Are You Real? Like everyone else, she gathered around, mesmerized by the beauty of the melody brought alive by his voice and the haunting lyrics that she didn’t really understand. As he sang, his eyes locked with hers and she could’ve sworn he was trying to tell her something. Their souls connected, she could almost touch an intangible thread binding them one to the other. It was as if the crowd melted away and only the two of them remained.

  You come when I need you. You never let me down.

  I tell you all my secrets, peace with you I’ve found.

  Yet, as soon as I reach for you, you fade before my eyes.

  Are you real? Are you mine? Or is my heart telling lies?

  All too soon, the song was over and Pepper waited, sure he would come to her.

  But he didn’t.

  Judah allowed himself to be pulled in another direction, visiting with other people – while she remained alone.

  …As with all Highland BBQ’s, many of the guests stayed the night. Some came to the house to sleep, but most camped out around a campfire. They enjoyed traditional cowboy entertainment – a hayride, dancing, and more steaks cooked on the grill. Pepper just knew that Judah would make the time to come find her, maybe go for a walk or a moonlight ride, but he didn’t. A couple times, she came near to him, waiting to see if he’d notice and join her. After his gaze passed over her without pause, she got the message, realizing she was standing around and pining like a lovesick teenager.

  Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Pepper resolved to put some steel in her backbone. She didn’t have a clue as to what was going on with him, but she had a duty to her guests and some pride to maintain. When dusk fell, she found her sister. “I think I’ll spend the night at the house, several of the guests have gone on up and one of us needs to be close by.”

  “All right.” Ryder caught her by the arm. “Is everything okay?”

  Pepper brightened, putting on a too bright smile. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” Actually, she did have some news to share. “Zane and Presley arrived late, but they brought Philip some good news they learned in discovery. Dalton Smith’s bank accounts showed an influx of money a few weeks before he was murdered and Zane intends to trace the source of the funds in hope it will lead them to the real killer.”

  “That’s great!” Ryder hugged Pepper. “I just know everything will turn out okay. It has to.”

  Thankfully, her sister didn’t mention Judah, and Pepper was able to make her escape. As she hurried away, she didn’t notice that she was being watched with hungry, lonely eyes.

  …After Pepper was gone, Judah let out a long breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He felt like shit. He’d hurt her. If he could think of any way, any fair way, to be with her and protect her from whatever travesty had befallen him, he would. But he couldn’t. Not until he knew something one way or the other. “Damn, damn, damn.” He rose from where he’d been sitting in the shadows near the campfire and made his way out into the woods, using the moonlight to guide him. Judah knew he was being selfish, he wasn’t ending things with her, he was, in effect, dangling her in limbo. Keeping her at arm’s length and letting her wonder what went wrong.

  …The next morning, Pepper was up at dawn. She’d slept fitfully through the night, tossing and turning, remembering what it felt like to be in Judah’s arms, and wishing she knew what went wrong. Maybe, this was just the way it was with rock stars. She knew Judah could have any woman he wanted. Well, he’d had her and moved on. The very thought caused her untold pain.

  “Are you ready to head down to the pavilion?” Ryder asked from the hall.

  “Be right down,” Pepper called out, wiping the moisture from her eyes.

  Squaring her shoulders, she resolved to get through the day…and to corner Judah before it was over. He might not want to be with her anymore, but at least he owed her the graciousness of a goodbye.

  Once she was downstairs, Pepper began to ready things for breakfast. She made up a huge bowl of pancake batter and filled a basket with several dozen eggs. There were other people to do the cooking, but she’d do her part in putting the components together.

  As she worked, it became evident that she’d missed a few things in the midst of her self-imposed exile. Heath was whistling and if she wasn’t mistaken, Pepper thought she caught him in a smile. Tennessee, on the other hand, looked completely miserable. “What’s wrong? Have you heard from Molly?” She knew he was going through his own private hell. His short marriage had ended due to betrayal, and then his wife had shocked him with the news she was pregnant.

  “I got the results of the paternity test. The baby is mine.”

  “Oh, my goodness.” Pepper didn’t know what to say. “You’re going to be a daddy.” She knew the timing and the circumstances weren’t the best, but a new baby was going to be born in the family. “If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.”

  Tennessee slammed his Stetson on his head. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, to tell you the truth. I guess I need to talk to Molly.”

  Pepper hugged her brother. “Yea, that’s probably a good idea. Communication is the only way you’ll work things out.” As she gathered the breakfast items to take to the pavilion, she realized she needed to abide by her own advice.

  She needed to talk to Judah.

  ...Holding tight to the reins, Judah let the cutting horse do its job.

  “Whoop!” Jimmy yelled, throwing his hand into the air and laughing as he headed off several calves from making their escape. “Drive them on in, James!”

  “Hiyah!” Judah waved his hat, insuring the cattle made their way through the gate and not back out into the open pasture.

  “Good job!” Jaxson yelled from the sidelines. He’d be off his crutches any day now, so it wouldn’t be long before he was back on a horse.

  Pepper hung back, taking it all in. She was waiting for the right moment. Even with her feelings in a turmoil, she couldn’t deny how much pleasure watching Judah gave her. Touching her lips, she remembered his kiss. Chill bumps rose on her arms as she recalled his touch. Even her sex throbbed, wanting to experience his possession once more.

  When he came close, leading his horse, she took a deep breath and approached him. “You looked good out there.”

  “Thanks.” Judah slowed momentarily to allow her to catch up. “I’m going to be heading out soon. I have an appointment early in the morning.”

  “You’re leaving? So soon?” A pang of regret shot through her heart. “Judah, I don’t understand.”

  Not knowing what else to say and not wanting her to see how much he ached for her, he needed to make a quick exit. Stepping to her, he lifted her chin with one finger. “Thanks for everything. I had a wonderful time. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  With that, he started off, guiding the horse back to the barn and leaving Pepper alone to watch him go.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The next two weeks were surreal for Pepper. She cried until there were no tears left. In the ensuing days after the BBQ, there were no more texts or phone calls. It was as if the tender moments between them never happened. She picked up her cell to call him dozens of times, but she was too afraid. She just didn’t have the courage to hear the reasons for his rejection.

  With the family, things were equally chaotic. Ryder was still struggling with her feelings for the Duke brothers. Tennessee and Molly were wrestling with their emotions to come to some agreement about the baby. Philip’s trial date had been set and they were still no closer to clearing his name. Most disturbing of all, Jaxson had been involved in an accident on the ranch, critically injuring himself. The leg he’d hurt on the rodeo circuit had been so badly crushed when a trailer backed into him that the leg had to be amputated. The whole family was devastated and Jaxson wasn’t responding well to rehabilitation. As much a
s Pepper was hurting over Judah, with everything in turmoil, she felt guilty for mourning the demise of a relationship that never had a chance to begin with.

  There were a few bright spots on the horizon. Heath and Cato seemed to grow closer and closer. They spent every spare moment together. She and Ryder hoped wedding bells would soon ring for the happy couple. They’d never seen their brother happier. Their father, Christian, had also found a companion. He’d announced one day that he was formally courting the nurse who cared for him during his rehab. Pepper had been surprised, but she was thrilled for her father. He deserved to be happy.

  As she moved through the house, picking up dirty clothes to put in the wash, her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Hesitantly, she pulled it out to read the caller ID. So many times, she’d jumped for the phone, hoping it was Judah. Now, she didn’t hold out much hope.

  Judah James.

  Her heart leapt into her throat as she hit the button to accept the call.

  Before she could get it to her ear, the call ended, the phone going dead in her hand.

  He’d disconnected before she could answer.

  With shaking hand, she called him back, her pulse pounding in her ear.

  When the call went to voicemail, she bowed her head and the tears flowed once more.

  …Judah threw the phone across the room, feeling a sense of satisfaction when it broke into a half-dozen pieces. “Fuck!”

  He needed to talk to Pepper. He longed to talk to Pepper. Conversing with the pale ghost bearing her image didn’t satisfy.

  “Hey, man, what’s going on?” Zion stood in the doorway, a look of concern on his face.

  “Nothing, my phone is busted.” Judah sat down on the couch and cradled his head in his hands.

  “Looks like it.” Zion went across the room to pick up the pieces. “Why don’t you call her?”

  “I can’t.”

  Zion didn’t argue, there was no use. He didn’t have the answers Judah needed. No one did.