Secret Words (Secret Dreams Contemporary Romance 1)

by Charles, Miranda P.

  "I said to her I would honour my responsibilities and would help her raise the baby. But I didn't want a relationship with her. To say she wasn't happy with that was an understatement. For the next few days, she was either yelling at me or begging me to give her a chance. She was high-strung and very volatile, which surprised me because she had always been a calm, even shy, person. Then I found out from a mutual friend that she was under a lot of emotional stress because her mother was diagnosed with cancer."

  He slumped back on the couch as he grew weary from the memory.

  "I toned down my negativity and tried my best to be supportive. She was carrying my child, after all. Then one day, she dropped a bombshell. She said she was scared out of her wits at the thought of being a single mother, that even though I promised to be around she couldn't be absolutely sure of that, no matter what I said. She told me she was going to have an abortion, then move back to London to be with her family.

  "I was shocked. Even though I wasn't in love with Hannah, I had already started loving my unborn child. I've always dreamt of becoming a father, you see. I begged her to keep the baby. But she said the only way she would agree to that was if I married her.

  "It occurred to me that she may have gotten pregnant to trap me into marrying her. I knew she'd had a thing for me for years. I was angry for a while but what was done was done and my options were laid out before me. I thought about it long and hard, until I ended up with the rationalisation that since Hannah was a friend and, to a certain extent, I found her attractive enough to sleep with, I could grow to love her if I was open to it. My overriding desire was for her to keep the baby and for me to be around to see my child grow up. Marrying a friend who was going to be the mother of my child seemed a reasonable enough move. So I agreed and we got engaged."

  He stared at the floor, emotions flooding him. He wasn't sure he could tell her what happened next without tearing up a little. He was still raw from it.

  He rubbed his face in his hands. When he had composed himself, he glanced at Jasmine. He saw compassion and sadness in her eyes. She looked like she was about to cry. He reached out for her. This time, she clasped his hand as a tear fell down her face.

  "We really shouldn't even kiss at all, should we?" she asked with a wry smile.

  "Oh, Jaz. I'm not done. Please bear with me."

  She wiped away her tear and pulled her hand from his. "Okay, go on."

  He took a steadying breath before continuing. "Two and a half months ago, Hannah miscarried. She was five months along."

  "Oh, Kane," Jasmine cried in dismay.

  "Not long after that, Hannah's mum passed away."

  Jasmine placed her fingers on her lips, her eyes bright and watery.

  "Losing the baby was very painful for her, not only emotionally but physically. She was nowhere near recovering from that when her mum died. She lost her child and her mother within two weeks of each other. The worst part was she wasn't able to be at her mum's bedside during her last hours.

  "She's in London now to spend time with her family. She's due back in a couple of weeks but she's not sure. She could extend her stay. Before she left I told her we needed to talk. She knew what that meant. She knew that without the baby, I didn't want to get married to her anymore. But she kept on postponing that talk, giving me all sorts of excuses why we couldn't sit down and discuss the inevitable. Since I understood what she was going through I hadn't pushed it too much."

  "You're a good man, Kane Summers. And I'm so sorry about your baby," Jasmine said hoarsely.

  He gave her a small smile. "It's getting better every day. I hope it's the same for Hannah because when she comes back, we are going to have that talk, whether she likes it or not."

  "How do you think she'd react when you break up with her?"

  "Well, since she knows its coming, she shouldn't be surprised."

  But even so, Kane knew Hannah would take it hard.

  Since they had gotten engaged, Hannah had told him several times that she loved him. She had always ended up in tears after her romantic declarations because he'd never said he loved her back. To console her, he'd said he just needed a little bit more time. But while he cared about Hannah, he couldn't muster the passion he wanted to feel for her, no matter how hard he tried.

  What Hannah failed to awaken in him with months of trying, even with his child in her womb, Jasmine was able to stir up without effort from the very first day he met her.

  Was it really possible to fall for someone so quickly? He'd been asking himself that question since Jasmine walked away from him at her sister's wedding. And every time he did, one answer kept on popping up.

  He was already falling in love with Jasmine.

  Unbelievable.

  But it felt so right.

  Jasmine was staring at her fingers, and he could see she was grappling with something in her head.

  "Jaz, what are you thinking?" he asked softly.

  "It won't be easy for Hannah, especially if she learns about me. Maybe this is all too hard."

  He got off his seat and knelt in front of her. "Okay, so how about we do this? Let's agree to ignore what we feel for each other. When you go home, find someone else. I'll just go find someone else too. I'm sure it won't be hard," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

  Jasmine looked away from him as she bit her lip. He saw the distress that swamped her. Just as he guessed, she had strong feelings for him, too. That knowledge was like a soothing balm poured all over him, healing his hurts.

  "You can't stand the thought either, can you?" he croaked.

  She gazed back at him with brilliant hazel eyes and shook her head in admission.

  "It's crazy, I know. We've known each other for less than two weeks. But can you feel how strong this thing is between us?" he asked.

  Jasmine nodded.

  "So then we just have to find a way to make it work. I want to give it a try, Jaz," he said earnestly. "I want to give us a try."

  Her lips tugged upwards. "I want that too," she breathed.

  His face split into a grin. He moved towards her and captured her lips.

  Jasmine returned his kiss enthusiastically and he revelled in the heady feel of their tongues caressing each other. His body tingled and his hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they explored the side of her body, inching closer and closer to her breasts.

  Jasmine leaned back abruptly and held his face between her hands. "Just kisses until you've officially broken up with Hannah, right?"

  He stared at her while he collected his thoughts that got scattered while they were kissing.

  Right, they had to think about Hannah.

  He smiled at her. "Yeah. That was my plan all along but you almost made me forget. I have to admit, though, right now I'm hoping you'll come up with some good excuse that would make it all right for me to seduce you," he teased.

  "I don't want Hannah hunting me down to throw water in my face and call me a cock-sucking, fiancé-stealing, slut-whore," Jasmine said in a serious tone.

  He gaped at her in shock. "I can't believe what you just said, Jaz."

  "I mean it, Kane. I don't want to be called that … again."

  "Again?"

  She took a deep breath. "When I went out with Tim's friend George, I didn't know he was engaged. One day, the fiancée I didn't know about confronted me at a coffee shop and called me just that. It was the most humiliating moment of my life. Not only that, I think George made Tim believe I'm someone who sleeps around—a slut, even. That's why Tim won't leave me alone. He wants his turn."

  "What? Well, he's not gonna fucking get it," he said angrily. "Those two sound like fucking whackos. Did you say your dad works with Tim's dad?"

  "Yes. His dad seems like a nice man, though."

  "You never know. Now I'm more worried about what will happen when you go back home. I want to be there when you talk to your dad."

  Jasmine rubbed her eyes. "Can we not think about that until much later?"

&nbs
p; "Okay," he said softly, planting a quick kiss on her lips before standing up. "How about we go out to lunch? I'm starving."

  Jasmine nodded in agreement and got up from her seat.

  He placed his arms around her and pulled her for a comforting embrace while he prayed that his imminent breakup with Hannah wouldn't be as explosive as he feared it would be.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Jasmine watched as Kane stood by the threshold of Rob and Jessa's house. His body was tense as he surveyed the cars parked on the street. Finally, he swivelled and closed the door.

  "He's not out there," he said.

  'That's good," she answered. "Maybe he got sick of sitting around and waiting."

  "Or maybe he'll be back tonight," Kane warned.

  She shivered at thought. Maybe she should have stayed over at Will and Clarise's. What was she thinking?

  Kane was swiftly by her side. "Hey, I don't want you to worry, okay?" he said as he rubbed her arms soothingly. "I think I should sleep here with you."

  She raised an eyebrow at him.

  He grinned. "I'm your bodyguard, remember? I can sleep in the other spare bedroom. That is, if you don't want me watching over you in your bedroom," he added huskily.

  Her body clenched deliciously at the mental image of the two of them in bed together. She pushed it aside and focused on the more critical matter. "Kane, you can't just follow me around for two weeks. What about your work?"

  "I know. I was thinking that for the days you're not out in a public place and I couldn't be with you, you could stay at Clarise's or Faye's until I pick you up and bring you back here. You'll be safer in places he doesn't know about."

  She hated how Tim had turned all her plans upside down, as well as other people's. Well, at least she could bring her laptop with her and write. As long as she had that, she could be anywhere.

  "What about your place?" she asked him. Jessa's friends were also her friends but she wasn't close enough to them to feel okay about disrupting their lives because of her little drama. Kane, on the other hand, was her boyfriend—almost. She'd feel more relaxed in his place.

  "Uh, I wouldn't mind but you might mind," he replied, his discomfort obvious.

  "Why would I mind?"

  "Hannah's stuff is all over the place."

  She took a huge intake of breath. Of course. How stupid of her not to have thought he was living with Hannah. They were engaged. Which meant they shared the same bed.

  "You're right. Sorry," she said as she hurriedly went to her room, her emotions in a riot.

  "Jaz," Kane called after her.

  "You know, I think I should be okay by myself here, day or night," she said with the biggest smile she could fake. "I promise I'll keep the doors and windows locked and I won't open the door for anyone. And I'll keep my phone beside me all the time. I'll call you straight away if there's a hint of Tim around," she said in a rush. She didn't want to go back to the subject of his and Hannah's place.

  She stilled as he cupped her face, ensuring she looked him straight in the eye. "No, Jaz, you're not staying here by yourself at night. I don't care if I sleep on the couch but I'm keeping you company until that moron has left Sydney. The days may not be too bad as long as you lock yourself in. Or like I said, you can stay at Clarise's or my sister's if you're not in a safe, crowded place."

  His expression told her he wouldn't budge on that. Besides, she was nervous about Tim's intentions. She didn't want to take silly chances either. "Okay then. You can use the other guest bedroom."

  Kane was still inspecting her upturned face, his eyes piercing and probing. Her breathing quickened, along with the beating of her heart.

  "I wish I could keep you safe at my place," he said softly.

  She shook her head and shut her eyes. "No, please. It's okay."

  "But it's not okay, is it?"

  She pulled his hands from her face. "Kane, I don't even want to think about you living with another woman, so can we please drop this topic?" she asked in annoyance.

  He smiled tenderly, gathered her in his arms and fitted his lips to hers. His kiss was soft and gentle—for ten seconds—then he was all need. He devoured her mouth as his hands busily roamed her body, stoking her desire that had been simmering for over a week. Oh, Lord, she wanted this. She wanted him.

  Abruptly, Kane broke the kiss and released her. "God, you're gonna drive me crazy. You already are." He raked his hands through his hair as he panted through his open mouth. He looked so freaking hot and aroused that she was tempted to jump him.

  "I have to go home to pack some stuff," he said gruffly. "I should be back within an hour. Will you be okay for a little while?"

  She nodded her head. She felt herself gawking at him with lustful eyes but damn it, she couldn't help herself.

  "Jasmine, stop looking at me like that," he warned.

  "Well, don't kiss me like you just did if you don't want me looking at you like this."

  His eyes smouldered. "Right now, I want to kiss you again. But I'm afraid if I do, I won't be able to stop."

  She gulped visibly. "I'm afraid if you do, I won't be able to stop you."

  "Would it be so wrong?" he asked hoarsely.

  She wanted to say it wasn't wrong. Oh, God, how she wanted to say it wasn't wrong. How could it be when she was the one he had feelings for, not his fiancée?

  But he was still engaged to Hannah, and the poor woman had already been through so much. She deserved to be treated with respect and consideration.

  "You said Hannah will be back in less than two weeks. Let's wait until then."

  He sighed and smiled at her with fondness and longing. "Okay, I guess we should."

  *******

  Jasmine eagerly unwrapped her newly-bought e-reader, the latest model she'd been wanting to have since it came out. She loved new, fashionable things: gadgets, clothes, shoes, handbags. They were her weakness.

  She leaned back on the comfy seat of the cosy French café she had stumbled upon as she admired her new purchase.

  "They're great, aren't they?" a voice commented.

  She glanced at the smiling, chestnut-haired woman at the table next to her who lifted something she was holding and waved it. She laughed. It was exactly the same e-reader she'd just bought.

  "This is new, too. I just got it yesterday," the woman said.

  "Isn't it great to have new things?" Jasmine responded conversationally.

  "Absolutely. There's nothing like shopping to lift up a girl's spirits." The woman swept her arm over a couple of carry bags emblazoned with the logo of an expensive designer.

  "Wow, you must be on a shopping binge," she chuckled.

  "Yup, that I am," the lady said with a big sigh.

  "What are you reading, if you don't mind me asking?" Jasmine asked.

  "No, of course not. I'm reading The Promise by J.A. Nell."

  Her eyebrows lifted. "What do you think of it?"

  "Love it. I love her books."

  "Yeah, me too," she responded.

  "They'll probably want me to leave soon," the woman said conspiratorially. "I'm finished and there are people waiting for a table."

  Jasmine looked up and saw a couple standing near the door, pointedly looking their way.

  "Hey, if you don't want to leave yet, you're welcome to share my table," she offered.

  "Oh, is that okay with you?"

  "Of course. You seem to love books and shopping. There'll be plenty of things for us to talk about." Jasmine hoped she would stay. She missed her friends back home and this lady reminded her of them.

  "Great, thanks," the woman responded as she gathered her bags and moved to her table.

  "I'm Jasmine Allen, by the way," she said.

  "Arielle Mitchell. But you can call me Ari."

  Jasmine thoroughly enjoyed the next hour spent in a pleasant conversation with her new friend Ari. She learned that Ari just broke up with her cheating boyfriend and turned to shopping for comfort. They had the same taste in cloth
es. They also liked the same books, including J.A. Nell's.

  "We should meet up again, Jaz," Ari said as they walked out of the café.

  "I'd love that. When are you available?" she asked.

  "If you don't mind catching up here in the city, I could meet you during lunchtimes on the weekdays," Ari said.

  "That would be great! How about next Monday?"

  "Sure. I'll meet you out here at twelve?"

  "Perfect."

  Jasmine went home feeling buoyant about having made a new friend. She could already imagine herself telling Ari who J.A. Nell really was.

  *******

  Four days had passed and there wasn't a single peep out of Tim. Jasmine had started to relax. Maybe Tim had gotten bored or scared or had lost hope. Whatever. As long as he'd finally left her alone.

  It must have been Kane's constant coming and going—and sleeping over at nights—that convinced Tim there was no way he could get what he wanted. Fingers crossed, she'd seen the last of him.

  She must concede though that, in a way, Tim had done her a favour. If it hadn't been for his weird and worrying behaviour, she wouldn't have been spending so much time with Kane.

  Kane had been so sweet. He'd been coming for at least an hour during the day and when he wasn't there, he'd called to make sure she was fine. They'd been having dinners together, too.

  She loved it when he came 'home'. They'd been spending the evenings cuddled in front of the TV while they talked and kissed. The TV programmes served as distractions—and reminders—not to take things any further for the time being.

  She sighed with longing. She knew it was selfish of her but she couldn't help but get excited about being free to fully express her desire for Kane. It was so difficult to hold back.

  She was just as keen as Kane to set the record straight with Hannah. She did feel sorry that Hannah would have to go through another loss but it would be more cruel if Kane pretended there was hope for the two of them when there was absolutely none. Better that Kane didn't lift her hopes up any further. Hannah would be expecting his news, anyway. She just hoped she wouldn't take it too hard.