Secret Words (Secret Dreams Contemporary Romance 1)
Page 5
But something else nagged her. Every day her feelings for Kane grew deeper and deeper. And she wasn't happy that she was keeping a secret from him. Would it be a relationship breaker if he found out?
She had firsthand experience of how people's idea of who she was could turn into something nasty simply because of the sexy nature of her books. George and Tim were prime examples of that. That was why protecting her pseudonym was important to her.
Kane wasn't anything like George or Tim, but she hadn't known him long enough to know how he'd react to the fact that his girlfriend wrote erotic romances. An online author friend of hers had said her husband strictly forbade her to tell anyone about her sexy books because he worried about how it might affect his professional profile. Her friend's husband was a big-shot lawyer.
And Kane wasn't just an architect. He was the co-director and part-owner of a firm that had large international corporations as their clients. Would he consider a girlfriend who wrote saucy novels using descriptive language an embarrassment to him? Would he think it could damage his reputation?
But she had to tell him. They couldn't build a strong relationship if she kept this from him. He would eventually find out. Question was, how would she go about it?
~~~~~~~
"Honey, I'm ho-ome!" came a voice from outside the door a few seconds after the bell rang.
Jasmine hurried to open the door for Kane, chuckling at the hilarious way he called out. "Hello, honey," she said as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him thoroughly.
The sound of tyres screeching as a car sped away startled her into breaking the kiss.
Kane made a complaining grunt and recaptured her lips.
She giggled. "Inside," she said against his mouth.
He snaked his arm around her waist and nudged her back, closing the door behind him as he continued his delicious attention on her lips.
God, their 'hello' kisses were getting hotter and hotter each time. They were sweet, sensuous torture. Frankly, she couldn't wait to get in his pants, especially when she could tell how hard he got.
"Kane," she said in gentle warning as she strained for a bit of distance.
"You don't want my kisses?" he asked huskily, keeping her within the tight circle of his strong arms.
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Oh, so you do want them, then," he said, nuzzling the side of her face.
"You know what I mean," she said breathlessly, her hands on his chest now caressing instead of pushing.
"Hmm, what exactly do you mean?" He pressed soft kisses on her neck.
"Stop," she said weakly.
But he continued, his hand finding its way underneath her top.
"Kane, you have ten seconds to stop or …"
"Or what?" His eager fingers played with the band of her bra as his tongue licked an earlobe.
"Or there'll be no stopping us. I don't want us to regret our first time."
Kane growled in frustration. "It's so hard, Jaz. I want you so much."
"I know," she soothed.
"Do you know how much I'm dying to be inside you?" he whispered in her ear, his body rigid from keeping his passion in check.
She trembled. "Yes. Just as much as I'm dying to feel you inside me."
He hissed before releasing her and putting his hands in his pockets. "That's why I haven't bought condoms yet. It's the one fact that's helping me to stop and wait."
"I'm on birth control. And I know we can trust each other," she said softly.
He groaned and stepped back from her. "You just made me ten times hotter," he said accusingly. "And you know I can't touch you yet."
"Hannah's back tomorrow," she reminded him.
He sighed. "Yes, another day or two won't kill me, I suppose."
"I have another bit of news," she announced, deciding to change the topic so they could both cool down. "Apparently, Tim's flying back to Melbourne later tonight."
"How do you know?"
"I was speaking with my mum and I kind of asked her if she heard how Tim enjoyed the wedding since he came here by himself. She said they had dinner with his parents yesterday and they mentioned Tim was catching the last flight back tonight."
"Jaz, you will tell your dad about his actions, right?" Kane asked.
She shifted on her feet. She didn't want to answer that question. She didn't know yet if that was what she wanted to do.
Kane put his hands on his hips as he gave her a disapproving look. "Jaz, you have to tell your father. And his father. Someone's got to make him see sense. And if he's actually unstable …"
"But he's stopped already," she replied with a pleading look. "I think he got the picture. If he sends me another text or did anything threatening, I promise I won't hesitate to tell my dad."
Kane stared at her for a long moment. "And me," he commanded.
She smiled. "And you."
She took his hand and led him to the lounge room. "Come, I want to show you something."
Jasmine handed Kane her new e-reader.
He looked at her quizzically.
"Do you have one?" she asked.
"Not this kind. I generally use my iPad or my phone to read ebooks. But generally speaking, I don't have much time to read for pleasure."
"Maybe you can check out my favourite author." She tried to keep the nervous tremor from her voice.
"Who's your favourite author?" he asked.
"Her name's J.A. Nell."
"J.A. Nell? Never heard of her."
"She's a newish author. Do you read romance novels?"
Kane snorted. "No. I'm into mysteries and thrillers."
"Well, maybe you should check out her books. They're on there."
"Romance novels are for girls, babe," Kane complained with a cute grimace.
She laughed. "Some men like them, too."
"Straight men?"
"Yes."
"Okay. But why?"
"Why not? Some men are very romantic and enjoy a good love story."
"I can be very romantic but I've never wanted to read a romance novel," Kane countered.
"Or maybe some of them like the hot sex scenes," she continued, ignoring his last comment.
"Hot sex scenes?" Kane now sounded interested.
"Uh-huh."
"This J.A., whatever her name is, has hot sex scenes in her books?"
"Yup."
"Okay. Maybe you can tell me what pages they're on and I'll read them."
She rolled her eyes at him. "But you have to start from the beginning to enjoy the book. The sexy parts just enhance the story but they're not the story."
"If I like her sexy parts maybe I'll read her whole book."
She sighed. Men.
At least he was going to read a part of one of the books and she'd be able to tell his reaction to it. Then she'd have to figure out her next step in her big reveal—that J.A. Nell and Jasmine Allen were one and the same.
*******
Jasmine got up from the massage table, deeply relaxed from the wonderful pampering she just had courtesy of Jessa and Rob. The newlyweds had given day spa vouchers as thank you gifts to their bridesmaids and groomsmen.
It was heavenly and she was grateful for the distraction. But now that it was over, her mind became busy again with thoughts of Kane.
He was back at his place today. In about an hour, he would be picking Hannah up from the airport. She prayed Hannah was in a good enough frame of mind to have the conversation she needed to have with Kane. But while he would confirm with Hannah they would no longer be together, both she and Kane agreed he wouldn't tell Hannah about her yet. They wanted to lessen the hurt as much as they could.
She got dressed and walked to the adjoining lounge area to enjoy some herbal tea. The aroma in the room was so soothing and the atmosphere so calming that she thought she might stay there for a few more hours and do some reading—if they'd let her. That would help her while away the time and keep her mind off her man.
Her man
.
She smiled at the thought.
She fished her phone out of her purse and found a couple of messages from him.
*Holy hell. Sexy parts in chapter 8. Sooooooo hot. I just might be interested enough to read this whole book. This J.A. Nell's quite a good writer. I can see why you like her.*
Loud laughter bubbled out of her, disturbing the peaceful ambiance of the place. She clamped her mouth with her hand and mouthed 'sorry' to the other woman in the room who smiled back at her.
She checked out his other text.
*If I do what's on chapter 9 to you would you do to me what's on the beginning of chapter 12?*
She went to the app on her phone to see exactly which scenes Kane was talking about. She chuckled silently. Naughty man. But then again, it was she who wrote them. She tapped a reply for him.
*Read from the beginning! It would be much more interesting.*
It wasn't long before she got a response back.
*You know what's more interesting, baby? Tomorrow night. You and me.*
She bit her lip as desire unfurled within her. Yes. Tomorrow night they would be free to do more than just kiss. Hopefully. She couldn't wait. And right now, she was feeling playful.
*What's happening tomorrow night?*
*You want me to spell it out for you?*
*I don't want to assume anything :-)*
*Suffice to say you'll be moaning and screaming the name 'Kane'. Just read the chapters I mentioned. We'll do them all. ;-) Why is tomorrow night so far away???*
*Hmmm. I feel like moaning already. I just read the bit where his fingers … well, you know where I would want YOUR fingers to be …*
*Jasmine! You're driving me crazy!!! I'd love to continue this but I need to head to the airport soon. So later, babe. Need to take an icy cold shower before I go.*
She glanced at her watch and apprehension intruded into her blissful state. He'd be seeing Hannah soon. How would that go? She replied to him.
*Okay. Good luck. I'll see you tomorrow.*
*Tomorrow. Miss you already.*
*Miss you too.*
Her fingers itched to include 'I love you' but she refrained. She'd rather say that face to face. And she hoped he'd say it first.
CHAPTER SIX
Kane stood outside the Arrivals hall, his palms sweaty as he waited for Hannah. He tried not to think of how she would react. He knew she didn't want to hear what he'd been wanting to say for weeks.
But he'd been patient enough with her. She had no choice this time. She had to listen to him and accept they were over.
He spotted her exiting the customs area. She was scanning the crowd as she pushed the trolley holding her bags. He took a deep sigh to brace himself, a feeling of dread settling in his gut.
He waved his hand to attract her attention.
"Kane!"
Hannah hurried to him and kissed him soundly on the lips.
He froze but she didn't seem to notice.
"I'm so glad to be back," she gushed.
He retrieved her trolley and started pushing it towards the parking area. "How was the flight?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.
"Very bumpy. We kept encountering some turbulence. Don't be surprised if I fall asleep on the way home. I'm so tired." She placed her hands on his arm and rested her head on his shoulder as they made their way back to his car.
He walked a little faster, making Hannah stand up straighter so she could match his pace. It didn't feel right having another woman cuddle up to him, even if that woman happened to be his fiancée. That was just a technicality. He was Jasmine's.
"So how are you, darling?" Hannah crooned.
"Not bad, thanks," he responded with a polite smile.
"What have you been up to while I was away?"
Falling in love with someone else. But he couldn't tell her that. He and Jasmine agreed it would be better if Hannah didn't know about her. But he also couldn't pretend everything was unchanged.
"Hannah, you do know we have to talk. We'll sit down as soon as we get home," he said gently.
Hannah folded her arms across her chest. She didn't respond.
They walked to the car in silence.
*******
"Just give us a bit more time, Kane. We've already laid some foundation for this relationship. Don't give up on us. Please!"
Kane buried his head in his hands. They were going around in circles. He couldn't see why it was so hard for Hannah to understand he didn't want to be in a relationship with her anymore.
"Hannah. You know I don't feel like that about you. I'm really sorry."
"How could you do this to me right now, Kane? After all I've been through?" she shouted at him, tears profusely running down her face.
Yup. There it was. The guilt trip she wanted him to have. He'd been expecting it. And, hell, it did prick at his conscience.
"Please, Hannah. Try to understand. I don't mean to hurt you but —"
"I came back here for you. I have no one else here but you. Now you're throwing me out of your house!"
"You have friends here, Hannah. You have a great job here. There are lots of people who care about you. And I'm not throwing you out of the house. I'll help you find another place to live and help you move. In the meantime, you can stay here. That's not throwing you out."
"But why can't we continue trying, Kane? You were more than happy to marry me before."
He let out a loud exhale. "You know I only agreed to marry you because of the baby."
"We can make another baby," she suggested.
He shook his head in disbelief. "Hannah, I don't love you," he said forcefully, out of frustration.
Hannah slumped on the couch, sobbing her eyes out.
He raked a hand through his hair. What now? Should he call one of her friends? Should he leave her alone?
No, he couldn't leave her alone. She looked so broken and his conscience wouldn't allow it. He had just crushed her heart so soon after her devastating losses.
He squatted beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hannah, please don't cry. You'll find someone else who'll love you back. You deserve that. And you know we'll continue to be friends. I'll still be there for you if you need me."
She raised her head. "Promise?"
"Yeah."
She clung to him and cried some more. He felt awkward but he put his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder. Wasn't that what friends were for?
~~~~~~~
"Thanks for letting me stay in the master bedroom."
Kane glanced at Hannah standing by the open door of his guest room. "No problem," he said as he proceeded to hang some of his clothes in the wardrobe. He should have moved his stuff out of the master bedroom earlier, but he'd been spending all of his free time with Jasmine and he just totally forgot about it.
"By the way," he continued, "from tomorrow night I'll be staying at my mum and dad's until you find your own place."
"What? Why?"
"Hannah, we've broken up. We can't continue living under the same roof."
"But this is your home. I can't let you be the one to leave," she cried. "It's just that … I don't have anywhere else to go to yet."
"That's why I'll move out temporarily. When you've found your place, I'll move back in."
"I thought we were still friends," she said sadly.
"We are," he confirmed.
"So what's wrong with being flatmates for a few weeks? You have your own room, I have mine. You don't need to stay with your parents."
He swallowed hard. Truth was, he planned to stay with Jasmine.
"I think it would be easier for us to adjust if I give you some space to be by yourself," he reasoned.
Hannah was quiet for a long moment. He hoped she wouldn't make too big a deal out of this.
"Okay," she finally conceded. "But you'll be around to help me find a place to move into?"
"Of course."
"You'd go with me to check them out? You know I tr
ust you to see problems I wouldn't even notice."
"Sure. That's not a problem."
"Great. Thanks, Kane."
"Don't mention it," he said with a smile.
*******
*Hi, baby. All done. There was a bit of drama in the beginning but Hannah seems fine now.*
Kane stared at the ceiling as he waited for Jasmine's reply to his text. He was filled with relief that he'd finally sorted things out with Hannah. After her hysterical outburst, he was pleasantly surprised at how much Hannah had calmed down. It seemed she had accepted everything and was ready to move on.
Now he was free to be with Jasmine. They still needed to be careful not to let Hannah know about the two of them but there was little chance of being found out. In another two weeks, Jasmine would be going home to Melbourne. A couple of months after that, she'd be moving to Sydney permanently. By then, there would be no reason why Hannah couldn't know about Jasmine.
His phone vibrated.
*Glad to know. How are you?*
*Fine, thanks. Just a little exhausted. Oh, and I miss you.*