by Emily Hudson
‘I wish I did Mrs Crawford.’ I said aloud.
‘Oh, Joan please, why it’s our Lucy isn’t it? I mean you two were very…familiar at the wedding, that’s why you are here.’
‘I think the lad would like a coffee Joan.’ Mitchell piped up, temporarily saving me from further questioning. With Joan scurrying away to the kitchen Mitchell pitched his questions.
‘So, you can’t tell me what is up with my daughter?’ I shook my head.
‘Why she arrived here in such a state?’ Now he had me more worried.
‘I wish I knew, if I could just talk to her.’ I pleaded refraining from shouting her name out demanding she came downstairs.
‘She’s not here, left for our holiday cottage in Wales last night.’
My head slumped into my hands, knees supporting my elbows, she just kept getting further away from me.
‘One step forward, one step back. She won’t answer my calls, she won’t talk to me and I don’t understand why?’ I shared.
‘You two were happy though?’ he questioned.
‘Blissfully; that’s what makes it all the more strange.’
‘Something you’ll learn Marcus, Crawford women are notoriously stubborn. She’s obviously got a bee in her bonnet about something, she’ll need to come around to whatever it is and…I’m guessing you want to be there for her?’
‘More than anything Sir, she’s the very air I breathe.’
‘Ah!’ came the gasp from the door as Joan walked in on my admission clutching a tray.
‘I’ll get the table for you.’ Mitchell said to his wife, pulling out the largest of the nest of tables in the corner. ‘My my, this is a special occasion, we’re being treated to the fine china. Don’t even get this on my birthday.’ He said with a wink.
‘It’s just easier like this.’ Joan defended as she pushed down the plunger on the cafetiere. ‘Milk? I have cream in the fridge if you would prefer.’ She babbled as I declined. ‘I’m warming some croissants in the oven, you’ll have one won’t you.’ How could I resist?
Chapter Twenty - Two
I thought I needed time alone, having woken; the realisation hit that what I actually needed was my best friend and her non-judgemental listening ear. Maybe it was Evan’s declaration last night, who knows? All I know is that this morning I was more confused than ever.
Thankfully as I hurriedly dressed and ventured downstairs to face the music, the cottage was eerily quiet; that’s when I heard a truck. Looking out of the porch window I saw the crumpled mess that was once my car being towed away and Evan turn to walk back up the driveway.
I took the time to study him whilst he was unaware of my presence. Were all those insults, jibes, name calling all because he had feelings for me? I thought back to last night and how caring he’d been. No! Stop right there! I told myself. I am not thinking about him in any other way than as a friend. Hell what was I thinking? I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. For Christ's sake Luce! Pull yourself together, I reprimanded myself
Opening the front door just as Evan reached to place the key in the door. ‘Good morning sleepy head.’ He greeted me with a ‘melt-worthy’ smile. Damn these hormones!
‘Morning.’ I said a little too gruffly trying to expel any ‘swoon-worthy' thoughts from my head.
‘Still feeling tired?’ he enquired to my abrupt tone. ‘No, no I’m fine, just got a lot in my head right now.’ He nodded, fixing his vision down at my invisible bump.
‘You know I didn’t sleep much last night either, just kept thinking how wonderful it was that when you needed to get away, you came here.’ Nodding, his words were a blur. ‘You know you’ll always be safe here, I’ll always look after you and…’ he coughed, ‘the baby.’
My eyes wide in shock, he had my full attention as he continued. ‘I think you know what I think of you and what I’m saying is well…you’ve obviously run away for a reason; just saying that whilst things may seem bad right now, you’ve got other options.’
I loudly exhaled; could he be for real? Like I needed this now! Maybe he sensed my rejection as he led me into the kitchen.
‘I’ve not told you so you can knock me back again without thought. I want you to give it a little time, think about it. You love it here, you always did. London is no place to bring up a baby, how great it would be to bring up a little one surrounded by all this.’ He said pointing to the rolling green hills of the valleys stretching out behind us.
For a moment or two, I stood still, wondering, what if? Just like that all my problems disappeared. I’d have a home, I wouldn’t be worried about the ridiculous rise in rents, I’d have a father for my child, hell I probably wouldn’t even need to work. He was right, it was idyllic; but it wasn’t, he wasn't, none of it was what I wanted. This life wasn’t what I wanted. Yeah, this was great to escape to, but I live for the hustle and bustle of London, I love the excitement, I love the noise. Hell, I even love that characteristic smell of the underground; now how many people can say that? I can’t wait to start taking this little being to my favourite places, pick him or her up from nursery for a picnic lunch taking a walk around the Serpentine. It was as if he could see the realisation in my eyes.
‘You’re going to do it to me again aren’t you?’ His eyes full of hurt.
‘Evan I didn’t even know you would be here, you have to know it was never my intention to hurt you.’
‘You were perfectly happy to accept my help last night.’
Like I had any choice about the matter, I saw red, ‘So what, now I’m obligated to you because of it. I don’t bloody think so. I’m grateful you were there last night but I’m pretty sure you got off on playing the hero.’ He scoffed at my words only fuelling my anger further. ‘It’s not your job to save me, I don’t need you, I don't need anyone. I’m sorry I came here, I’m sorry I crashed into your wall, but as soon as my car is fixed I’ll be going back home.’
Snidely he laughed. ‘Well that’s not going to happen, its a write off! Barry’s left me the notice of disposal for you to sign, said it would cost more than it’s worth to repair. Drop it down to him before you leave.’ He said holding out a small white receipt. I shook my head in disbelief as I took the slip. My life just gets better and better.
Making his way back to the front door, I purposefully didn’t look at him, couldn’t. ‘You know Lucy, whores like you don’t often get second chances, not many men would offer what I did.’
Hello! Here’s the real Evan, grabbing the nearest thing to me, my mother’s favourite Royal Doulton figurine, I launched it in his direction. ‘Fuck you!’ I screamed as the figure shattered against the swiftly shut door; I sunk down to the floor, grabbing the wicker basket just in time before the remnants of last nights popcorn left my stomach.
Sometime later, can’t tell you when, I started laughing. How had my life turned into this shit storm? Everything I did, every corner I turned, I was just waiting for the next thing. With my stomach finally settled thanks to some dry cracker biscuits Mum had stashed in the picnic hamper, I started to make my plan. I always had a plan, I might not have a home to go to, or even a car to drive but I always had a plan. Pen to paper, I started.
Get the hell out of here!
En-route, drop off signed disposal receipt.
What am I going to do next, where do I go? Train! I’ll get a taxi to Swansea and get a train back to London, then stop running.
Phone Licia.
Phone my parents.
Contact Marcus.
Pack up my belongings ready to moved back home, bite the bullet and listen to the ‘I told you so.’
Get back up on feet, for this baby’s sake.
Remain active and healthy.
Take each day as it comes.
Reading back over my points, they pretty much amounted to shit; I knew that, but I liked order in my life; I needed goals to work towards, structure. This was the only way I knew of trying to grasp some control back.
It was amazing what that
list did, within an hour and a half I was boarding the train at Swansea. I knew the next few days, weeks, even months, would be rough but I had a new goal ahead of me. Everything I do, from now on in, would be for this little bean growing inside me; that thought made me really smile, instinctively I held my stomach protectively. Just you and me little one.
The three hour journey was less than half way through, when I started getting restless. The buffet service that had been promised during numerous tannoy announcements had still not made its way through the carriage. I was wilting without my life source, caffeine. My head was starting to pound; all signs I needed coffee and now. Making my way down the carriage my head started to get a little worse, to the point I began to squint with shooting pains, this was a migraine on a scale I never had before. My vision began to cloud and I felt instantly dizzy. Missing the grab handle to steady myself, instead I grasped someone’s shoulder.
‘Are you alright Miss? Here take a seat.’ There was some shuffling of bags before I was placed on one. ‘There you are, take a few breaths, I think you just got a little dizzy, motion sickness maybe?’ Said the kindly old gentleman in a suit in front of me. ‘Oh dear, you do look a little pale.’
I explained I was in search for the buffet cart. ‘Well don’t get up, you should sit for a bit. What would you like?’ He offered, I routed around for some money in my bag, he gently grasped the top of my hand. ‘Let me, you can buy the next.’ He relaxed his hands but it was a little reminder of exactly what I needed to do, let people help me. ‘Thank you.’ I said. ‘A bottle of water and a black coffee, no sugar would be much appreciated.’
He returned shortly, low and behold with the refreshment cart in tow. ‘Would you like something to eat as well?’ My eyes focused on some plain Jacobs crackers nestled in between a selection of biscuits, probably the safest option. Henry, as he introduced himself, provided great company as we chatted about the usual; weather, beautiful places we were passing by, world affairs, the latest gaffs of politicians and in between I slowly munched away on my packet of dry biscuits. ‘You know its been thirty years since I’ve treated a young lady to lunch, things have definitely changed.’ He smiled as I folded up my empty wrapper and placed it into my empty coffee cup.
‘You’ve been so very kind, please let me repay you.’ I urged.
‘Do you know my dear, I’ve taken train journeys daily for most of my life. Other than the guard checking tickets and purchasing refreshments, I’ve never spoken to a soul.’ The shock didn't register, sadly that was life, who really speaks to anyone these days? ‘I’ll let you into a secret,’ he said. Looking around to see who was listening in, as though he were about to divulge national secrets. ‘I usually sit in First Class, head down, reading, but today, today they only had one seat available, so the wife is in there and I met you.’ He said pointing to the carriage behind. ‘I remember she had terrible morning sickness too.’ He said with an intuitive wink as I blushed. ‘I have enjoyed your company immensely, seen more in this last hour from a train window than I have in a lifetime and for that alone, you’ll never have to repay me.’ Getting up he retrieved his bag and umbrella from the rack. ‘It’s been a pleasure.’ With that, he turned and made his way up the aisle towards the First Class carriage. Moments later we pulled into Paddington and I realised I hadn’t done anything other than point 1 and 2 of my list, but did it really matter. NO! I waited for everyone to leave the train before I got up, not sure how steady I would be on my feet. The paracetamol I’d taken had taken the edge off the pain a little and Henry had taken my mind off it but it was still there, so I took it gently as I disembarked. Taking a seat on the platform bench I took a moment; I wasn’t quite ready to charge around. As if my body needed to convince myself further I felt a trickle run down my nose, blood, I was having a nose bleed. Hunting around in my bag, I seemed to have everything other than a packet of tissues. I’m ashamed to say my favourite gloves were sacrificed. If that didn’t make matters worse once I’d cautiously made my way to the toilets, I had to contend with finding the required thirty pence, in order to clean myself up!
My brain was going ten to the dozen, Alicia would be at work, I didn’t really want to disturb her, but I needed her. Dial Alicia…Call failed. Well of course it won’t work, you’ve got no signal, you’re in the basement of London train station with toilet paper stuck up your nose. I was wrong, my life really can get worse!
Back up on street level, I watched as the bars welcomely returned to my screen. Dial Alicia…
I didn’t have to say a thing, ‘Oh thank goodness.’ The relief evident in her voice. ‘Where are you? Are you alright?’
‘No, no I’m not alright. I need you Licia.’
‘I’m there, just tell me where there is.’ she said hurriedly.
‘I’ve just got into Paddington Train…’
‘Stay put!’ She interrupted and the phone went dead.
Half an hour later my beautiful best friend comes strutting across the concourse in my direction. Her long brown hair flowing behind her; she looks every part the successful businesswoman she has become. She captures the attention of most bystanders as she looks for me. I wave from the bench I’ve commandeered, well lets face it who wants to share anything with a woman with toilet roll stuck up her nose. ‘You’ve had better looks.’ She says as she sits down beside me. That makes me laugh. ‘Come here.’ she says pulling me in for a hug as I try to resist because of the blood. ‘Blood washes out, now come here.’ She repeats. I need a hug more than anything, I rest my head on her shoulder. ‘I’ve been so worried. Don’t you dare do that me again.’ That’s when the tears flow.
‘I’m sorry.’ I blub.
Once the waterworks stop, on both our parts, and my breathing returns to something that resembles normal, as opposed to the hyperventilating snivel I’d adopted for some time, Alicia takes charge.
‘Right, I’m going to take you back to mine and then you can tell me everything. You ready to get out of here?’ she says, taking me by the arm, chivvying me on.
‘Not so fast,’ I say quietly, ‘I’ve got a migraine and have been getting dizzy.’ Omitting the wider picture until we’re a little more private. ‘You sure you’re ok?’ She checked.
‘Hmm.’ Neither acknowledging or not, I mumble, squinting as we emerge into the daylight.
Sensing my delicate state Alicia drove as considerately as she could to her house. I for the most part kept my eyes closed, as my intolerance to light continued. Settling me down on her sofa, with a box of tissues and a bin, she drew the curtains in her bright and beautiful reception room. If I’d been in better spirits I would have told her that I loved the little touches she’d added. ‘What can I get you?’
Gripping her hand, ‘I just need you.’ Licia’s worried expression returned.
‘What is it Luce? He hasn’t hurt you?’ she added cautiously.
Breathing heavily, ‘No, nothing like that.’ I said so adamantly I thought my head may fall off. ‘I just don’t know what I’m going to do?’
‘Well if it is any consolation, you look as good as Marcus does.’
‘You’ve seen him?’ I jumped at her instantly.
‘He followed you back, once he realised you weren’t lying dead or dying in a ditch somewhere. Lucy, you scared us witless, what the hell is the matter?’
I was mortified, that had never been my intention. ‘I’m so sorry.’ I said, tears in full flow again.
‘Hey hey.’ My best friend soothed. ‘This isn’t you, you tackle everything head on and be damned the consequences.’ I threw back a little chuckle at my best friend’s support. Usually, yes, that was me but nothing could prepare me for this, any of it.
Licia had always been a good listener, not pushing me, just waiting for me to tell her in my own time. So I started at the beginning, my creepy landlord, the rent rise, the prospect of living in my now, non-existent car, the pressure of the last few months at work. Then the whirlwind that was Marcus, the fact that he’d blown
me straight off my feet when I’d first met him. I told her about his attempts to woo me and how I’d knocked him back as I was pretty sure he was seeing someone else. You know, model type, long legs, drop dead gorgeous… ‘No repeats, remember! I didn’t bank on the fact that he’d then instruct Spectrum Events to plan his sister’s birthday party. I was blissfully unaware he was even the client. Flown out to his villa in Sardinia to organise his sister’s party. We’ll as you can imagine, I wasn’t that impressed. But he has a way about him, maybe its those damn eyes. I fell for him Luce. I’d sworn off men, you’ve known that. So I came up with the excuse that we were working together so there was no way anything was going to happen between us because I didn’t want to damage my professional reputation and I fell for him some more.’
‘So you and him didn’t?’ I shook my head.
‘Not since your wedding. It didn’t help, it only made things worse, we got to know each other, really know each other. Then one night, I can’t remember when, I told him about my flat and knight in shining armour style, he wades in with his trusted steed and I’m no longer homeless. Since then we’ve been inseparable, it’s been perfect. He’s played the gentleman beautifully, respecting my wishes regarding work and our relationship. I thought I would break before he did. Friday night was going to be our night.’ Bitterly, I laughed. ‘At the stroke of midnight he’d have no longer been my client. I was going to tell him everything.’ I hadn't realised but Alicia was almost sitting on the edge of her seat, hanging off my every word.
‘Tell him what? You love him?’
Silently I nodded, yes I love him. ‘What the hell is the matter then, how are you here and in this state.’
‘I’m pregnant.’ Licia took a deep breath, she knew this wasn't my game plan, at least not for a number of years.