by Emily Hudson
‘Okay.’ She said eventually, breaking the silence. ‘Is Marcus the father?’
‘Of course, it’s his.’ I fix my glare at her, not believing she’d asked.
‘Sorry, sorry.’ She said defensively. ‘Well if you love him and going by his reaction to all this, I’m pretty sure he likes you too, what’s the problem?’
‘Because Marcus is the type of man that breaks hearts all over the world. Remember the leggy supermodel I suspected he’d been dating after your wedding. Well guess who she asked for advice from about whether she should tell him she was pregnant too? The very same night Licia! Can you believe it?’
Obviously, no by the gasp she makes.
‘What are the fucking chances in that? I can't believe he even invited her. Fact of the matter is he’s got responsibilities elsewhere and I can’t cope with that fact.’
Silence reined. ‘I’m so sorry Luce.’
‘So I went home to good old mum and dad, because all my stuff is at Marcus’ other house.’
‘You didn't tell them?’
‘God no! Can you imagine their reaction, I’ll stave that one off for as long as I can. No, I told them I was stressed at work, partly true. Borrowed the keys to the cottage and drove up there. Fucking sheep jumps in the road and I stupidly swerve and drive into dry stone wall. It’s not funny! Stop laughing.’ I say, realising I’m laughing too, it must be hysteria. ‘In the meanwhile, I phone Mr Thomas to apologise for destroying part of his wall to find out that that he’s left the farm to Evan, his son. The once gangly, happy go lucky friend of mine, turned arsehole in later years, you remember me saying? Anyway to make matters worse gangly Evan had transformed into devastatingly handsome creep with a superhero complex. He spent the night…’ I stop, at this point Licia, chokes on her drink. ‘No! He spent the night, making sure I was ok, we watched movies, it was like we were kids again. Nice, momentarily!’
‘Then what? she interrupts, getting impatient with my storytelling.
‘He carried me to bed, because I fell asleep beside him, told me how he’d always carried a torch for me, that he’d only turned into a monster because I’d rejected him.’
‘Whoa! That must have made for an awkward breakfast, I’m presuming he stuck around.’ Oh yes he did that alright.
‘Oh yes, sorted out my car for me, it was a write off, by the way.’ Licia nods just accepting the finer points of how my life has descended into the ridiculous. ‘ He told me how wonderful it was that I had fled back to him when things got rough, that I’d always be safe with him. Then mapped out the next twenty years of my life bringing up this baby in the Welsh countryside, because you couldn’t possibly bring a baby up in London, I’m mean, what the…’
‘You’re not going to are you?’ Licia looked at me like I’d grown two heads, she knew how much I loved London, how often I had fought with my parents after a terrorist incident or the latest crime statistics came out.
‘I’ll be honest, I toyed with the idea for a split second; I was exhausted but Evan knew what was coming, backing away to the front door, he told me that, “whores like me didn’t get second chances.” I should have counted myself lucky he’d step up to the mark.’
‘He what?’ Alicia raged.
‘Don’t worry, I think I got my point across, I hurled the nearest thing to me and launched it at him on his way out, sadly only narrowly missed him. Small mercies, I suppose, if I’d hit him I could be up on a charge for ABH.’
‘Should have hit him, I know a great barrister.’ Ha bloody ha, I ignored Licia’s cheek.
‘Well thank heavens I don't have to worry about that, just my mother when I tell her, her favourite Royal Doulton figurine has bitten the dust.’
‘Not the one with the red dress?’ Licia’s sarcasm in full flow.
‘The very one.’ Despite trying to make light of the subject, there was an uncomfortable silence developing. I could tell what Licia was thinking, just not willing to say yet, or so I thought.
‘He deserves to know, you need to tell him. He might surprise you.’
I jumped up, ‘He might surprise me how? Oh sweetheart, this is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I know we’ve only been together a short while but yes, lets ride off into the sunset together and make more babies together and live happily ever after. It doesn’t work like that.’ The stress was too much, my nose started to bleed again as I went to grab a tissue to wipe it away, my legs went from under me and all I remember was floating and darkness.
‘I think she’s coming to.’ I heard Licia’s voice
‘That’s good.’ Confirmed a distant voice. ‘A paramedic will be with you shortly, talk to her, try to keep her still and calm.’
A cushion had been placed under my head and I’d been rolled in the recovery position. ‘What happened?’ I questioned as Licia’s face came back into focus.
‘You collapsed, stay put, I just need to open the door, help is coming.’
I placed my head back on the pillow, ‘She’s in here.’ Licia stated to the two men in bottle green uniform that she was escorting towards me.
‘Hi Lucy, I’m Flynn and this is Rob, can you tell us what happened?’ The older of the two men said as he took hold of my wrist. ‘I guess I was just a bit dizzy.’ I said getting myself back into a seated position. ‘Have you been feeling dizzy before?’ Flynn continued to question as Rob recorded everything down.
‘She’s pregnant.’ Licia blurted out.
Scowling at her, I turned to them, ‘I am pregnant, maybe 6-8 weeks, I’ve not felt dizzy before, I’ve been having nausea and sickness but that’s to be expected, isn't it?’ Neither commented. ‘I had a little stumble, nothing serious on my journey back from Wales, that’s when I got this migraine and this nose bleed first started.’ Rob continued with his pen pushing as Flynn took my temperature.
‘Don’t forget you crashed your car.’ Licia said, urging me not to forget a thing. ‘It was a write-off!’ She said in a dramatic fashion as if she’d been there.
‘It was a write-off because it was the cheapest piece of metal I could afford and no match for a dry stone wall, I was doing less than 20 mph and the air bags didn’t even go off.’ Flynn moved my hair from my face probably to check for head injury. ‘Did you black out then?’ he asked, fishing around in his backpack for his blood pressure monitor. ‘No a frigging sheep jumped in front of my car, I swerved.’ I said rolling up my sleeve. They tried not to laugh, we all did.
‘OK well, this isn’t uncommon in early pregnancy, how is the nausea and migraine now?’
Having admitted my head was pounding and with it the nausea was back, he gave me some tablets to dissolve on my gum. With those administered, Flynn wrote out a slip authorising a visit to the local maternity unit to get checked out which they explained would involve a scan. With Licia in ‘fully in charge’ mode she assured them we would do that straight away.
‘Can we just sit for a little while.’ I urged before she marched me back out of the house. ‘Yes we can, but we have to leave before Ethan comes back home, I don’t want to be put in a difficult position if he starts asking questions.’ It was fair enough, that was the last thing I would want to do but at the same time I wasn’t quite ready to face the truth yet. I was carrying Ethan’s best friend’s baby, the last thing I needed was to weave a web of lies, this situation was complicated enough without adding more to it.
‘I think you need to drink this.’ Licia stated, thrusting a couple of bottles of water at me before we left. Frowning I took them. ‘What for?’ She knew a hell of a lot more about this than I did as she explained. I don’t know anyone that’s been pregnant, hell I don’t think I’ve even held a baby, this is going to be a steep learning curve.
It was a slow slog to the hospital, road works, missing diversion signs, my attempts to sip water and Licia’s driving meant I was feeling more than anxious when we pulled up in the car park. I glanced for just a second at the car park fees and Licia’s reassuring hand was on mine. ‘Don
’t worry, this is on me.’ She knew me better than anyone, this was going to be expensive, hell it was more than a cup of coffee for an hours parking, this was just the start, then there would be the nappies and the clothes. I can’t afford a baby, this is crazy. Sat rigid in the car seat, I couldn’t move.
‘I can’t do this.’ That’s when I saw my best friend in a whole new light.
‘You can and you will. This isn’t just about the new life you are potentially bringing into this world, this is about you, my best friend, anything could happen to you. I need to check that everything is ok with you. OK!’ Rant over she smiled, ‘Plus I’ll get a kick out of seeing your insides, see what you're really made of.’
That was it, the corners of my lips turned up, she was on my side, she always would be. ‘Gross!’ I said as she came round to open my door.
‘You better believe it, I want all the gory details, I’m going to do this one day and I want to know everything.’ I laughed.
‘You’ll be an expert by the time you’ve had your rugby team.’ Reminding her of her intentions of a large family. This was her dream, not mine. Yes, I wanted to have kids, but not now. As clouds of doubt filled my mind yet again, Licia had guided me into the maze of the hospital, wandering down corridor after corridor.
Finally we reached a nondescript door sign posted, Antenatal. Licia went to grab the handle, but was batted back as it opened before us and a heavily pregnant woman marched out, her partner chasing after her trying to ram a folder of notes back into one of the numerous bags he was carrying. My fear was not getting any better, she was huge! What was this going to do to my body? Licia took the medical note from me as I took a look around the waiting room, it was full of varying degrees of pregnant women, some standing pacing, some clutching bottles of water and others sat stroking their bumps repeatedly. Hell this was real now; I was scared. Thankfully, Licia took control, taking on the austere receptionist, obviously not happy in her job, she provided all my details, ushering me to take a seat.
Having guzzled one bottle of water, I dutifully started on the second and as a consequence, was beginning to feel more than a little uncomfortable. This feeling got worse as the minute hand relentlessly moved around the clock and we remained in our tall backed, uncomfortable as hell, waiting room chairs, with nothing to do but watch the comings an goings. This time gave Licia the opportunity to continue her interrogation.
‘So tell me about this other woman.’ She not so tactfully started with.
‘You should see her, she’s beautiful, hell I’d make babies with her. What’s worse, is they look like they fit, without heels she’s tall, they don’t look like some kind of little and large comedy act.’
‘Hey, stop it! You two are amazing together, you don’t just fit, you’re perfect for each other. This isn’t like you, you don’t do this.’ Silence ensued as I chewed on my thoughts.
‘Just tell me this, if they fit so well, why isn’t he with her? Why is he chasing you all over Europe?’
She made a good point and one I didn’t have the answer to; thankfully my prayers were answered as my name was called across the room. As I got up a lady walked towards me, ‘Hi, I’m Cassie, I’m just going to take you off for some tests.’
‘OK.’ I said apprehensively. Cassie stopped Licia in her tracks as she was all set to join us. ‘It’s alright, I’ll bring her back in a few moments.’
Licia gave me her “you ok with this?” stare. I nodded, to be honest, I needed the break. Licia meant well but it was all too much right now.
When I returned to my seat, still sporting a full bladder, which was nothing more than a miracle having been asked to provide a sample, Licia was ready to start taking notes. ‘What did they do?’
Having tried to control the flow my bladder I was beyond irritable. ‘They’ve taken my blood pressure, weighed me and made me piss in a pot.’ I said angrily.
‘Well it’s a good job I made you drink that water then.’ She said sounding too much like my mother. Sensing my irritability, for the next ten minutes Licia, kept the subject matter light as she flicked through some trashy celeb gossip magazine.
Maybe I was ready to be a parent; I barely recognised the names of at least half but it was a welcome relief until that moment when my name was called again.
This time, my heart pounded, there was a solid lump in my throat as I stood. This was it, I took hold of Licia’s hand just incase she was in any doubt that I wanted her with me. Giving my hand a reassuring squeeze, we followed the sonographer into a windowless room.
With formalities complete, I lay on the paper lined bed with Licia sat beside me. The sonographer explained that despite my, ‘Oh my word, that’s full!’ bladder she may have to do an internal scan. Within minutes of pressing uncomfortably down on my abdomen, it was to no avail. Obviously trying not to raise further concern, she directed me to the nearest toilet, informing me that she could get a clearer picture and see the heartbeat. I stood shaking in the cubical, unbuttoning my trousers. What if there is no heartbeat? Was the horrifying thought that invaded my mind as I carried out the necessary. There had to be a heartbeat, there just had to be. It was at that point that I realised, there was no doubt, if everything was ok, I wanted this baby. I laughed to myself as I returned back to the room.
‘Let’s do this.’ I said returning back to my position. ‘Whoa! What the…’ I said as the Sonographer, covered a long probe in a plastic cover and smeared gel all over it. ‘Oh God, you’re going to…’ Yep that’s right, she did, at least once my dignity had been covered. After the initial alien feeling of unfamiliar movement, she looked away from her screen, ‘How many babies are you expecting?’
Looking away from her, I tried to find answers in her screen, it was meaningless to me, it took fifty shades of grey to a whole different level.
‘You’re expecting twins!’ She announced joyfully. ‘Here,’ she said pointing to a bean like blob surrounded in a bubble, now known as T1.
Watching a little closer you could make out the beat of it’s heart and after a little more manoeuvring, she pointed out T2, it’s amniotic sac and its heartbeat.
‘Wow, just wow.’ Licia said aloud, echoing my thoughts. ‘She’s been having dizzy spells, migraines and nose bleeds.’ My concerned best friend piped up.
‘Your body is doing a little adjusting to keep these guys safe and sound, you’re going to have to take it easy for a bit, rest up, you will start to feel better soon.’ She reassuringly stated. ‘I mean it about the rest, if you can hang on I can arrange a doctor’s note for you or alternatively you can go through your GP.’
Needless to say with Licia in charge we waited a little longer. Licia had it all planned out, she would wait on me hand and foot in the Harrington residence; whilst I was grateful for the support, it would be great for a few days but what I really needed was some space. I needed to get my feet on the ground and work out exactly how I was going to ensure these two little bubbles had everything they needed.
‘Do twins run in your family?’ Licia said staring at the black and white photos we’d been given.
‘Not that I’m aware of, maybe Marcus; or maybe its just mother nature seeing how far she can push me?’
I zoned out as Licia went on about different types of twins, bounding on about information that, whilst logical, wasn’t something I’d ever put any thought into before. Who knew my best friend was a veritable baby expert, although she fucked up well and truly over the water, which my bladder may never forgive her for.
‘How do you know this stuff?’ I questioned.
‘We’ve been trying for a few months now.’ She admitted, so much for waiting a couple of years. ‘Can you imagine, us bringing babies up at the same time, it will be brilliant.’ She enthused waving the paper ticket into the machine, swiping her card before I could register how much our little visit had cost. It would be lovely, of that there would be do doubt, but the time would come for her’s to go off to Eton, Harrow or Rugby and mine, well the
y’d be lucky if they got into the local academy that had been put into special measures. Clutching the doctor’s note advising a weeks leave from work, this will give me some planning time, I thought.
Sadly my thoughts were quickly dashed as we turned towards Licia’s car to see Ethan looking down at his phone, pacing beside Alicia’s car. As if sensing her presence he looked up, his relief immediately evident as he ran towards her. ‘I’ve been so worried, I left the office early, you weren’t at home and you weren’t answering your phone, are you ok?’ He said in a state of panic and frustration.
‘I’m fine.’ She reassured him, drawing him in for a hug, whilst giving me her evil eye. Her worst fears were being realised, I would be the last person to put Licia into a difficult situation. As Ethan continued his own personal check that his wife was ok, brushing back her hair from her face, his sheer adoration evident.
‘Oh my god you two, you’re not doing anything for my nausea.’
They both turned to face me, Licia now grinning like the Cheshire Cat after the affection she received.
‘Sorry Ethan, we didn’t want to worry you. It’s just ever since I stepped off the train, I’ve been a little sick and dizzy. Suspected food poisoning and de-hydration.’ Eying me a little wearily initially, he soon softened, was there a sense of empathy or was I imagining it? It wasn’t easy looking him in the eye, Marcus being his best friend and all. But with all his attention focused on me, for a split second I knew how Licia could find this man so all consuming.
‘You look like hell Luce.’ He said as he placed his big arm around my shoulder, affectionately telling me it was ok, he didn’t take sides. I was well aware that my skin probably resembled a grey green tone on a Farrow and Ball colour chart and I felt as though I had lost half my body weight.
‘You charmer.’ I said jokingly, my defence mechanism in full swing.
‘You’re ok now though?’ he questioned giving my shoulder a little squeeze.
‘I will be,’ I said fighting back the emotion. How the hell did I know if I’d be ok? Things would never be the same again. ‘Powers of modern medicine and a bit of rest.’ I said rustling the pharmacy bag containing more tablets for my nausea. ‘Talking about rest, I need to take her home.’ Our home she silently mouthed to her husband as she deactivated the alarm of the car. With his lips turned up, he nodded back without hesitation. Despite everything, I was amongst friends, for the first time since leaving Sardinia I felt a little relief.