by Emily Hudson
Rolling down her window Licia waggled her finger towards her handsome husband, dutifully he stepped forward. ‘Ethan? Are you tracking me again?’ She questioned as she started the car with a roar.
‘Nothing m’lady hasn’t agreed to.’ he said with a grin, waving his phone, shaking her head.
‘Bloody trackable apps.’ I laughed at the exchange.
‘You wouldn't want him any other way.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘Something is not right mate, I’m just not sure what it is. I’ve checked her medication and it is just for nausea. I’m sorry, I haven’t got anymore to tell you.’
‘How’d she look?’
‘She looked like hell, frail. She hasn’t made it to breakfast once and she has been here a week.’
‘I’m just glad she is with you two; what else can you tell me?’
‘I walked in on her flicking through her phone when I came home from work last night. Not sure what she was doing, whether she was looking at photos, dates, I don’t know but she’d obviously been crying for a while, her eyes were so swollen.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Not much to do, she was in a world of her own, she didn’t even register me. I just walked out and sent Licia in. I’m not good with women in tears.’
‘Fuck, this is torture. What can I do? She won’t see me, I’m just as desperate. I’d do anything to stop her tears.’
‘Let me work on Licia, I’m not promising anything but I’ll see what I can do.’
‘I really appreciate this, Ethan, thanks mate.’
The next week was torture, I’d heard little more from Ethan; I was going out of my mind. It took Livvy to stop me from going out of my mind. She needed my help too and apparently the order of the day was furnishing her new flat with all and sundry needed for her future little prince or princess.
I couldn’t help but smile as she traipsed me from boutique to boutique and then on to the department stores. Enthusing about the functions of certain buggies or travel systems as they seemed to be named these days. Livvy had successfully managed to get me out of my house but she didn’t need me in the slightest as she marched around with her personal shopper who was rubbing her hands with glee.
Just as we made it to the bedding, they were discussing the various merits of some sleeping device, something caught my eye, movement then an awful crash. More than something, two people, Lucy and Licia, here. They had obviously spotted us as Lucy had retreated straight out, leaving Licia to apologise to a sales assistant that was picking up the display of toys that had been knocked over in Lucy’s haste to avoid me.
‘Looks like I know where I stand?’ I said reaching to help pick up a box. Suddenly I felt particularly sorry for myself, what had I done so wrong that she couldn’t bare to see me?
‘You’re buying things for the baby?’ Licia questioned before greeting me warmly. ‘You know?’ I queried. I couldn’t remember telling Ethan but I must have as she nodded acknowledgement. ‘And you?’
‘Err…Just buying a gift for a friend who’s, having a baby. For what its worth Marcus, I’m sorry; I’m trying to bring her round; ironically this is the first time she’s been out.’ With that her phone beeped. ‘She’s in the coffee shop across the road, well at least I don't have to search for her again.’
I wanted to run outside, scoop her up in my arms and tell her that nothing mattered, but I only feared she’d run again. ‘Thank you for looking after her.’ Something caught in her throat as I said that. It was my job to read people, I could see in her face that she wanted to tell me something but her loyalty to her best friend forbade it. Leaving it be, I added ‘Anyway I better get back.’ Gesturing back to Livvy. ‘Of course, when is the baby due?’
‘Mid November.’
‘Well congratulations,’ she said oddly before she left; I shook it off; do people congratulate an Uncle, surely not, its just something people say, isn't it?
When I returned the assistant was in a full sales pitch regarding bath thermometers. ‘What do you think Marcus, duck or flower.’ Livvy said in all seriousness. Taking both gently from her hands, I, with some degree of inner strength, placed both items back on the shelf. ‘Elbow, is what I think. Use your bloody elbow!’ I said with all my zen like qualities rapidly dissipating. ‘It was good enough for Kitty, it will be good enough for you. I’ve had enough, I need coffee and I need it now!’
‘Well that was rude.’ Livvy said, stomping towards me having finalised her initial order. One of many, I thought as I stood like a bear with a sore head in the corner. Seriously I’d been putting up with this baby shit for hours on end and whilst I was happy for her, seeing Lucy disappear had really thrown me. It was clear that I was her problem, it was me she’d run from. I had just seen the woman I was convinced I wanted to marry, run out on me for a second time. My frustration grew tenfold, to be perfectly honest, no coffee was going to be strong enough.
Knowing that Luce had run off to a coffee shop across the road, I purposefully marched Livvy out of the store into a taxi. ‘South Kensington, please.’
It took a little while for Livvy to talk to me, obviously still smarting at our abrupt departure. Luce had looked pale, all the glow that she’d had whilst we were in Sardinia seemed to have long since disappeared. Ethan had said she’d been ill, she still looked it. Just in my momentary glance I could see she’d lost several pounds and she didn’t have any she needed to lose, but it was her eyes that worried me, even as briefly as I glanced, they looked sad. Gone was the sparkly glint, a glassy impenetrably film clouded them the moment she saw me, but why?
‘You know there was another shop I wanted to visit?’ Livvy eventually said, coming out of her sulk.
‘There is plenty of time Livvy, you can visit hundreds of shops.’ Folding her arms indicating her strop was not fully complete.
‘Well, not with you I won’t! What the hell got into you in there?’
‘Luce was there with Licia; ran as quick as she saw me.’ I didn’t need to say anymore.
‘Ohhhh!’
I forced a smile grabbing her hand. ‘I’ll make it up to you, cake of your choice at Ginger’s.’ Her eyes lit up like a child’s at Christmas. Ginger’s had long been our favourite coffee shop. Kitty would take us here as a special treat in the holidays. In fact, it’s probably where I got my first taste of coffee from.
‘Do you want me to go and talk to her?’ Livvy said as we waited for our drinks.
‘No Livvy, thanks for offering but no.’ The last thing I needed was for my baby sister to start interfering. ‘However I tackle this, I will have to do it alone, this is between me and Luce.’
***
‘Did you know he was going to be there and with her?’ I shamefully accused my best friend the moment she came through the coffee shop door. My heart was pounding and I hadn’t given up pacing as I waited for Licia, praying he wouldn’t join her, or maybe that’s precisely what I wanted, I didn’t know anymore. I knew damn fine she wouldn’t turn and flee like me. It felt like an eternity waiting. What had she said to him? What had he said in return? I was on the verge of going crazy, I was tired, my hormones all over the place.
‘Calm down, of course I didn’t, stop being irrational. Sit down and I’ll order.’
‘You need to eat.’ Licia stated, plonking a jug with a numbered wooden spoon on it in front of me. I glared back at her, that was the last thing I felt like doing.
‘Little and often. Little and often.’ She repeated the phrase the doctor had bounded about, whilst my stare intensified.
‘So how did he look? What did he say?’ Seriously my best friend needed to readdress her focus on my priorities.
‘So you care?’ Came the slightly harsh tone; I knew her and Marcus had grown close since her encounter with her ex Lucas but I didn’t need her turning on me.
‘Of course I care.’ I said a little pitifully. Guarding me carefully, I knew she was considering how to phrase what she had to say next.
I looked up from my frothy coffee. ‘That’s what he said?’ Nodding, she smiled sympathetically whilst stirring her milk into her tea.
‘Oh my god, what did he think we were doing in the baby department? Oh this is a nightmare. He doesn’t know does he?’
Passing me the sugar lumps she grasped the top of my hand. ‘He thinks you were buying a gift for a friend that’s having a baby.’
‘Oh thank you, thank you so much.’ I knew she hated lying.
‘Kind of the truth?’ I smirked before raising the glass to my lips.
‘Don’t know if I should tell you the rest?’ She blurted out as I swallowed.
‘Well you can’t very well not tell me now, can you? Just tell me he didn’t invite you to the baby shower.’ I joked, Licia wasn’t smiling. ‘Oh hell, he didn’t did he?’ Shaking her head she said, ‘No! But he did mention the baby was due in November.’ Pursing my lips together, at least I knew they’d conceived before I’d even known he existed. Strangely, I took a little comfort from that. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t what I wanted, call me old fashioned but I wanted the father of my children to be ours, I didn’t want him torn in every direction. Can’t change that now though…
‘You’re deep in thought.’ I hunched my shoulders.
‘Just wish things were different.’I lamented.
‘Whatever nightmare scenario you’re mapping out in your head, why don’t you just talk to him? You know he thanked me for looking out for you?’ I stared back at her, why was she telling me this?
‘You can’t just erase everything that has happened between you two.’
Downing my drink in one, ‘Can we go now?’ I asked.
‘But your food hasn’t arrived yet.’
‘I can’t eat it now anyway, can we get it to go or something?’
After initially grumbling, Licia hightailed it up to the counter and produced a brown paper doggie bag as a result.
‘Come on then…Oh Luce, don’t cry, come on honey, let me get you to the car.’ My fragile state really was getting through to me, I’d not planned this, any of it. I’d gone from thinking this was, whilst shocking, the most amazing news ever to the worst. Then I’d seen those babies, a part of me, I wanted them, but how the hell was I going to do this on my own.
‘Try and eat Luce, please. You need to keep your energy up.’ Licia nagged as I sat with my feet up hogging their window seat, staring out at their orchard.
‘Do you want to get some fresh air? You should get some air.’ she continued. ‘Sweetheart, leave her alone.’ Ethan interrupted. ‘She’s an adult, if she wants to eat, she will.’ I mouthed thank you to Ethan. ‘She knows you’re worried about her babe.’ he said to pacify her.
‘I’ll go and nibble on something now.’ I said getting up, which seemed to put a smile on everyone’s face.
Ten minutes later I wish I hadn’t, it was a fruitless attempt even attempting to keep food down. What’s worse is that Licia was feeling so bad about pestering me, that she demanded she help me clean myself up. ‘This is never going to get better is it?’ I tearfully announced.
‘Dry crackers.’ Licia blurts, not the response I was expecting. ‘Do you remember Mrs Lines, our English teacher in year nine, she was forever munching on dry crackers in our lessons to stop her morning sickness. Let me get you to bed and then I’ll go and get some.’
When I woke the curtains had been drawn, it was dark outside. My bedside cabinet with littered with an array of individually sealed, crackers: wheat, rye, cheese and a bottle of water with a little post it note on it.
Hope you slept well xx
Turned out it was just what I needed, the munchies had well and truly hit me. Shortly after 2am I’d devoured most of the packets and felt happy I could go on a wander to the kitchen. After all these crackers what I really fancied was some cheese and apples. Feeling like a naughty teenager on a midnight feast as crept through the silent house and sat in Ethan and Licia’s darken kitchen, gorging myself on hunks of cheddar with slices of apple, I can’t remember when I last ate like this. Completely led by impulses, I then grabbed a glass and poured a large glass of cold milk. Wow! That tasted good. Topping it up, I loaded my plate and wandered back to my bedroom, hoping this was a turning point and I would begin to feel better.
Morning came and things only got worse. Hunched over I mustered all my courage to go find Licia.
‘Morning sleepy, I checked on you earlier, I take it you liked the crackers.’ Licia’s face dropped when she saw my expression. ‘What, what is it?’ She screeched.
‘I’m bleeding.’ I’d woken this morning to more than the spotting I’d been told I could expect. This was all my fault, what if I’d hurt the babies by not being able to eat. As if reading my mind.
‘You did not cause this, your babies take what they need whether you provide it or not. You are not responsible for this, do you hear me.’ She said, loudly, so loudly that Ethan rounded the corner, ‘Babies?’
Licia’s eyeballs looked as though they may pop out of her head.
‘Sorry Ethan, I couldn’t tell anyone.’ I offered as he looked on at the situation evolving in his kitchen.
‘Darling could you bring the car around the front and I’ll phone the hospital, warn them we are coming.’ Silently he moved out of the room, looking just as shellshocked as us. Ethan drove like a bat out of hell, to the hospital, to be honest I think he hoped to get stopped by the police just so he could demand an escort. ‘You enjoyed that way too much.’ Licia said to him as he pulled up outside the entrance.
‘Ha Ha,’ he laughed, ‘A man has to practice these things. I’ll go and park and come find you? You ok if I join you?’ Ethan asked me directly.
‘Only if you come armed with coffee.’ I tried to joke.
‘Shouldn’t you be on decaf or something.’ My face said it all.
‘Bring me decaf and you’ll have a long stay in this hospital ahead of you.’
Still laughing, Ethan seemed to appreciate my humour, taking his hands off the wheel, holding them aloft in mock defence. Leaning into the window Licia thanked him in a way that if I hadn’t already been suffering from morning sickness would have contributed further to my nausea.
I’d only been here once before but I was beginning to loathe the sight and smell of this place. ‘We need the seven dwarves in here to cheer that woman up.’ Licia sarcastically stated as we took our seats. The receptionist appeared to have had all personality zapped from her as she managed to acknowledge us without looking up from her computer, entered the details she requested in a monotone voice and with the same flat tone instructed us to ‘Take a seat and you’ll be called.’ Twenty minutes later we’d still not been called. Ethan had arrived with the much needed coffee and got extra brownie points for having queued at the cafe for proper coffee instead of the foul coloured water, masquerading as the real stuff, that the vending machine offered.
‘Thanks.’ I said holding out my hands to take the liquid but dropped them realising my hands were shaking. Noticing the tremors Ethan, gently put my drink down on the table. ‘It’s hot, I’ll put it here to cool a bit.’
With my track record at the moment, it was a wise move, didn’t fancy giving myself or him third degree burns.
Another ten minutes and I still didn’t dare lift the coffee. ‘This is ridiculous.’ Licia complained. ‘Can’t we get some specialist to see her?’ Licia had grown accustomed to Ethan’s wealth far quicker than I’d expected, she knew exactly how money opened doors, but I for one wasn’t going to be using it. ‘Of course we can but that is Luce’s choice.’
‘It’s a very thoughtful offer, but it’s only a moment in time, I can wait, maybe the person in-front of me has got worse problems? I won’t get any better care.’
‘Not bloody likely!’ Licia harrumphed and trotted over to the counter to chivy things along.
‘I know she think
s she’s helping but what if she’s just put me further down the list.’ I said to Ethan as he looked on sympathetically.
‘I’m sure it doesn’t work like that?’ he tried to reassure me as Licia turned and gestured back towards me. ‘Your coffee should be fine now, I got them to put an extra shot in for you.’
My eyes lit up, ‘My hero.’ I said as I grasped the cup. ‘Hold that thought,’ he said as he looked nervously to the door. Following his eyes I looked on to see the door opened with such force it was virtually ripped off it hinges. In strode all six foot five of magnificence, not the wisest of rooms to walk into, looking like that, what with the amount of female hormones going haywire. Looking around instantly there was no mistake, despite wishing he was here for some other reason, it was us he was looking for. Having spotted us he made a beeline in our direction. I hadn’t relished this moment and I sure as hell didn’t want it here but I was too tired to utter a breath. My ally was still haranguing the admin staff and as yet hadn’t seen the testosterone surge within the room.
Ethan and Marcus seemed to be having a silent eyeballing communication method going on, as defeated, I looked down from his face to my coffee cup.
‘Tell me what’s going on Luce?’ he pleaded in a soft low tone. Fiddling with the rim of my now empty disposable cup I was still unable to give him direct eye contact. Gently lifting the offending cup out of my hands, he removed the distraction as though I were a child, giving it to Ethan to discard. Marcus took Ethan’s seat the moment he went in search of a bin. ‘I’m not going anywhere baby.’ Strangely his words were a comfort; for the remaining five or maybe it was ten minutes, we sat not saying a word, him holding my hand and I made no effort to change the situation. Every now and again his thumb would brush over the palm of my hand, as if to say, it’s going to be ok, we are going to be ok, in this moment, his touch was the only thing I was able to register.