Empowered

by Cynthia Dane

  “I’ll have to tell someone. It’ll be hard enough as it is not telling Damon until I have a better idea of where we’re going.”

  Sarah blew out a large breath. “I have to tell my brother.”

  “Maybe I should officially meet him. Outside of awkward café run-ins, that is.”

  “You could. He might be at our apartment tomorrow when you drop me off.”

  “Drop you off? What makes you think I’m not taking you out and spoiling you all day?”

  “You’ve already mentioned twice that you’re spending the day with your son.”

  “Not the evening. I have to take him back to his mother’s by dinner.”

  “And then?”

  He smothered her again, this time eliciting a giggle out of her smaller, more feminine frame. “Then I’m doing all of this with you. Again. My job isn’t done until you’re walking bowlegged into the office Monday morning.”

  “You’d love to be responsible for that, I’m sure.”

  “I’d take great pride in it. Might even send you a bouquet to make sure you know I feel bad about it.”

  “Make it yellow roses. Red is too obvious.”

  “Yellow would mean that I’m sorry.” He blew against her ear. “I’m not sorry about anything I do to you in bed.”

  They tousled beneath the covers until Sarah ran out of laughter and Lucas had his fill of touching her in places he had already been only minutes before. When they finally settled again, the muscular man spooning the woman he had asked to be his girlfriend, the mood took yet another downward turn.

  “Can I ask you something? I’d understand if you didn’t want to answer.”

  Sarah tensed in his hold.

  “When you were talking about the child you lost, you kept calling it a he. How did you know, if you weren’t that far enough along when…”

  “I just knew.” Sarah wiggled until he finally relented on how tightly he kept her close to him. “The moment they told me I was pregnant, I knew it was a boy. I never considered anything else. When I found out he was gone, that I had lost him, well… I hadn’t picked out a name for him yet, but I still felt like I needed to do something.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “What would you do if you lost your son?”

  Lucas grimaced. Yeah, doesn’t feel good, does it? “I’d kill the bastard who caused it.”

  “Yeah, that’s basically what I did.” She wouldn’t say how, but in those intense, dark days of her grief, Sarah had envisioned a million ways to kill Russell Monroe. This was before she knew without a doubt that he was the reason their son was gone from the universe. At least I would never be tacky enough to name my boy after him. Sarah had nothing to bury. But she and Nigel cobbled some spare change together to purchase a small memorial at the local cemetery. They had a monument to children lost before birth, and although they offered to add her son’s name, Sarah declined. She never wanted to name him. Maybe if he never had a name, he’d be free to go to some other mother who needed him more. “That fucker hasn’t suffered enough, but he has suffered.”

  “He’s hurt a lot of people.”

  “But has he hurt you?”

  “No. I’ve been hurt by others instead. We all have those bastards in our lives.”

  Sarah turned over and plastered her face against his chest. It was the only way to hide the tears burning behind her eyes.

  This time when she cried before him, it was with zero shame or inhibitions. She had nothing to hide from him anymore.

  ***

  Nigel was home when Sarah returned around noon the next day. After spending the night and morning with a man she now considered more than a lover, her apprehension at seeing her brother forced a lump down her throat.

  “Hey,” he said from the kitchen island counter. A cup of coffee steamed before him. At least he was showered and shaved. Sometimes, if Nigel stayed the weekend at home, he would forego both hygiene habits, his sister and girlfriend’s opinions be damned. “Back already?”

  Sarah entered but did not shut the front door. Lucas had every intention of following her into her apartment. He’s also shaved and showered, thank God. Although she rather missed the rugged man she made love to the night before. Well, this one smelled better, anyway. Less like sex, which Nigel probably appreciated.

  He instantly recognized the man from the café. His reaction was also exactly what Sarah anticipated: defensive and unimpressed.

  “Lucas,” she might as well get this over with, “this is my brother, Nigel. You’ve sort of met before.”

  Her boyfriend entered the room and extended his hand to Nigel. “Pleasure,” he said with his businesslike demeanor. “Sarah doesn’t stop talking about you.”

  Nigel dismissed the hand in favor of shooting his sister a glare. “Care to explain?”

  “This is Lucas Blackbourne. From the office. We’re, uh, dating.”

  Never before had Nigel regarded a man with so much damned disdain. “Are you the guy she’s been seeing in New York?”

  “A couple of times.” Lucas withdrew the handshake. “We only decided to make it official yesterday. She thought it pertinent that we formally meet.”

  “I bet she did. Took her long enough.”

  Just because I met Carly after your first date? He didn’t even bring his soon-to-be girlfriend home for sex. Carly came by long enough to meet Sarah, have a drink, and head back to her own apartment. Nigel proceeded to spend the rest of the night excitedly talking about the young woman and getting his sister’s opinion on her. The fact that this was not reciprocated did not sit well with him.

  That was the problem with Sarah having her realization that they were not, in fact, the same person with the same experiences. Can’t tell you all about my sex life. You turn into protective big brother, whereas I’m only expected to give you mere opinions. Maybe he would take them to heart. Maybe he would completely disregarded what she thought while expecting to be the law of God around the apartment. Besides, if he knew what I was really up to up in New York, he’d have a stroke like Russell’s.

  Or maybe he would simply hang his head and pray on her behalf. That was almost worse.

  “I’ll probably be coming around more often.” Bless Lucas. He tried so hard to come off friendly and cordial, as if he were saying “To watch movies and cook you guys dinner” instead of “To fuck your sister’s brains out while you’re in the other room.” Of course, it was okay for Carly to come over for sleepovers. Even though Sarah could sometimes hear them going at it well into the night.

  Damnit, why did her egg have to lack a Y chromosome? Why did Nigel get it? Thanks, Dad.

  “This isn’t fair,” Nigel said with the fakest niceties he could possibly put on. “Now my girlfriend is going to think a guy like this is the standard around here.”

  “I’ll leave the suits at home if it means I can take your sister out now and then.”

  “I highly doubt you’re fishing for my permission, Mr. Blackbourne. But in case you are… the deal is, make my sister cry, and… well, I’m sure you’ve heard about how well I get on with stairwells.”

  Only the blackest of humor for the Clayborn twins.

  Lucas returned to Sarah’s side and gave her a look that insinuated her brother was a true peach. “I must be going to pick up Victor. I’ll text you later, Sarah.” He kissed her, keeping it somewhat PG for the present audience. When he left a few minutes later, Sarah turned back to her brother, exasperated.

  “Nice boyfriend. From the office? Jesus, Sarah.”

  “You know how it is. Can’t date from anywhere else.” Wasn’t that how her last affair with a billionaire began?

  “I can only imagine how Mr. Monroe is taking that.”

  “He doesn’t know. We’re keeping it that way for now.”

  Nigel didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to for Sarah to feel his disproval.

  “Who’s Victor?”

  “His son. He’s divorced. Lucas, that is.”

 
“Does he treat you well?”

  “Yes. It freaks me out a little.”

  That got her brother’s eyes to widen in surprise. “Well… that’s all that really matters. I’ll trust your instincts if you trust mine.”

  “What do your instincts say?”

  “Not sure yet. I’ll get back to you on that.”

  Sarah wanted to thwack her brother on the head, but refrained. Only because I don’t want to have to take him to the doctor because I got him good. He would deserve it. Her little brother knew he deserved it, too. When Lucas returned that evening, dressed in more casual clothing that suggested a night in, Sarah was eager for the three of them to have dinner together so Nigel could see what she saw in her new boyfriend.

  That didn’t happen. Yet when it became clear Lucas would be spending part of the night there, Nigel went to his room. He said nothing in the morning aside from, “Now I know why you’re dating him.”

  Sarah had no idea she had been so loud.

  Chapter 15

  It had been years since Sarah had someone she considered a real boyfriend. Let alone a boyfriend she wasn’t supposed to tell people about.

  Because, hilariously enough, there was a time in college when she dated a professor’s assistant. How do you think we met? Technically, it wasn’t allowed. For three months, Sarah and Brad snuck around having sex in coat closets and their apartments. Sneaking around with Lucas was a different beast to tame, however. Besides, it wasn’t like their relationship was forbidden. It was simply in their best interests to keep it out of the press and away from the Monroes’ eyes. Everyone in the know agreed that Mr. Monroe would not be impressed with the inter-office romance, although he wouldn’t do anything to stop it – both as a courtesy to one of his best friends, and as a way to stay out of Sarah’s personal life.

  Too bad it was so damn hard keeping their flirting, stolen kisses, and text messages to one another away from everyone in the central office at Monroe Industries. Alice Monroe was increasingly nosier the more pregnant she became. By the beginning of April, she was well into her third trimester and sending her personal assistant on the strangest food runs she could cook up. But since they were during work hours, Sarah didn’t complain. She did a lot of the Monroes’ grocery shopping every week, anyway.

  So that’s how she ended up at the local grocery outlet one fine Wednesday afternoon, a list on her phone in one hand and texts to Alice Monroe’s driver on a different phone in her other hand. The driver would ensure the week’s worth of groceries would make it to the Monroes’ large penthouse by the time they arrived home later that evening. Sometimes that required calling in a delivery van to make the transfer, but usually Sarah and the driver could cram it all in the trunk of Alice’s personal car.

  As her pregnancy advanced, the need for a van became more frequent.

  Sarah was down the second aisle, basket already half full of quinoa and fresh vegetables, when she received a new text from her employer.

  “I need the stuff, please.” Sarah rolled her eyes to read it. A few seconds later, she received a follow-up. “The good stuff, Ms. Clayborn. I’ll tip you nicely if you sneak it to me the moment you get back.”

  Sarah stopped in the middle of the aisle and responded with her usual dry wit. “It would be my pleasure to keep you in good spirits, Mrs. Monroe.” That meant going behind Mr. Monroe’s back, because nobody was more involved in his pregnant wife’s diet than Damon Monroe. The poor woman couldn’t have a midnight Taco Bell run without him negotiating one chalupa instead of three sets of #8 crunchy tacos, extra cheese.

  Sarah wrote The Hostess With the Mostest at the bottom of her shopping list. Zingers, right? Or was it Twinkies?

  The overhead lights in the outlet shined with such intensity that she thought she was seeing things when she peered through a stack of laundry detergent and saw Lucas’s face.

  “Lord!” Sarah dropped the large bottle of Tide into her basket. “You scared the bajeesus out of me. What are you doing here?”

  “Same as you, my angel.” His grin matched the look on Mr. Clean’s face. “Picking up a few things. Except I don’t have an assistant to do it for me right now.”

  “I’m sure you could fix that.” The executive temp agency had sent over a few men and women to help fill in the gaps now that Lucas Blackbourne did work in the main office. He had yet to hire a permanent addition to the office. Now that Sarah knew why he was in town, she understood his hesitation. At any moment he might decide it more beneficial to go back to Denmark, with or without his son.

  “Nah.” Lucas tossed something into his basket. “I’m hosting a special guest at my place tonight, and I want to make sure I know exactly what’s going into his little stomach.”

  Sarah remained on the other side of laundry detergents even though a woman with three kids grumbled behind her. “Your son’s coming over to your place tonight?”

  “Yup. We’ve having a sleepover complete with Captain Crunch,” Lucas showed her the small box of cereal, “and all the Lego movies we can stand.”

  “I see. Guess that means no sleepover with me, then. Darn.”

  Lucas considered that statement with only half the grin from before. “Actually, I had wondered about inviting you over as well.”

  “Excuse me?” Sarah couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “Why not?”

  “Well…” She lowered her voice, hoping he could still hear her over the echoing Melissa Etheridge music blasting on the store speakers. “We only started dating recently, and I dunno if it’s a good idea for someone as young as him to…”

  “I’ve already cleared it with his mother.”

  “You… have?”

  “Well, I told her that I am seeing someone right now and it’s kinda-sorta serious, so at some point it might be good for Victor to be around her, and…”

  “She didn’t have a problem with that?” The woman Sarah had seen looked uptight enough to start her own line of turtlenecks. There was no way a young mother like her was okay with her small son meeting dad’s new ho-muffin so early in a relationship. Sarah would’ve been shocked if Jill Blackbourne signed off on that. Hell, most mothers wouldn’t want their exes dragging in fresh relationships when a young child was involved. Engaged? Maybe. Maybe. “I find that hard to believe.”

  “I’m not saying she doesn’t have any problems,” Lucas said. “But she doesn’t get much say at all, really. It’s my night with my kid this week, and I might like him to meet my sweet and beautiful girlfriend.”

  “Okay, you’re laying it on a bit thick.” Sarah pushed her basket around the corner, finding Lucas with his own basket full of junk food and a smattering of pre-packaged salads. God help him. What is he doing here? Poor Victor. Shit, poor Jill! She’d be getting back a child who was nothing more than a bundle of sugary energy and a few new cavities. Was Lucas a parent or a goofy grandpa spoiling his progeny?

  “Will you come over tonight?”

  Sarah studied the contents of her basket, neatly divided between Food for Home and Food for the Office. One pile was almost smaller than the other. Both were going on the same couple’s credit card for their accountant to deal with at the end of the month. “If you promise to feed me something other than Captain Crunch or Lucky Charms.” She held up finger to her boyfriend’s lips. “No, not that either.”

  “But Angel, you love swallowing…”

  Men, I swear… “Don’t get so excited. Put some lean meat, healthy grains, and for God’s sake, some fresh vegetables to cook us later, and I’ll think about it. By the way…” she pushed her cart past him, “there’s a sale on broccoli. Yes. Broccoli.”

  “I think he likes broccoli?”

  Sarah blew him a covert kiss. “Seven?”

  He caught her kiss before tucking it into his pocket. “I can send a car for you, or…”

  “I know where you live.”

  “Right. See you, Angel.”

  Sarah hid her smil
e from the world, choosing to keep it locked up deep in her heart and safe from prying eyes that would chastise her for being happy. How dare I? As she lined up to check out and texted the driver to come to the front of the store to load up the groceries into the trunk, she bit her lip and wondered what it would be like meeting her boyfriend’s son.

  Five years old… my goodness.

  There wasn’t enough room in the backseat for both her and the groceries, so she rode shotgun on the way back to the office. He wished her a pleasant day before going to the Monroes’ residential building, where he would team up with their live-in maid to bring in the groceries for her to sort and start dinner with. With any luck, the fat and famished Alice Monroe would have a huge supper waiting for her when she got home at six, and Sarah would once again be a successful cog in the world of running errands for the ridiculously rich.

  She tucked one cloth bag full of goodies beneath her arm when she entered the office. Alisha wanted a moment of her time, but Sarah showed her the bag and was told that their boss was in her office doing paperwork.

  “You got the stuff?”

  Alice’s expectant visage welcomed Sarah before anything else.

  She held up the fabric bag. Alice looked around for her husband before hitting a button that would fog up her windows looking out into the main office. Operation avoid him was a go.

  “You’re saving my life, Ms. Clayborn.” She tore into those Twinkies as if the baby inside of her demanded a sponge cake sacrifice. “How could I ever repay you?”

  Sarah deposited the bag beneath her employer’s desk. She had never heard a woman so noisily eat Hostess products – nor had she ever seen a pregnant woman inhale food at such intense rates – but she wouldn’t hold it against her. “Don’t suppose I could go home half an hour early today?”

  “Oh?” Damn, were they stuffing more cream filling in their snacks those days? “Got something going on tonight?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Girl, you’re glowing more than I am. What’s going on with you?”

  Sarah allowed one small smile to cross her face. “Nice things, for once. Thank you for asking.” That was her hint that she was already done talking about it.