Empowered

by Cynthia Dane

  “All right.” Sarah stuffed the already empty wrapper deep into the bottom of her trashcan. “You can leave at 4:30, with one condition.”

  “Yes?”

  “You have a damn good time with whatever you’re doing tonight, because I will be crying in my new nursery wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I agreed to pea soup green walls instead of the royal purple like I wanted.”

  Funny, Sarah could’ve sworn she recalled ordering lavender paint on her boss’s behalf. “I certainly hope to have a good time tonight, ma’am. If I may?”

  “Yeah, sure. If you see my husband, distract him for a few more minutes, would you? Me and these Ho-Hos gotta have a moment together.”

  Sarah left the office, careful to close the door behind her on her way out. Good thing, too. She ran into Mr. Monroe coming out of his office and making a beeline for his wife’s. All Sarah had to do was remind him that he had a three-thirty call to make to Hong Kong, and he was back in his office before he had the chance to catch his wife going against doctor’s diet orders.

  When Sarah finally sat down at her desk, it was to find an inter-office envelope.

  “Roses are red / Violets are blue / Hope you’re thinking of me / Because I’m thinking of you.”

  To think, someone had been paid to pick that up from Lucas’s outbox and place it on Sarah’s desk. To think, someone had been paid to put that smile on her face before she hustled to finish up her work before 4:30 rolled around.

  Chapter 16

  When Sarah arrived at Lucas’s apartment early, it was to the scent of roast in the oven and the sounds of a five-year-old watching cartoons on the huge flat-screen TV.

  Sarah wouldn’t say she was up on the hip cartoons of the day, but she recognized Steven Universe well enough. She also recognized the excited grin on her boyfriend’s face when he stepped out of the kitchen wearing jeans and a T-shirt instead of the three-piece bespoke suit from earlier. He already had sauce and God knew what else stains on his shirt.

  “As you can see, we here at Casa de Blackbourne only deal in the finest of entertainment and, in the words of my son when he saw me put broccoli in the steamer… ‘gross nasties.’” Lucas gave Sarah a kiss on the forehead. “More broccoli for us.”

  She hung her bag up on the rack by the front door before removing her shoes and following Lucas into the living room. He picked up the remote and muted the colorful cartoon. Victor turned to them, eyes wide in surprise when he noticed a new person in the room.

  “I’d like you to meet someone, Victor,” Lucas said with nervous pep in his voice. Sarah squeezed his hand. Maybe it would give him more impetus to introduce her. “This is my friend Sarah. She’s going to hang out with us tonight and have dinner and watch movies. Sound good?”

  There was no mistaking Victor for anyone but Lucas’s son. His bright blue eyes were the same exact shade as any other Blackbourne’s, and his moppy black hair hung like Lucas’s. The only distinctive markings that must have come from his mother’s side were the freckles littering his face, as if he picked up a brown Crayon and had fun in front of the mirror.

  He looked Sarah up and down, not sure what to make of her. Yeah, kid, I don’t have a lot of experience with children. “Okay.”

  “Okay? Just okay?” Lucas released Sarah’s hand and sat next to his son. “You gonna say hi to Sarah?”

  “Hi, Sarah.”

  She waved back at him. “Nice to meet you, Victor. Your dad talks about you all the time.” As of last weekend, but who’s counting, right? “What are you watching?”

  Lucas stood back up and motioned to the kitchen. “I’ma let you two get acquainted and check on dinner.”

  What? Leaving me alone with him? Victor didn’t seem to mind. He looked back toward the TV, which Lucas unmuted before heading back to the kitchen. Sarah sat on the far end of the couch, a respectable distance from the boy she only just met.

  “Steven Universe.”

  “I’ve never seen it before. What’s it about?”

  “Gems.”

  That told her nothing. “Looks good.”

  What else should she say?

  Sarah was not prepared for this, no matter how nonchalant she was before showing up. It didn’t help that she never grew up around other children in her family, had younger siblings who weren’t only younger by five minutes, or dated men who had younger children before Lucas came into her life. What did I think I was going to do when I had a baby? No, that was different. She would’ve been the mother, damnit, and known this child from the day he was born. She would have intimately known his quirks, his personality/mood swings, and know not to ask questions like What are you watching? Besides, Victor was five. Sarah knew enough to know that he was at such a precarious age. While he was still too young to understand the implications of his father dating a new woman and what that might mean for their future, he was old enough to remember her should she stick around long enough to form an attachment. Who knew what this boy had already gone through when it came to losing people he loved? His parents had divorced when he was only four. He saw his father once a week, sometimes more, but usually not. What would I have done? No way would Russell have wanted to be involved with their son’s life. That had suited Sarah fine. Better for him to be completely out of the picture than to get her boy’s hopes up. Nigel would be his male role model for better or for worse.

  Not that it mattered anymore.

  So they sat in silence on the couch, Victor watching TV while Sarah contemplated the alternative history where she became a mother and dealt with this as Jill Blackbourne currently did. When would I introduce a new boyfriend? When would I explain getting remarried? What would I do if my son hated my boyfriend?

  The night was worse than Sarah had anticipated. No, Victor wasn’t untoward or impolite to her, but he barely acknowledged her as they ate dinner at a small table by the kitchen and followed it up with The Lego Movie in the living room. Lucas made microwave popcorn and dumped it into a large blue bowl that Victor asked to carry to the couch. When it proved to be much too big for him, Sarah snatched the rim and helped him haul it the several feet to the living room. That was the extent of their interaction for most of the movie, since Lucas sat between them on the couch, one arm around both like he was the luckiest man in the world.

  Sarah crossed her legs away from them, her arms useless in her lap. She sat up straight but couldn’t pay attention to the movie. She barely touched the popcorn. Every time Victor or Lucas laughed, she suddenly gave the film her rapt attention, attempting to figure out what was so funny and what appealed to the Blackbourne sense of humor.

  Why am I obsessing over this? There was no point being so standoffish, let alone around a small child. Let alone around her damned boyfriend.

  “Dad?” Victor asked toward the end of the movie.

  “Hm?”

  “Why isn’t Mama here?”

  Sarah excused herself to the bathroom, even though she didn’t have to go.When she determined it safe enough to come back out ten minutes later, she discovered a scene she never expected.

  “Whoop! There he goes!” Lucas held his son upside down between his legs. Giggles exploded every time Victor’s father swung him around or lifted him up into the air. Lucas’s muscles flexed under the onus of moving forty pounds around his living room. Was he enjoying the moment? Wondering how long it was until his son was too big, too heavy to pick up again? Did they do this often, or was this one of his ways of assuaging his son’s concerns toward his parents? Sarah stayed near the bathroom, entranced, her heart unable to bear the intimate moment that would one day be a fond memory for both father and son.

  What the hell was she doing, thinking she could possibly be a part of it?

  “Where are you going, Angel?” Lucas plopped his laughing son down on the couch and approached her. Not fast enough. She already had her purse over her shoulder and one of her shoes on her feet. “The night’s still young.”

  It was almost nine-thirt
y, but he could keep telling himself that. “I need to get to bed early. I have a meeting at… well, you know.”

  “So stay here tonight.”

  “Where would I sleep? The couch?”

  Lucas put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Damn him for making her feel better, right? “He’s going to sleep on the couch tonight. Not with me.” Before Sarah could protest again, he continued, “He’s pretty excited to sleep on a couch. It’s his first time.” Lucas leaned in closer, hand blocking his mouth from any listening five-year-old ears. “He’s a big kid now, okay? Can’t be sleeping with his parents, he says.”

  “Uh huh…”

  “Please, Sarah. If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you, but could you at least say goodbye to him?”

  “Right. That would’ve been rude of me otherwise.”

  “Believe it or not, he actually likes you.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Because he hisses at the people he doesn’t like.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. He hisses. Has since his teeth grew in. You should see him around my mother.”

  “I…”

  “I’m just saying, Sarah. He hasn’t hissed at you yet.”

  Sarah hung her purse back up. “All right. I’ll stay. As long as you promise I don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

  “Not unless I’m sleeping on it with you. Who knows? The little prince out there might want my bed all to himself.”

  “It would be rather snug on your couch.”

  “I don’t mind snug.”

  He tipped her chin up and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

  “Can I use your shower?”

  Lucas grinned down at her. “Of course. Take as long as you need.”

  She did. She needed a damn long time to herself in his shower, doing nothing except sitting on the bench beneath his showerhead and drowning beneath warm water and wishing it would wash away the negative thoughts trapped in her head.

  Since agreeing to be his girlfriend a week and a half ago, Sarah had moved in a few personal items. Not just a spare toothbrush and flosser, but changes of underwear, a couple spare blouses she could switch out between shifts at work – and nobody would notice. While she didn’t have pajamas since she planned on spending most nights naked with her boyfriend, she found a smaller pair of Lucas’s boxer shorts and a loose-fitting T-shirt that nobody could claim corrupted a small male child. (What his father sexualized was a different matter entirely.)

  She half expected to find Lucas arguing with his son about bedtime, but Victor was already asleep – on his father.

  The two snoozed on the couch, son sprawled across his father’s broad chest, rising up, falling down, and drooling on the T-shirt beneath him. Lucas, whose head was propped up against the arm of the couch, lightly snored with one arm thrown across his son’s tiny shoulders.

  Quietly, Sarah snuck into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water before going into Lucas’s bedroom. Fifteen minutes later, right before she finished replying to her texts for the night, Lucas ambled in, yawning and pulling his shirt over his head.

  “Guy’s all tuckered out. So am I.”

  “Is he asleep?”

  Lucas left his bedroom door unlocked. A sign that nothing besides sleeping together was happening that night. “All nice and snug under a blanket on my couch. I made sure to hide the TV remote. Wouldn’t be the first time he almost watched something way too adult for him at four in the morning.”

  Sarah laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Lucas pulled back his covers and crawled in next to her. No shower for him that night? Fine. At least she had his scent to fall asleep with. Lucas didn’t need to be body wash and aftershave 24/7. Sometimes his natural smell was as divine.

  “You’re such a dad.”

  He pulled her phone out of her hands and tossed it onto a chair a few feet away. His arms wrapped around her and brought her into his protective embrace. “Does that turn you on, Angel?”

  Sarah clapped her hands twice, turning off the lights in the bedroom. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to nothing but the midnight lights outside. “Everything you do turns me on, apparently. Even watching you do the dishes earlier turned me on.”

  “Wow. Doesn’t take much.”

  “That’s to your benefit.”

  They were silent for a moment, Sarah appreciating the calm in the room – and around her. “Thanks for meeting my son today, Angel,” Lucas said yet another moment later.

  “It was my pleasure.”

  “It means a lot to me. I want him to see his old man having healthy relationships.”

  Sarah wouldn’t argue with him. Not about what was good for his son to see, and certainly not about whether or not their relationship was healthy.

  “Let’s go on a date this weekend,” Sarah said with a yawn. “Take me someplace nice. Play your cards right and I’ll be a total freak in bed.”

  “Now I can’t sleep.”

  Sarah could. She was out like the city lights within five more minutes, dreaming of nothing but pure, relaxing bliss.

  Chapter 17

  All her teasing did nothing but rile her up some more. Instead of making Lucas wait for their date that weekend, Sarah snuck into his office late Friday morning under the pretense of coordinating a meeting on his behalf.

  Within five minutes they were going at it like teenagers behind Mr. Blackbourne’s desk.

  Sarah didn’t usually court this level of risk in her professional life, but since returning from New York, they were hard pressed to wait for the end of the day before giving themselves over to orgasmic sex in all its forms.

  Even quickies were worth it, if Sarah was honest with herself.

  “You are wearing way too many clothes,” her boyfriend informed her halfway through their tryst. “What do I have to do to get them off you?”

  “Put a deadlock on your door.”

  He thrust deeper into her, sending Sarah halfway off his lap with nothing but lust shaking her limbs. “Anyone walking in would already see us fucking, Angel.”

  Good for him for being able to speak coherently while they had sex in his office. Because Sarah had long forgotten how words worked.

  “Rather not have my tits flopping around for everyone to see.”

  “Not even me?”

  He had stopped moving, which encouraged her to take over the sweet movements rocking them together. Funny, wasn’t it? Whenever Sarah was in control, everything slowed down. Her hips. Her thighs. Her heartrate. How slowly his cock moved in and out of her. It had its moments over letting him fuck her as hard and fast as possible, but when it came to hookups in the office, Sarah preferred hard and fast.

  “In that case…” Lucas’s hands encased Sarah’s cheeks. The intent was there. “Stop moving.” Sarah stilled in his lap, his cock filling her up until all she could do was whimper from how good it felt. “I know exactly how I want this to end.”

  Sarah didn’t disagree. She had a bit of a kink for getting on her knees at work and swallowing a powerful businessman’s climax.

  A kink she didn’t realize she had until now, but a kink nonetheless.

  What other crazy kinks do I have? These were considerations Sarah never entertained when she went out and about as Angel. When the blond wig was off, she rarely thought about her sex life beyond a date here or there. What Angel was into and what Sarah wanted from her sex life were two separate things. Angel was up for anything. Backward cowgirl, anal, a spit roast or Eiffel tower from two men who may or may not have known each other, a lesbian orgy or a gangbang during someone’s bachelor party. Angel would do it if it gave her any semblance of a thrill.

  Sarah had shut down those parts of herself after Russell Monroe worked his diabolical magic.

  “Don’t compartmentalize like this,” a therapist once warned her. “Don’t split your personality to dangerous levels.” Whatever. Sarah was in complete control of her transitions between her real s
elf and Angel the Slut. She swore.

  “At some point,” she crawled back into his lap, his half-hard cock pressing against her wet thigh as his head leaned back and eyes closed, “you’re going to have to seal the deal, Mr. Blackbourne.”

  He languidly watched her zip up her pants, brush the wrinkles out of her blouse, and rearrange her jacket. “One of these days. When you tell me what you really want.” He put himself away after tossing a tissue into the trashcan.

  Sarah leaned down and gave him a sweet kiss. “You know what I want?”

  “For the love of God, tell me.”

  “You.”

  They shared a humble moment before they were so rudely interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

  “Shit.” Sarah checked her reflection in a framed painting hanging on the other wall. Lucas likewise rearranged his clothing and pretended to look busy with his work. When Damon Monroe was finally admitted with a push of a button on Lucas’s desk, he would never guess that his assistant and best friend were up to hanky panky while on the job.

  “If you don’t mind, Ms. Clayborn,” he said with little regard for where she stood, “my wife needs your assistance with something.”

  Sarah spared her boyfriend a loving glance before leaving his office. By the time she reached the door, Damon and Lucas were already discussing an upcoming conference call with backers from Hong Kong.

  She found Mrs. Monroe hovering near the assistants’ desk, an apology already written across her face. “Ms. Clayborn,” she said with relief the moment she saw Sarah. “So sorry to have to do this, but could you make another run to Mr. Lowenstein’s place in Old Town? His back is still recovering.”

  “It’s no issue, ma’am.” Sarah picked up a stack of folders left on her desk. “Is this all?”

  “Yes. Oh, if you could stop by the secondary apartment afterward, I would greatly appreciate it.”

  Sarah slipped the folders into a nondescript cloth tote bag. “Ma’am?”