Empowered

by Cynthia Dane

  “Please. I accidentally left my bag there last night. If you could bring it to me before I go home to the penthouse tonight, I would greatly appreciate it.”

  She said this with a low voice so Alisha wouldn’t hear. While the other assistant certainly knew about the Monroes’ secondary home, she probably didn’t know that it was a renovated sex dungeon. Oh, sorry, I mean it’s their getaway place for when their huge six-bedroom penthouse is too stifling, or whatever. Sarah didn’t want to know what kind of a kink an eight-month pregnant woman was allowed to get up to, but she also knew that Alice Monroe had greater appetites beyond the millions of Twinkies she ate every week since hitting her third trimester.

  Drop off the folders. Pick up the bag. Sarah would be back before the day was over and she and Lucas could spend their Friday evening fooling around back at her place. He had promised her a romantic date all weekend, and it was starting in her bedroom.

  Sarah was soon in the back of Mrs. Monroe’s car again, her driver barely asking where they were going before gunning it for those Old Town brick walkups near the marina. Sarah texted Lucas that she had to step out for work errands for a couple of hours, but would stop by the office before he left, for sure.

  “Just in case, I can always come by your place later. I know where you live : )”

  She then texted Nigel, asking him if Carly was coming over for dinner that night. A part of her wanted to make a family thing out of their dates.

  “Sounds fine. I’m sure she’ll love to meet him. I’ll bring home a pizza and salad if you bring the drinks.”

  Drinks, huh? Was he talking high-end beer or middle-of-the-road wine? Beer. It’s a beer night. Sarah chuckled to her phone as the car pulled up in front of the lawyer’s townhouse.

  That went without incident. It was what happened when she walked back toward the idling car that shook her for the rest of the evening.

  A few houses down, Jill Blackbourne emerged from her ex-husband’s car, Victor’s hand in hers. Jill didn’t pay any attention to the woman standing near the end of the street, too frozen to move.

  Not because she saw her boyfriend’s ex-wife. That didn’t concern her.

  But because Victor saw Sarah.

  “Hi!” He waved, his smile as big as Lucas’s when he was happy. “Hi, Sarah!”

  Jill stopped halfway across the small front yard and yanked on her son’s hand. He pointed to Sarah, who scrambled to get into the back of her employer’s car and out of Victor’s line of sight.

  “Who are you talking to?” That was the last thing Sarah heard before the door closed. When the car passed Jill’s residence, she tried to not look out the window. Unfortunately for her, curiosity won out.

  Lucas’s ex-wife had her son scooped up in her arms, a terrible glare shooting in the direction of the sleek black car that spent way too much time on that street. Sarah forgot to grab the bag before turning to work.

  Chapter 18

  “What do you think? Romantic enough?”

  Sarah looked across the bay and to the sleepy, touristy town on the other side of the water. Sunset sank behind the green hills, the cool breeze whipping her hair and the cotton skirt flapping around her legs. I never wear these kinds of skirts. Nor did she often wear sandals. But when Lucas told her they were hitting up a resort town half an hour from the city, she immediately thought of her favorite summertime outfit. Lucas had approved, from the way his hand kept meandering up her skirt.

  “We get to spend the whole night here?” Sarah leaned against their private balcony. Behind them, a gorgeous bungalow was all theirs, from the chef’s kitchen to the huge king-sized bed overlooking the water. The clawfoot tub in the bathroom with floor-to-ceiling windows was a nice touch, although she wasn’t sure how into the idea she was. Maybe it’s time we took a bath.

  “Angel, we get to spend however long you want here.”

  “So, eternity?”

  “I’ll find a way to swing it.”

  She breathed in the fresh sea air. The evening chill hadn’t claimed her yet. Not with Lucas wrapping his warm arm around her shoulders.

  Lucas had done an admirable job making her forget yesterday afternoon’s run-in outside Jill’s house. Who knew she would see Victor at that moment? Who knew he would not only recognize her, but like her enough to wave at her? Sarah never told Lucas what happened. She wanted to forget it.

  Spending the evening with her boyfriend, brother, and brother’s girlfriend was a good enough distraction until it was time to get up and head to this coastal town for an escape.

  Lucas picked Sarah up from beneath her arms and twirled her back toward their room. “Oh, what to do with you, Ms. Clayborn?”

  She laughed, forgetting every little thing bothering her. Damnit, this is what I love most about you Lucas. She used the L word loosely, of course.

  “I can think of a few things!”

  Dinner was late that night, simply because they refused to eat it until they were finished making love – which took more than an hour to accomplish.

  That hour was one of the simplest of Sarah’s life. She didn’t question her feelings for her boyfriend. She didn’t ask herself why she loved being with him so much. They didn’t complicate anything. Undressing was as easy as breathing. Kissing, caressing, wrapping their limbs around each other’s naked bodies… when things happened so effortlessly like that, Sarah was able to slip away from reality and bask in the pleasure it offered. Even the fact that it gave her more emotional pleasure than physical didn’t faze her.

  Why wouldn’t Lucas give her emotional pleasure by now? He was her boyfriend. Shouldn’t he make her happy?

  “What do you want?” He had stopped thrusting long enough to mutter that into the crook of her neck. The opened window allowed the last of the sunset to stream across the bed, illuminating his sweaty face with a soft golden glow. Sarah squeezed his shoulders and curled her toes into the bed. What do I want? She now knew better than to think he asked about mere sex. Obviously, she wanted to come. She wanted him to come. Ideally, they’d come together and bask in a riveting afterglow that brought them closer as a couple. “How about that? We came at the same time.” It helped that once Sarah got started, coming was also as easy as taking a deep breath. Not difficult to time her last one to whenever she felt his cock swell in preparation for climax. He was large enough to feel that.

  No, he always asked her this question because she had yet to give him the answer he sought.

  “This,” Sarah said. “Forever.”

  While those words enticed him to kiss her harder than he ever had before, it wasn’t enough to bring them the ultimate intimacy she craved. But she was used to it now. Even though she was declared infertile by multiple doctors, he still refused to come inside of her. He wouldn’t even use a barrier method for better peace of mind. Sarah had accepted it was a quirk of his, and didn’t bother him about it.

  Even though she fantasized about that more than anything else.

  “Jesus smiling from above,” Lucas groaned the moment he collapsed beside her, “that was amazing.”

  She didn’t have many complaints either. “Sure was, stud.”

  “Stud?”

  “Am I collapsing your fantasy for you, Mr. Blackbourne?”

  “Call me that again.” His lazy wink was more comical than for serious effect. “Anytime.”

  Sarah laughed into the back of her hand, one leg drawing up while the other twisted in his direction. I want a cuddle. That’s what I really want. His arm pulled her in without another word.

  “You know,” he said after a time. “I think this is the happiest I’ve been with someone in a really long time.”

  She sighed. “I know what you mean.”

  He propped himself up on one arm, the white sheet sliding down his leg until Sarah had a full view of his Adonis V pointing toward his cock. Even while flaccid, it was still a beautiful thing to behold. Calm yourself, girl. There’s plenty of time to put your mouth on it this weekend. She
needed to look into this oral fixation of hers. “I’m thinking that we should go public.”

  She snapped out of her half-asleep fantasies. “What?”

  “I know what you’re thinking. It’s not good for your job. That’s why I’m going to tell Damon Monday morning when I get back to work.”

  “Come on, Luke…”

  “I’m serious. I’ll tell him in confidence, off the record. If he really has a problem with it, I’ll deal with it. I’ll make sure you stay out of it.”

  “Even if he signs off on it, there’s no way I can stay out of it.”

  “I know, but…” He sighed. “Don’t you want to be public with me, Angel?”

  Her finger traced his bottom lip. “I want everything with you.”

  Those words came out of her mouth before she vetted them in her brain. Lucas gave her the exact expression she expected once she realized her folly. That boyish hope that told Sarah she needed to think things through next time.

  “Me too, Angel. There’s something about you that continues to draw me in.” He lightly kissed her forehead. “We can keep taking it easy, of course, but eventually… maybe…”

  She brushed her fingers against his chest. “You’ve got a lot going on with your disputes.”

  “Yes. I need to focus on that before anything else.”

  “As you should. He’s your son.” Sarah would never be able to forget how happy those two looked playing the other night.

  “But I want to focus on you, too.”

  “You are focusing on me. Right now.”

  “I want to focus on you every waking moment I have available.”

  The way his hand pressed upon her body awakened some forgotten corner of her heart. It made her sit up with a start, her brain firing off warning! shots before she had the chance to calm herself down.

  No… no, she shouldn’t be feeling this for a man like Lucas Blackbourne.

  She shouldn’t be feeling this for a man at all.

  “Sarah.” She melted into his embrace, nonetheless. “God damnit, I love you.”

  Hearing that was both an inspiration and a hindrance.

  “Please tell me that you at least feel a sliver of love for me too.”

  “I…” She certainly cared for him. She wanted to be with him for as long as it worked out. She wanted to see him every day, or at least hear his voice every day. Sweet texts. Sexual texts. Flowers at work and little presents sent to her apartment. Nights in with her family and nights out like this, where they could focus on each other for as long as time allowed.

  If anything happened to him… if for some reason they could no longer be together… it would devastate her all over again. That’s what scared her. I can’t live like that. I can’t afford to get depressed again.

  Dangerous. Too dangerous. If Lucas broke her heart, it was all over.

  Could she allow herself to love like that? Openly? Unabashedly? Without fear of her own demise? Of his demise?

  “Please, Sarah. Say something. Tell me what you want.”

  She said the first thing that came to her mind. “I want to love you, Luke.”

  That soothed him enough to give her another heavy kiss. Before Sarah knew it, they were making love again, wishing that the rest of the world didn’t exist so they could spend the rest of this eternity together. Unfortunately, they only had one weekend. It would have to do.

  Chapter 19

  Lucas dropped her off in front of her building Sunday evening before going home. When he kissed her goodbye, it was with another “I love you” on her lips.

  Sarah kissed the hand snug between her palms. His intimidating knuckles were nothing beneath her kisses and his class ring from Princeton cool against her skin. I can’t say those words back to you yet. He claimed to understand.

  “See you tomorrow, Angel.” Lucas held open his car door, one leg in and the other keeping him on the sidewalk. “I’ve already texted Damon and told him I want to meet before the day starts.”

  Shivers ripped through Sarah. I can only imagine how that’s going to go. Her boss knowing all about them… how much of a talking to would Lucas get? How awkward would it be when Sarah walked into the office a few minutes later?

  The apartment was quiet when she entered. Everything was off, save for a faint light coming from her brother’s bedroom. Classical music played behind the door as well. It wasn’t unlike Nigel to spend his lonely evenings locked up in his bedroom surfing the web and listening to Bach. He was so much their father like that.

  Sarah knocked on his door and let him know that she was home before going to her own room and settling in for the evening. Unpacking. Showering. Laying out her clothes for the next day and making any last minute adjustments to Mr. and Mrs. Monroe’s schedules. She double-checked that she didn’t need to bring a lunch for Monday and sat down on the end of her bed. It was already eight by then.

  The moment she slowed down, she thought of Lucas again. He didn’t even have to text her a series of hearts and a “Miss you already,” for her to think about him.

  She got up and went down the hallway to her brother’s room.

  Nigel didn’t respond to her knocking. Probably because he had his earbuds in while he watched a documentary about the African Savannah. I’m going to find out he’s live-chatting with Dad in about five seconds. Perhaps not that night.

  “Hey,” he said without turning around. Either he saw her in his monitor or that twin ESP was on high alert. “What’s up?”

  “No Carly tonight?”

  “She had a thing with her family today. Just been me. We should get some fish or something.”

  Chuckling, Sarah pulled over another desk chair and sat next to her brother. He paused his video and turned off the music in the background. “Not gonna spring for the cat, huh?” Nigel loved cats more than their mother loved her Yorkie. Alas, they never got around to adopting one since graduating high school. This apartment allowed up to two pets. Sarah figured it was only a matter of time before Nigel started dropping hints about a feline friend.

  “How was your trip?”

  “Good.” Sarah leaned against the corner of her brother’s desk. “He told me he loves me.”

  Nigel’s expression did not change, but his posture lost its luster for the briefest second. “Which question do I ask first?”

  “The one bugging you the most.”

  Nigel didn’t waste another breath. “Do you believe him?”

  “I… I think so.” Would it be cross of her to steal some of the tea still in his mug? Too late. Damnit. It’s cold. Drink your fuckin’ tea, Nigel. “That’s part of the problem, though, isn’t it? I don’t know what’s real and what are lies anymore. I haven’t been in a real relationship in so long, and never with a man like him…”

  “Plus it’s pretty fast. You’ve only been seeing each other for how many weeks?”

  “I know.” Sighing, Sarah looked out her brother’s window. Lights twinkled in the building across the street. “He asked me if I loved him back. I told him that I wanted to, but I didn’t know if I was there yet.”

  “Ah, Sarah…”

  “Maybe I’d like to be in a relationship, you know? One where I know they care about me and I’m not afraid they’re going to cast me aside as soon as it’s most convenient.”

  “I understand.”

  “What do you think?” Sarah hoped she wouldn’t regret asking this. “You’ve met him a few times now. Do you think Luke’s a genuine man?”

  “Do you want to know what I really think?”

  She winced. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have asked otherwise. I know you’ll give it to me straight, Nigel.”

  They shared a look of mutual understanding. If only that was all it took now. If it were something more minor, like what she should do about her job, going back to school, whatever… one look from her brother would be all it took. Her future in the hands of another man? After what she had been through in the past couple of years?

  “I think
it’s hard to read a man like that.” Nigel closed his laptop and folded his arms on top of it. “You know what they’re like, Sarah. They’re on another level. They’re either so spoiled that their terrible attitudes go by unchecked, or they’ve learned to be so charming and suave that they’ve knocked you on your ass before you can ask for a kiss.”

  He didn’t say like what happened last time, but Sarah knew that’s what he intended. Russell Monroe hadn’t been charming, per se, but he was certainly suave when it came to getting the help into bed. He didn’t make me think he was in love with me, but he made me think I was attractive. Lucas, though? He made her feel beautiful.

  “That’s my concern,” she finally said. “I want to trust my instincts, but my instincts are fucked.”

  “He seems to genuinely like you, for what’s it worth. I can’t think of many other men like that who would sit down to have pizza with us.”

  “What do you really think?”

  “I think you should be careful, Sarah. But that doesn’t mean you should push him away if you think it’s genuine.”

  “Yeah. It’s me. It’s my problem. It’s my experiences making me feel like shit.”

  “Hey.” Nigel put a firm hand on her knee. “Don’t tear yourself down like that. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “I should’ve…” Sarah choked back a sudden sob. “I should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with him. I should’ve known what a sociopath he was…”

  “Who are you talking about?”

  Funny that Nigel thought he had to ask. Didn’t he know?

  ***

  “Let me buy you lunch today,” a text from Lucas said early Monday morning. “I have it on good authority that Damon’s meeting was canceled.” How did he know? Damnit, did that mean he was already chatting with Sarah’s boss? That gave her butterflies in her stomach.

  “Have you talked to him yet?”

  “Waiting until we get to his office so we have some privacy. I talked him into coming in early. Bought him a pretzel. Did you know that he loves those hot pretzels they sell down on the corner?”