Coveting Love (Jessica Crawford)

by Schwimley, Victoria

  Jessica gave Amy a big hug. “When did you get so wise? For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing what’s best. I have a feeling everything is going to work out just fine.”

  Amy nodded in agreement.

  “One more thing before I go. I’ve been thinking a lot about this weekend. I hope there are no hard feelings about Randy.”

  “Could I ever have hard feelings toward you? We’re best friends. We’re sisters. I love you. Remember that.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  She turned and walked away. Jessica stood and stared after her. A feeling of self-doubt crossed her path. She wondered if everything really would be all right. Many things had changed over the past few days. She had a feeling nothing would ever be the same again.

  Jessica spent the morning on the phone with various agents for the models she and Amy had selected over the weekend. By midmorning, she had narrowed it down to ten and had set up interviews for each of them.

  She had put Amy to work right away. All morning Amy inventoried. She finally sat down and ordered the makeup and accessories they would need.

  Jessica set about the task of finding a location. She had Sandy bring armfuls of travel brochures, and she poured over countless websites. It was all to no avail; she came up empty. As close to paradise as many of them were, none offered the seclusion they were looking for, at the price she could afford. This led her to thinking about Brandon again. If there were such a paradise, she would certainly like to explore it with him.

  She did not realize how late it was until her stomach painfully reminded her. Stretching her aching muscles, she left in search of Amy. She wanted to see if she could grab a bite to eat with her. Amy was nowhere to be found. Sandy said she had seen Amy leave a bit earlier with some man. Somewhat concerned, Jessica asked what the man looked like. She was relieved to find out it wasn’t Randy. She guessed it must have been Bob. She hoped the meeting would bring some kind of resolution to the problem. She guessed what the outcome was going to be, but hoped she was wrong. She spied John as he was taking his exit and made him eat with her instead.

  Upon returning from lunch, she was surprised to discover that Amy still had not returned. She picked up her messages and headed for her office.

  She spent the remainder of the afternoon looking over sketches of the clothing she would be photographing. She was surprised to find she really liked them. She wished she had the figure to wear them; Amy did. But then, this summer, Amy probably wouldn’t be able to wear anything like this.

  Thinking of Amy made Jessica look at her watch. She frowned when she realized it had been three hours since Amy had left for lunch, and she still had not returned. She told herself to stay calm, reminding herself that it could be good news, not bad, that was delaying her.

  Four o’clock arrived and still there was no word from Amy. She picked up the telephone and called Sandy on the intercom.

  “Has anyone heard from Amy yet?”

  “Not yet,” Sandy told her.

  “Thanks. Let me know the minute you do.”

  She hung up the phone, lifted the receiver again, and dialed Amy’s number. She let it ring twenty times, but there was no answer.

  She sat thinking for a moment, and then decided that if Amy had not checked in, things weren’t okay. She grabbed her purse and let John know she was leaving early.

  She walked the distance to Amy’s apartment. It would be faster than trying to find a taxi this time of the day.

  She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She turned to leave, but then decided if something really were wrong, she probably wouldn’t answer the door, either. She used her key to let herself inside the apartment.

  She called Amy’s name several times. When she didn’t receive an answer, she continued on to the bedroom. She found Amy lying on the bed with her coat on, Amy looked as pale as her white sheets. She shook her lightly and felt her pulse. It was strong and rapid.

  Amy looked up groggily through one eye. “I’m sorry I didn’t go back to work. I wasn’t feeling well.”

  “Did you take anything? You look like a plate of limp spaghetti.”

  She sighed and hiccupped. “No, I’ve had a very bad day. I just need some sleep.”

  “I take it things didn’t go well with Bob.”

  Amy groaned in answer. “I can’t talk about it right now. I need sleep.”

  “Okay, but I’m staying right here. We’ll talk when you wake up.”

  But Amy didn’t hear her. She had already fallen back to sleep. Jessica somehow managed to help her out of her coat and pulled down the blinds. Then she quietly left the room, pulling the door shut behind her.

  She went into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Then she sat down in the living room to wait for it to finish brewing. She reflected on what could have happened. Amy had seemed so positive that morning. It looked as though Bob hadn’t taken the news of the baby well. He would have to stand up to his responsibilities, though. At the very least, he would need to be held financially responsible.

  She flipped through television channels, paged through countless magazines, and made notes for work. It was nearly eight o’clock when Amy finally shuffled from her bedroom. She was yawning and her hair stood straight up. She did not look much better than when Jessica had left her hours before.

  “Nice look,” Jessica said.

  “Are you still here?” Amy asked, slumping down on the sofa next to her. “I thought maybe it was a dream.”

  “It wasn’t a dream.” She got up and poured them both a cup of coffee. “I have been waiting for you to wake up so we could talk. Do you feel up to it?”

  “Is that what you’ve been working on while I slept my problems away?” she asked, spotting the notes Jessica had tossed on the coffee table.

  “Unfortunately, yes; it’s the budget,” she said, as Amy bent forward to pick up the papers.

  “How does it look?”

  “Actually, better than I thought it would, depending upon what you have spent on makeup, that is.”

  Amy tossed the papers back onto the coffee table.

  “I also did better on that than I had anticipated.”

  Jessica came to sit beside her on the couch and handed her the steaming mug. Amy instantly began to sip the hot liquid, savoring the warmth as it spread throughout her body. She was already beginning to feel better and was glad Jessica was there.

  “Do you feel like talking now?”

  “If you’re sure you want to hear it. It isn’t pleasant.”

  “I told you I would be here for you, even in the low times. Go on, I want to hear it.”

  Amy sighed, took a deep breath, and plunged on. “I called Bob this morning, just as I said I was going to, and asked if we could have lunch together. He agreed. He said he had something he wanted to discuss with me, too. Of course, I was very excited, hoping this would be it. Well, it was it all right, but the wrong it.

  “After we were seated at our table, I asked Bob if he had talked to his wife about us. He hesitated, and I could tell by his expression that it wasn’t pretty. He said he had spoken to her, but she refused to give him a divorce. She said she decided she really loved him, and she thought they should try to make a go of their marriage. Bob said she looked so devastated that he feared she was going to have a nervous breakdown. He agreed to stay with her for six months, and if things don’t work out, he’ll leave her for sure.”

  She was crying now. Jessica’s eyes filled with tears as well. She had been afraid this might happen.

  “Can you believe the arrogance of him? He expects me to wait around for six months to see if they can work out their marriage. Of all the stupid, idiotic, egotistical things, I have ever heard. And to think, I almost told him about the baby. Well, I will keep this one thing from him. And maybe someday I’ll tell him the truth, and he will have suffered by missing out on all the years of seeing our baby grow.”

  Jessica grinned at Amy. This was just like the old Amy she knew, fi
lled with fire and spirit. Amy giggled nervously between tears. It was a comforting sound.

  “Don’t cry, Amy. Bob is nothing but a louse. If he really were a decent person, he would have stood up to his wife, and he wouldn’t have let himself get involved with you in the first place. Believe me; you are much better off without him.”

  “I’ve come to realize he would have stood up to his wife if he really were in love with me. I have to accept the fact that I allowed myself to be hurt, and hurt it does. If only I had taken your advice earlier and told him about the baby. You might have been right; he should have known about the baby, and maybe it would have made a difference.”

  Jessica shook her head. “No. I think you were right. Bob wasn’t free to love you and the baby. He would have left his wife for a little while, but after the baby came, he probably would have gone right back to her. She sounds like a manipulator. She would have made your life miserable if he stayed with you, and you would have had to share your precious baby with her. So what are you going to do now?”

  She stood and poured herself another cup of coffee. “I’m going to have my wonderful baby. I am going to love this little person growing inside me with all my heart. I don’t think it would be fair of me to get rid of him or her just because things didn’t work out between his or her father and me. I have a good job, good friends, and all the love and support I need. I can provide everything this baby needs, except a father. But you turned out all right and you didn’t have one.”

  Jessica grinned encouragingly “That’s right, I did. And Mom did a fine job on her own. I know it won’t be easy, but you are a wonderful person. You have tons of love to give a baby. You will make a terrific mother.”

  They hugged each other and talked excitedly about Amy’s plans. They scrambled eggs for dinner and laughed over names.

  “I want to be this child’s godmother. Promise me that.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Who else could I trust with my child’s well-being?”

  “You have many friends who love you. We are all going to take care of you.”

  “I know that, and I feel loved.” She caressed her abdomen. “Pretty soon I won’t be able to fit into any of my clothes.”

  Jessie brightened. “I guess that means for once in our lives, I’ll have a better figure than you.”

  They laughed and it felt good. Amy’s future was definitely looking up.

  The next couple of weeks flew by. Both girls were kept busy preparing for the photo layout. It was nearing the end of February, and they were supposed to be ready to begin the shoot by the second week in March. Jessie was getting nervous because they still hadn’t found a site yet.

  Amy’s spirits had lifted tremendously. She was able to talk about the baby with excitement now. They spent all their spare time looking for baby clothes and even made a few purchases.

  She had received a few proposals of marriage from well-wishing friends, but had declined them all. A loveless marriage wasn’t the answer.

  Jessica had begun to refer to the baby as her niece or nephew. Being such an important part of the baby’s life made her feel good. For some reason it seemed to ease the loneliness, just a little.

  She still hadn’t heard from Brandon. She had begun to give up hope that she ever would. The memory of their meeting was strong in her mind, and his face would float before her eyes when she least expected it. To escape his image, she poured herself into her work—to the point that her co-workers began to refer to her as Dragon Lady II. She laughed and eased off a bit.

  One day, as they were having dinner at Amy’s, Jessica pulled out a package and handed it to Amy. It was wrapped in pretty paper and tied up with colorful ribbons. Amy looked at the package, puzzled.

  “What’s this for?” she asked, as she began untying the ribbon.

  “Just open it.”

  Amy recognized the small delicate item immediately. Tears clouded her eyes.

  “I saw you eyeing this when we were shopping with Mom. I also knew that you couldn’t possibly part with that baby of yours, no matter what the outcome with Bob was. I wanted you to have it, so I bought it.”

  Amy wound the precious carousel and placed it gently on the table. She listened intently to the soft melodious lullaby that came from the miniature music box.

  “You were pretty sure of yourself, weren’t you?”

  “No. I was that sure of you. But I figured that even if I did have you figured wrong, one of us would have use for it someday.”

  Amy eyed her with a twinkle in her eye. She smiled and dipped her head questioningly at her. “Jessica Crawford, is there something you are not telling me, something that you should be?”

  Jessica held up her hands in protest. “I’m afraid not; I haven’t heard a single word from Brandon since we got home.” She bit her lip, frowning. “I guess he wasn’t interested, after all.”

  “Well, maybe he’s just busy. Yes, that’s it. He’ll call soon; you’ll see.”

  She wished she could be as sure as Amy seemed to be.

  “Speaking of which, Mom called yesterday. She said that Randy has been asking about you.” She saw interest spark in her eyes. “I think he really cares for you. Maybe you should give him a chance to show you just how much.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think so, Jess. I have thought a lot about my life lately, and I don’t think it would be fair to Randy, pursuing him when I am carrying another man’s child. Randy is a good person. He deserves a woman that can give herself to him, completely. I come with baggage now.”

  “Well, it’s up to you. But I think you should let him make the decision. He might not care that you are expecting a baby.”

  “Maybe not, but right now I have to concentrate on getting through today. I’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.”

  “You think about it. But don’t take too long. He’s too good a catch to let get away, and he’ll be returning home soon. I certainly wouldn’t risk it if I were you.”

  She stood to leave. “I have to go now. It’s getting late, and I’m exhausted.” She bid her friend goodbye and left.

  After she left, Amy spent some time thinking about what she had said. She knew Jessica was right. Randy was too good a catch to let get away. She should at least tell him about the baby. Then if he decided he didn’t want anything to do with her, she would understand.

  Determined to go through with it, she reached for the phone, before she could change her mind. She would ask him to come up this weekend and tell him the whole story.

  Her hand was halfway to the receiver when she pulled it back. She could never be so bold. Switching off the lights, she began to walk to the bedroom. The ring of the telephone startled her. Her heart was thumping as she reached to pick it up.

  “Randy!” she exclaimed into the phone, a smile spreading across her face, “I was just thinking about you.—No, it’s not too late at all.”

  It was late when Jessica arrived home. She was weary from her long day and yearned desperately for a warm bath. She had stayed at Amy’s apartment much later than she had planned.

  There was a note waiting for her on her front door. As she reached for it, her heart pounded. She hastily opened it. As she had hoped, it was from Brandon. She leaned against the door and read the neatly written words.

  My Dearest Jessica:

  I am in town briefly and want desperately to see you! I have thought about you constantly since the night we met. I can’t get you out of my mind. I will call you at your office tomorrow.

  Love,

  Brandon.

  She could hardly control the shaking hand that tried so unsuccessfully to open the door. Taking a deep, calming breath, she managed to insert the key into the lock and turn the knob.

  She went immediately to the bathroom and began filling the tub. She reread the note three times but could hardly believe the words. He had said that he thought about her constantly. She had also thought about him constantly. She couldn’t wait to see
him.

  As she slipped beneath the warm, sudsy water, she wondered how it would be to see him again. Her mind drifted back to the night she had met him. She saw clearly his strong jaw and delicate eyes. She could remember clearly his scent as he had leaned over to kiss her. She could still feel his gentle lips upon hers. She felt a burning longing for him. What was it about this man that had made such an impact upon her?

  She stood and toweled herself dry. She was eager for tomorrow to come and dressed quickly for bed.

  The wind howled outside, and the sky roared with thunder. She smiled. Unlike other nights, tonight the storm did not frighten her. She saw Brandon’s face before her and it was a comfort as she drifted off to sleep.

  When the alarm went off the next morning, she hit it once, twice, and then finally, reluctantly, she roused herself from her dream state.

  She pulled on her robe and headed to the kitchen for her morning coffee. As the coffee dripped into the pot, she allowed her mind to wander.

  She couldn’t remember ever having felt this excited about a man before. Well, unless of course, you counted Brian Crandall, from the ninth grade. She smiled. She hadn’t thought of Brian in years.

  Brian had been the love of Jessica’s life. She had loved him for as long as she could remember. Brian, however, was popular with all the kids in school. He hadn’t even known Jessica existed. That is, until the summer his folks went to Germany and decided to let Brian remain at home with the Wagners.

  The Wagners lived next door to the Crawfords and were, unknowingly to Jessica, completely aware of her attraction to him. They had worked with her mother—the little matchmakers—to arrange a courtship between the two of them. Jessica was at first nervous and hesitated before accepting a date with him.

  Brian, on the other hand, was self-assured and laughed at Jessica’s shyness. It didn’t take long for the romance to blossom. Soon, Jessica was deeply in love with him. She was sure Brian felt the same way.