Belonging

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I didn’t really want to include Aunt Debbie in my meanness, but it was war now.

  Dad leaned back and looked to Aunt Debbie. She nodded but remained silent. The look that passed between them terrified me. It meant an allied front.

  “Here’s what’s going to happen, so listen carefully. You are heading to Cincinnati this afternoon with your Aunt Debbie. Justin is taking off from school early for Christmas break, and he’ll be going, too. I’ll sign you up for classes at Fairfield High beginning with the new semester. You will have the opportunity to continue your dance classes, and I’ve arranged for you to work part-time at Dr. Jerrod’s vet clinic. He’s a good friend of mine, and he’s doing me a favor on this.”

  Here he took a breath before continuing. My mind was numbing with his words. “You will not have access to a cell phone for some time, and I’ve already discussed the importance of you not contacting the Amish with your close friends and their families in Cincinnati. No one there will be enabling you to come back here, so don’t even try it. Sam, Tina and I will be there for Christmas...and I intend to sell this place in the New Year and move back to the city.”

  I couldn’t digest his words properly. Did he just say that he was moving? He was willing to do all that just to keep me away from Noah?

  “What about Lady and Hope?” I asked, knotting the first kink in his plans. I would have to go back to get them—he wouldn’t force me to leave them, I was sure of that.

  “Already taken care of,” Sam said, snapping my head toward him and his arrogant tone.

  “What do you mean?” I breathed.

  “While you were being kidnapped—” Dad snorted at Sam’s statement, but Sam continued. “Sorry, Dad, but facts are facts. Justin and I snuck over to the Hershbergers’ and collected your animals up. Dad borrowed a trailer just for the occasion.”

  “Lady and Hope are here?” My mind was whirling as Justin bounced off the couch and ran out for a minute, only to return with the growing puppy in his arms. He was struggling to carry the big ball of fluff until she leaped from his hands and ran to me. I let her climb onto my lap as I sat back down, running my hands through her thick fur. A tear fell from my eye, and I sniffed in the tears that were threatening to overwhelm me.

  “Lady’s in the barn. I gave her some hay and a bucket of water, but you should check on her before you leave,” Sam said quietly, without his normal rudeness.

  Anticipating my next question, Dad said, “Sam and I will take care of her this week and we’ll bring the mare with us when we come for the holiday. Her old stall is waiting for her at J & D.”

  “This is going to give you a chance to experience all the things you’ve been missing living in that backward society. You’ll have all your old friends, your dog, your horse...and your family. It’s only right that since you spent all that time with those people that you now give us one more chance to change your mind about your future,” Aunt Debbie said, moving her hand from my hair to my back. Her voice was soft and coaxing.

  But I wasn’t fooled, and I wouldn’t be coerced.

  I glanced around at my family. Justin had the decency to turn away when our eyes met, probably embarrassed. Sam looked quietly smug. Tina smiled encouragingly, and as much as I wanted to hate her for taking Mom’s place, I just didn’t have that fight left in me. She really was nice, and that was all there was to it.

  Then there was Dad with his confident face—but I could tell he was still insecure from the way his foot was fidgeting. Aunt Debbie was her usual happy and optimistic self, sitting straight up and ready to take on the world. In her mind everything would be fine if we all sat around a table and talked our problems out. But, I had a surprise for my liberal-minded aunt—some things couldn’t be negotiated, like my life with Noah.

  I grabbed on to what she said and turned the tables on her and Dad. “So you’re saying that if I stay in Cincinnati and do the whole suburbia teen thing, that you’ll accept whatever choice I make in the end?”

  Dad answered quickly. “Not so fast. We aren’t talking about a few weeks here. You’re going to live in your Aunt’s house, and then mine when I’ve found a new place, until you reach the age of eighteen.”

  That was a whole, horrible year away.

  I couldn’t be separated from Noah for that amount of time; I’d die for sure. But what choice did I have but to go along with the charade and hope that in a few months, my family would loosen the leash on me and I’d have the opportunity to meet up with Noah? If they thought I was going along with it all, they’d eventually let their guard down.

  And then I’d be gone—plain and simple.

  I looked Dad in the eyes, and holding his gaze, I asked, “Will you support my decision when I turn eighteen?”

  Dad looked at Tina, and she nodded to him. He said, “I will, Rosie. If a year from now you want to come back to live here as an Amish woman, I won’t try to stop you. All I ask is that you give your old life a fighting chance—and you stay away from Noah until you’re of age.”

  I guess I could give the English lifestyle a go again, after all. I certainly wouldn’t miss doing laundry the early twentieth-century way, but there was no way in hell that I was going to go an entire year without Noah—not happening.

  Putting on my best actor face, I nodded and let Dad pull me into a hug. His Old Spice cologne was a familiar tickle in my nose. I almost felt sorry him.

  Dad was in for a rude awakening.

  22

  Noah

  I paced back and forth in the kitchen, trying to absorb what Ruth had said. Rose had been taken away by her father and the police. She was gone.

  “What did the officer say again, Ruth?” Father asked, and I paused in stride to hear the story again.

  “He was friendly enough about it, said that Dr. Cameron had rights over his minor child or something to that effect.” Ruth sat with her hands tightly gripping the table.

  “And you said Tonya was in on it?” I asked, barely controlling my voice level.

  “Oh, most certainly. She admitted it to Summer, who seemed totally in the dark.” She sighed in a huff. “Can you imagine her calling me to share a trip into town, and then she does this— What is wrong with the woman?”

  “She was probably still angered about Abram telling her daughter that the girl couldn’t come around for two months,” Father put in. He scratched his beard and looked thoughtful.

  “All this doesn’t matter. We have to get Rose back,” I spoke out, resting my hands on the table as I looked at Ruth, James, Father and Mother in turn. “What are we going to do?”

  Mother said softly, “Son, I don’t know if there is much we can do.”

  “Ach, Rebecca, the girl is of an age that she should be allowed to make up her own mind on the matter,” Father said, frustration rising in his voice.

  “The doctor is her father. He has authority over her until she’s eighteen,” Mother said.

  “I am not waiting a year to have her back. I’m going to get her right now.” I started for the door, but Father had my arm in a hurry, holding me.

  “Let me go.” I tried to twist away, but although I was big and strong, Father had amazing strength.

  “We need to think this through before we take action. If Doctor Cameron has the law on his side, then getting Rose back will be more complicated.”

  The knock at the door turned all our heads. Ruth quickly scuttled over, opening it. Abram and Martha Lambright were standing there, both with worried frowns.

  “What’s this I hear that Rose has been forcibly taken from us?” Abram’s voice boomed into the Hershbergers’ kitchen.

  It took several minutes for Ruth to relate the story again and to answer the questions that Abram and Martha popped out to her during the telling.

  By the time she was finished, only the women were seated. The men were ready for action.

  “The thing that I don’t understand is that Rose told us that her father was accepting of her choice.” Abram stared at me wi
th his intimidating eyes and asked, “Did she deceive us, Noah?”

  I ran my hand through my hair, not sure what to say. I didn’t want to get Rose into trouble, but the truth was the truth and it would leak out eventually.

  “It’s not exactly that she lied. She wanted to join our community and live our ways—and she knew her father wouldn’t consent. She was hoping he’d have a change of heart in time.”

  “You knew about this?” Abram asked pointedly.

  “Not until recently. And what could we have done about it after she had already taken the vows? She is a member of our community now, right?” I was getting emotional, and I didn’t want to. I sucked it all in and breathed out slowly to calm myself.

  Abram smoothed out his beard, thinking. The silence hung in the air for a minute or two before he spoke again. “Rose is definitely a member of our church, yes. That’s not an issue here. But the point I feel is important to make is that our children finish school in the eighth grade. They spend the next several years working around their households and farms or within the community. A girl of seventeen for all intents and purposes would be considered a woman to us, and therefore of an age to make her own decisions...and be married.”

  Abram focused on me and asked, “Are you ready to take Rose as your wife, Noah?”

  Without thought, I said, “Yes, I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d have me.”

  “You aren’t ready to start a family so soon,” Father said.

  Mother jumped in. “We’d help out if the marriage needed to be moved up. They could live with us for a year or so until Noah had his finances in order.”

  “You’d be welcome to stay in our bunkhouse, Noah,” James offered.

  Abram looked around the room and said, “All right, then, so we’re in agreement that Noah could marry Rose sooner than intended if the issue arises?”

  I felt better having the bishop on board. As strict and difficult as the man could be, he would be an excellent ally to have in a fight.

  Father asked Abram, “Do you have a course to take?”

  “Yes, I do. My driver is parked outside. We’ll go to the Cameron house together to speak with the doctor. I do believe the sooner we leave, the better.”

  Everyone got hustling around, picking up their coats and black bonnets. There was nervousness in the air that you could almost get a hold of, and it must have shown on my face, because Martha came up behind me and patted my back, whispering, “It will all work out in the end. Have faith in the Lord. He will bring you and Rose together again if it be His will.”

  I didn’t like the “if it be His will” part. I would get Rose back even if God was against it.

  * * *

  The snow fell harder now, coating the ground like a fluffy white blanket. It would’ve been a beautiful evening if it hadn’t been for the fact that Rose was being kept from me. I felt better talking to her father with my little army, but still, deep down, I had a feeling that it wouldn’t matter who I brought along. Doctor Cameron was a stubborn and proud man. He would not let Rose go so easily.

  And then, what would I do if he didn’t give her back to me?

  Thoughts raced through my mind as we walked up the stone path toward the old wooden door, our feet crunching in the snow. Father had already warned me to let Abram do the talking, so I hung back, allowing the man to reach the door first and begin knocking. Lights were on in the house, so I knew they were there, but no one rushed to answer the door. The thought then occurred to me that maybe Doctor Cameron wouldn’t even talk to us.

  He had to answer the door; I had to see Rose.

  When the door finally creaked, David held it only partially open, blocking the way with his body.

  “Can I help you?” David asked politely, as if he didn’t know why we were there.

  Abram cleared his throat and said, “Doctor Cameron, I’m Bishop Abram Lambright. We met a while back at a singing.”

  “Yes, I remember.” David’s voice was becoming curt.

  “May we come in? There’s a matter that needs to be discussed.” Abram was composed and friendly, obviously not expecting the English man’s reaction.

  Ignoring Abram’s request, David said, “No, there isn’t anything that we need to discuss.” David found me in the crowd and stared at me when he said, “Rose will no longer be a part of your community.”

  I couldn’t stand there any longer and moved forward before Father’s hand could grasp me. When I was beside Abram and close enough to the door to feel the warmth in the house pushing out, I said, “I want to talk to Rose.”

  “Sorry, but she’s not here.” He suddenly reminded me of Sam; I saw the resemblance of father and son.

  “We’ll wait for her.” If I had to sit in the snow all night I would.

  David smiled. “You obviously don’t understand. Rose left for Cincinnati with her aunt this afternoon. She won’t be back.”

  The words echoed in my head painfully. Abram put his hand on my shoulder and told David, “I am sorry about the disruption to your life, but these two young people love each other, and Rose made oaths to our church that won’t disappear just because you sent her away.”

  “She was in no state of mind to make the decisions she’s made in the past few months. Her relationship with Noah was a mistake, and she sees that now.” David pulled out a small envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket and thrust it toward me.

  I saw my name written on the front, and I stood frozen, too afraid to take it.

  Abram pinched the envelope between two of his fingers, and once David was free of it, he said, “I want you to respect Rose’s wishes, Noah, and don’t try to contact her in the future. You all have a good night,” he said, shutting the door abruptly.

  Abram took my hand and put the envelope in it. “You need to read it.”

  My heart slowed, and the world seemed out of focus as I opened it and read.

  Noah,

  Please forgive me for telling you this in a letter. I know it’s cowardly, but I couldn’t face you in person. I miss my old life—my family and friends. All the work that’s expected of me as an Amish woman is too much. I’m tired of doing laundry the old-fashioned way, scrubbing fences by hand and cleaning every inch of the Hershbergers’ house to perfection. I’m not even allowed to wear my old riding boots in your world. I can’t stay Amish, it’s not for me. Please leave me alone and go on with your life without me.

  Rose

  The words cut deep into my heart, almost killing me it seemed as I stood clutching the letter, the script blurring before my eyes.

  “What does it say, son?” Father was beside me, and I handed the note to him. I was hardly aware of him skimming it over and passing it around to the others.

  “Is this Rose’s handwriting?” Martha asked.

  I thought about the times I’d seen her writing, and I looked back at the paper, my eyes coming into focus. As much as the sudden burst of hope I experienced made me want to believe that Rose had not written the letter, studying the intricate swirls and dots told me the hard truth.

  I looked at Martha’s face, which was full of optimism, and said, “It’s hers.”

  Ruth said, “If you ask me, it doesn’t sound like something Rose would say.”

  Then Mother chirped, “And she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to the other girls, and all of us.”

  I didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted to defend Rose and say that she’d been forced to write the letter, forced to go back to the city. But, I knew that she’d been putting the wedding off, not even wanting to discuss our future plans. She’d complained about the exact same chores to me. Maybe she’d hated being Amish all along and was just searching for an opportunity to get away?

  We stood there, the seven of us, huddled in a circle on the Cameron’s walkway in the snow and cold. The fluffy flakes were becoming larger and catching on Father’s beard, making it look as gray as Abram’s. I didn’t want to leave, hoping that David would open the door and
tell us that it was all some kind of a sick joke—that Rose was in the house waiting for me.

  But I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

  Abram’s hand gripped my shoulder tightly, and my mind was so black that I hardly heard him when he said, “God is all powerful, Noah. You need to pray to Him for guidance and strength. There is reason in all He does. You must have faith.”

  His words were empty to my ears.

  How could I live without Rose?

  23

  Sam

  I pushed through the bodies with deliberate purpose—to get the hell out of Dodge and to catch the little redhead. She was walking quickly by herself to the buses. I had to reach her before she put one of her cute suede boots onto the step. I went into a run, darting through the cattlelike teenagers. Damn, I wasn’t used to the frenzied scene in front of the school when the classes let out for the day. I was supposed to be in the locker room getting dressed for a workout, but here I was, running down the object of my obsession as if I were a lion taking down a gazelle.

  I reached her just before she climbed onto the bus, and snaking my arm out, I got a hold of her shoulder and pulled her back.

  A little out of breath from the mad run and nerves, I panted, “Hey, I want to talk to you.”

  Her pretty eyes, which were like warm spring grass, narrowed. She spat, “What for? Do you want to dig up some more information for your schemes?”

  I was expecting her reaction to be less than amicable, so I wasn’t ruffled when I said, “We need to discuss this. You’ve got it all wrong.”

  Seeing her about to blow me off and get on the bus, her body just beginning to pivot and the angry eyes of the old dude driver on me, I whispered in desperation, “I have news from Rose for you. Don’t you want to know how your buddy is doing?”

  I’m not a praying type of guy, but I said a silent prayer at that instant that the fool girl would be intrigued enough to listen to me.