Dear Lizzie

by Annie Lyons

  Fran returned to the table and sat down. Ben took her hand as Alex tapped on his wine glass to get their attention. ‘So I would like to propose a toast because I think it seems fitting.’ He held up his glass. ‘To new beginnings,’ he said. They all echoed his words.

  ‘I would like to say something if I may,’ said Fran. Everyone stared at her in surprise. She smiled at Ben and squeezed his shoulder. ‘I just wanted to say how happy I am to be given this second chance with Ben. I did not deserve it but because he is the wonderful man he is, he has forgiven me and I am doing everything I can to regain his trust. We are working our way through everything and as you have seen, it is not easy but I think it is the right thing to do because I love this man. Very much.’ She glanced down at him and Lizzie noticed the way he smiled back at her; with a deep desire to believe everything she said. ‘I know you do not like me, Susie and the rest of you have probably heard terrible things about me, but I am going to work hard to make you change your minds, if you will let me. Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t they?’

  Her words resonated in Lizzie’s mind. She held up her glass and put an arm around Alex. ‘To second chances,’ she said.

  Fran smiled at her with gratitude and her face was transformed, her angular features softening into something beautiful. ‘To second chances,’ she smiled, tapping her glass against Lizzie’s.

  The waiter arrived with their starters and after the initial tensions, the evening became more relaxed. It was clear that Susie hadn’t been won over by Fran’s speech but she didn’t make any more comments. For her part, Lizzie was delighted to be showing Alex off to her friends. He was charming company and everyone liked him. As the food arrived and the wine flowed, Lizzie felt content. She looked around at the smiling faces and realised what she had been missing for all those years. It was that sense of belonging; the feeling that you were with people who you loved and who loved you in return. What more did you need in life than that?

  Over coffee, Joe turned to her. ‘I wanted to thank you, Lizzie.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For trying to help me. You’re like a guardian angel to Sam and me.’

  Guardian angel. Lizzie had always thought that Bea was her guardian angel. It seemed strange to think that she might be fulfilling that role for someone else. Strange but satisfying. ‘Baby steps, Joe. You don’t have to move on, but you do need to move forwards. We all do,’ she said, glancing over at Alex.

  ‘I’m pleased for you, Lizzie. You deserve to be happy.’

  ‘So do you, Joe.’ He nodded but made no further comment. She could see it was impossible for him to contemplate happiness at the moment. ‘I’m always here,’ she said.

  After they finished the meal, they congregated outside the restaurant to say their goodbyes. Lizzie noticed that Fran gave her a tight hug and made her promise to bring Alex for dinner once she and Ben had found a new place. Lizzie went to say goodbye to Ben.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For being kind to Fran. It meant a lot to me.’

  Lizzie gave a small bow. ‘Well we’re in the same boat really, you and I?’ she said.

  ‘I suppose we are. Here’s hoping we don’t get thrown overboard eh?’

  She gave him a friendly nudge. ‘Don’t be daft. We’ll be fine.’

  He nodded. ‘I hope so. See you around, Lizzie Harris,’ he smiled before Fran took his arm and led him towards the car.

  As she walked back to her flat with Alex, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. ‘Did you have a good time?’ she asked.

  He gave her a knowing glance. ‘Well it was interesting, I’ll say that. Like a study in human behaviour.’

  She laughed. ‘Love me, love my friends.’

  ‘I’d rather just love you,’ he said, turning to face her.

  She stopped, wondering if she’d heard him correctly. ‘I’m sorry?’

  He cupped her head in his hands and kissed her. ‘You heard me. I love you.’ He danced along the street. ‘I love you, I love you, I love you!’ he shouted.

  A man’s voice called from in the distance. ‘And I love you too, mate.’

  Lizzie laughed and put her hand to her mouth as Alex took her in his arms and swirled her round as if they were dancing. He tipped her back and stared into her eyes. ‘Well? What do you say?’

  She didn’t hesitate for a second. ‘You know the answer,’ she smiled. ‘I love you too, you romantic fool.’

  He whooped with joy and they danced all the way home, laughing and happy and free.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Late March

  ‘Are you nearly ready, Sammy?’

  ‘Yep!’ came a muffled voice from upstairs.

  ‘Because Lizzie’s standing on the doorstep looking very cross at being kept waiting,’ said Joe winking at Lizzie

  ‘Whatever.’

  Joe and Lizzie laughed. Sam trudged down the stairs with a huge grin on his face. He was wearing his new Red Sox cap, skinny jeans, hooded top and baseball boots.

  ‘You look very smart, fella,’ said his dad.

  ‘Thanks,’ smiled Sam.

  ‘Can you believe that this boy is going to be off to secondary school in the autumn?’ grinned Joe. ‘How proud would his mum be if she could see him now?’

  ‘Dad!’ cried Sam embarrassed.

  ‘Well it’s true,’ protested Joe. ‘So you are just going to have to get over it.’

  Sam shook his head and picked up his rucksack. ‘Can we play my iPod in your car please, Auntie Lizzie?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Lizzie, putting an arm around him and leading him out of the front door.

  Sam stopped in his tracks when he saw Alex sitting in the passenger seat. ‘I thought it was just going to be us,’ he frowned.

  Lizzie glanced back at Joe who was following them down the path. ‘Oh sorry Sam, I forgot to tell you that Alex was going. But that’s cool isn’t it?’ asked Joe.

  ‘No one uses that word, Dad,’ said Sam. He eyed Alex with suspicion as Lizzie opened the door.

  ‘I thought it would be nice for you to have a bit of male company instead of just boring old Auntie Lizzie,’ explained Lizzie.

  Sam scowled. ‘I’d rather just go with you,’ he muttered.

  ‘Sam! Don’t be so rude,’ said Joe.

  Alex waved his concerns away. ‘It’s fine. Sam just wasn’t expecting me. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine and I promise not to cramp your style,’ he smiled. ‘Smart threads, my friend,’ he added gesturing at Sam’s clothes.

  Sam rolled his eyes and climbed into the car. ‘Let’s just go, shall we? Bye, Dad.’

  ‘Bye, Sam. Be good,’ said Joe turning to Lizzie and holding up his hands apologetically. ‘Sorry. I have a feeling that there’s a teenager in Sam desperate to get out. Give me a call if you have any problems.’

  Lizzie nodded. ‘We’ll be fine. I know he takes a while to warm up sometimes.’

  He nodded. ‘Well, have fun and I hope he’s okay,’ he said, glancing over to Sam who was sitting in the back of the car with his arms folded, looking unimpressed.

  ‘See you later,’ smiled Lizzie, climbing into the car.

  ***

  ‘So what do you want to go on first? The Dragon or The Vampire?’ asked Lizzie giving Sam a friendly nudge.

  Sam shrugged. ‘Don’t mind.’

  ‘Well I vote for The Dragon,’ said Alex.

  ‘The Vampire I think,’ said Sam, giving him a defiant look.

  ‘It’s your birthday treat,’ said Alex with a friendly smile.

  Lizzie gave him a grateful look. ‘Okay, The Vampire it is then,’ she said, putting an arm round Sam and leading him towards the queue. A rollercoaster flew past above their heads and the people on board screamed with joy.

  Lizzie pretended to be scared. ‘Oh man, is that The Vampire? It looks terrifying. I might have to stay down here and hold the coats,’ she cried.
/>   ‘Well I’m not going on it with him,’ said Sam without looking at Alex.

  Lizzie frowned. ‘Sam, that’s actually very rude.’

  ‘It’s okay, Lizzie,’ said Alex. ‘Look Sam, I know you were expecting it to be just Lizzie and you and I’m sorry if that’s upset you but I think we should just try and get along, okay? This rollercoaster has two seats side by side so you can sit next to Lizzie and I’ll go behind, all right?’

  Sam looked at the floor. ‘Fine,’ he said sulkily.

  Lizzie gave Alex an exasperated look but he dismissed her concerns with a shake of his head. Lizzie felt sorry for him. Alex was trying his best even though he wasn’t used to dealing with would-be teenagers. The car journey had been only just bearable because they had the music from Sam’s iPod to blot out his moody silence. She glanced at Sam now and saw a glimpse of Bea in his face. It made her impatience dissolve and she reached out her arms to hug them both into an embrace.

  ‘Oh it’s nice to be out with my two favourite boys,’ she said with exaggerated cheer.

  ‘So, which football team do you support, Sam?’ asked Alex.

  ‘I don’t like football,’ replied Sam.

  ‘You do! You made me play that Wii game for ages last time I saw you. What’s it called? Manager thingy,’ said Lizzie, trying to keep the conversation going.

  ‘Fifa 13,’ said Sam.

  ‘I’ve got that,’ said Alex. ‘I love the Complete Dribbling thing. You can be as good as Messi.’

  Lizzie shook her head. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ she smiled. ‘That’s one for you boys. Mind you, Complete Dribbling does sound a bit Messi!’ she added nudging Sam.

  He didn’t smile. Lizzie was relieved that they had reached the front of the queue. She took her place next to Sam on the ride. ‘Can I hold your hand if I need to?’ she asked.

  ‘If you want,’ he said without looking at her.

  The ride was fast and exhilarating. Lizzie stole glances at Sam. He seemed to be having a good time, smiling and whooping at the speed and thrill but he never looked her way to share his joy.

  ‘That was fun!’ she cried after they disembarked. ‘What next?’

  ‘Can I go and get a drink please?’ asked Sam, his face serious and unimpressed.

  ‘Of course. Just come straight back though okay?’ she said. Sam nodded.

  ‘Do you need some money?’ asked Alex, offering a handful of change.

  ‘I’ve got my own thanks,’ said Sam without looking at him.

  Lizzie gave a loud sigh once he was gone. ‘Man, he’s hard work today.’

  ‘I think it might be me,’ said Alex.

  Lizzie kissed him on the cheek. ‘Don’t be silly. He’s just like that sometimes and you heard Joe. He’s an aspiring teenager. I’m sure he’ll warm up in a bit.’

  ‘I hope so,’ said Alex looking unsure.

  ‘It’s easy to forget he’s only just lost his mum and this is his first birthday without her. I think we need to try and cut him a bit of slack.’

  Alex nodded. ‘Of course.’

  Lizzie wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘You are a lovely man. How could he not like you?’ she smiled. ‘Anyway, I like you and that’s the main thing. And I promise to reward you for your patience later,’ she whispered in his ear.

  He kissed her. ‘I’ll hold you to that.’

  She glanced over his shoulder. ‘Did you see where Sam went?’

  ‘Over to that kiosk I think.’

  Lizzie looked to where he was pointing. There were half a dozen people in the queue but Sam wasn’t among them. ‘Oh shit,’ she said. ‘I think he’s done a runner.’

  Alex sighed. ‘Terrific. Okay. You stay here in case he comes back and I’ll go and look for him.’

  Lizzie grabbed his arm. ‘Thank you. And sorry,’ she said.

  He kissed the top of her head. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll find him and I’ll call you when I do,’ he replied.

  Lizzie paced the floor, a growing sense of panic rising up inside her. She wondered if she should call Joe but decided that it would only worry him. She looked around at the hordes of people. He could be anywhere. She was cross with Sam but more cross with herself. It had been wrong to ask Alex along. Sam obviously just wanted to spend time with her and although he was being unreasonable, it was his birthday treat. She felt bad for Alex too. He had tried so hard with Sam because she wanted him to and it had all been thrown back in his face. She cursed herself for being so stupid. She just wanted her life to join up somehow. Things felt so settled with Alex and she wanted Sam to be part of their lives and to share in her happiness. Was that really so terrible?

  Time seemed to slow down as she kept looking at her phone, willing him to call with news. A couple of times she saw a boy with a cap like Sam’s and her heart soared with relief but on both occasions it was a false alarm. After about twenty minutes, her phone began to buzz. It was Alex.

  ‘Have you found him?’ she cried.

  ‘A security guard found him wandering around the zoo,’ said Alex. ‘Apparently it happens all the time. We’re in the waiting area of the main park offices.’

  ‘Thank goodness. Tell Sam I’m coming right away. Thank you, Alex.’

  As she reached the offices, she could see Sam sitting on a chair, staring at the floor. Alex was standing over him, waggling his finger to make a point, his face stern and cross. It made Lizzie feel uncomfortable to watch, but she was even more surprised to see Sam leap from his chair with fists at the ready. He lurched forwards and caught Alex on the side of his nose. It wasn’t a hard punch but it was enough to get the blood flowing.

  Lizzie rushed forwards and wrenched open the door.

  Alex clutched his face. ‘You little shit,’ he was saying.

  ‘You piss off,’ cried Sam. ‘You don’t know anything about my mum. I’m going to kill you,’ he screamed, raining down a succession of punches on Alex’s head.

  Lizzie did her best to pull them apart but Sam was caught up in such a rage that it took a security guard to pull him off. He led him back to a chair and guided him onto it, holding his hands and telling him to, ‘Calm down, son.’

  Lizzie noticed that he was shaking and angry tears were running down his face. She looked at Alex. ‘What happened?’ she cried.

  ‘He went mad and attacked me. I’ve no idea why,’ said Alex, clutching his bloody nose.

  Lizzie searched his face for the truth. ‘Alex, what did you say?’

  Alex shrugged. ‘I just told him that he shouldn’t treat you like that and that Bea would be ashamed of him.’

  Lizzie put her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh Alex, why did you say that?’

  ‘I’m sorry. I was angry. He had no right to treat you like that, Lizzie.’

  Lizzie looked into his eyes. She loved this man, really loved him, but she loved Sam too. ‘He’s just a child,’ she said quietly.

  Alex shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Lizzie. I knew this was a bad idea. I’ll wait outside.’

  Lizzie sighed and looked down at Sam. He seemed calmer now but didn’t look at her as she knelt in front of him.

  Lizzie sensed that she needed to tread carefully. ‘Can you tell me why you ran off? Was it something I said or did?’ Sam didn’t answer. Lizzie sighed. ‘I wish you’d be honest with me, Sam,’ she added, reaching out to take hold of his hands. He pulled away from her. ‘Okay, but we’ll have to talk about it at some stage. And I’m going to have to call your dad.’ Still no reply. Lizzie felt exasperated. ‘Because, you can’t behave like that. You do understand, don’t you? You can’t go round hitting people. Alex may have said something you didn’t like but you’ve got to try and get along with him. He’s done nothing to you and he’s a big part of my life now. I want you two to be friends.’

  Sam was breathing heavily. He looked her straight in the eye and she saw such hurt and hatred there, that it shocked her. ‘I want to go home,’ he said. ‘And I never want to see you again.’

  Chapter E
ighteen

  Early April

  ‘Lizzie my dear, you seem a little out of sorts today if I may say,’ remarked Mrs Nussbaum, looking up from the crossword. ‘You’ve been dusting that shelf for a good five minutes now.’

  Lizzie looked round in surprise. ‘Sorry Mrs N. I’ve just got a few things on my mind.’

  The old lady dismissed her concerns with a shrug. ‘Nothing to be sorry about. You have just seemed much happier lately because of your pleasant young man. I was worried that something had happened.’

  Lizzie shook her head. ‘Everything is fine with Alex. I’m just concerned about my nephew – my sister’s son.’

  ‘Ach ja, of course. It must be very hard for him to lose his mother so young.’

  ‘Yes. I don’t think I realised how hard it is for him.’

  Mrs Nussbaum studied her through narrowed eyes as if trying to solve one of their crossword clues. ‘You will find a solution, Lizzie. You are a wise soul.’

  Lizzie laughed. ‘I’ve never been called that before!’

  ‘It is true. I know these things,’ said the old lady sagely.

  Bambi gave a small bark and Lizzie laughed. ‘Is that you agreeing or are you telling me that you want to go for a walk?’ On hearing the word, Bambi leapt up and turned in a neat circle before looking at her expectantly, his head cocked to one side. ‘Walk it is then. Will you be okay, Mrs N?’

  ‘Natürlich. You go and enjoy the sunshine. It might help you clear your head.’

  Lizzie fetched Bambi’s lead and together they walked out onto the street. It was a bright, sunny day, the sky a perfect blue with only a wisp of cloud. Lizzie was looking forward to a little time to think when she heard someone call her name. She turned to see Ben jogging towards them.

  ‘Hey Bambi,’ he cried. ‘It’s been too long. How have you been?’ The dog barked in reply and Ben patted his head and scratched his back before turning round in mock surprise. ‘Oh hi Lizzie, I didn’t see you there,’ he said.

  ‘Very funny,’ smiled Lizzie. ‘Hello stranger, how have you been?’

  ‘I could say the same about you,’ observed Ben cheerfully. ‘I guess we’ve both been busy with affairs of the heart. How is Alex by the way?’