Dear Lizzie

by Annie Lyons

  Stella threw up her hands. ‘About Joe, your grandfather and Sam of course.’

  ‘What’s the matter with Grandpa?’

  ‘He’s old, Lizzie. Old and forgetful. I should go and see him more often than I do really.’ Lizzie picked up one of Sam’s T-shirts and started to peg it on the line. ‘It won’t dry if you hang it like that,’ snapped Stella.

  The teenage Lizzie would have rolled her eyes and sloped off in a sulk. Instead, she said, ‘Mum, I know you’re upset but these things aren’t my fault. I’m here if you need to talk but I still feel as if we’re getting to know each other. Don’t spoil that now.’

  Stella glanced at her and sighed. ‘I’m sorry. I just worry about Joe. He doesn’t seem to be moving forwards somehow and I worry about the effect that’s having on Sam.’

  Lizzie nodded. ‘These things take time. He just misses Bea. She was the person he loved most in the world. You don’t just recover from that.’

  ‘I know, Lizzie. Believe me, I know.’ She finished pegging out the last few items and rested a hand on Lizzie’s shoulder. ‘You’re a real tonic, did you know that?’ she said as she walked past her daughter on the way to the kitchen. ‘I’ll make us some lunch shall I?’

  ‘I’ll give you a hand,’ smiled Lizzie following her into the house.

  Joe came down for lunch and they sat around the table, chatting and eating. Joe was quiet, his eyes red from crying but he seemed a little happier to have people around him. After lunch, Lizzie got ready to leave.

  ‘Aw,’ said Sam. ‘Do you have to go? It’s fun when you’re around.’

  ‘Now that’s a compliment if ever I heard one,’ smiled Joe.

  Lizzie grinned. ‘I do have to go but I’ll come back again soon. I promise.’ She kissed Joe and her mother goodbye but Sam darted out of the kitchen when she tried to do the same to him. She laughed and ran after him, catching him by the front door and grabbing him in a headlock. He leaned back and screwed up his face in disgust as she planted a large smacker on his cheek. ‘Got you!’ she cried.

  ‘Euw!’ cried Sam but he was laughing.

  Lizzie walked down the gravel path and climbed into her car. She started the engine and glanced back towards the house. Sam was standing on the front step with Stella and Joe slightly behind him. Sam was pulling a silly face which made Lizzie laugh. She could see now how she fitted into each of their worlds and that she was as important to them as they were to her. It underpinned her existence now like something permanent and solid. As she drove to Alex’s, she decided that she would do her best to help Joe. She understood his pain and wanted to help him move on from it if she could. She felt grateful that she was being able to do this and knew that Joe would feel better if he made just a small amount of progress.

  She looked out at the building where Alex lived and parked the car. At the front door, she looked at the numbers and selected one of them.

  ‘Hello?’ said a voice through the intercom.

  ‘It’s me,’ said Lizzie. She was buzzed into the building and made her way up the stairs to the first floor. Alex stood in the doorway waiting for her. She smiled at the sight of him. He opened his arms to her and she accepted them gratefully. She looked up into his eyes and he gazed at her with longing, brushing the hair from her face and reaching down to kiss her mouth. She felt as if there were nowhere else she’d rather be, almost as if she was coming home. She let him lead her inside the flat, all the while he was kissing her mouth, face and neck, his hands working their way down her body.

  He let go of her for a second. ‘I can’t keep my hands off you,’ he said with a smile. ‘You must think me very rude. You’ve only just arrived.’

  ‘No, don’t stop,’ she urged. ‘I don’t want you to stop,’ she added, pulling him back towards her.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked, studying her face.

  Lizzie felt her body dip with longing as she looked into his piercing blue eyes. ‘I’ve never been surer of anything,’ she replied.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Early March

  As Lizzie moved around the flat getting ready for their night out, she wondered at how quickly her life had been transformed. It was as if every wish that Bea had made for her was coming true and Lizzie couldn’t remember a time in her life when she had been happier. She had gone from being alone and lonely to being surrounded by love. There was a lot to thank her sister for and she had dismissed any trace of disappointment about the undelivered letter. Lizzie believed that Bea was still looking out for her, wherever she was.

  It had only been a couple of months, but she couldn’t imagine her life without Alex. He was easy to be with, attentive and when she thought about the sex, it made her blush. She knew he’d had a reputation as a ladies’ man in Smallchurch, but also knew that he introduced her as his girlfriend now. It seemed so simple and wonderful that Lizzie didn’t question it. She had been adamant that the past was best left where it was but that seemed foolish now. This was her second chance and she wasn’t about to waste it.

  ‘Remind me why we have to go out tonight?’ asked Alex folding his arms around her body and nuzzling her neck.

  She shivered with delight and turned round to face him. ‘Because Ben suggested that we get together and try that new Italian and I’ve invited Joe because, well you know why I’ve invited Joe.’

  ‘Yes of course. Poor chap,’ said Alex, pulling a sympathetic face.

  Lizzie stroked the hair above his temple; she loved that part of him, where the dark hair became lighter, almost silver. ‘You’re a good man,’ she said.

  ‘And you’re a very beautiful woman,’ he said. ‘I like this dress. Very much.’ Lizzie beamed. It was an outfit that Bea had bought for her a long time ago to cheer her up after another man had trampled on her dreams. It had been expensive and was a lovely silver grey colour with a bouncy tulle skirt that Lizzie loved. She hadn’t had occasion to wear it until now.

  As Alex kissed her, his hands resting lightly in the small of her back, Lizzie felt her insides melt with longing. She pushed him back towards the bedroom and onto the bed. He watched her undress him, kissing every part of his body as she went. He sighed as she worked her way down his body. She moved on top of him, pushing him inside her with hungry passion and delighting as he let out a gasp of pleasure. They moved together, their eyes locked on one another and with each rise and fall, she felt like the woman she’d longed to be; confident and in control.

  Afterwards, Alex breathed into her ear. ‘You are one very sexy lady.’ Lizzie smiled. Beautiful and sexy. She couldn’t remember anyone ever using both those adjectives to describe her. She liked this new version of herself.

  ‘What time are we due at the restaurant?’ asked Alex.

  ‘Eight,’ said Lizzie glancing at her watch. ‘Which gives me just enough time to read Bea’s next letter.’

  Alex nodded. ‘All right if I grab a quick shower while you’re doing that?’

  ‘Of course but you don’t have to go. I’ll read it to you if you want.’

  Alex looked unsure. ‘I don’t know, Lizzie. Do you even need to keep reading the letters?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  He shrugged. ‘Well, Bea wanted you to be happy and now you’re happy aren’t you? Her wishes have come true. She’s like your fairy godmother.’

  Lizzie frowned. ‘I suppose but I think I should keep reading. She might have something important to tell me, don’t you think?’

  Alex held up his hands. ‘It was just a thought.’

  ‘They make me feel as if she’s still here. I find them comforting,’ said Lizzie quietly.

  Alex reached forwards to kiss her. ‘You must do what you think is best, my darling,’ he said before heading to the bathroom.

  She’d noticed before that he was like this when she mentioned her sister. In a way Lizzie would have liked to read Bea’s letter to him, to share that part of herself; but she also liked reading them on her own. They were a treasured and private reminde
r of their relationship. Alex was just being respectful of that and it made her think even more of him.

  She fetched the letter and sliced open the envelope, smiling at the reassuring sight of Bea’s writing.

  Dear Lizzie,

  I know my last wish was a biggie and not easily solved. Yeah, yeah, find true love, easy peasy, thanks sis, I hear you cry. Well I truly hope that you are making progress. I hope you did bump into Ryan Gosling and that you are now looking forward to that Hollywood wedding. Obviously I’m gutted that I won’t be there but I never did like long flights so it’s probably for the best.

  I hope you’ll see this next challenge as a treat because it relates to my beloved boy.

  Do you remember when I introduced Sam to you as a baby? I worried that it would be too much but you were adamant that you wanted to try. You held him like a football and looked terrified that you might drop him. He cried and I could have cried too because I could see that you thought you’d done something wrong. I did my best to reassure you that it wasn’t your fault but you just handed him back as quickly as you could. I noticed that you kept looking at him and I know you were thinking about your own baby and what might have been.

  Lizzie broke off from reading and wished that Alex was there to hear these words. Tears welled in her eyes.

  I felt bad for putting you through it and that was part of the reason why I didn’t push you to meet him again. I regret that now, which is why I wanted him to form part of these wishes.

  So, my dear Lizzie, I want you to do what I can’t and take Sam out for his birthday. He’ll tell you exactly where he wants to go, probably somewhere with rollercoasters. I command you to go, scream your heads off and have fun. Take Ryan along too if he’s up for it. Wish I could be there to see it.

  As you know, Sam is my weak spot. I’ve achieved a lot in my life – reached the pinnacle of my career, gained the respect of my peers, addressed world-renowned conferences and been part of many high profile cases but that means nothing to your child. You are simply the one who cleans up, plays, shouts, loves and shapes their world, but in return they shape you; they make you. You realise things about yourself that you never knew – good things, ugly things but things you need to know and understand. I have put them all to use as I write these letters to you. I hope that through Sam you learn all you need to about yourself.

  Love you,

  Bea x

  Lizzie was crying as Alex appeared from the shower, wrapped in a towel. He watched her face carefully, trying to read what was going through her mind. She reached out to him and he looked relieved, folding her into his arms and kissing the top of her head.

  ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘It’s okay. I’m here. It’s all right, my love. You see, this is why I questioned you reading the letters. I hate seeing you so upset.’

  She looked up at him through tear-stained eyes. ‘Bea wants me to take Sammy out for a birthday treat.’

  Alex nodded. ‘That sounds like a lovely thing to do.’

  ‘Will you come with us?’ she asked.

  Alex looked uncertain. ‘What about Joe? Shouldn’t he be there on his birthday too?’

  ‘Well it doesn’t have to be on his actual birthday. We could make it an extra treat. He deserves it and I think it would be good for Sam to do something with just us. And if we’re as serious as I think we are, you’re going to have to get to know him properly. You’re both important to me.’ Alex hesitated. ‘Pleeease,’ begged Lizzie giving him a heartfelt look.

  ‘All right,’ said Alex. He stroked her face and looked into her eyes. ‘I can’t say “no” to you, can I?’

  She smiled. ‘Thank you. I’ll just repair my mascara-splattered face and then we should go. I don’t want Joe to be the first one to arrive.’

  Joe was the first to arrive. He was sitting alone at a large round table in the window, looking lost. Lizzie’s heart went out to him as she rushed over.

  ‘Oh Joe, I’m so sorry were late,’ she cried.

  ‘It’s fine,’ he smiled. ‘I was early. Bit out of practice.’

  Lizzie pulled him into a warm embrace. ‘I’m so glad you’re here’

  Alex appeared behind them and offered Joe his hand. ‘Good to see you, Joe,’ he said.

  The waiter arrived to take their drinks order and shortly afterwards Susie burst through the door like an Exocet missile.

  ‘I need a drink!’ she cried as she reached the table. She waved to the waiter. ‘Giorgi, please could I have a glass of Pinot?’ The waiter gave her a nod and a wink. ‘Thank you, darling.’

  ‘Where are Ben and Fran?’ asked Lizzie as Susie sat down next to Joe.

  ‘Being eaten by a passing lion hopefully,’ said Susie with a saintly smile. ‘Sorry, did I say that out loud? I meant they’re parking the car and having an argument.’ Lizzie grimaced. ‘Anyway, where are my manners? Joe, it’s lovely to see you again. I’m Susie. We met briefly at the Christmas shopping evening. Can I just say that your son is adorable.’

  Joe looked terrified by this veritable whirlwind of a woman who was sitting next to him. ‘Er, thank you,’ he said.

  Alex held out his hand with practised charm. ‘And I’m Alex. Lovely to meet you,’ he smiled.

  Susie raised an eyebrow at Lizzie. ‘And you. I’ve been looking forward to meeting the man who’s stolen our Lizzie’s heart,’ she said with a grin. Lizzie rolled her eyes indulgently at her friend.

  ‘Sorry we’re late,’ said Ben, looking stressed. Fran was dragging her incredibly high heels behind her, frowning and doing an accurate impression of a person who would rather be anywhere but here. Lizzie had been intrigued at the prospect of meeting Fran and stole a glance at her. She was a very tall angular-looking woman with pointed features, which gave her frowning appearance a rather forbidding air. Her hair was scraped back into a high pony-tail and she was immaculately dressed in what Lizzie estimated to be designer labels that she probably couldn’t pronounce much less afford.

  Susie ignored them both and Lizzie realised that she would have to initiate the introductions. ‘Don’t worry, Ben, we’ve only just arrived ourselves. You must be Fran,’ she said to the woman. Fran gave her a smile which didn’t reach her eyes and nodded. ‘So this is Alex, Joe, you know Susie and I’m Lizzie.’

  ‘And I’m Ben,’ said Ben, offering his hand to Lizzie.

  She laughed. ‘Lovely to meet you, Ben. Won’t you have a seat?’

  ‘Don’t mind if I do,’ he said, grinning and sitting down next to her.

  Lizzie felt Alex place a hand on her leg and noticed that Fran was still standing, looking pointedly at Ben. He glanced up at her, eyebrows raised. Lizzie could tell that there was still tension between them. Eventually, Ben pulled out her chair for her and she took her place. Susie tutted loudly.

  ‘Someone’s not happy,’ whispered Alex in her ear.

  ‘So, what is everyone having?’ trilled Lizzie with over-enthusiastic cheer. ‘The gnocchi sounds good.’

  ‘Bruschetta and seafood tagliatelle for me and a large bucket of wine,’ cried Susie, closing her menu. ‘Lizzie, shall we share a bottle of Pinot? The boys seem to be on beer.’ She didn’t even glance at Fran and Lizzie realised that she was going to have to spend the evening playing referee.

  ‘Fine by me. Fran?’ asked Lizzie, feeling a little awkward.

  ‘I don’t drink white wine,’ said Fran.

  ‘And I don’t drink red,’ retorted Susie.

  Lizzie felt as if she was in the playground being asked to choose her best friend. ‘I’ll have a glass of red,’ said Alex.

  Lizzie took hold of his hand and squeezed it with gratitude. ‘Great. That’s settled then. We’ll get a bottle of each.’

  The waiter appeared and they placed their orders. Lizzie noticed that Joe had barely spoken since they arrived so she turned to him. ‘How are things then, Joe? How’s Sammy? I bet he’s excited about his birthday.’

  She noticed him relax when faced with a safe topic. ‘Like you wouldn’t believe
. I’m having five eleven-year-old boys over for a sleepover next week’

  Lizzie laughed. ‘That sounds like fun.’

  Joe nodded. ‘I’m looking forward to it in a weird way.’

  ‘Actually, I wanted to ask you about Sammy’s birthday. Would it be okay if I took him out for a treat some time?’

  Joe smiled. ‘He would love that.’

  ‘She’s persuaded me to go too,’ remarked Alex.

  ‘You said you were happy to,’ retorted Lizzie, giving him a nudge.

  ‘I think you’re very brave,’ observed Fran. ‘It sounds like a nightmare.’

  ‘Well it’s lucky they didn’t ask you, isn’t it?’ said Susie narrowing her eyes and re-arranging her cutlery.

  ‘And here’s the waiter with our drinks!’ cried Ben with obvious relief.

  ‘I’m going to powder my nose,’ said Fran, standing up suddenly and sweeping off without a backward glance.

  ‘Here’s hoping she doesn’t come back,’ muttered Susie into her wine glass.

  ‘Do you have to behave like that?’ hissed Ben.

  ‘Like what?’ frowned Susie.

  ‘Like a bitch.’

  Susie folded her arms. ‘Just remember that I was there after the last fall-out with that woman. So excuse me if I’m not up for an encore.’

  Alex cleared his throat. ‘Forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn but I think we’ve all come here for a pleasant night out with some friends. It occurs to me that the past six months have been really tough for Lizzie and Joe and we should do our best to park our grievances, if only for tonight,’ he said.

  Lizzie squeezed his hand. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. He kissed her cheek.

  Ben cleared his throat. ‘Well said. Sorry, Joe. And Lizzie.’

  Susie looked chastened. ‘Yes. Sorry. I was being childish.’

  Lizzie reached out a hand and patted her friend on the shoulder. ‘Don’t ever stop speaking your mind, but maybe tone it down just for tonight eh?’ she said with a smile. Susie nodded.