Forever Her Hero

by Belle Calhoune

  Sawyer shrugged. “It’s all right. I understood. She’s your daughter-in-law. You thought I was crossing a line with her.”

  His uncle grimaced. “No, Sawyer. I know you better than that. You’re the last person who would ever do that. You’ve always been upstanding and fine. All along, it’s been my problem. Nancy only objected to the relationship because she didn’t want to see me hurt. Somehow I thought that keeping the two of you apart was protecting Billy.” He sniffled as tears misted in his eyes. Sawyer couldn’t remember ever having seen his uncle so emotional. “You see, I could never protect him while he was alive. The illness he had...there was nothing we could do to help him, try as we might.”

  “I know how much you loved him. How much you still love him. And I know what his loss means to you and Aunt Nancy. Losing your only child...” Sawyer’s voice got husky and trailed off.

  Uncle Troy nodded in agreement. “Yep, I miss him like crazy. Nothing can fill that hole. And I know you feel the same sense of loss, Sawyer. The two of you were real close.”

  “I think about him every day.” He’d miss his cousin for the rest of his life. Of that he was certain. Even though their relationship hadn’t been perfect, there had been real love between them.

  “Life is short. Sometimes happiness is fleeting. If I’ve learned anything at all from my son’s death it’s to not leave anything unsaid. Whatever you feel for Ava, don’t let another day go by without telling her what’s on your heart. Leave it all on the table, son.”

  “I appreciate you saying this, but Ava and I... It’s not going to happen for us. There’s too much standing between us.” He struggled to speak past the lump in his throat. It meant so much to him that his uncle was giving him his blessing, but it was a moot point. Ava wanted nothing to do with him. And there was an unrelenting ache in his heart that reached all the way down to his soul.

  “Do you love her?”

  “Yes, I do. A part of me always has, ever since we were kids,” he acknowledged. “But I never acted on it. I would never have disrespected her marriage like that.”

  “You’re preaching to the choir, Sawyer. I know what an incredible man you are. You’ve always put others above yourself, both in your personal life and in your profession. Your moral compass is pure gold.”

  “Truth is, since I’ve been back from overseas I’ve managed to fall completely head over heels in love with her. I’ve never felt anything like this in my entire life.” He was still in awe over the feelings Ava inspired.

  His uncle grinned and clapped him on the back. “Have you told her?” he asked, a joyful smile lighting up his face.

  He sighed, wishing it didn’t hurt so much knowing he might never get the chance. “Not exactly. I haven’t gotten the chance. We seem to be at odds at the moment.”

  He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether or not he should tell his uncle about his fight with Billy. There was no point in keeping it a secret anymore, he realized. Withholding the truth had earned him nothing but heartache. “I told her Billy and I had a fight the night he died. Tensions were running high between us because of the business and we both said things we shouldn’t have. Bottom line is she blames me for him going out on the water, for the accident, for everything....” His voice trailed off. He braced himself for Uncle Troy’s reaction.

  His uncle shook his head, his expression one of dismay. “Why is it that we’ve all been blaming ourselves for Billy’s death? Why can’t we just accept that it was a tragic accident, a perfect storm of events that led to unspeakable loss?”

  Sawyer shrugged. For some time now he’d been wondering the same thing. “There’s such a thing as survivor guilt. I’ve seen it in the coast guard. There have been situations in which people perish while others survive. It sets up a scenario where the survivors feel a sense of shame or guilt because they lived.”

  “Your aunt and I have shouldered our share of the blame, as well. Did we indulge him too much? Not give him enough love? Should we have disciplined him more? The questions are endless. And in the end, there still aren’t any solid answers. The best I can figure is that as smart Billy was, and as much as he loved his family, he just couldn’t find a way to hold things together. He couldn’t get that monkey off his back. And as his father, I’ve got to accept that.”

  When Troy had approached Sawyer one year ago, he’d been full of censure. It had hurt him badly, reminding him way too much of the last words he’d exchanged with Billy. Now he’d reached out to him in a humble and gracious way. Uncle Troy’s sentiments were profound and deeply touching. Sawyer found himself getting choked up. It amazed him how far he’d come in the past year. Not only was he rooting for his relationship with Ava, but he’d found a way to process his son’s death without looking to assign blame.

  As Uncle Troy had stated, life was way too short to dwell on the past. If he had to do it all again, he would make different choices. Better ones. But he couldn’t change a thing. He could only hope and pray that Ava could see it in her heart to forgive him and realize he’d made a human mistake. At least he could honestly say he’d been trying to protect her. She’d been so fragile in the days and weeks after Billy’s death. He’d been so afraid of breaking her. And now he feared that he’d done that to her anyway. Shutting his eyes, he tried to block out the images of her shattered, frantic face.

  What had he done? Even though it had only been thirty-two hours since he’d seen her, he missed her like crazy. He worried about her. Was she sad? Angry? Did Casey and Dolly know anything about their falling-out? He’d called her half a dozen times or more, leaving rambling messages on her answering machine. He had a feeling she was screening her calls so she wouldn’t run the risk of speaking to him. Part of him didn’t blame her. Sometimes a secret felt like a lie.

  He honestly didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this. It was tearing him up inside—the waiting, the wondering, the longing. And even though he wasn’t sure he didn’t deserve to be cast out of her life, he prayed to God that time would heal these wounds.

  * * *

  Ava sat at her desk working on her business plan for Occasions by Ava. With a groan, she tore a page from her notebook and crumpled it up into a ball. Try as she might, she couldn’t concentrate. How could she work toward her future when her present was so up in the air?

  On the spur of the moment, she’d stopped by the cemetery early this morning. For two years she’d avoided coming to the grave site, unable to bear the thought of seeing Billy’s name engraved on the cold marble headstone. Billy Trask. Husband. Father. Son. Forever in our hearts. Somehow, seeing the words didn’t break her.

  Finally, she’d been able to talk to Billy in a way she’d never been able to while he was alive. She’d told him about her pain and fear and loneliness. Tears had flowed as she explained in detail the tidal wave of grief and the heartache. And she’d told him that although she loved him, he’d let her and the twins down. He’d given up. Once she’d gotten everything off her chest, it was as if something inside her broke free. For so long she’d been living half a life. Somewhere along the way she’d begun to realize it wasn’t good enough. Ever since Sawyer came back to town, she’d been inspired to start living again. Really living, rather than going through the motions. And confronting Billy was a huge step forward. She didn’t know exactly when Sawyer had worked his way into her heart and soul. Until now, all she could do was miss him with every fiber of her being. It was an actual physical ache gnawing at her. He was coming over this evening, having promised the twins last week they’d have a game night with their favorite board games. She’d left him a message asking him to still come despite the current state of their relationship.

  The twins had been counting the days until tonight, and she didn’t have the heart to disappoint them. It wasn’t fair to make kids suffer for grown-up problems. Truthfully, she’d been relieved when he hadn’t answered h
is phone. She still had no idea what to say to him, how to bridge the gap. A fluttery feeling came over her at the prospect of coming face-to-face with Sawyer. She was still confused. The anger had faded, so now all she felt was emptiness. Regret. Hurt. Suddenly, she no longer knew what she was supposed to feel.

  All her life she’d heard her father say, “Anger is a passing storm.” Rather than blow up at Sawyer, shouldn’t she have listened...really listened, to what he’d been trying to tell her? Perhaps if she’d put herself in his shoes for one moment and viewed the situation without judgment, they wouldn’t be at such odds.

  A heavy knock on the back door drew her out of her thoughts. A quick look at the kitchen clock told her it was six o’clock. He was a little early, although the kids wouldn’t mind a bit. She walked to the door and wrenched it open, steeling herself for this encounter. Instead of Sawyer, Melanie and Doug stood on her doorstep, their arms filled with board games. A wave of disappointment washed over her. Where was Sawyer?

  “Hey. Come on in,” she said as she ushered them inside. “What brings you guys out here?”

  “Sawyer asked us to come. He was called in for a search-and-rescue. He felt badly about not being able to bring the kids the games he promised for game night, so we’re here to drop them off and fill in for him.”

  Ava detected a slight strain on Melanie’s face despite the smile on her face. “What’s the search-and-rescue?” Her heart hammered inside her chest. All day she’d had an uneasy feeling, and hearing that Sawyer had been called in on his day off told her his expertise was needed in this mission. It sounded serious.

  “Some teenagers stole a sailboat and went out on the water. Chris Lees and Dawson something or other. Sawyer and his team went out to find them.”

  Doug shook his head. “Teenagers. They think they’re invincible. Let’s just hope they have some sailing experience.”

  “They’re in good hands with Sawyer and his team. It’s not too bad out there, is it?” she asked, her eyes automatically shifting toward the bay window. The water looked a bit choppy, and she knew out on the open water it could be far more treacherous.

  “Problem is, those swells are at least seven feet high, maybe more. Those kids are probably fighting for their lives, if not—” Doug stopped talking and she watched Melanie give him a warning look. Ava swallowed past the lump in her throat. Fighting for their lives? And now Sawyer was out there risking his life to save two local boys from certain death. Battling seven-foot swells was no small feat. He was doing what he always did— putting everyone else above himself. Just as he’d always done with her and the twins.

  What have I done? she agonized. The sound of her pounding heart thrummed in her ear. Fear grabbed her by the throat and wouldn’t let go. The conditions out on the water sounded dangerous. This could end tragically for two teenagers who had the rest of their lives to live out. All of a sudden she felt restless. She needed to pour her heart and soul into something. Or someone. Sawyer. Life was such a tenuous thing. And tomorrows were never promised. She knew what it would do to Sawyer if this rescue ended in tragedy. He would be devastated. Why hadn’t she found it in her heart to forgive Sawyer? How cruel had it been to blame him for Billy’s death? There were two teenagers in harm’s way. She could only imagine the terror their parents must be feeling at this very moment.

  The need to see Sawyer, to smooth his furrowed brow, to wrap her arms around him in a loving embrace, rose within her. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, to anchor herself to him and tell him how much he meant to her. Brave, loyal Sawyer. The longing was so strong she had to bite down on her lip so she wouldn’t cry out.

  Sawyer. She loved him. A part of her always had. She’d felt so guilty about falling in love with him that she’d found a way to place a wedge between them rather than face her emotions head-on. And clinging to her life with Billy had been a way of staying firmly entrenched in the past. So much time had been wasted! Well, she wasn’t going to continue making that same mistake. She wasn’t going to sit on the sidelines while life-and-death matters were at stake. Sawyer had always been her rock. Now it was her turn to be his anchor. He needed her support.

  In the end it all boiled down to the simplest of things. The twins. Her family. Her cottage by the sea. And Sawyer, the man she loved. And even if her in-laws objected, she was going to fight tooth and nail to win their approval.

  She rushed into the living room, where Melanie and Doug were playing Blokus with Casey and Dolly. “Melanie, I have to go out. Would you mind watching the kids for me until I get back?”

  She looked at her quizzically. “Of course not, Ava. We’ll have game night, and then I’ll put in a movie.”

  “I might be a while,” she warned. “There’s a chicken casserole warming in the oven.” As she zipped up her Windbreaker, Ava began praying with a vengeance. Dear Lord, I know You and I have been at odds for some time. I know I haven’t been as prayerful and devout as I used to be. If You’re still listening, Lord, please watch over Sawyer and keep him out of harm’s way. I cannot bear to lose another person I love.

  And she did love him. Her feelings were so much more than friendship. Although she’d spent a lifetime running from them, those day were over. Denying her love for Sawyer would be like holding back the ocean’s tides. It would be impossible. How could loving a wonderful man like Sawyer be wrong? She hadn’t betrayed Billy. There was still a special place in her heart that would always be his. She’d loved and nurtured him every day of their married lives. But Sawyer—he’d imprinted himself on her very soul way back when they were kids. He was as much a part of her as the very air she breathed. Being without him was no longer an option. He was her everything.

  As she settled into the driver’s seat of her car, she reached for her phone, dialing a number she hadn’t reached out to in quite some time.

  “Pastor Felix, it’s Ava,” she said upon hearing the familiar voice on the other end. “I think you should contact the prayer circle. The coast guard has been called out to rescue two local teenagers who are missing out on the water. They’re in need of all our prayers.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  As soon as she reached the marina, Ava scanned the crowd, spotting familiar faces in the community.

  Pastor Felix had made his way there in record time. Peggy Barnes, one of the members of the parent fund-raiser group, was crossing her hands in front of her and seemed to be in the midst of prayer.

  Dawson! She knew the name had sounded familiar earlier. Suddenly, it registered! He was Peggy’s son. The one who’d been having problems fitting in ever since they’d moved to Buzzards Bay. The child who’d been closest to his father. And now he was out on the water and missing in unsafe conditions. Pretty soon it would be getting dark, which could make rescue efforts all the more difficult.

  She quickly made her way over to the area where Peggy was frantically pacing back and forth.

  “Peggy.” She gently tapped her friend on the shoulder, unsure as to whether she should intrude at a moment like this. She turned around, her pretty face marred by worry lines. Her blue eyes were red rimmed from crying. She looked as if she were barely hanging on by a thread.

  “Ava. I’m so glad you’re here.” Her voice broke as her entire body sagged. “We’re waiting for word. The coast guard told us the Sea Hawk found Dawson and Chris alive, but they’ve alerted the medevac since they might be suffering from hypothermia.”

  Her lip trembled as tears pooled in her eyes. “What if he doesn’t make it?”

  “Don’t think like that. He’s alive, which is such a blessing. And he’s been rescued.” Ava reached for Peggy’s hand and gripped it tightly. “I know all the members of that coast guard team and what they’re capable of doing. He’s in excellent hands.”

  Peggy let out a deep breath. “That’s what Pastor Felix said. I’ve got to hold fast to my faith, es
pecially in trying moments like this.”

  Ava gave her a smile of encouragement. She knew firsthand how difficult it was to stay strong in the face of adversity. “That’s right, Peggy. I haven’t always followed by that rule, but in the past few weeks I’ve realized that even when we’re crying out in the darkness, He’s always there. Listening. Pulling for us. Guiding us through the storms.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes as the words flowed out of her mouth. A sense of calm swept over her. Sometimes prayers were answered. And in this moment perhaps God was using her as an instrument to bring support to Peggy when she most needed it.

  “Will you pray with me, Ava?” Peggy asked, her expression anxious, her eyes still filled with fear.

  “Of course I will.” She clasped Peggy’s hand in hers and began praying, her voice strong and sure as they pleaded for their loved one’s safe return.

  * * *

  As Sawyer maneuvered the Sea Hawk through Buzzards Bay Harbor, he spotted the twinkling lights of the dockside businesses in the distance. Bea’s Fish and Chips. The Lobster Boat. Fresh Catch Fishing. A welcoming feeling hit him square in the chest. This was the place he called home. If he lived to be one hundred years old, he would never get sick of cruising into Buzzards Bay. The dock was lit up with torches and a group of people stood together, seemingly waiting for the rescue boat’s arrival. From this distance he couldn’t make out their faces, but he imagined the teens’ parents were there, eager to make contact with their children. For the past twenty minutes he’d found himself thanking the Lord for His divine mercy.

  By the time his team had located the teenagers, they’d been hanging on to their overturned sailboat and battling a raging surf. But for the grace of God, he truly believed they would have perished. There was no earthly reason they should have been able to endure the ocean’s onslaught. As a man of faith he knew Dawson and Chris had been lifted up on God’s shoulders. They’d been given a second chance at life. Once they had received medical treatment and had some food in their bellies, he planned to read them the riot act for their foolish behavior.