Romancing the Fangirl

by Ginny Sterling

  “Sure there is. Let’s start from the top,” Leslie said confidently. She knew this line. It was heard daily from students avoiding telling the whole story. Usually the smart-aleck’s chimed in with some witty retort. It was the really clever ones that denied it all. Katherine wasn’t stupid. She would be one that denied telling what had really happened.

  “Leslie, it’s personal.” The last thing Katherine felt like doing tonight was rehashing her emotions until she was raw or facing decisions she wasn’t ready to make.

  “Then it’s the juicy stuff – and no, it’s not,” Leslie said gleefully and teased her friend with a few vulgar gestures to get her mind off of it. “Look, if I had a life of my own, I’d tell you. But I don’t and I have known you for years. Spill it,” she prompted.

  * * *

  “Leslie, leave it alone. Maybe you should go. I think I’m feeling sick,” Katherine said lamely, knowing that Leslie would probably see through the excuse. She felt fine physically, just not so well emotionally.

  Rolling her eyes, Leslie groaned at the pathetic attempt to get her out of Katherine’s condo. “Look, don’t be hard-headed or stupid. I may not have Alexander’s number but I can do a bunch of googling and find someone to email that could get word to him.” She smiled mischievously. “Or I could simply email some trash magazine and tell them you are mourning after a massive breakup and see how fast it’s plastered all over the papers,” Leslie threatened, swirling her half-filled “wine” glass triumphantly.

  “Don’t,” Katherine said sharply and knew that Leslie had won yet again. “And he goes by Alex,” she said, in an attempt to toss her friend a bone. “Time to go, okay?”

  Leslie grinned. “Honey, you are the only one that calls him that. Pet name I guess,” she surmised. “I’m not leaving yet. We have a whole evening to talk.”

  Sighing dramatically, Katherine took a large gulp of the wine and flinched at the bitter aftertaste. “You know this stuff really tastes like crap.”

  “Well, sure it does,” Leslie agreed. “It’s cheap and does the job. Looking to get drunk? You don’t get the good stuff. You get what works.” The two sat quietly for a few moments and Leslie said nothing, giving Katherine time. Leslie watched her friend’s expression move from shuttered to wounded, knowing she needed to talk. To reach out.

  “Try me? I’m a helluva listener,” she prompted.

  * * *

  Nodding, Katherine found herself staring at nothing in particular and suddenly pouring out everything that she had held inside. Leslie kept refilling her glass every time she emptied it. Her nose was tingling from the buzz she was getting off the cheap alcohol and realized she was crying at times when Leslie would shove the tissue box at her repeatedly. Katherine told her everything and held nothing back. She told her of their dates, what a good cook Alex was and how he always made her laugh. She even shared how they had kissed for the first time. Immediately, Leslie wanted to see the photos.

  “Give it over. I want to see them,” Leslie slurred and Katherine obliged, unlocking her phone and handing it over. Katherine looked at the photos and relived every moment, once again. This time, she reveled in the things the photos could not tell.

  The precious pictures could show their smiles and the environment they were in but they couldn’t show how his cologne made her heart race or how delicious it felt to be held in his arms. Those moments captured on her phone couldn’t tell how his lips made her feel. Katherine was glad she had taken time to snap some candid ones of them as well as a few that they had posed for together. She had taken one as he had been reeling in a fish one day, pride written all over his face that was shadowed by his ragged baseball cap. Alex had claimed it was his lucky hat and he’d had it for years.

  Another photo was of him elbow deep in suds as he washed the dishes in the kitchen. They had just been splashing each other and he had bubbles hanging from his nose. His shirt was wet and he had made a face. Katherine hadn’t been able to resist taking the photo, to which he offered to pose and had made her laugh. Thumbing through screen after screen on her phone, she saw repeatedly how they looked at each other.

  Her favorite photo, and now her wallpaper on the phone as well as her iPad, was the picture of their first kiss. Well, it was actually the merest second before they had kissed. You could see his tanned profile had hinted at a smile and she could see his eyes were nearly closed as he watched her. Her own eyes had been closed and you could see that their lips almost touched. It was the photo he had taken of the two of them and it was heart-wrenching as well as tender beyond words.

  Leslie looked at Katherine as they scrolled through the photos. Her friend’s face shined with a combination of love and misery. Leslie didn’t want to hurt her. But she wanted Katherine to be able to cope if it was over. “So what happened?” she prodded gently.

  Katherine looked at her, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?”

  “What happened? Did you dump him? Did he dump you?” she asked blankly and refilled their glasses. No sense in sugar-coating it. The wound was open. It was time to start the healing process.

  “No!” Katherine denied. “No, he didn’t dump me,” she stressed. “I came home,” she finished as if that single statement should explain it all. Didn’t Leslie understand that there were thousands of miles between them? It would never work.

  “Okaaay,” Leslie drawled. “Are you planning on going back to see him or is he coming to see you?” Maybe there is more to this, she thought, stumped. She waited patiently for Katherine to tell her the second half of the tale, the “why” they couldn’t be together. Distance was a dumbass reason when you had money at your fingertips. Alexander obviously was loaded if he could fly Katherine out on a personal plane. So what is the hang-up?

  Katherine shook her head negatively. “We never talked about it and I didn’t ask him,” she muttered quietly, feeling her face flush with embarrassment. It sounded stupid just saying it aloud.

  “Let me get this straight: You spent three weeks with a famous, gorgeous, rich actor in paradise. You two had mad monkey sex repeatedly. You got wined and dined … and you just LEFT?” Leslie almost spilled her drink and had to keep from spitting it out.

  “For a fancy-schmancy doctor, you sure are dumb,” she harrumphed.

  * * *

  Katherine sat there, her mouth agape as she stared at her friend. “Well, don’t hold anything back there, ya bigmouth,” she finally retorted angrily. “You know, he didn’t ask me to stay either,” she said and drained her glass.

  “Nope, I wouldn’t either if you wanted to leave. If I was him and you wanted to go, I’d have let ya! Some catch you were,” Leslie said sarcastically, knowing she was finally getting somewhere once she could get Katherine’s hackles in an uproar. Leslie slid a glance sideways. “I don’t suppose you have called him either, have you?” she asked snidely, baiting Katherine.

  “I thought you wanted to help me? Whose side are you on?” Katherine roared as she flew off the couch like she had been burned. Katherine stared at Leslie, clenching her empty glass and wishing she could smash it to pieces.

  Smirking, Leslie swished her wine and looked at Katherine pointedly. “Well?”

  “I haven’t called because I have been working odd hours,” Katherine started and Leslie cut her off.

  “Who’s fault is that?” she said, knowing full well the answer already. Leslie had seen this pattern before and it was a crutch Katherine used to avoid life.

  “Mine! Now, if you’d let me finish? I said that I haven’t called but I have texted him.” Katherine flopped down, once again, on the couch. “You’re rude, you know that?”

  “Oooh text! Now that’s personal and romantic,” Leslie quipped sarcastically. “How many times?”

  “How many times what?” Katherine muttered, as she refilled her glass almost to the top. The cheap wine was doing its job and she had a helluva buzz going. This was part of the reason she sat down, the room was spinning.

  “How many
times have you texted or do you want me to look?” Leslie said waving the phone she currently held. It was the same one that they were just looking at photos on together.

  “No! Give me that!” Katherine barked and slapped a hand over the top of her glass to keep the wine from spilling out. She pursed her lips and noisily sipped on it to get the level down. This stuff isn’t that bad when you drink enough of it, she thought.

  “Nope, let’s see. One text! Two texts from Alexander…” Leslie cooed as she scrolled through the phone and stopped. Seeing the lack of response from Katherine, she stared at her friend. Katherine sat angrily next to Leslie with her hand out.

  Slapping the phone in Katherine’s hand, Leslie walked past her and put the DVD in. “If I’m not tossed out of here on my ass yet, I think you should text him that you are free tomorrow and would like to talk. You are a damned fool to give up so easily when you are obviously in love with him. I never took you for stupid, Kat. But damn, you do surprise me,” Leslie mocked and started up the DVD series Bloodlust.

  “Text him now. Let’s watch your man in action. Sit down and close your mouth. You will let flies in there with it hanging open,” she said smartly with a satisfied look on her face.

  Katherine sat down and stared at the phone in her hand, then at Leslie. She wasn’t fooling anyone, except herself. Katherine had fallen in love with him and she was mourning the loss. She saw her friend smiling smugly at the television with a raised eyebrow. She unlocked the phone, took a quick photo of the two of them and texted it to Alex.

  * * *

  K: Girls night, I miss you. Can I call tomorrow?

  A: Absolutely. Miss you too.

  * * *

  Katherine didn’t have to wait long for a reply and ignored Leslie’s satisfied grin. Katherine stared at the intro to the episode seeing Alex’s face flash up on the screen. “You know, I love you and hate you sometimes,” she muttered as a form of thanks as well as an apology.

  * * *

  Leslie patted the couch next to her. “I love and hate you, too, sweetie. That is what friends are for,” she said in acknowledgement and handed the now cooled bag of popcorn over to Katherine. “Eat up. You need it, ya scrawny thing.”

  16

  Alex had been surprised to get the text from Katherine and had spent the last few weeks in Hell. He had been spending a lot of time filming scenes and his misery simply added depth to his character. He had initially been numb when he had returned to the house alone after Katherine had left and found himself wandering about looking for signs of her. He could smell her perfume in her room and hadn’t moved a thing in there, including the roses he had put on the dresser that now were dead and drooping. He was glad to return to work and threw himself into it. Alex had never had to chase a woman before and found himself doing so with Katherine.

  * * *

  A: did you land?

  K: Yes

  A: I miss you.

  * * *

  To which there was no reply, which stumped him. Maybe she hadn’t felt the same as he did. A week passed and he tried texting her again.

  * * *

  A: How’s work? I’m assuming you returned?

  A: I am going back to work tomorrow

  * * *

  Staring at the calendar and his schedule, he realized she had been gone for almost two weeks with almost no response. Alex tried once again reaching out to her, wondering if she was all right.

  * * *

  A: Katherine, are you there?

  * * *

  Alex tried calling twice and both times it went to voicemail. He didn’t leave a message. He had just hung up. It was obvious she was avoiding him. Hurt, he had finally quit texting Katherine after she had stopped responding. He had dodged questions and media, not wanting to discuss their relationship or lack thereof.

  Staring at his phone, Alex felt physically sick at how lean she looked and the rings under her precious eyes. He should have never let her leave. She had been happy and thriving. But in the photo she sent with the quick message, Katherine looked like she had been crying and was beyond exhausted. It hurt to see she was not taking care of herself when all his memories and the photos that he had of the two of them had her smiling and laughing. He adored her smile and it was the last thing he looked at before he turned in for the night.

  Alex was determined to make sure she smiled once again.

  * * *

  Katherine and Leslie had finished the large box of wine and the entire season of Bloodlust. She marveled at Alex’s character and could see why there was such a fan following at the convention. It was the secretive smiles he shared and the sexual tension he exuded. The scenes he was assigned to fit him perfectly as well as the budding romance with the leading lady. This “budding romance” his character was developing in the series, she thought would bother her. Instead, it felt false after seeing how Alex acted around her. She could see the façade easily whereas it had Leslie completely enthralled. Neither woman could wait for the next season to start but for different reasons altogether.

  Katherine awoke and stared at the clock and smacked her dehydrated lips together. My goodness, it feels like I’ve been chewing cotton balls, she thought as she stared uncomprehendingly at the clock for a moment. Three P.M. flashed through her mind like she had been scorched as she realized the morning, as well as the afternoon had gotten away from her and she had a very important call to make. Slipping into her bedroom, she left a sleeping Leslie on the couch to call Alex in privacy.

  * * *

  Katherine texted at first to see if Alex was free. At seeing his response, she breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t want him to think that she was avoiding him, even though she had been, obviously.

  “Hello?” she heard his voice answer the phone and swallowed hard. Just hearing it brought on a rush of memories.

  “Hey there,” she whispered, feeling unsure of herself. He had always been so good to her. And look how she responded. If the shoe was on the other foot, could she have been so understanding? Would she have accepted the call?

  “Are you okay?” she heard him ask.

  “Yes. I’ve just been really busy and I’m sorry.” Katherine felt like crap. He was too good for her. While she felt he deserved better than her, she didn’t want him to find someone else. She wanted him.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he chastised. “Just don’t avoid me. You worried me.”

  “Alex, I am so sorry. I’m not avoiding you, I’m just tired.” Katherine felt like the biggest liar. She had been avoiding him. It was true she was tired, but that was because she was working herself to death to keep from having to deal with how to overcome the distance between them and what loving a celebrity would do to her life, her career.

  “I saw that in the photo you sent me last night. Are you taking care of yourself, Princess?” Katherine almost broke down crying as she heard him call her by the endearment. “Leslie asked me the same thing. I guess I need to try a bit harder,” she joked, glad to hear the tenderness in his tone.

  “Baby, you have to take care of yourself. If you don’t, how are you going to help others if you can’t help yourself first?” he teased. Then he asked in all seriousness, “Is it maybe that you miss my company?”

  “Actually, I think I do.” Katherine swallowed hard. Admitting it and saying the words aloud without sounding as desperate as she felt was tough. She wanted to plead and beg, but they still had so much between them.

  “I think I miss you, too,” Alex confessed. He heard long silence on the other end of the phone. “Katherine? You still there?”

  * * *

  “Yes,” she said tremulously. “I’m sorry. I’m just more tired that I realized and maybe a bit emotional,” Katherine said gently, wiping her eyes. She could not spend the day crying again, her head ached from last night’s drunken bawl already.

  “I think maybe you need to come back out here where I can take care of you,” she heard him offer. Katherine wanted to scream “YES” and jump th
rough the receiver of her cell phone. Why, oh why, have they not invented teleportation yet? She thought wryly. If she could zip right over and right back, it would solve everything and nothing. She would be in Chicago and he would still be there in California. “I can’t, I have my career here as well as my home and Leslie.”

  * * *

  “You could have a career here, too, and Leslie could visit anytime she wanted or…” she heard him start and cut him off. “No, you don’t understand. I have my position at the hospital and I’m a nobody. There, I am all over every magazine if we are out together. We are followed relentlessly and have to hide away. Hollywood and L.A. might not be the place for me and I want to be able to live my life.”

  * * *

  “You don’t have to hide here, Katherine. The house is a refuge from it all, but you could be a surgeon here as well. The hospital in Chicago isn’t the only one in the United States with an operating room,” he said frustrated. Why would she not even consider relocating? He had done it before, hadn’t everyone?

  “Let’s agree to disagree,” Katherine said closing the discussion. “Tell me how filming is going. I know you started back up,” she said, changing the subject quickly and hearing him sigh on the other end of the line.

  “Yes. Yes, we did start filming and it’s pretty hectic. One of the actors, the guy who plays Cassian, broke his leg on set so there has been a helluva delay. We are going to have to postpone filming any shots with him for six weeks. We are shooting around him and doing all the other scenes to be edited,” he explained monotonously. Alex didn’t want to end the call but was miffed that she wanted to talk about anything else but their relationship.